Divergent Uncovered
by Damn you Kylie
Summary: We all know Bud as Tori's running partner but what if he was a descendant of Veronica Roth? Bud has the Divergent book in his possession and has been waiting for the right time to kidnap twelve people from Dauntless so that they can read the books and try to change the future. Watch as the Divergent characters read the book. Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Series.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi. I know I haven't written anything for ages. Yes I am currently writing a new Divergent Fanfic. It will be a while before I will be ready to publish it. So, I thought I would have a little fun with the Divergent characters in the mean time. I have the whole book typed out so I can guarantee I will finish this story. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE

BUD'S POV

"Tori, it's time," I say while looking out the tattoo parlour's windows.

"Are you sure?"

"Look."

I nod my head towards the two figures walking towards the initiates dormitory.

"They look so cute together," Tori almost coos.

"I'll call Harrison. Can you call Tris and Four over?"

I watch as Tori walks towards Tris and Four. If I can save just one person with what I am about to do. Then for Four's sake I hope it's Tris. Not that I want anything to happen to Tori. It will break my heart to have to deal with her death. I just think Four deserves a little happiness in his life. If it wasn't for the books I would never have thought that Tris would be the one to finally start to knock down the walls he has built around him.

"It's time Harrison," I say into the phone and hang up. He knows what to do, we have been planning this ever since we were kids growing up here in Dauntless.

SIX HOURS LATER. IN AN UNKNOWN LOCATION, SOMEWHERE WITHIN CHICAGO.

The house was large. Eight bedrooms in total all with ensuites. Three lounge rooms, kitchen and dining area, and a games room which had been converted into a training room. A row of treadmills, weights and punching bags were surrounding a fighting ring in the centre of the room. The two-story apartment was more than large enough for the twelve sleeping occupants who were beginning to stir.

First to stir was Eric. Not used to a single bed for his large frame he soon found himself lying on the floor, having tangled his legs in the sheet covering him. He landed with a loud thud that woke the occupant in the other single bed within the room.

"What the hell?" Max yelped raising his head to see what the noise was. Looking around the room he felt totally confused. He went to bed as usual in his apartment, but looking around the room he could see that this wasn't his apartment and he wasn't in his own bed. To make matters worse Eric was lying on the floor looking just as confused as he was.

"What is going on?" Eric asked Max.

"No idea," Max replied.

Both men got up and found that they had a suitcase at the end of their beds with their names clearly marked on each case. Eric walked over to his case and he popped the locks. He looked inside, he found the case contained his own belongings. He pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and quickly got dressed. Wanting to leave the room and try and find out what the hell was going on.

"Get dressed," Eric barked at Max. "We need to find out what is going on."

"Calm down Eric," Max tried to reason with his fellow leader, understanding that this may not happen any time soon. Especially with Eric's strong and imposing personality.

"Calm down? Calm down? You cannot be serious right now? We have no idea where we are and you want me to calm down. I don't think so. Just hurry up, I want to see what is going on," Eric was almost screaming.

While Eric may not have been screaming, his voice was loud enough to startle some of the other occupants that were in the apartment.

Shauna was next to wake. At first she didn't realise that she wasn't in her home. A raised voice was not uncommon to hear in the Dauntless compound so she didn't open her eyes straight away, instead enjoying cuddling next to Zeke. It wasn't common for them to both be on the same shifts with their different jobs, so whenever they could spend these quiet times together Shauna tried to make them last as long as possible.

"Are you awake?" Zeke mumbles to Shauna.

"Mmm. No not yet," she replied.

Zeke chuckled as he held Shauna closer. Never would he have imagined just how good his life could be until he finally realised Shauna was the one for him. He would never admit it, but he loved these moments with Shauna. The quiet before the storm he always thought. Because once they woke up and left the solace of their bedroom it was back to the usual chaos of Dauntless. The chaos that Zeke loved so much having grown up in Dauntless.

Zeke opens his eyes and sits up about to kiss Shauna when he sees that he isn't in their apartment, "ha," is all he can get out.

Shauna waiting for the kiss that never came opens her eyes to see Zeke with his mouth open wide speechless. "What's wrong?" Shauna asks.

"Where are we?" Zeke asks with a confused look on his face.

"What do you mean?" Shauna asks. She then sits up and is looking at what Zeke is looking at. Not their bedroom. "What did we drink last night?"

"Just the usual. We better get up and see what is going on."

While Shauna and Zeke were getting dressed, Eric and Max had made their way from their bedroom. Eric opened the door and saw that there was a sign on the door with his and Max's names on it. He looked at the other doors along the hallway and groaned at what he was seeing.

"What's wrong?" Max asked.

"Look," Eric said as pointed to the other doors along the corridor.

"Well this could be interesting," Max said with a smirk. Thinking to himself that Eric should be in a world of hurt with the names on the other plaques.

Eric walked towards the staircase when he heard a door opening. He looked up to see Uriah and Marlene walking out of the room closest to the stairs. "Hey man," Uriah says in his usual cheerful voice.

Eric just nods and keeps walking. Uriah looks at Marlene and they decide to follow Eric thinking that this must be some crazy initiation game like capture the flag. Max follows behind the three and is trying not to laugh at the positive energy coming of the young couple. Just having these two here should be enough to drive Eric crazy.

Eric reaches the bottom of the stairs and finds Tori, Lynn, Christina and Will all sitting around the dining table with cups in their hands. "Lynn," Marlene shouts running over and hugging her best friend.

"What is going on?" Uriah asks.

Tori hands an envelope to Max and they all sit there holding their breaths. They watch as Max tears open the envelope and scans the words written on the page. He then throws the letter on the table and says, "has anyone seen Four?"

Eric picks up the letter and starts to read aloud.

"Dear Max and friends,

You have all been relocated from Dauntless. There is no way to escape where you are until you do what has been requested of you. All weapons have been removed from the premises and I ask that you all try to get along while you are here. If anyone feels that they can't keep their emotions in check there is a training room set up on the ground floor.

There are cameras setup throughout the apartment so I will be able to tell when you have completed said tasks.

I have left you with enough food to last two months, this should give you plenty of time to finish what I am requesting. You will notice there are no sharp knives in the kitchen, this is to keep everyone safe. All your food has been pre-cut.

For further information, you will need to talk to Four. I have left a package with him outlining what you will need to do. Don't try to wake him or Tris as they were injected with a sleeping serum while the rest of you only inhaled it. It may take them a few more hours to wake."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Zeke asks.

"You tell me," Eric says. "You're the one who is usually pranking people."

"I think you two should calm down," Max says getting between the two men. "Let's take a look around and hope that it isn't long before Four wakes up."

"Why don't we just wake him up?" Lynn asks.

"Do you want to be the one to wake him up?" Zeke asks Lynn. Remembering the time he tried to wake Four up by breaking into his apartment. A shiver runs through Zeke as he remembers the black eye and sprained wrist he ended up with.

"I will," Eric says cockily.

"No," Max states. "We wait, if he has been injected with the sleeping serum he isn't going to be any good to us until he wakes of his own accord.

* * *

FOUR POV

"Ohhh," I groan. I feel like I have the worst hangover of my life. What did I do last night? I can't help but smile as I think of my night with Tris. But what happened after that? Tori. I try moving my hand to my head but I can't. My arm is stuck.

I open my eyes and look to where my arm is. What? I am lying in a bed with Tris. How did this happen?

"Tris," I whisper.

"Four?"

"Yeah," I say.

"I feel so tired," Tris moans. I don't think she's realised where she is. Tris lifts her head and opens her eyes. "What is going on?"

"I have no idea," I say. As Tris lays her head back on the pillow.

"How did we get here?"

"All I remember is walking you to your dorm and then Tori asked for our help in the tattoo parlour. After that I have nothing," I say trying to think what else happened, how we got here.

"Can we just go back to sleep for a little longer?" Tris asks.

"We should just break down the door," someone says from outside the door.

"I would if it was anyone else's door. But I'm not breaking down Four's door," another voice says. It sounds a lot like Zeke.

I look at Tris and she has a furrowed brow trying to listen to whoever is outside our door.

"But Tris is in there too," I woman says. "She wouldn't hurt us."

I put my arms around Tris protectively. We don't know who is behind the door or where we are.

"Just open the damn door." That sounds like Eric.

"You open it."

"Fine."

Next thing I see ten pairs of eyes staring at Tris and I in bed together.

"Alright, Four's getting some," Zeke cheers before getting an elbow to his ribs from Shauna.

Eric looks at us with a raised eyebrow. "Get up! We need you to tell us why we are all here."

"Me? How would I know why we are here?" I ask.

"Just get up," he says sounding annoyed and passes me a piece of paper.

Tris and I sit up and start to read the note. We look between each other and she looks as confused as I feel. I shrug and go to get off the bed thankful that we were still in our clothes. Thank goodness whoever put us here didn't undress us.

"We will meet you downstairs in five minutes," Eric says and walks out of the room.

* * *

I get off the bed and look around the room. There are two suitcases at the end of our bed with our names on one each. There is another metal box next to the suitcases. I open the suitcase with my name on it and find an envelope addressed to me. I pick up the envelope and can feel there is something inside.

I rip open the envelope and a key on a chain falls out along with a letter.

"What's this?" Tris asks picking up the key.

"I'm not sure," I say.

I open the letter and it says:

"Dear Four

I know you probably have a few questions right about now. But I promise you are safe. The key that you found needs to stay with you at all times. You are the only person here that can protect what is in the box.

I need you to open the box with the group. From there you will have further instructions on what you need to do.

I have removed all weapons from the premises that the others know of. But I have left a gun in the panel above your shower. Do not let anyone know that you have a weapon and only use it if it is absolutely necessary. The reason you are all here is to try and save lives not end them.

Don't try and hide your relationship with Tris from the others. The two of you are stronger together."

"We better take this box down stairs," I tell Tris.

"I wonder what is so important in this box," Tris says.

"Let's go find out," I say holding out my hand to her.

* * *

We get down stairs and find everyone sitting around the dining table.

"Finally," Zeke huffs. "What's in the box?"

"Wait," Christina yells. "Who cares about the box. Why are you two holding hands?"

"I got a note telling me to open it front of everyone," I say ignoring Christina.

"You're dating an initiate?" Eric snarls.

"Now Eric I think you need to calm down," Max says putting a hand on Eric's shoulder.

"Calm down. Is it even legal for him to date an initiate?" Eric raises his voice.

"It's none of your business who I date," I say. Standing as tall as I can.

"There are no rules against it. So, let's just drop it and open the box," Max calmly tells Eric.

"Well come on open it," Christina impatiently says.

I give her a death glare and she whispers, "or not."

I put the key in the lock open the box. Everyone tries to lean in to see what is in the box. First there is an envelope with my name on it. Then there are three packages wrapped in brown paper. They each have a number from one to three on the package.

I open the envelope and start to read:

"Dear Four

Inside you will find three books. I need you to sit as a group and read the books together. It is very important that everyone reads the books at the same time. It will not help anyone to jump ahead and read the books before everyone else.

You probably have eleven people looking at you wondering why all of this is so important. Well, before there were factions a young woman named Veronica Roth wrote three novels. A trilogy, it was called. She wrote others but we won't get into that now. Back when they were written they became very popular and they even made movies out of the books. Although there is no use letting you just watch the movies because they differ slightly from what you need to read.

Everyone thought the books were just some made up story, but this isn't true. Ever since they were written a member of my family has been trusted to look after the books until a period in time when the events from the books starts to come true. You see Veronica didn't just make up this world, it was a premonition of what is to come.

Now we are at a time where the books events have started to come true. Exciting as this is, it doesn't end well. Eight people sitting in the room with you will end up dead if you cannot change what Veronica saw. Along with one of you becoming paralysed. This means that seventy-five-percent of you will be either dead or incapacitated if the events in these books come true.

I know you are all probably thinking that this is some crazy stunt but would you rather be part of a crazy stunt or would you rather hope to save your own lives? The choice is yours. Well it isn't really because I will not be letting you leave until you have read what is in those books.

Have fun and happy reading."

"As if I'm going to die," Eric scoffs

"We can only hope you're first," Christina whispers to Tris. Tris is trying not to laugh with Eric looking menacingly at the two girls. I pull Tris closer to me.

"So, when do you want to start reading?" Uriah asks.

"I think we should start now. Open the first package Four," Max says.

I reach into the box and pick up the first book, ripping the paper off it. I look at the titled and I am in shock. I look around the room, trying to gauge the reactions of the others.

"Divergent," Christina reads. "I thought they were a myth."

"Erudite are hunting them," Will says.

"Why?" Marlene asks.

"Because they can't be controlled. They don't fit within the faction system and need to be disposed of accordingly," Max says.

"Why do we need to control them?" Will asks.

Yes, Max I am thinking, please tell us why we need to be controlled. Maybe I will finally get the answers I have been looking for.

"Just read the damn book so we can get out of this place," Eric grumbles.

"Let's all sit in the lounge room it will be way more comfortable than in here," Shauna suggests.

We all start to move towards the lounge room. I haven't even had a chance to properly check this place out. At least whoever put us here seems to have made it comfy.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First I have to say the biggest thank you to Paula08 who helped me to get the pages of Divergent typed out. You are the best!

Secondly I want to thank everyone for their continued support of me and my stories. You are all superstars. I know I don't always get the chance to thank you personally for your reviews but I do appreciate all of them and love reading what you think. Please don't be upset if I don't get the chance to write back to you but know I love the effort you are putting in by leaving those words of encouragement and love.

Now on with the story. I will be trying my hardest to give you daily updates.

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CHAPTER TWO

FOUR'S POV

We walk into a large room that has three two-seater lounges, a day bed, a four-seater lounge and four bean bags. Tris and I take the day bed. Zeke and Shauna have taken a two-seater, along with Will and Christina and Uriah and Marlene. Lynn and Tori both sit on a bean bag each while Max and Eric sit on either end of the four-seater.

"Who wants to read first?" I ask.

"Me, me, me," Christina jumps up to take the book from me. Nobody else seemed to care.

I watch as Christina sits back down next to Will and opens to the first page.

"Ready?" Christina asks.

"Just get this started," moans Eric. I can see he is going to be a barrel of fun to be around.

Christina turns the book over and looks at the back cover. She looks confused and then turns to face Tris. "Did you know the story was from your point of view?"

"What? No. Why?" Tris asks looking between Christina and me.

"Why would anyone want to write a book from a Stiff's point of view," Lynn complains.

"Hey!" Tris yells.

"What? It's true. How can this person think that your life is so important?" Lynn states to Tris.

"Well, obviously, you must be important too, or you wouldn't be sitting here," Tris declares. Thankfully this makes Lynn smile. I don't need those two arguing before we even start.

"Just start reading the damn book Christina," bellows Eric, clearly frustrated that he is here.

"Okay, here goes," Christina says.

 **CHAPTER ONE**

 **There is one mirror in my house. It is behind a sliding panel in the hallway upstairs. Our faction allows me to stand in front of it on the second day of every third month, the day my mother cuts my hair.**

"Your mother cuts your hair?" Shauna asks. Tris just nods.

"You're worried about her mother cutting her hair? What about the fact that there is only one mirror in the house and it is covered up," Christina wails.

"Don't they have hairdressers in Abnegation?" Marlene asks.

"Just shut it. You all know how boring the Abnegation are," Zeke says.

 **I sit on the stool and my mother stands behind me with the scissors, trimming. The strands fall on the floor in a dull, blond ring.**

"Do you have curly hair Tris?" Marlene asks.

We all stare at Marlene. "What? Her hair fell into a blond ring. I thought maybe because it was so long we couldn't see the curl."

"Keep reading Christina," Max says.

 **When she finishes, she pulls my hair away from my face and twists it into a knot. I note how calm she looks and how focused she is. She is well-practiced in the art of losing herself. I can't say the same of myself.**

 **I sneak a look at my reflection when she isn't paying attention—not for the sake of vanity, but out of curiosity. A lot can happen to a person's appearance in three months. In my reflection, I see a narrow face, wide, round eyes, and a long, thin nose—I still look like a little girl, though sometime in the last few months I turned sixteen. The other factions celebrate birthdays, but we don't. It would be self-indulgent.**

"I don't think Abnegation parents are very nice. Who doesn't want to celebrate a birthday?" Uriah says.

"You just hate the thought of not being able to have cake," Tris smiles at Uriah.

Everyone starts to laugh at how true Tris's statement is.

"So, I like cake," Uriah shrugs.

" **There," she says when she pins the knot in place. Her eyes catch mine in the mirror. It is too late to look away, but instead of scolding me, she smiles at our reflection. I frown a little. Why doesn't she reprimand me for staring at myself?**

"You get in trouble for looking in the mirror even when you are only allowed to look every three months?" Christina gasps. "What a stupid rule."

"And just think Christina, the people who make those rules run our government," Eric says. Where is he going with this I wonder.

" **So today is the day," she says. "Yes," I reply.**

" **Are you nervous?"**

 **I stare into my own eyes for a moment. Today is the day of the aptitude test that will show me which of the five factions I belong in. And tomorrow, at the Choosing Ceremony, I will decide on a faction; I will decide the rest of my life; I will decide to stay with my family or abandon them.**

"Isn't that a bit dramatic Tris?" Will asks. "Were you thinking this? Or did this Veronica woman just make it up?"

"So far it has been accurate," Tris says.

" **No," I say. "The tests don't have to change our choices."**

" **Right." She smiles. "Let's go eat breakfast."**

" **Thank you. For cutting my hair."**

 **She kisses my cheek and slides the panel over the mirror. I think my mother could be beautiful, in a different world. Her body is thin beneath the gray robe. She has high cheekbones and long eyelashes, and when she lets her hair down at night, it hangs in waves over her shoulders. But she must hide that beauty in Abnegation.**

"I really don't understand the Abnegation," Christina says shaking her head. I'd like to laugh right now but I don't really want any attention on me while they are talking about Abnegation.

 **We walk together to the kitchen. On these mornings when my brother makes breakfast, and my father's hand skims my hair as he reads the newspaper, and my mother hums as she clears the table—it is on these mornings that I feel guiltiest for wanting to leave them.**

"Eww," Lynn exclaims. We all look at her hoping she has an explanation for her outbreak.

"Does that mean the article that Molly was quoted in was true?" Lynn asks.

"What do you mean?" Christina asks.

"Well why would her dad be skimming his hand over her hair? That's creepy," Lynn scrunches her face up as she says it.

"No it isn't true," Tris states.

"There's three dots in the middle of the line," Christina shows Will.

"That's a page break," Will tells her. Eric just rolls his eyes. Can't blame him for that.

"Oh, Okay. Page break," Christina says and she continues to read.

 **The bus stinks of exhaust. Every time it hits a patch of uneven pavement, it jostles me from side to side, even though I'm gripping the seat to keep myself still.**

"That's because you have no muscle," I whisper to Tris.

"So I'd be fine now?" she asks.

"What are you two whispering about?" Shauna asks.

"Nothing, continue reading Christina," Tris says.

"You two are so cute," Shauna giggles. I just give her a death glare.

"Don't look at me like that Four," Shauna tells me in a demanding voice. It's not like the look would work on her anyway, she knows me to well.

 **My older brother, Caleb, stands in the aisle, holding a railing above his head to keep himself steady. We don't look alike. He has my father's dark hair and hooked nose and my mother's green eyes and dimpled cheeks. When he was younger, that collection of features looked strange, but now it suits him. If he wasn't Abnegation, I'm sure the girls at school would stare at him.**

"They do anyway Tris," Marlene says.

"Marlene," Uriah cries out.

"What it's true," she tells him. He just shakes his head as she whispers something in his ear. Whatever she has said makes him smile and he kisses her cheek.

 **He also inherited my mother's talent for selflessness. He gave his seat to a surly Candor man on the bus without a second thought.**

 **The Candor man wears a black suit with a white tie—Candor standard uniform. Their faction values honesty and sees the truth as black and white, so that is what they wear.**

"I miss the clothes," Christina says.

"You can always go back there," Eric mutters under his breath. Christina just puts her head down and starts to read again.

 **The gaps between the buildings narrow and the roads are smoother as we near the heart of the city. The building that was once called the Sears Tower—we call it the Hub —emerges from the fog, a black pillar in the skyline. The bus passes under the elevated tracks. I have never been on a train, though they never stop running and there are tracks everywhere. Only the Dauntless ride them.**

"Well that statement isn't true anymore now is it Tris?" Uriah says.

 **Five years ago, volunteer construction workers from Abnegation repaved some of the roads. They started in the middle of the city and worked their way outward until they ran out of materials. The roads where I live are still cracked and patchy, and it's not safe to drive on them. We don't have a car anyway.**

"Does anyone in Abnegation have a car?" Will asks.

"Some people with government jobs but not many," Tris says.

 **Caleb's expression is placid as the bus sways and jolts on the road. The gray robe falls from his arm as he clutches a pole for balance. I can tell by the constant shift of his eyes that he is watching the people around us—striving to see only them and to forget himself. Candor values honesty, but our faction, Abnegation, values selflessness.**

"Could this get any more boring?" Zeke complains. "Tris do you have to describe so much nonsense? Can't we just skip to the first death?"

"Zeke!" Shauna yells, smacking his arm.

 **The bus stops in front of the school and I get up, scooting past the Candor man. I grab Caleb's arm as I stumble over the man's shoes. My slacks are too long, and I've never been that graceful.**

"You still aren't," Eric says laughing. We all just ignore him and Christina keeps reading.

 **The Upper Levels building is the oldest of the three schools in the city: Lower Levels, Mid-Levels, and Upper Levels. Like all the other buildings around it, it is made of glass and steel. In front of it is a large metal sculpture that the Dauntless climb after school, daring each other to go higher and higher. Last year I watched one of them fall and break her leg. I was the one who ran to get the nurse.**

"Thanks Tris," Lynn says.

"You're welcome Lynn."

" **Aptitude tests today," I say. Caleb is not quite a year older than I am, so we are in the same year at school.**

 **He nods as we pass through the front doors. My muscles tighten the second we walk in. The atmosphere feels hungry, like every sixteen-year-old is trying to devour as much as he can get of this last day. It is likely that we will not walk these halls again after the Choosing Ceremony—once we choose, our new factions will be responsible for finishing our education.**

 **Our classes are cut in half today, so we will attend all of them before the aptitude tests, which take place after lunch. My heart rate is already elevated.**

" **You aren't at all worried about what they'll tell you?" I ask Caleb.**

 **We pause at the split in the hallway where he will go one way, toward Advanced Math, and I will go the other, toward Faction History.**

 **He raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you?"**

 **I could tell him I've been worried for weeks about what the aptitude test will tell me —Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, Amity, or Dauntless?**

 **Instead I smile and say, "Not really."**

 **He smiles back. "Well...have a good day."**

"Could you and your brother be any more fake?" Lynn asks.

 **I walk toward Faction History, chewing on my lower lip. He never answered my question.**

 **The hallways are cramped, though the light coming through the windows creates the illusion of space; they are one of the only places where the factions mix, at our age. Today the crowd has a new kind of energy, a last day mania.**

 **A girl with long curly hair shouts "Hey!" next to my ear, waving at a distant friend. A jacket sleeve smacks me on the cheek. Then an Erudite boy in a blue sweater shoves me. I lose my balance and fall hard on the ground.**

" **Out of my way, Stiff," he snaps, and continues down the hallway.**

 **My cheeks warm. I get up and dust myself off. A few people stopped when I fell, but none of them offered to help me. Their eyes follow me to the edge of the hallway. This sort of thing has been happening to others in my faction for months now—the Erudite have been releasing antagonistic reports about Abnegation, and it has begun to affect the way we relate at school. The gray clothes, the plain hairstyle, and the unassuming demeanor of my faction are supposed to make it easier for me to forget myself, and easier for everyone else to forget me too. But now they make me a target.**

I tense at these words. The reports have been about Marcus. Tris feels me tense and holds my hand. "Tobias if this goes through my initiation they are going to find out the truth," she whispers. Shit, I hadn't thought of that. I hope that this chapter hasn't got long to go, I need to think.

 **I pause by a window in the E Wing and wait for the Dauntless to arrive. I do this every morning. At exactly 7:25, the Dauntless prove their bravery by jumping from a moving train.**

"Stalker much?" Zeke asks. Tris just shrugs.

 **My father calls the Dauntless "hellions." They are pierced, tattooed, and black- clothed. Their primary purpose is to guard the fence that surrounds our city. From what, I don't know.**

"Does that mean he thinks you're a hellion now too?" Zeke asks.

"Probably."

 **They should perplex me. I should wonder what courage—which is the virtue they most value—has to do with a metal ring through your nostril. Instead my eyes cling to them wherever they go.**

"You were stalking us," Lynn says not as a question but as a statement.

 **The train whistle blares, the sound resonating in my chest. The light fixed to the front of the train clicks on and off as the train hurtles past the school, squealing on iron rails. And as the last few cars pass, a mass exodus of young men and women in dark clothing hurl themselves from the moving cars, some dropping and rolling, others stumbling a few steps before regaining their balance. One of the boys wraps his arm around a girl's shoulders, laughing.**

 **Watching them is a foolish practice. I turn away from the window and press through the crowd to the Faction History classroom.**

"End of chapter one," Christina tells us as she shuts the book.

I get up off the lounge and walk into the kitchen I need to think about what is going to happen here. Do I want people to know who I am? Zeke, Shauna, Max and Eric all know, along with Tris. Does it matter?

"Hey," I turn to see Tori walk into the room.

"Hey," I say.

"I wouldn't worry Four. From what I can see there are a lot bigger things to worry about than what the others think when they find out who you are."

"Yeah. I didn't think of it like that. You know who put us here, don't you?"

"It isn't going to help anyone to know who it is Four."

"Have you read these before? Do you know what's in them?"

Tori just shakes her head.

"Are you alright?" Tris asks as she enters the kitchen.

"Yeah, I just needed some space," I say as I give her a hug. I'm so glad I have her. I don't think I would want to go through whatever this is that we are going through without her by my side.

"Are you guys coming back in? Uriah wants to read chapter two," Christina says.

We all start to walk out of the kitchen and back towards our fates.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

FOUR'S POV

"Did you bring food?" Uriah asks.

"Why would I bring food?"

"You were in the kitchen. You could have made snacks," Uriah tells me like it should be obvious to me.

I scoff. "How are you going to read and eat at the same time?" I ask him.

"Easy. I've been doing it my whole life," Pride emanating from him.

I just shake my head but Zeke decides to have a little fun with his brother. "Is that what you call it? We always thought you had a speech impediment. That is until one day we actual saw him without any food in his mouth while he was talking. Then we realised he was just a pig who always had food in his mouth."

Everyone starts laughing.

"Shut it Zeke," Uriah snaps at his brother.

"Just start reading Uriah," Max says, almost sounding as bored as Eric.

"Okay. Everyone ready?" Uriah asks.

"Yes," eleven people tell him at once.

"Calm down," Uriah says as he starts the next chapter.

 **CHAPTER TWO**

 **The tests begin after lunch. We sit at the long tables in the cafeteria, and the test administrators call ten names at a time, one for each testing room. I sit next to Caleb and across from our neighbor Susan.**

 **Susan's father travels throughout the city for his job, so he has a car and drives her to and from school every day. He offered to drive us, too, but as Caleb says, we prefer to leave later and would not want to inconvenience him.**

 **Of course not.**

"Where did you learn sarcasm Tris?" Christina asks. "Remember our first day in Dauntless? You were sarcastic then too. I didn't think Abnegation could be sarcastic."

"I'm not Abnegation Christina," Tris tells Christina. I can hear that agitation in her voice.

"Yeah but even when you were, you were," Will says.

"Obviously, she's not as Abnegation as you all seem to think she is," Eric says. I'm sure he just wants to get the story moving ahead. Although he does seem to dislike Christina. "Otherwise we wouldn't be stuck here listening to this."

 **The test administrators are mostly Abnegation volunteers, although there is an Erudite in one of the testing rooms and a Dauntless in another to test those of us from Abnegation, because the rules state that we can't be tested by someone from our own faction. The rules also say that we can't prepare for the test in any way, so I don't know what to expect.**

"Why can't someone from your own faction test you?" Marlene asks. "It's not like they can change the results."

"It's just the rules Marlene," Max says.

"But why would you take people away from their jobs if the Abnegation are willing to volunteer for everything?" Marlene asks.

I didn't know she could think this deeply.

"Let it go Marlene. If you still have the same question when we get through this I will personally take you to Abnegation and you can ask them yourself," Max says.

All eyes shift to Max. Why is he offering to do such a thing? "What?" Max asks looking around at everyone looking at him. "We are never going to get through this crap with all the interruptions. If she wants to know the answer then we can deal with it later."

 **My gaze drifts from Susan to the Dauntless tables across the room. They are laughing and shouting and playing cards. At another set of tables, the Erudite chatter over books and newspapers, in constant pursuit of knowledge.**

"Not everyone was chatting," Will says.

"No friends to talk to Will?" Lynn asks.

"Yes. I mean that I was too nervous to talk to anyone, that's all," Will sinks further into the seat next to Christina. Completely intimidated by Lynn.

"Grow a back bone," I hear Eric whisper under his breath.

 **A group of Amity girls in yellow and red sit in a circle on the cafeteria floor, playing some kind of hand-slapping game involving a rhyming song. Every few minutes I hear a chorus of laughter from them as someone is eliminated and has to sit in the center of the circle. At the table next to them, Candor boys make wide gestures with their hands. They appear to be arguing about something, but it must not be serious, because some of them are still smiling.**

"Gross, I forgot that the Amity were all sitting on the floor," Christina groans.

"What's gross about it? They are always sitting on the floors," Marlene asks.

"I know but it's the cafeteria and there is always food on the floor," Christina says.

"That's not so bad," Uriah pipes up.

"It's a wonder you aren't trying to catch everyone's food before it lands," Zeke says laughing at his brother.

"Shut up. I'm not that bad about food," Uriah says and starts to read the book again before anyone else can comment about his food intake.

 **At the Abnegation table, we sit quietly and wait. Faction customs dictate even idle behavior and supersede individual preference. I doubt all the Erudite want to study all the time, or that every Candor enjoys a lively debate, but they can't defy the norms of their factions any more than I can.**

"Abnegation customs are ridiculous," Eric declares. "Listen to what is coming out of her mind," he says pointing at Tris. "If they let you do things than maybe you wouldn't be so stuck in your head. With such long winded thoughts. It's a wonder your brain hasn't exploded with the boredom."

No one says a word. Uriah takes a quick look around the group and starts to read again. I just wrap my arm tighter around Tris.

 **Caleb's name is called in the next group. He moves confidently toward the exit. I don't need to wish him luck or assure him that he shouldn't be nervous. He knows where he belongs, and as far as I know, he always has. My earliest memory of him is from when we were four years old. He scolded me for not giving my jump rope to a little girl on the playground who didn't have anything to play with. He doesn't lecture me often anymore, but I have his look of disapproval memorized.**

"See," Eric jumps out of his seat. "Who does that shit? Making a little girl give up a jump rope. Seriously! Someone should put a bullet in whoever made up these ridiculous rules."

"I didn't think you could be so passionate about how the Abnegation treat their children Eric," Tori states.

"Usually I couldn't care less. But I just don't understand why they see everything as selfish. It's a wonder that any dependants stay."

 **I have tried to explain to him that my instincts are not the same as his—it didn't even enter my mind to give my seat to the Candor man on the bus—but he doesn't understand. "Just do what you're supposed to," he always says. It is that easy for him. It should be that easy for me.**

"Do you think if he wasn't so condescending that you might have stayed Tris?" Christina asks.

"Why would you think that Christina?" Tris asks.

"Because you always come across as so selfless," Christina answers.

"No," Tris says.

"Good answer _Stiff_ ," Eric hisses.

"I'm not a Stiff!" Tris challenges.

"Fair enough. Uriah, keep reading," Eric says.

 **My stomach wrenches. I close my eyes and keep them closed until ten minutes later, when Caleb sits down again.**

 **He is plaster-pale. He pushes his palms along his legs like I do when I wipe off sweat, and when he brings them back, his fingers shake. I open my mouth to ask him something, but the words don't come. I am not allowed to ask him about his results, and he is not allowed to tell me.**

"Do you follow that rule?" Zeke asks.

"Doesn't everyone?" Will asks.

There are a chorus of no's from around the room.

 **An Abnegation volunteer speaks the next round of names. Two from Dauntless, two from Erudite, two from Amity, two from Candor, and then: "From Abnegation: Susan Black and Beatrice Prior."**

 **I get up because I'm supposed to, but if it were up to me, I would stay in my seat for the rest of time. I feel like there is a bubble in my chest that expands more by the second, threatening to break me apart from the inside. I follow Susan to the exit. The people I pass probably can't tell us apart. We wear the same clothes and we wear our blond hair the same way. The only difference is that Susan might not feel like she's going to throw up, and from what I can tell, her hands aren't shaking so hard she has to clutch the hem of her shirt to steady them.**

"I don't understand how you all look the same but can't look in mirrors to know you all look the same," Shauna says with a giggle. No one responds, so Uriah keeps reading.

 **Waiting for us outside the cafeteria is a row of ten rooms. They are used only for the aptitude tests, so I have never been in one before. Unlike the other rooms in the school, they are separated, not by glass, but by mirrors. I watch myself, pale and terrified, walking toward one of the doors. Susan grins nervously at me as she walks into room 5, and I walk into room 6, where a Dauntless woman waits for me.**

"Why are the rooms made of mirrors?" Lynn asks. Didn't expect that question from her. "We all now know that Abnegation don't look in the mirror but they are expected to volunteer once a year to stay in a room full of mirrors for hours. What is that?"

"Probably some kind of Erudite joke," Will says. "We all know how Erudite don't like the Abnegation. They probably do it to torture them."

"So you think torturing people is a joke?" I ask Will. I can see why he didn't stay in Erudite.

"I didn't mean it like that Four," Will says.

"Sticking up for the Abnegation are we Four?" Eric asks with a smirk on his face.

I just glare at him and he starts to laugh.

"Did we miss something here?" Christina asks.

"It's nothing," I tell her. It's not like she won't find out eventually anyway. But I would like to keep it to myself for a bit longer.

 **She is not as severe-looking as the young Dauntless I have seen. She has small, dark, angular eyes and wears a black blazer—like a man's suit—and jeans. It is only when she turns to close the door that I see a tattoo on the back of her neck, a black- and-white hawk with a red eye. If I didn't feel like my heart had migrated to my throat, I would ask her what it signifies. It must signify something.**

 **Mirrors cover the inner walls of the room. I can see my reflection from all angles: the gray fabric obscuring the shape of my back, my long neck, my knobby-knuckled hands, red with a blood blush. The ceiling glows white with light. In the center of the room is a reclined chair, like a dentist's, with a machine next to it. It looks like a place where terrible things happen.**

"Don't like the dentist, do you Tris?" Max asks.

"How can you tell?" Tris smiles as she says this.

"But you have lovely teeth Tris," Shauna says.

"Thanks Shauna."

" **Don't worry," the woman says, "it doesn't hurt."**

 **Her hair is black and straight, but in the light I see that it is streaked with gray. "Have a seat and get comfortable," she says. "My name is Tori."**

"Welcome Tori," Uriah shouts. We all laugh a bit.

 **Clumsily I sit in the chair and recline, putting my head on the headrest. The lights hurt my eyes. Tori busies herself with the machine on my right. I try to focus on her and not on the wires in her hands.**

" **Why the hawk?" I blurt out as she attaches an electrode to my forehead.**

" **Never met a curious Abnegation before," she says, raising her eyebrows at me.**

 **I shiver, and goose bumps appear on my arms. My curiosity is a mistake, a betrayal of Abnegation values.**

"Tris, did you spend all day every day just pointing out what you were doing wrong?" Uriah asks.

"Pretty much."

"No wonder you left. Your days must have been exhausting," Uriah sighs.

 **Humming a little, she presses another electrode to my forehead and explains, "In some parts of the ancient world, the hawk symbolized the sun. Back when I got this, I figured if I always had the sun on me, I wouldn't be afraid of the dark."**

"You're afraid of the dark?" Lynn sounds shocked.

"Just wait," Tori says.

 **I try to stop myself from asking another question, but I can't help it. "You're afraid of the dark?"**

"I can't believe we thought the same thing," Lynn says.

" **I was afraid of the dark," she corrects me. She presses the next electrode to her own forehead, and attaches a wire to it. She shrugs. "Now it reminds me of the fear I've overcome."**

"We are going straight to the tattoo parlour when we get back," Christina announces.

I can just see her sitting in the chair asking Tori to put a moth on her. At least Tori's tattoo looks cool.

"What are you afraid of Christina?" Shauna asks.

"Nothing," Christina squeaks. Tris and I start laughing.

"You know what it is?" Tris asks me. I just nod and we start laughing again.

"Tell us, tell us, tell us," Uriah starts to chant.

"Not my place to tell Uriah," I say. If they knew half of what I see when administering the fear sims they wouldn't be able to look at those members again.

 **She stands behind me. I squeeze the armrests so tightly the redness pulls away from my knuckles. She tugs wires toward her, attaching them to me, to her, to the machine behind her. Then she passes me a vial of clear liquid.**

"I can't believe how stressed you were," Marlene says.

"How can you cope with the fear simulations so easily but get so worked up about the aptitude test?" Will says.

"I don't know," Tris says.

" **Drink this," she says.**

" **What is it?" My throat feels swollen. I swallow hard. "What's going to happen?"**

" **Can't tell you that. Just trust me."**

"Yeah, just trust the strange lady offering you a drink," Zeke says sarcastically.

"I'm not strange," Tori shouts at Zeke.

"Okay you're not strange. But they just expect us to drink something from someone that we have never met before," Zeke says.

"You do that all the time in the Pit Zeke," I point out.

"That is completely different Four."

"How?"

"They're Dauntless."

"So is Tori," I say with a smile on my face. Zeke just shakes his head at me.

 **I press air from my lungs and tip the contents of the vial into my mouth. My eyes close.**

"Page break. Can we eat now?" Uriah asks.

"Just finish the chapter," Eric says. Uriah put his head down and starts to read again.

 **When they open, an instant has passed, but I am somewhere else. I stand in the school cafeteria again, but all the long tables are empty, and I see through the glass walls that it's snowing. On the table in front of me are two baskets. In one is a hunk of cheese, and in the other, a knife the length of my forearm.**

 **Behind me, a woman's voice says, "Choose."**

" **Why?" I ask.**

" **Choose," she repeats.**

 **I look over my shoulder, but no one is there. I turn back to the baskets. "What will I do with them?"**

" **Choose!" she yells.**

 **When she screams at me, my fear disappears and stubbornness replaces it. I scowl and cross my arms.**

" **Have it your way," she says.**

 **The baskets disappear.**

"You didn't choose?" Christina shrieks. "Or is this just for dramatic effect from the author?"

"I didn't choose," Tris sounds dejected. I think the reality of what is about to come out about her being Divergent has just hit her. This is bad. I mean really bad. Both Eric and Max are going to want to kill her. I'm glad I will be sleeping in the same room as her. At least this way I can keep her safe.

"I swear if you pass initiation Stiff we are going to have to have a long conversation about your stubbornness," Eric says.

"Or we could just offer her a leadership position," Max says.

"Don't look at me like that Eric. You are the only person I know who seems to be just as stubborn as she is," Max says.

"I doubt that," Eric says.

"It's true," Zeke says.

Eric tries to stare down Zeke but it isn't working, Zeke just starts laughing at him

 **I hear a door squeak and turn to see who it is. I see not a "who" but a "what": A dog with a pointed nose stands a few yards away from me. It crouches low and creeps toward me, its lips peeling back from its white teeth. A growl gurgles from deep in its throat, and I see why the cheese would have come in handy. Or the knife. But it's too late now.**

 **I think about running, but the dog will be faster than me. I can't wrestle it to the ground. My head pounds. I have to make a decision. If I can jump over one of the tables and use it as a shield—no, I am too short to jump over the tables, and not strong enough to tip one over.**

 **The dog snarls, and I can almost feel the sound vibrating in my skull.**

 **My biology textbook said that dogs can smell fear because of a chemical secreted by human glands in a state of duress, the same chemical a dog's prey secretes. Smelling fear leads them to attack. The dog inches toward me, its nails scraping the floor.**

 **I can't run. I can't fight. Instead I breathe in the smell of the dog's foul breath and try not to think about what it just ate. There are no whites in its eyes, just a black gleam.**

"What had it eaten?" Uriah asks.

"Dude stop thinking about food," Zeke says.

 **What else do I know about dogs? I shouldn't look it in the eye. That's a sign of aggression. I remember asking my father for a pet dog when I was young, and now, staring at the ground in front of the dog's paws, I can't remember why. It comes closer, still growling. If staring into its eyes is a sign of aggression, what's a sign of submission?**

 **My breaths are loud but steady. I sink to my knees. The last thing I want to do is lie down on the ground in front of the dog—making its teeth level with my face—but it's the best option I have. I stretch my legs out behind me and lean on my elbows. The dog creeps closer, and closer, until I feel its warm breath on my face. My arms are shaking.**

"Were you shaking because you were still scared or because you were too weak to hold yourself up?" Eric asks.

"What?" Tris asks. I have to say, that is what I would be asking too. What does it matter?

"If you were shaking because you were still scared then the dog should have attacked you," Eric states. Sometimes I wonder why he left Erudite.

"It's just a simulation Eric," Max says.

"Exactly. It isn't accurate. There may be something wrong with the programme," Eric says.

"Then you can let Jeanine know if we ever get to finish reading this story," Max says.

 **It barks in my ear, and I clench my teeth to keep from screaming.**

 **Something rough and wet touches my cheek. The dog's growling stops, and when I lift my head to look at it again, it is panting. It licked my face. I frown and sit on my heels. The dog props its paws up on my knees and licks my chin. I cringe, wiping the drool from my skin, and laugh.**

" **You're not such a vicious beast, huh?"**

 **I get up slowly so I don't startle it, but it seems like a different animal than the one that faced me a few seconds ago. I stretch out a hand, carefully, so I can draw it back if I need to. The dog nudges my hand with its head. I am suddenly glad I didn't pick up the knife.**

 **I blink, and when my eyes open, a child stands across the room wearing a white dress. She stretches out both hands and squeals, "Puppy!"**

 **As she runs toward the dog at my side, I open my mouth to warn her, but I am too late. The dog turns. Instead of growling, it barks and snarls and snaps, and its muscles bunch up like coiled wire. About to pounce. I don't think, I just jump; I hurl my body on top of the dog, wrapping my arms around its thick neck.**

 **My head hits the ground. The dog is gone, and so is the little girl. Instead I am alone —in the testing room, now empty. I turn in a slow circle and can't see myself in any of the mirrors. I push the door open and walk into the hallway, but it isn't a hallway; it's a bus, and all the seats are taken.**

"How did that happen?" Will asks.

"What do you mean?" Tris asks.

"That never happened in my test," Will says.

"Just let Uriah finish, then you can talk about it," I say.

 **I stand in the aisle and hold on to a pole. Sitting near me is a man with a newspaper. I can't see his face over the top of the paper, but I can see his hands. They are scarred, like he was burned, and they clench around the paper like he wants to crumple it.**

" **Do you know this guy?" he asks. He taps the picture on the front page of the newspaper. The headline reads: "Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!" I stare at the word "murderer." It has been a long time since I last read that word, but even its shape fills me with dread.**

 **In the picture beneath the headline is a young man with a plain face and a beard. I feel like I do know him, though I don't remember how. And at the same time, I feel like it would be a bad idea to tell the man that.**

" **Well?" I hear anger in his voice. "Do you?"**

 **A bad idea—no, a very bad idea. My heart pounds and I clutch the pole to keep my hands from shaking, from giving me away. If I tell him I know the man from the article, something awful will happen to me. But I can convince him that I don't. I can clear my throat and shrug my shoulders—but that would be a lie.**

 **I clear my throat.**

" **Do you?" he repeats.**

 **I shrug my shoulders.**

" **Well?"**

 **A shudder goes through me. My fear is irrational; this is just a test, it isn't real. "Nope," I say, my voice casual. "No idea who he is."**

 **He stands, and finally I see his face. He wears dark sunglasses and his mouth is bent into a snarl. His cheek is rippled with scars, like his hands. He leans close to my face. His breath smells like cigarettes. Not real, I remind myself. Not real.**

" **You're lying," he says. "You're lying!"**

" **I am not."**

" **I can see it in your eyes."**

 **I pull myself up straighter. "You can't."**

" **If you know him," he says in a low voice, "you could save me. You could save me!"**

 **I narrow my eyes. "Well," I say. I set my jaw. "I don't."**

"Finished," Uriah cheers and that is when the arguing begins.

Tris jumps off the lounge and starts to run up the stairs and I quickly follow. We reach our room and she turns around to face me with tears in her eyes.

"They're going to kill me," she barely whispers.

"No," I say wrapping my arms around her. "I won't let that happen, I promise."

"How are you going to be able to stop them? Max and Eric won't stop and now I have put Tori in danger too."

"No you haven't Tris," we hear Tori say. We both turn to see Tori standing in the doorway.

"I have. We both know what happens next Tori."

"They can't do anything to either of you while we are here," I say. "We still have a long way to go before they will be able to do anything."

"We can only hope they are the ones who die by the end of the books. Maybe that will stop them from hurting either one of us," Tori says.

"This isn't good. How are we supposed to stay safe with them here?"

"We will find a way Tris," I say.

"You have nothing to worry about," a new voice says. We all spin around quickly to see Eric standing in the doorway.

"How can we trust you?" I spit at him.

"You can't," Eric shrugs. "But, I don't think they are going to let us out of here any quicker if I murder Tris. I'd like too. But from what the letter said most of you are going to be dead in the not to distant future anyway. So, I may as well just sit back and wait for it to happen."

"So what, we call this a truce? Do we?" I ask.

"That could work. No deaths while we are stuck here. Once we leave though, I'm not promising anything," Eric says.

"Why are you doing this?" Tris asks Eric.

"Because if I kill you now I am going to be put on trial for murder. If I wait, well, there are plans that are in place that will mean I will get a free pass," Eric says.

"It didn't stop you from killing Amar," I say.

"I didn't kill Amar, _Four_ ," Eric snaps. "I have told you this over and over. I didn't do it."

"Enough," Tori shouts. "Let's just go back downstairs and continue this. The sooner we have gotten through the books the sooner we can all get out of here."

No one argues, we just make our way back downstairs.

* * *

A/N:

You guys are the best. Thanks for all your support.

I have only posted one new chapter, the other was fixing a few spelling mistakes in the first chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

FOUR'S POV

We get downstairs and find that the people have quietened down a lot from when we left them.

"Good to see everyone is still alive," Zeke jokes.

"Yeah, just great," Eric quips.

"We have food," Marlene shouts as she starts to walk into the room with a plate of sandwiches in her hand. "We need to find out who can cook. Otherwise we are going to be eating a lot of sandwiches."

"I don't think we will be able to ask any of the Dauntless borns to cook then," Max says.

"Why not?" Will asks. "Doesn't everyone get taught to cook?"

"Why would they do that?" Marlene asks. "We have a great dining hall."

"It's not just Dauntless borns," Christina remarks, almost looking embarrassed.

"Okay, raise your hand if you can cook," Shauna says.

Eric, Will, Tris and I all raise our hands.

"You weren't Dauntless born Four?" Christina asks.

"No Christina I wasn't," I say with an annoyed voice. Not wanting that question to come out.

"Ha, if only you knew Candor," Eric laughs.

"What? He is like the most Dauntless person here. How could you have not been raised in Dauntless? And if you weren't then where did you come from?"

"Don't worry about it Christina," Tris says. "I'm sure it will come out later."

"Then why not tell us now?" Christina whines.

"Why don't we make this a little more fun," Zeke proposes. "Anyone who doesn't know where Four came from raise your hand."

Christina, Will, Lynn and Marlene all raise their hands.

"You know Tris?" Uriah sounds shocked. Tris just nods her head yes. "Wow, you must be really important to him."

"You four, ha that's funny. You four," Zeke says laughing. "All get to try and pick where he is from."

"What do we get if we pick right?" Will asks.

"Who cares. Just pick and have a bit of fun here," Zeke says.

"I think Erudite," Christina says. "I would have remembered him if he was Candor."

"I don't know Christina," Will says. "Remember how he went off at you when we first arrived. Maybe that was because he was trying to hide where he was from."

"Maybe. So is that your pick Will?" Christina ponders.

"Why not. I don't know how he would have ever come from Abnegation or Amity," Will says.

"I will say Amity," Lynn says. "It would be the last place I could imagine you being from so it's probably my best bet."

"Fair enough," I say.

"Damn Lynn. I wanted to say Amity," Marlene giggles. "I'm going to say Abnegation. Not because I think you are from there. It's the only one that hasn't been picked. Otherwise I would have said you were from Erudite."

"Well, one of you has it right. I suppose we will just have to wait and see," Zeke says.

"What if it doesn't come up?" Christina asks.

"I don't know. Why is it so important?" Zeke asks.

"It's not. I'm just really interested to know where he is from now," Christina says.

"Who wants to read the next chapter?" Shauna asks.

"I will," Marlene says as she takes the book from Uriah. "Ready?"

 **CHAPTER THREE**

 **I wake to sweaty palms and a pang of guilt in my chest. I am lying in the chair in the mirrored room. When I tilt my head back, I see Tori behind me. She pinches her lips together and removes electrodes from our heads. I wait for her to say something about the test—that it's over, or that I did well, although how could I do poorly on a test like this?—but she says nothing, just pulls the wires from my forehead.**

"I thought I was going to be sick when I woke up," Marlene shivers. "There was so much blood when I killed the dog."

"Yeah, it was pretty awful," Christina says.

"Can we not talk about it?" Uriah looks nervous. I see Eric looking at him suspiciously. Thankfully Marlene continues and Eric looks my way with a raised eyebrow. I keep my composure I am not going to let him know that Uriah is Divergent too. But, by the look of it, he may already suspect.

 **I sit forward and wipe my palms off on my slacks. I had to have done something wrong, even if it only happened in my mind. Is that strange look on Tori's face because she doesn't know how to tell me what a terrible person I am? I wish she would just come out with it.**

" **That," she says, "was perplexing. Excuse me, I'll be right back."**

 **Perplexing?**

 **I bring my knees to my chest and bury my face in them. I wish I felt like crying, because the tears might bring me a sense of release, but I don't. How can you fail a test you aren't allowed to prepare for?**

"Tris failed. Tris failed," Zeke starts to chant before he is hit on the back of his head by Shauna, which gets a laugh out of everyone.

"You okay?" I whisper to Tris. She just nods her head and holds my hand a little tighter.

 **As the moments pass, I get more nervous. I have to wipe off my hands every few seconds as the sweat collects—or maybe I just do it because it helps me feel calmer. What if they tell me that I'm not cut out for any faction? I would have to live on the streets, with the factionless. I can't do that. To live factionless is not just to live in poverty and discomfort; it is to live divorced from society, separated from the most important thing in life: community.**

I can't help but tense at those words. No one knows that my mother is living factionless. I really should tell Tris about it.

"Remind me to tell you something when we are alone," I tell Tris.

"Okay. Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

 **My mother told me once that we can't survive alone, but even if we could, we wouldn't want to. Without a faction, we have no purpose and no reason to live.**

If only they all knew.

 **I shake my head. I can't think like this. I have to stay calm.**

"Breath Tris," Uriah smiles at Tris.

 **Finally the door opens, and Tori walks back in. I grip the arms of the chair.**

" **Sorry to worry you," Tori says. She stands by my feet with her hands in her pockets. She looks tense and pale.**

"I've never seen you tense and pale Tori," Max says.

"First time for everything," Tori quickly says back.

" **Beatrice, your results were inconclusive," she says. "Typically, each stage of the simulation eliminates one or more of the factions, but in your case, only two have been ruled out."**

"WHAT!" Screams Eric.

"Calm down man," Zeke says but doesn't say anything else with the look he is getting from Eric.

"That's impossible," Max says.

 **I stare at her. "Two?" I ask. My throat is so tight it's hard to talk.**

" **If you had shown an automatic distaste for the knife and selected the cheese, the simulation would have led you to a different scenario that confirmed your aptitude for Amity. That didn't happen, which is why Amity is out." Tori scratches the back of her neck. "Normally, the simulation progresses in a linear fashion, isolating one faction by ruling out the rest. The choices you made didn't even allow Candor, the next possibility, to be ruled out, so I had to alter the simulation to put you on the bus. And there your insistence upon dishonesty ruled out Candor." She half smiles. "Don't worry about that. Only the Candor tell the truth in that one."**

 **One of the knots in my chest loosens. Maybe I'm not an awful person.**

" **I suppose that's not entirely true. People who tell the truth are the Candor...and the Abnegation," she says. "Which gives us a problem."**

 **My mouth falls open.**

" **On the one hand, you threw yourself on the dog rather than let it attack the little girl, which is an Abnegation-oriented response...but on the other, when the man told you that the truth would save him, you still refused to tell it. Not an Abnegation-oriented response." She sighs. "Not running from the dog suggests Dauntless, but so does taking the knife, which you didn't do."**

"You just had to be different," Will says with a chuckle.

 **She clears her throat and continues. "Your intelligent response to the dog indicates strong alignment with the Erudite. I have no idea what to make of your indecision in stage one, but—"**

" **Wait," I interrupt her. "So you have no idea what my aptitude is?"**

" **Yes and no. My conclusion," she explains, "is that you display equal aptitude for Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite. People who get this kind of result are..." She looks over her shoulder like she expects someone to appear behind her. "...are called ...Divergent." She says the last word so quietly that I almost don't hear it, and her tense, worried look returns. She walks around the side of the chair and leans in close to me.**

"Your dangerous," Shauna stands up and points a finger at me.

"Shauna sit down," Lynn demands. "You have been listening to mum again, haven't you?"

"No Lynn. I don't have to stay and listen to this," Shauna shrieks and runs out of the room.

"We are supposed to have everyone here to read this," Marlene says in a low voice.

"I'll go get her," Zeke groans as he gets up and runs after her.

"Why is it that drama always seems to follow you Stiff?" Eric asks. Tris just shrugs.

"Three aptitudes. I would have thought that it would be impossible to get three. I'm sure Jeanine will love to hear that piece of information," Max sounds just a little too positive as he says this.

"Don't touch me," Shauna snaps at Zeke as they both go to sit back down. She then turns to Tris and says, "stay away from me."

"Shauna," I say shocked at how she is reacting.

"Don't Four," Shauna snaps at me now. "I don't want to hear it. Just read Marlene."

" **Beatrice," she says, "under no circumstances should you share that information with anyone. This is very important."**

" **We aren't supposed to share our results." I nod. "I know that."**

" **No." Tori kneels next to the chair now and places her arms on the armrest. Our faces are inches apart. "This is different. I don't mean you shouldn't share them now; I mean you should never share them with anyone, ever , no matter what happens. Divergence is extremely dangerous. You understand?"**

"How many others have you tried to hide Tori?" Max asks.

"As if I'm going to answer you Max," Tori quips.

"I think we will need to have a chat once we are free from this place," Max tells Tori.

"Can't wait," Tori responds.

 **I don't understand—how could inconclusive test results be dangerous?—but I still nod. I don't want to share my test results with anyone anyway.**

" **Okay." I peel my hands from the arms of the chair and stand. I feel unsteady.**

" **I suggest," Tori says, "that you go home. You have a lot of thinking to do, and waiting with the others may not benefit you."**

" **I have to tell my brother where I'm going."**

" **I'll let him know."**

 **I touch my forehead and stare at the floor as I walk out of the room. I can't bear to look her in the eye. I can't bear to think about the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow.**

 **It's my choice now, no matter what the test says.**

 **Abnegation. Dauntless. Erudite.**

 **Divergent.**

"There's a page break thingy," Marlene says.

 **I decide not to take the bus. If I get home early, my father will notice when he checks the house log at the end of the day, and I'll have to explain what happened. Instead I walk. I'll have to intercept Caleb before he mentions anything to our parents, but Caleb can keep a secret.**

"What do you have a house log for?" Christina asks.

"I don't know. It was just always there," Tris says.

"How does that even work? Abnegation always leave their doors unlocked. It could have been someone breaking in. How would they know it was you?" Zeke enquires.

"We don't have keys, it scans your fingerprints," Tris explains.

"That's a bit high tech for Abnegation," Will says.

"Every faction gets a budget for technology from Erudite," Eric tells us. "So even if they don't want it, Abnegation don't have a choice. They must use it."

"What does Dauntless use their technology budget on?" Will asks. Still thinking like an Erudite.

"We use it mainly for the control room," Max discloses. "There are other items we use it for but they are confidential."

"Do all the factions have budgets to help the other factions?" Will asks.

"Yes," Max doesn't elaborate. He then nods to Marlene to continue reading.

 **I walk in the middle of the road. The buses tend to hug the curb, so it's safer here. Sometimes, on the streets near my house, I can see places where the yellow lines used to be. We have no use for them now that there are so few cars. We don't need stoplights, either, but in some places they dangle precariously over the road like they might crash down any minute.**

"There is a route through Candor where the buses hit this one stoplight, like every time. You would think they would try to avoid it," Christina says.

"You do realise that the factionless are driving those buses. What would you expect?" Eric asks.

"I don't know. I'm just telling you what happens," Christina says.

 **Renovation moves slowly through the city, which is a patchwork of new, clean buildings and old, crumbling ones. Most of the new buildings are next to the marsh, which used to be a lake a long time ago. The Abnegation volunteer agency my mother works for is responsible for most of those renovations.**

"If they are doing it voluntarily, where do they get the materials from?" Will asks. Does he ever stop with the questions?

"No idea," Tris says.

 **When I look at the Abnegation lifestyle as an outsider, I think it's beautiful. When I watch my family move in harmony; when we go to dinner parties and everyone cleans together afterward without having to be asked; when I see Caleb help strangers carry their groceries, I fall in love with this life all over again. It's only when I try to live it myself that I have trouble. It never feels genuine.**

"You have to do the dishes when you eat at someone else's house?" Christina announces astonished. Nobody decided to try and answer her.

 **But choosing a different faction means I forsake my family. Permanently.**

 **Just past the Abnegation sector of the city is the stretch of building skeletons and broken sidewalks that I now walk through. There are places where the road has completely collapsed, revealing sewer systems and empty subways that I have to be careful to avoid, and places that stink so powerfully of sewage and trash that I have to plug my nose.**

"Do Abnegation parents ever think how dangerous it is for their children to walk in such an area?" Tori asks. "It doesn't seem very selfless to me."

 **This is where the factionless live. Because they failed to complete initiation into whatever faction they chose, they live in poverty, doing the work no one else wants to do. They are janitors and construction workers and garbage collectors; they make fabric and operate trains and drive buses. In return for their work they get food and clothing, but, as my mother says, not enough of either.**

 **I see a factionless man standing on the corner up ahead. He wears ragged brown clothing and skin sags from his jaw. He stares at me, and I stare back at him, unable to look away.**

" **Excuse me," he says. His voice is raspy. "Do you have something I can eat?"**

 **I feel a lump in my throat. A stern voice in my head says,** _ **Duck your head and keep walking.**_

"Run Tris run," Zeke shouts while laughing. Everyone laughs with him, even Tris and once the laughter has died down Marlene starts to read again.

 **No. I shake my head. I should not be afraid of this man. He needs help and I am supposed to help him.**

" **Um...yes," I say. I reach into my bag. My father tells me to keep food in my bag at all times for exactly this reason. I offer the man a small bag of dried apple slices.**

"So if you forgot your lunch you would still have something to eat," Lynn says. Where does she come up with these thoughts?

"This guy seems kinda creepy," Marlene says. "That wasn't in the story, that's just what I thought."

"Ohhh," we all say.

"I'll keep reading the story now," she says.

 **He reaches for them, but instead of taking the bag, his hand closes around my wrist. He smiles at me. He has a gap between his front teeth.**

" **My, don't you have pretty eyes," he says. "It's a shame the rest of you is so plain."**

"How rude," Christina says.

 **My heart pounds. I tug my hand back, but his grip tightens. I smell something acrid and unpleasant on his breath.**

" **You look a little young to be walking around by yourself, dear," he says.**

 **I stop tugging, and stand up straighter. I know I look young; I don't need to be reminded. "I'm older than I look," I retort. "I'm sixteen."**

 **His lips spread wide, revealing a gray molar with a dark pit in the side. I can't tell if he's smiling or grimacing. "Then isn't today a special day for you? The day before you choose?"**

"How do the factionless know this?" Eric asks.

" **Let go of me," I say. I hear ringing in my ears. My voice sounds clear and stern —not what I expected to hear. I feel like it doesn't belong to me.**

 **I am ready. I know what to do. I picture myself bringing my elbow back and hitting him. I see the bag of apples flying away from me. I hear my running footsteps. I am prepared to act.**

"There's our Tris," Uriah shouts. "You go girl!"

 **But then he releases my wrist, takes the apples, and says, "Choose wisely, little girl."**

"That's it. By the way, that guy was just way too creepy," Marlene says. "Who wants to read next?"


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

FOUR'S POV

"Give it here," Zeke motions for Marlene to give him the book. "Sure you don't want to read chapter four, Four?"

"You are just hilarious aren't you Zeke?" I say not laughing.

"I think so," Zeke chuckles. When no one else laughs with him he says, "or maybe not."

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

 **I reach my street five minutes before I usually do, according to my watch—which is the only adornment Abnegation allows, and only because it's practical. It has a gray band and a glass face. If I tilt it right, I can almost see my reflection over the hands.**

 **The houses on my street are all the same size and shape. They are made of gray cement, with few windows, in economical, no-nonsense rectangles. Their lawns are crabgrass and their mailboxes are dull metal. To some the sight might be gloomy, but to me their simplicity is comforting.**

"No wonder you need to scan your fingerprints to enter," Zeke says. We all look at him a little confused. "Otherwise you could walk into the wrong house."

Everyone laughs at his comment.

 **The reason for the simplicity isn't disdain for uniqueness, as the other factions have sometimes interpreted it. Everything—our houses, our clothes, our hairstyles—is meant to help us forget ourselves and to protect us from vanity, greed, and envy, which are just forms of selfishness. If we have little, and want for little, and we are all equal, we envy no one.**

 **I try to love it.**

"How did you survive that for sixteen years?" Lynn asks.

"I don't know. I didn't know any better I suppose," Tris says.

"But you sound so miserable," Marlene says.

 **I sit on the front step and wait for Caleb to arrive. It doesn't take long. After a minute I see gray-robed forms walking down the street. I hear laughter. At school we try not to draw attention to ourselves, but once we're home, the games and jokes start. My natural tendency toward sarcasm is still not appreciated. Sarcasm is always at someone's expense. Maybe it's better that Abnegation wants me to suppress it. Maybe I don't have to leave my family. Maybe if I fight to make Abnegation work, my act will turn into reality.**

"I didn't know that the Abnegation knew how to laugh?" Christina says.

" **Beatrice!" Caleb says. "What happened? Are you all right?"**

"Oh he sounds so worried about you," Marlene coos.

" **I'm fine." He is with Susan and her brother, Robert, and Susan is giving me a strange look, like I am a different person than the one she knew this morning. I shrug. "When the test was over, I got sick. Must have been that liquid they gave us. I feel better now, though."**

 **I try to smile convincingly. I seem to have persuaded Susan and Robert, who no longer look concerned for my mental stability, but Caleb narrows his eyes at me, the way he does when he suspects someone of duplicity.**

" **Did you two take the bus today?" I ask. I don't care how Susan and Robert got home from school, but I need to change the subject.**

"You are mean," I whisper to Tris.

" **Our father had to work late," Susan says, "and he told us we should spend some time thinking before the ceremony tomorrow."**

 **My heart pounds at the mention of the ceremony.**

"It's a wonder you haven't had a heart attack yet," Will says. Tris gives him a dirty look. "I'm just saying, you are so stressed out. I mean it worked out in the end, all that stress over nothing."

If only Will knew what was really going on. The guy would probably wet his pants.

" **You're welcome to come over later, if you'd like," Caleb says politely. "Thank you." Susan smiles at Caleb.**

 **Robert raises an eyebrow at me. He and I have been exchanging looks for the past year as Susan and Caleb flirt in the tentative way known only to the Abnegation.**

"I finally get it," Zeke announces to the room.

"What do you get?" Lynn asks.

"Now I know why someone I know is so backward when it comes to dating. If I had known I would never had tried to take him on those dates with me," Zeke says. "You should have seen him, seriously embarrassing."

I hold onto Tris just a little tighter and I can see the smile forming on her lips.

"It's not funny," I whisper as I poke at her side.

"It kind of is," she tells me.

"You took another guy on your dates with you?" Will asks.

"Not like that. They were double dates," Zeke says.

"So who is this mysterious date of yours Zeke?" Christina asks.

"Doesn't matter," Zeke says and starts to read again. I wonder how long it is going to be before my real name comes out.

 **Caleb's eyes follow Susan down the walk. I have to grab his arm to startle him from his daze. I lead him into the house and close the door behind us.**

 **He turns to me. His dark, straight eyebrows draw together so that a crease appears between them. When he frowns, he looks more like my mother than my father. In an instant I can see him living the same kind of life my father did: staying in Abnegation, learning a trade, marrying Susan, and having a family. It will be wonderful.**

"Why do you think it's wonderful for him but not you?" Marlene asks. Tris just shrugs.

 **I may not see it.**

" **Are you going to tell me the truth now?" he asks softly.**

" **The truth is," I say, "I'm not supposed to discuss it. And you're not supposed to ask."**

" **All those rules you bend, and you can't bend this one? Not even for something this important?" His eyebrows tug together, and he bites the corner of his lip. Though his words are accusatory, it sounds like he is probing me for information—like he actually wants my answer.**

"So you've always been rebellious Beatrice?" the words come out of Eric like he has eaten something unpleasant.

 **I narrow my eyes. "Will you? What happened in your test, Caleb?"**

 **Our eyes meet. I hear a train horn, so faint it could easily be wind whistling through an alleyway. But I know it when I hear it. It sounds like the Dauntless, calling me to them.**

"Come to us Tris," Zeke whisper shouts and the room bursts with laughter.

" **Just...don't tell our parents what happened, okay?" I say.**

 **His eyes stay on mine for a few seconds, and then he nods.**

 **I want to go upstairs and lie down. The test, the walk, and my encounter with the factionless man exhausted me. But my brother made breakfast this morning, and my mother prepared our lunches, and my father made dinner last night, so it's my turn to cook. I breathe deeply and walk into the kitchen to start cooking.**

"Do abnegation get any time to themselves?" Shauna asks. I'm a little shocked that she is speaking to Tris again.

"No, they think that it is selfish to spend time thinking of ones self," Tris replies.

"Is there anything they don't deem selfish? It must be exhausting," Shauna says.

 **A minute later, Caleb joins me. I grit my teeth. He helps with everything. What irritates me most about him is his natural goodness, his inborn selflessness.**

 **Caleb and I work together without speaking. I cook peas on the stove. He defrosts four pieces of chicken. Most of what we eat is frozen or canned, because farms these days are far away. My mother told me once that, a long time ago, there were people who wouldn't buy genetically engineered produce because they viewed it as unnatural. Now we have no other option.**

 **By the time my parents get home, dinner is ready and the table is set. My father drops his bag at the door and kisses my head. Other people see him as an opinionated man—too opinionated, maybe—but he's also loving. I try to see only the good in him; I try.**

"Try harder Tris," Zeke yells but we can tell he is joking. Tris goes bright red.

" **How did the test go?" he asks me. I pour the peas into a serving bowl.**

" **Fine," I say. I couldn't be Candor. I lie too easily.**

" **I heard there was some kind of upset with one of the tests," my mother says. Like my father, she works for the government, but she manages city improvement projects. She recruited volunteers to administer the aptitude tests. Most of the time, though, she organizes workers to help the factionless with food and shelter and job opportunities.**

" **Really?" says my father. A problem with the aptitude tests is rare.**

" **I don't know much about it, but my friend Erin told me that something went wrong with one of the tests, so the results had to be reported verbally." My mother places a napkin next to each plate on the table. "Apparently the student got sick and was sent home early." My mother shrugs. "I hope they're all right. Did you two hear about that?"**

" **No," Caleb says. He smiles at my mother.**

 **My brother couldn't be Candor either.**

"Why is it so hard for your family to be honest?" Christina sounds frustrated.

"I don't know. It just is. You are so busy trying to act selfless that you have to lie to make sure people don't worry about you, that you don't bring unnecessary attention to yourself."

"How can they run the government when everyone is always lying?" Christina asks.

"I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say Candor," Eric smirks.

I would really like to take him into that training room and beat the crap out of him right now. He is busy bagging others but he is in so deep with Erudite and Jeanine Matthews. Hypocrite.

 **We sit at the table. We always pass food to the right, and no one eats until everyone is served. My father extends his hands to my mother and my brother, and they extend their hands to him and me, and my father gives thanks to God for food and work and friends and family. Not every Abnegation family is religious, but my father says we should try not to see those differences because they will only divide us. I am not sure what to make of that.**

"What friends? I thought it was too selfish to have friends in Abnegation," Christina ponders.

" **So," my mother says to my father. "Tell me."**

 **She takes my father's hand and moves her thumb in a small circle over his knuckles. I stare at their joined hands. My parents love each other, but they rarely show affection like this in front of us. They taught us that physical contact is powerful, so I have been wary of it since I was young.**

" **Tell me what's bothering you," she adds.**

 **I stare at my plate. My mother's acute senses sometimes surprise me, but now they chide me. Why was I so focused on myself that I didn't notice his deep frown and his sagging posture?**

"Tris you need to stop beating yourself up over this crap. No one else would have seen that sort of thing either," Lynn says. I'm a little surprised at that coming from her. She always seems to dislike everything and everyone.

" **I had a difficult day at work," he says. "Well, really, it was Marcus who had the difficult day. I shouldn't lay claim to it."**

Here we go I think. I tense but feel Tris start to rub her thumb over the palm of my hand. She looks up at me and I give her a small smile.

 **Marcus is my father's co-worker; they are both political leaders. The city is ruled by a council of fifty people, composed entirely of representatives from Abnegation, because our faction is regarded as incorruptible, due to our commitment to selflessness. Our leaders are selected by their peers for their impeccable character, moral fortitude, and leadership skills. Representatives from each of the other factions can speak in the meetings on behalf of a particular issue, but ultimately, the decision is the council's. And while the council technically makes decisions together, Marcus is particularly influential.**

 **It has been this way since the beginning of the great peace, when the factions were formed. I think the system persists because we're afraid of what might happen if it didn't: war.**

" **Is this about that report Jeanine Matthews released?" my mother says. Jeanine Matthews is Erudite's sole representative, selected based on her IQ score. My father complains about her often.**

 **I look up. "A report?"**

 **Caleb gives me a warning look. We aren't supposed to speak at the dinner table unless our parents ask us a direct question, and they usually don't. Our listening ears are a gift to them, my father says. They give us their listening ears after dinner, in the family room.**

"Oh my God. Where do they think up these stupid rules," Max sounds outraged.

" **Yes," my father says. His eyes narrow. "Those arrogant, self-righteous—" He stops and clears his throat. "Sorry. But she released a report attacking Marcus's character."**

 **I raise my eyebrows.**

" **What did it say?" I ask.**

" **Beatrice," Caleb says quietly.**

"Your brother is completely annoying Tris," Lynn says.

 **I duck my head, turning my fork over and over and over until the warmth leaves my cheeks. I don't like to be chastised. Especially by my brother.**

" **It said," my father says, "that Marcus's violence and cruelty toward his son is the reason his son chose Dauntless instead of Abnegation."**

 **Few people who are born into Abnegation choose to leave it. When they do, we remember. Two years ago, Marcus's son, Tobias, left us for the Dauntless, and Marcus was devastated. Tobias was his only child—and his only family, since his wife died giving birth to their second child. The infant died minutes later.**

"Have you met him Tris? I mean since you have been in Dauntless?" Christina asks. Before Tris can answer Zeke continues to read. He knows my secret and thankfully is letting it stay that way for now.

 **I never met Tobias. He rarely attended community events and never joined his father at our house for dinner. My father often remarked that it was strange, but now it doesn't matter.**

" **Cruel? Marcus?" My mother shakes her head. "That poor man. As if he needs to be reminded of his loss."**

"Abnegation are so blind," Max says.

"So the reports are true?" Will asks.

"It's not my story to tell Will." Is all that Max says.

" **Of his son's betrayal, you mean?" my father says coldly. "I shouldn't be surprised at this point. The Erudite have been attacking us with these reports for months. And this isn't the end. There will be more, I guarantee it."**

"Abnegation really don't like their dependants to transfer do they?" Uriah says.

"Isn't that how all factions are?" Tris asks.

"No," Eric says. "We are happy for them to leave if they feel they don't belong. Our jobs can be extremely dangerous and we don't want anyone who isn't fully committed to it to want to stay."

 **I shouldn't speak again, but I can't help myself. I blurt out, "Why are they doing this?"**

" **Why don't you take this opportunity to listen to your father, Beatrice?" my mother says gently. It is phrased like a suggestion, not a command. I look across the table at Caleb, who has that look of disapproval in his eyes.**

 **I stare at my peas. I am not sure I can live this life of obligation any longer. I am not good enough.**

" **You know why," my father says. "Because we have something they want. Valuing knowledge above all else results in a lust for power, and that leads men into dark and empty places. We should be thankful that we know better."**

"He sounds so arrogant about it," Marlene says. Tris gives her a dirty look. "I don't mean to be mean Tris. It's just that it surprises me, that he is talking like that when they are sitting there chastising you about the rules they have and then those words don't seem very selfless to me."

 **I nod. I know I will not choose Erudite, even though my test results suggested that I could. I am my father's daughter.**

"So what will it be then? A life of dare devil stunts and chocolate cake or will she pick a life of servitude and bland chicken," Uriah says.

"I think we all know the answer Uriah," Marlene weary.

"I know that Mar. I just wanted to make it seem a little more dramatic."

 **My parents clean up after dinner. They don't even let Caleb help them, because we're supposed to keep to ourselves tonight instead of gathering in the family room, so we can think about our results.**

 **My family might be able to help me choose, if I could talk about my results. But I can't. Tori's warning whispers in my memory every time my resolve to keep my mouth shut falters.**

"Do you think you would have stayed if you had talked to them?" Shauna asks.

"I think they would have tried to convince me to stay. But I don't know," Tris says.

"See you can be honest," Christina laughs.

 **Caleb and I climb the stairs and, at the top, when we divide to go to our separate bedrooms, he stops me with a hand on my shoulder.**

" **Beatrice," he says, looking sternly into my eyes. "We should think of our family." There is an edge to his voice. "But. But we must also think of ourselves."**

"I bet he leaves," Uriah says. Marlene, Lynn and Zeke are all nodding their heads in agreement.

 **For a moment I stare at him. I have never seen him think of himself, never heard him insist on anything but selflessness.**

 **I am so startled by his comment that I just say what I am supposed to say: "The tests don't have to change our choices."**

 **He smiles a little. "Don't they, though?"**

"Yeah he is definitely leaving," Uriah says as he is nodding his head.

"Does he leave Tris?" Marlene asks.

"You will just have to wait and see," Tris says with a smile.

 **He squeezes my shoulder and walks into his bedroom. I peer into his room and see an unmade bed and a stack of books on his desk. He closes the door. I wish I could tell him that we're going through the same thing. I wish I could speak to him like I want to instead of like I'm supposed to. But the idea of admitting that I need help is too much to bear, so I turn away.**

"I bet it's Erudite," Uriah says.

"Well we all know it won't be Candor," Will says.

 **I walk into my room, and when I close my door behind me, I realize that the decision might be simple. It will require a great act of selflessness to choose Abnegation, or a great act of courage to choose Dauntless, and maybe just choosing one over the other will prove that I belong. Tomorrow, those two qualities will struggle within me, and only one can win.**

"That's it. Who's next?"

"I think Tris should read," Lynn says.

"Why?" Tris asks her.

"I don't know. It might make it more interesting coming from the person we are reading about."

Zeke hands Tris the book and we all sit waiting for her to begin.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: A few people have asked where in the story this all started to happen. It happens just after Tris And Tobias had their first kiss down in the chasm.

So here's the next chapter. It's hot again here in Sydney so I am off to the beach for the day. Hope you all enjoy the chapter. Thank you all for your continued support, it really makes my day!

* * *

CHAPTER SIX

FOUR'S POV

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

 **The bus we take to get to the Choosing Ceremony is full of people in gray shirts and gray slacks. A pale ring of sunlight burns into the clouds like the end of a lit cigarette. I will never smoke one myself—they are closely tied to vanity—but a crowd of Candor smokes them in front of the building when we get off the bus.**

"I don't understand why it is only the Candor who do that," Christina says.

"Probably because everyone else knows they will kill them," Eric responds.

 **I have to tilt my head back to see the top of the Hub, and even then, part of it disappears into the clouds. It is the tallest building in the city. I can see the lights on the two prongs on its roof from my bedroom window.**

 **I follow my parents off the bus. Caleb seems calm, but so would I, if I knew what I was going to do. Instead I get the distinct impression that my heart will burst out of my chest any minute now, and I grab his arm to steady myself as I walk up the front steps.**

 **The elevator is crowded, so my father volunteers to give a cluster of Amity our place. We climb the stairs instead, following him unquestioningly. We set an example for our fellow faction members, and soon the three of us are engulfed in the mass of gray fabric ascending cement stairs in the half light. I settle into their pace. The uniform pounding of feet in my ears and the homogeneity of the people around me makes me believe that I could choose this. I could be subsumed into Abnegation's hive mind, projecting always outward.**

"Yeah right," Lynn scoffs.

 **But then my legs get sore, and I struggle to breathe, and I am again distracted by myself. We have to climb twenty flights of stairs to get to the Choosing Ceremony.**

"That wouldn't happen now Tris," Uriah says.

 **My father holds the door open on the twentieth floor and stands like a sentry as every Abnegation walks past him. I would wait for him, but the crowd presses me forward, out of the stairwell and into the room where I will decide the rest of my life.**

"Oh, so dramatic," Marlene laughs.

 **The room is arranged in concentric circles. On the edges stand the sixteen-year- olds of every faction. We are not called members yet; our decisions today will make us initiates, and we will become members if we complete initiation.**

 **We arrange ourselves in alphabetical order, according to the last names we may leave behind today. I stand between Caleb and Danielle Pohler, an Amity girl with rosy cheeks and a yellow dress.**

 **Rows of chairs for our families make up the next circle. They are arranged in five sections, according to faction. Not everyone in each faction comes to the Choosing Ceremony, but enough of them come that the crowd looks huge.**

"Why would you go if you didn't have to?" Christina asks. "It is so boring."

 **The responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotates from faction to faction each year, and this year is Abnegation's. Marcus will give the opening address and read the names in reverse alphabetical order. Caleb will choose before me.**

 **In the last circle are five metal bowls so large they could hold my entire body, if I curled up. Each one contains a substance that represents each faction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor.**

 **When Marcus calls my name, I will walk to the center of the three circles. I will not speak. He will offer me a knife. I will cut into my hand and sprinkle my blood into the bowl of the faction I choose.**

 **My blood on the stones. My blood sizzling on the coals.**

"Decisions, decisions. Whatever should I choose?" Uriah says with dramatic arm movements. Zeke throws his shoe at his younger brother. This has us all laughing.

 **Before my parents sit down, they stand in front of Caleb and me. My father kisses my forehead and claps Caleb on the shoulder, grinning.**

" **See you soon," he says. Without a trace of doubt.**

"Well his bubble is about to burst," Lynn says with a laugh.

 **My mother hugs me, and what little resolve I have left almost breaks. I clench my jaw and stare up at the ceiling, where globe lanterns hang and fill the room with blue light. She holds me for what feels like a long time, even after I let my hands fall. Before she pulls away, she turns her head and whispers in my ear, "I love you. No matter what."**

"She knew!" Exclaims Christina.

 **I frown at her back as she walks away. She knows what I might do. She must know, or she wouldn't feel the need to say that.**

 **Caleb grabs my hand, squeezing my palm so tightly it hurts, but I don't let go. The last time we held hands was at my uncle's funeral, as my father cried. We need each other's strength now, just as we did then.**

 **The room slowly comes to order. I should be observing the Dauntless; I should be taking in as much information as I can, but I can only stare at the lanterns across the room. I try to lose myself in the blue glow.**

 **Marcus stands at the podium between the Erudite and the Dauntless and clears his throat into the microphone. "Welcome," he says. "Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in this world."**

"Read this as quickly as possible, it is so boring," Uriah whines.

"Well if you stop interrupting me, maybe I would," Tris snaps back.

 **Or, it occurs to me, one of five predetermined ways. I squeeze Caleb's fingers as hard as he is squeezing mine.**

" **Our dependents are now sixteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be." Marcus's voice is solemn and gives equal weight to each word. "Decades ago our ancestors realized that it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that it was the fault of human personality—of humankind's inclination toward evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed responsible for the world's disarray."**

 **My eyes shift to the bowls in the center of the room. What do I believe? I do not know; I do not know; I do not know.**

" **Those who blamed aggression formed Amity."**

 **The Amity exchange smiles. They are dressed comfortably, in red or yellow. Every time I see them, they seem kind, loving, free. But joining them has never been an option for me.**

" **Those who blamed ignorance became the Erudite."**

 **Ruling out Erudite was the only part of my choice that was easy.**

" **Those who blamed duplicity created Candor."**

 **I have never liked Candor.**

" **Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation."**

 **I blame selfishness; I do.**

" **And those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless."**

 **But I am not selfless enough. Sixteen years of trying and I am not enough.**

 **My legs go numb, like all the life has gone out of them, and I wonder how I will walk when my name is called.**

I think all our brains have gone numb just hearing the speech. It's the same speech every year. It's just a different faction that gets up there to address the people. I only know this because of Marcus.

" **Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. Abnegation has fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government; Candor has provided us with trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite has supplied us with intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity has given us understanding counselors and caretakers; and Dauntless provides us with protection from threats both within and without. But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarized. In our factions, we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life."**

 **I think of the motto I read in my Faction History textbook: Faction before blood. More than family, our factions are where we belong. Can that possibly be right?**

 **Marcus adds, "Apart from them, we would not survive."**

 **The silence that follows his words is heavier than other silences. It is heavy with our worst fear, greater even than the fear of death: to be factionless.**

 **Marcus continues, "Therefore this day marks a happy occasion—the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."**

 **A round of applause. It sounds muffled. I try to stand completely still, because if my knees are locked and my body is stiff, I don't shake. Marcus reads the first names, but I can't tell one syllable from the other. How will I know when he calls my name?**

 **One by one, each sixteen-year-old steps out of line and walks to the middle of the room. The first girl to choose decides on Amity, the same faction from which she came. I watch her blood droplets fall on soil, and she stands behind their seats alone.**

 **The room is constantly moving, a new name and a new person choosing, a new knife and a new choice. I recognize most of them, but I doubt they know me.**

" **James Tucker," Marcus says.**

"Thank God he transferred," Max mumbles but we all heard him.

"You're not wrong," Lynn says.

"Who was he?" Marlene asks.

"You know the guy who kept trying to get the trains to stop for us. He was always arguing about safety and shit," Lynn says.

"Oh, him," Marlene says. "He would always try to corner me on the train to sign some stupid petition."

 **James Tucker of the Dauntless is the first person to stumble on his way to the bowls. He throws his arms out and regains his balance before hitting the floor. His face turns red and he walks fast to the middle of the room. When he stands in the center, he looks from the Dauntless bowl to the Candor bowl—the orange flames that rise higher each moment, and the glass reflecting blue light.**

"See he couldn't even walk on flat ground properly. No wonder he wanted the trains to stop," Uriah laughs.

 **Marcus offers him the knife. He breathes deeply—I watch his chest rise—and, as he exhales, accepts the knife. Then he drags it across his palm with a jerk and holds his arm out to the side. His blood falls onto glass, and he is the first of us to switch factions. The first faction transfer. A mutter rises from the Dauntless section, and I stare at the floor.**

 **They will see him as a traitor from now on. His Dauntless family will have the option of visiting him in his new faction, a week and a half from now on Visiting Day, but they won't, because he left them. His absence will haunt their hallways, and he will be a space they can't fill. And then time will pass, and the hole will be gone, like when an organ is removed and the body's fluids flow into the space it leaves. Humans can't tolerate emptiness for long.**

"I think most people were just glad he left," Lynn says. All the Dauntless borns nod their heads.

" **Caleb Prior," says Marcus.**

 **Caleb squeezes my hand one last time, and as he walks away, casts a long look at me over his shoulder. I watch his feet move to the center of the room, and his hands, steady as they accept the knife from Marcus, are deft as one presses the knife into the other. Then he stands with blood pooling in his palm, and his lip snags on his teeth.**

 **He breathes out. And then in. And then he holds his hand over the Erudite bowl, and his blood drips into the water, turning it a deeper shade of red.**

"Told you," Uriah jumps up. Does what could only be called a victory lap and then sits back down.

 **I hear mutters that lift into outraged cries. I can barely think straight. My brother, my selfless brother, a faction transfer? My brother, born for Abnegation, Erudite?**

 **When I close my eyes, I see the stack of books on Caleb's desk, and his shaking hands sliding along his legs after the aptitude test. Why didn't I realize that when he told me to think of myself yesterday, he was also giving that advice to himself?**

"How didn't you see it Tris?" Christina asks.

"I think I was too worried about my own decision," Tris says.

"That's not very selfless now Tris," Christina jokes.

 **I scan the crowd of the Erudite—they wear smug smiles and nudge each other. The Abnegation, normally so placid, speak to one another in tense whispers and glare across the room at the faction that has become our enemy.**

" **Excuse me," says Marcus, but the crowd doesn't hear him. He shouts, "Quiet, please!"**

 **The room goes silent. Except for a ringing sound.**

"Did you hear a ringing sound?" Marlene asks Uriah and it takes a lot for me not to laugh. But not Eric, he is laughing his head off. Uriah just shakes his head.

 **I hear my name and a shudder propels me forward. Halfway to the bowls, I am sure that I will choose Abnegation. I can see it now. I watch myself grow into a woman in Abnegation robes, marrying Susan's brother, Robert, volunteering on the weekends, the peace of routine, the quiet nights spent in front of the fireplace, the certainty that I will be safe, and if not good enough, better than I am now.**

"Marrying Robert?" I ask Tris.

"It's not like they give you much choice," Tris whispers back to me.

"True," I say. There is no use getting jealous over something that will never happen. I wonder who Marcus would have had picked out for me. Stop I think to myself. You don't' ever want to go there.

 **The ringing, I realize, is in my ears.**

"Ohhh," Marlene says.

 **I look at Caleb, who now stands behind the Erudite. He stares back at me and nods a little, like he knows what I'm thinking, and agrees. My footsteps falter. If Caleb wasn't fit for Abnegation, how can I be? But what choice do I have, now that he left us and I'm the only one who remains? He left me no other option.**

 **I set my jaw. I will be the child that stays; I have to do this for my parents. I have to.**

"Don't forget Tris, Dauntless is calling you," Zeke jokes and we all laugh.

 **Marcus offers me my knife. I look into his eyes—they are dark blue, a strange color —and take it. He nods, and I turn toward the bowls. Dauntless fire and Abnegation stones are both on my left, one in front of my shoulder and one behind. I hold the knife in my right hand and touch the blade to my palm. Gritting my teeth, I drag the blade down. It stings, but I barely notice. I hold both hands to my chest, and my next breath shudders on the way out.**

 **I open my eyes and thrust my arm out. My blood drips onto the carpet between the two bowls. Then, with a gasp I can't contain, I shift my hand forward, and my blood sizzles on the coals.**

 **I am selfish. I am brave.**

Everyone gives Tris a cheer, just as it would have happened at the Choosing Ceremony. Tris goes bright red and tries to hide her head on my chest. I can't help but laugh at how adorable she looks.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi. Well I've had a good day, so I'm sharing my good day around by giving you another chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

CHAPTER SEVEN

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Tori says as she gets up and walks over to Tris, who hands her the book.

 **CHAPTER SIX**

 **I train my eyes on the floor and stand behind the Dauntless-born initiates who chose to return to their own faction. They are all taller than I am, so even when I lift my head, I see only black-clothed shoulders.**

"Isn't everyone taller than you Tris?" Zeke asks. "Holy crap, you have been around Four far too long. Your scowl is nearly as scary as his is Tris."

Everyone starts to laugh at the look on both Zeke and Tris's faces. Zeke looks scared and Tris looks angry.

 **When the last girl makes her choice—Amity—it's time to leave. The Dauntless exit first. I walk past the gray-clothed men and women who were my faction, staring determinedly at the back of someone's head.**

 **But I have to see my parents one more time. I look over my shoulder at the last second before I pass them, and immediately wish I hadn't. My father's eyes burn into mine with a look of accusation. At first, when I feel the heat behind my eyes, I think he's found a way to set me on fire, to punish me for what I've done, but no—I'm about to cry.**

"He is really starting to annoy me," Lynn says.

 **Beside him, my mother is smiling.**

"Go Mrs Prior," Zeke shouts.

 **The people behind me press me forward, away from my family, who will be the last ones to leave. They may even stay to stack the chairs and clean the bowls. I twist my head around to find Caleb in the crowd of Erudite behind me. He stands among the other initiates, shaking hands with a faction transfer, a boy who was Candor. The easy smile he wears is an act of betrayal. My stomach wrenches and I turn away. If it's so easy for him, maybe it should be easy for me, too.**

"Tris you are way to dramatic," Lynn says.

 **I glance at the boy to my left, who was Erudite and now looks as pale and nervous as I should feel. I spent all my time worrying about which faction I would choose and never considered what would happen if I chose Dauntless. What waits for me at Dauntless headquarters?**

"Is that you Will?" Christina asks.

"No," he answers. But Tris is nodding her head. Which makes us all laugh.

 **The crowd of Dauntless leading us go to the stairs instead of the elevators. I thought only the Abnegation used the stairs.**

"As if Tris. We want to get out of there as quickly as possible," Uriah says.

 **Then everyone starts running. I hear whoops and shouts and laughter all around me, and dozens of thundering feet moving at different rhythms. It is not a selfless act for the Dauntless to take the stairs; it is a wild act.**

" **What the hell is going on?" the boy next to me shouts.**

 **I just shake my head and keep running. I am breathless when we reach the first floor, and the Dauntless burst through the exit. Outside, the air is crisp and cold and the sky is orange from the setting sun. It reflects off the black glass of the Hub.**

"How did you find time to look at all of that? I was just trying to keep up," Christina says.

"Maybe it was just the author trying to make it seem more interesting," Tori says.

 **The Dauntless sprawl across the street, blocking the path of a bus, and I sprint to catch up to the back of the crowd. My confusion dissipates as I run. I have not run anywhere in a long time. Abnegation discourages anything done strictly for my own enjoyment, and that is what this is: my lungs burning, my muscles aching, the fierce pleasure of a flat-out sprint. I follow the Dauntless down the street and around the corner and hear a familiar sound: the train horn.**

"You were made for Dauntless Tris," Marlene says with a big smile.

" **Oh no," mumbles the Erudite boy. "Are we supposed to hop on that thing?"**

" **Yes," I say, breathless.**

 **It is good that I spent so much time watching the Dauntless arrive at school. The crowd spreads out in a long line. The train glides toward us on steel rails, its light flashing, its horn blaring. The door of each car is open, waiting for the Dauntless to pile in, and they do, group by group, until only the new initiates are left. The Dauntless-born initiates are used to doing this by now, so in a second it's just faction transfers left.**

 **I step forward with a few others and start jogging. We run with the car for a few steps and then throw ourselves sideways. I'm not as tall or as strong as some of them, so I can't pull myself into the car. I cling to a handle next to the doorway, my shoulder slamming into the car. My arms shake, and finally a Candor girl grabs me and pulls me in. Gasping, I thank her.**

"That's me, that's me," Christina starts to bounce in her seat.

 **I hear a shout and look over my shoulder. A short Erudite boy with red hair pumps his arms as he tries to catch up to the train. An Erudite girl by the door reaches out to grab the boy's hand, straining, but he is too far behind. He falls to his knees next to the tracks as we sail away, and puts his head in his hands.**

 **I feel uneasy. He just failed Dauntless initiation. He is factionless now. It could happen at any moment.**

" **You all right?" the Candor girl who helped me asks briskly. She is tall, with dark brown skin and short hair. Pretty.**

 **I nod.**

" **I'm Christina," she says, offering me her hand.**

"Told you," Christina sounds way to excited over this.

 **I haven't shaken a hand in a long time either. The Abnegation greeted one another by bowing heads, a sign of respect. I take her hand, uncertainly, and shake it twice, hoping I didn't squeeze too hard or not hard enough.**

"It wasn't a very good hand shake," Christina giggles.

"Thanks Christina," Tris says. There's the sarcasm we have learned to love.

" **Beatrice," I say.**

" **Do you know where we're going?" She has to shout over the wind, which blows harder through the open doors by the second. The train is picking up speed. I sit down. It will be easier to keep my balance if I'm low to the ground. She raises an eyebrow at me.**

" **A fast train means wind," I say. "Wind means falling out. Get down."**

"Someone's Erudite is showing," Zeke teases. I look over to Eric and instead of the disgust I thought I would see, he actually looks impressed.

 **Christina sits next to me, inching back to lean against the wall.**

" **I guess we're going to Dauntless headquarters," I say, "but I don't know where that is."**

" **Does anyone?" She shakes her head, grinning. "It's like they just popped out of a hole in the ground or something."**

"Pretty much," Lynn says.

 **Then the wind rushes through the car, and the other faction transfers, hit with bursts of air, fall on top of one another. I watch Christina laugh without hearing her and manage a smile.**

 **Over my left shoulder, orange light from the setting sun reflects off the glass buildings, and I can faintly see the rows of gray houses that used to be my home.**

 **It's Caleb's turn to make dinner tonight. Who will take his place—my mother or my father? And when they clear out his room, what will they discover? I imagine books jammed between the dresser and the wall, books under his mattress. The Erudite thirst for knowledge filling all the hidden places in his room. Did he always know that he would choose Erudite? And if he did, how did I not notice?**

"You really are in your own little bubble aren't you Tris?" Lynn says. Tris just ignores the question.

 **What a good actor he was. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, because even though I left them too, at least I was no good at pretending. At least they all knew that I wasn't selfless.**

 **I close my eyes and picture my mother and father sitting at the dinner table in silence. Is it a lingering hint of selflessness that makes my throat tighten at the thought of them, or is it selfishness, because I know I will never be their daughter again?**

"You're still their daughter Tris," I say.

"I know. It just didn't feel like it at the time."

"Page break," Tori says.

" **They're jumping off!"**

"They're jumping off," yells Zeke.

"They're jumping off," yells Uriah.

"They're jumping off," yells Lynn.

"Okay we get it," yells Eric. The room falls silent and everyone is waiting to see what he says next. "Continue," he tells Tori. So Tori starts to read the book again.

 **I lift my head. My neck aches. I have been curled up with my back against the wall for at least a half hour, listening to the roaring wind and watching the city smear past us. I sit forward. The train has slowed down in the past few minutes, and I see that the boy who shouted is right: The Dauntless in the cars ahead of us are jumping out as the train passes a rooftop. The tracks are seven stories up.**

"They're jumping off," yells Zeke once again and is bombarded with pillows being thrown at him from the rest of us.

 **The idea of leaping out of a moving train onto a rooftop, knowing there is a gap between the edge of the roof and the edge of the track, makes me want to throw up. I push myself up and stumble to the opposite side of the car, where the other faction transfers stand in a line.**

"You are the first jumper and you felt like throwing up jumping from the train?" Uriah says, shaking his head.

"Why don't we talk about you sounding like a cat getting strangled when we went zip-lining," Tris snaps back at him.

"Burn, little bro, burn," Zeke says laughing.

"Just continue Tori," Max says.

" **We have to jump off too, then," a Candor girl says. She has a large nose and crooked teeth.**

"Ergh I know who that is," Christina moans.

" **Great," a Candor boy replies, "because that makes perfect sense, Molly. Leap off a train onto a roof."**

" **This is kind of what we signed up for, Peter," the girl points out.**

" **Well, I'm not doing it," says an Amity boy behind me. He has olive skin and wears a**

 **brown shirt—he is the only transfer from Amity. His cheeks shine with tears.**

"He's not jumping," Zeke calls out, but not as loud as he yelled 'They're jumping off.'

" **You've got to," Christina says, "or you fail. Come on, it'll be all right."**

" **No, it won't! I'd rather be factionless than dead!" The Amity boy shakes his head. He sounds panicky. He keeps shaking his head and staring at the rooftop, which is getting closer by the second.**

 **I don't agree with him. I would rather be dead than empty, like the factionless.**

"I agree Tris," says Lynn. "Me too," says Marlene. Both girls nodding their heads.

" **You can't force him," I say, glancing at Christina. Her brown eyes are wide, and she presses her lips together so hard they change color. She offers me her hand.**

" **Here," she says. I raise an eyebrow at her hand, about to say that I don't need help, but she adds, "I just...can't do it unless someone drags me."**

"So Dauntless of you _Christina_ ," Eric sneers. Although for once I have to agree with him. Christina turns bright red.

 **I take her hand and we stand at the edge of the car. As it passes the roof, I count, "One...two...three! "**

 **On three we launch off the train car. A weightless moment, and then my feet slam into solid ground and pain prickles through my shins. The jarring landing sends me sprawling on the rooftop, gravel under my cheek. I release Christina's hand. She's laughing.**

" **That was fun," she says.**

 **Christina will fit in with Dauntless thrill seekers.**

"As long as she has someone to hold her hand," Zeke jokes.

 **I brush grains of rock from my cheek. All the initiates except the Amity boy made it onto the roof, with varying levels of success. The Candor girl with crooked teeth, Molly, holds her ankle, wincing, and Peter, the Candor boy with shiny hair, grins proudly—he must have landed on his feet.**

 **Then I hear a wail. I turn my head, searching for the source of the sound. A Dauntless girl stands at the edge of the roof, staring at the ground below, screaming. Behind her a Dauntless boy holds her at the waist to keep her from falling off.**

"That was just horrible," Marlene sighs.

" **Rita," he says. "Rita, calm down. Rita—"**

 **I stand and look over the edge. There is a body on the pavement below us; a girl, her arms and legs bent at awkward angles, her hair spread in a fan around her head. My stomach sinks and I stare at the railroad tracks. Not everyone made it. And even the Dauntless aren't safe.**

"Finally, someone who gets it," Eric slaps his leg.

"What's there to get?" Zeke asks.

"See," Eric points at Zeke. "You just don't understand. It is more than just being a daredevil that makes you Dauntless. We are soldiers. We are here to protect the city. This is why we have cuts. Because only the best should be allowed the honour to protect others. The biggest problem isn't the transfers it's the Dauntless-borns who think it is their right to just become members. No matter how incompetent they are."

"So, what? The deserve to die?" I challenge.

"Maybe if they didn't let pride get in their way they wouldn't have picked Dauntless and I wouldn't have had to go and scrape some poor sixteen-year-old of the pavement," Eric tells us. I didn't know that he had done that. "Do you know what it is like to have to deal with that shit? No, you don't. You all sit here and judge me, but you don't have a clue what is really involved in running a faction."

Eric pauses and we all sit here stunned. "Continue reading Tori," you can hear the disgust in his voice, I'm just not sure if it is for the people in the room with him or the memory of having to scrape the initiate of the pavement.

 **Rita sinks to her knees, sobbing. I turn away. The longer I watch her, the more likely I am to cry, and I can't cry in front of these people.**

 **I tell myself, as sternly as possible, that is how things work here. We do dangerous things and people die. People die, and we move on to the next dangerous thing. The sooner that lesson sinks in, the better chance I have at surviving initiation.**

 **I'm no longer sure that I will survive initiation.**

 **I tell myself I will count to three, and when I'm done, I will move on. One. I picture the girl's body on the pavement, and a shudder goes through me. Two. I hear Rita's sobs and the murmured reassurance of the boy behind her.** _ **Three**_ **.**

 **My lips pursed, I walk away from Rita and the roof's edge.**

 **My elbow stings. I pull my sleeve up to examine it, my hand shaking. Some of the skin is peeling off, but it isn't bleeding.**

" **Ooh. Scandalous! A Stiff's flashing some skin!"**

 **I lift my head. "Stiff" is slang for Abnegation, and I'm the only one here. Peter points**

 **at me, smirking. I hear laughter. My cheeks heat up, and I let my sleeve fall.**

"What is his obsession with you?" Marlene asks. "He taunted you the first chance he got and he has still been doing it."

"Peter likes to make people feel inferior. He always has," Christina says. Why do I feel there is more to that story?

" **Listen up! My name is Max! I am one of the leaders of your new faction!" shouts a man at the other end of the roof. He is older than the others, with deep creases in his dark skin and gray hair at his temples, and he stands on the ledge like it's a sidewalk. Like someone didn't just fall to her death from it. "Several stories below us is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."**

" **You want us to jump off a ledge?" asks an Erudite girl. She is a few inches taller than I am, with mousy brown hair and big lips. Her mouth hangs open.**

 **I don't know why it shocks her.**

"You were the only one on the roof who didn't look scared," Max tells Tris.

" **Yes," Max says. He looks amused.**

" **Is there water at the bottom or something?"**

"They ask that question every year," Max says shaking his head.

" **Who knows?" He raises his eyebrows.**

 **The crowd in front of the initiates splits in half, making a wide path for us. I look around. No one looks eager to leap off the building—their eyes are everywhere but on Max. Some of them nurse minor wounds or brush gravel from their clothes. I glance at Peter. He is picking at one of his cuticles. Trying to act casual.**

"I thought he was going to piss himself when he got up there to jump," Max laughs. With that information we all start to laugh too.

 **I am proud. It will get me into trouble someday, but today it makes me brave. I walk toward the ledge and hear snickers behind me.**

 **Max steps aside, leaving my way clear. I walk up to the edge and look down. Wind whips through my clothes, making the fabric snap. The building I'm on forms one side of a square with three other buildings. In the center of the square is a huge hole in the concrete. I can't see what's at the bottom of it.**

 **This is a scare tactic. I will land safely at the bottom. That knowledge is the only thing that helps me step onto the ledge. My teeth chatter. I can't back down now. Not with all the people betting I'll fail behind me. My hands fumble along the collar of my shirt and find the button that secures it shut. After a few tries, I undo the hooks from collar to hem, and pull it off my shoulders.**

"You were scared up there? Your teeth were chattering," Lynn points out.

"I was cold. That wind was freezing," Tris tells her.

 **Beneath it, I wear a gray T-shirt. It is tighter than any other clothes I own, and no one has ever seen me in it before. I ball up my outer shirt and look over my shoulder, at Peter. I throw the ball of fabric at him as hard as I can, my jaw clenched. It hits him in the chest. He stares at me. I hear catcalls and shouts behind me.**

"You couldn't back down could you?" I ask Tris.

Tris just shakes her head.

 **I look at the hole again. Goose bumps rise on my pale arms, and my stomach lurches. If I don't do it now, I won't be able to do it at all. I swallow hard.**

 **I don't think. I just bend my knees and jump.**

 **The air howls in my ears as the ground surges toward me, growing and expanding, or I surge toward the ground, my heart pounding so fast it hurts, every muscle in my body tensing as the falling sensation drags at my stomach. The hole surrounds me and I drop into darkness.**

 **I hit something hard. It gives way beneath me and cradles my body. The impact knocks the wind out of me and I wheeze, struggling to breathe again. My arms and legs sting.**

 **A net. There is a net at the bottom of the hole. I look up at the building and laugh, half relieved and half hysterical. My body shakes and I cover my face with my hands. I just jumped off a roof.**

"You laughed?" Uriah asks, looking amazed.

"Yeah. It was pretty fun," Tris says with a big smile on her face.

"You're insane," Christina says. "I thought I was dying the whole way down."

"We know," I tell her. "Half the compound could hear your screams."

 **I have to stand on solid ground again. I see a few hands stretching out to me at the edge of the net, so I grab the first one I can reach and pull myself across. I roll off, and I would have fallen face-first onto a wood floor if he had not caught me.**

"Is this when you two first meet?" Shauna asks with a sly grin on her face. I nod. "Ohhh this is so cute."

" **He" is the young man attached to the hand I grabbed. He has a spare upper lip and a full lower lip. His eyes are so deep-set that his eyelashes touch the skin under his eyebrows, and they are dark blue, a dreaming, sleeping, waiting color.**

"How did you have time to look that closely at him?" Christina asks.

"I don't know. I just did," Tris says.

"Probably because he held her for longer than I've ever seen him touch anyone else," Zeke let's everyone know.

"So, there was a connection straight away?" Christina asks.

I just sort of shrug. I don't really want to talk about this with them. I see Tris giving Christina a small nod and I know I am smiling on the inside.

 **His hands grip my arms, but he releases me a moment after I stand upright again. "Thank you," I say.**

 **We stand on a platform ten feet above the ground. Around us is an open cavern.**

" **Can't believe it," a voice says from behind him. It belongs to a dark-haired girl with three silver rings through her right eyebrow. She smirks at me. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of."**

"Yeah, what was the position the last Abnegation transfer jumped in?" Zeke asks already knowing the answer.

"I think it was last? Wasn't it Four?" Eric decides to get in on this as well.

"You two seem to know the answer, I don't know why you are bothering me with this," I mumble.

Zeke and Eric actually high five. I can't believe what I am seeing I just shake my head.

" **There's a reason why she left them, Lauren," he says. His voice is deep, and it rumbles. "What's your name?"**

"It rumbles?" asks Shauna.

Tris is completely red and trying to hide her face in my chest. Which makes me laugh.

" **Um..." I don't know why I hesitate. But "Beatrice" just doesn't sound right anymore.**

" **Think about it," he says, a faint smile curling his lips. "You don't get to pick again."**

"You smiled Four?" Zeke asks. "When do you ever smile at girls?"

"When I'm not being forced onto dates with you," I banter back. I see Zeke's eyes widen and then I realise what I just said. No one else has realised what is going on. Zeke just shrugs and we go back to listening to the story. I think they are so caught up in the story that they haven't realised that I basically just told them I'm from Abnegation.

 **A new place, a new name. I can be remade here.**

" **Tris," I say firmly.**

" **Tris," Lauren repeats, grinning. "Make the announcement, Four."**

 **The boy—Four—looks over his shoulder and shouts, "First jumper—Tris!"**

"First jumper—Tris!" Zeke shouts across the room. We all start throwing more cushions at him.

 **A crowd materializes from the darkness as my eyes adjust. They cheer and pump their fists, and then another person drops into the net. Her screams follow her down. Christina. Everyone laughs, but they follow their laughter with more cheering.**

 **Four sets his hand on my back and says, "Welcome to Dauntless."**

"You didn't say that to me," Christina mumbles.

"He's never said that to any of the initiates," Shauna says.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

FOUR'S POV

"When are we having dinner?" Zeke asks.

"When you get up and make it," Eric tells him.

"I don't think you want me in the kitchen, dude," Zeke laughs. Probably remembering the time that he and Uriah took over their mother's kitchen thinking they could make Dauntless cake. Let's just say that it ended so badly that Max had the stove in Zeke's apartment removed and barred him from ever using his mother's stove again. Max told him, "I don't ever want to see you try and cook anything _EVER_ again."

"He's right Eric. He doesn't even have a stove in his apartment," Max chortles.

"Why would you not have a stove?" Eric looks confused.

"Max took it out after Uriah and I tried to make Dauntless cake at my mums."

"You're the reason I had to have fire safety training?" Eric asks, clearly not impressed.

"I sure am," Zeke says rolling around the floor laughing. Along with everyone else who was living in Dauntless twelve months ago.

"Fine, I'll cook," Eric complains. Getting up from his seat and moving towards the kitchen. "Stiff you can help," he says looking at Tris.

"You have got to be joking," I stand ready to confront Eric. No way in hell am I leaving her alone with him.

"It's okay Four. I'll take Christina with me," Tris calmly says, putting her hand on my arm.

"I'm not going to murder her in plain sight of everyone," Eric says with a sly grin. I am really starting to hate that we are stuck here with him.

"Fine. I'm going to the training room," I grumble. I know I can't hover while Tris is in the kitchen, she will only get pissed at me, plus she has Christina with her. That should drive Eric crazy. May as well go and take my aggression out on a punching bag.

"Wait up," Uriah says. "I'll come with you."

Uriah and I walk into the training room and we head straight to the punching bags. We both tape our hands and start punching.

"Four?" Uriah grunts out as he hits the bag.

"Yeah," I say.

"What's Eric going to do when he finds out that Tris isn't the only Divergent?"

"I don't know Uriah," I say punching the bag harder.

"Do you think we are safe here?" he says as he stops punching the bag.

"Yeah, I do. Eric told Tris that he won't try and murder her here because he will have plenty of time to do it once we are out of here," I say. "He is outnumbered here. He only has Max to protect him if he tries to do anything. Eric may be a prick but he isn't stupid."

"What about Shauna? She's my brother's girlfriend, you saw how she reacted when she found out about Tris."

"Just give Shauna time, she may never find out. If she does then we will help you deal with it. She has been poisoned with her mother's lies, it may take some time for her to come around. Does Zeke know?"

Uriah shakes his head. "Only you and mum."

"It might be a good idea to tell him."

"You two might want to go and shower, dinner is in ten minutes," Marlene says as she comes walking into the room.

"There might be someone else you would like to tell," I whisper to him as we start to walk out of the room. Uriah just nods.

* * *

"Now that we have finished dinner, should we read more or just hang out?" Christina asks.

"Let's just read a few more chapters. The quicker we read them, the sooner we are going to be able to leave here," Max says.

"We can't sit around here all day everyday reading," Eric complains.

"Fine we read a few more chapters tonight. See how far along we can get. Then from tomorrow we make time to train or just do your own thing," Max says.

"Pity Tori doesn't have her tattoo gun here," Lynn says.

"That would have been awesome," Marlene has a faraway look on her face. Like she is picturing what her next tattoo will be.

"We need a cooking roster," Eric says. "Actually, no we don't. I am going to do the cooking because I don't trust any of you to not poison me."

"Control freak," Christina whispers.

"You can all get your own breakfast. Tris can help me with lunch and Will can help with dinner. The rest of you can make up a roster to clean up after," Eric tells us. I don't understand why he wants to work with Tris. I can understand Will. Eric walks out of the dining room and I follow.

"Hey," I call to him.

"What do you want Four?"

"Why are you wanting to work with Tris? You need to leave her alone," I tell him.

"Get over yourself Four. The only reason I'm cooking with her is because she knows how and I would rather her company than yours."

"I will end you if you do anything to her," I threaten.

"And I told you, I will not touch her while we are here. But as soon as we leave here, I will be handing her over to Jeanine," Eric responds.

"You can try, but I will not let it happen."

"Is everything alright in here?" Tori says, as she enters the room.

"Fine," we both say at the same time. I walk over to where Tris and I had been sitting earlier. Trying to get myself as far as I can away from Eric even though we still need to be in the same room.

Everyone starts to walk back into the room and get comfortable.

"I'm going to read this chapter," Max says as he takes the book and starts to read.

 **CHAPTER SEVEN**

 **When all the initiates stand on solid ground again, Lauren and Four lead us down a narrow tunnel. The walls are made of stone, and the ceiling slopes, so I feel like I am descending deep into the heart of the earth. The tunnel is lit at long intervals, so in the dark space between each dim lamp, I fear that I am lost until a shoulder bumps mine. In the circles of light I am safe again.**

 **The Erudite boy in front of me stops abruptly, and I smack into him, hitting my nose on his shoulder. I stumble back and rub my nose as I recover my senses. The whole crowd has stopped, and our three leaders stand in front of us, arms folded.**

" **This is where we divide," Lauren says. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I assume** _ **you**_ **don't need a tour of the place."**

"Yeah right. How many times has Gabe got lost trying to get to the training room," Lynn says and the Dauntless-born initiates all start laughing.

 **She smiles and beckons toward the Dauntless-born initiates. They break away from the group and dissolve into the shadows. I watch the last heel pass out of the light and look at those of us who are left. Most of the initiates were from Dauntless, so only nine people remain. Of those, I am the only Abnegation transfer, and there are no Amity transfers. The rest are from Erudite and, surprisingly, Candor. It must require bravery to be honest all the time. I wouldn't know.**

 **Four addresses us next. "Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor," he says. "My name is Four."**

 **Christina asks, "Four? Like the number?"**

"Oh my God," Marlene shouts.

Everyone just turns and looks at Marlene. "What? Is she insane?" Marlene says pointing at Christina.

"What do you mean?" Max asks.

"As if you'd ask Four that. I'd be frightened that he'd rip my head off," Marlene says.

"Just wait Marlene. It's coming," says Will.

" **Yes," Four says. "Is there a problem?"**

" **No."**

" **Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It—"**

 **Christina snickers. "The Pit? Clever name."**

"You really are stupid, aren't you?" Lynn tells Christina. I can't help but smirk, I shouldn't really. Christina is sinking further into her chair.

 **Four walks up to Christina and leans his face close to hers. His eyes narrow, and for a second he just stares at her.**

"I would have wet myself," we hear Marlene say very softly.

" **What's your name?" he asks quietly.**

" **Christina," she squeaks.**

" **Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," he hisses. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?"**

 **She nods.**

"How scared were you Christina?" Uriah asks.

"I don't want to talk about it," Christina mumbles.

 **Four starts toward the shadow at the end of the tunnel. The crowd of initiates moves on in silence.**

" **What a jerk," she mumbles.**

" **I guess he doesn't like to be laughed at," I reply.**

 **It would probably be wise to be careful around Four, I realize. He seemed placid to me on the platform, but something about that stillness makes me wary now.**

"Placid?" Zeke raises an eyebrow at Tris. "I don't think any guy wants to be thought of as placid."

 **Four pushes a set of double doors open, and we walk into the place he called "the Pit."**

" **Oh," whispers Christina. "I get it."**

" **Pit" is the best word for it. It is an underground cavern so huge I can't see the other end of it from where I stand, at the bottom. Uneven rock walls rise several stories above my head. Built into the stone walls are places for food, clothing, supplies, leisure activities. Narrow paths and steps carved from rock connect them. There are no barriers to keep people from falling over the side.**

"I miss the Pit," Zeke says like he hasn't seen the place in decades, when it has only been a day.

 **A slant of orange light stretches across one of the rock walls. Forming the roof of the Pit are panes of glass and, above them, a building that lets in sunlight. It must have looked like just another city building when we passed it on the train.**

 **Blue lanterns dangle at random intervals above the stone paths, similar to the ones that lit the Choosing room. They grow brighter as the sunlight dies.**

 **People are everywhere, all dressed in black, all shouting and talking, expressive, gesturing. I don't see any elderly people in the crowd. Are there any old Dauntless? Do they not last that long, or are they just sent away when they can't jump off moving trains anymore?**

"So where are all the old people?" Christina asks.

"At the bottom of the chasm or with the factionless," Max says.

"WHAT!" shrieks Christina. "You mean we go through hell to become members and then when we are old we end up factionless anyway. Or dead. Why is no one else upset about this?"

"It's the way it's always been Christina," Max quietly tells her.

"Well it's stupid," Christina folds her arms over her chest and sighs heavily.

I think it is too but ask any Dauntless-born and they don't seem to have a problem with it. It is just a part of life in Dauntless.

 **A group of children run down a narrow path with no railing, so fast my heart pounds, and I want to scream at them to slow down before they get hurt. A memory of the orderly Abnegation streets appears in my mind: a line of people on the right passing a line of people on the left, small smiles and inclined heads and silence. My stomach squeezes. But there is something wonderful about Dauntless chaos.**

"Of course it's wonderful. Abnegation sounds so boring and controlled," Zeke says.

" **If you follow me," says Four, "I'll show you the chasm."**

 **He waves us forward. Four's appearance seems tame from the front, by Dauntless standards, but when he turns around, I see a tattoo peeking out from the collar of his T-shirt. He leads us to the right side of the Pit, which is conspicuously dark. I squint and see that the floor I stand on now ends at an iron barrier. As we approach the railing, I hear a roar—water, fast-moving water, crashing against rocks.**

"What is your tattoo Four?" Uriah asks.

"Not showing you Uriah," I say.

"I bet you will by the time we leave here," Uriah says bouncing in his seat.

"Don't hold your breath," I tell him.

 **I look over the side. The floor drops off at a sharp angle, and several stories below us is a river. Gushing water strikes the wall beneath me and sprays upward. To my left, the water is calmer, but to my right, it is white, battling with rock.**

" **The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" Four shouts. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned."**

"They really never listen to your warning, do they Four?" Max says. "Do you think we should put signs up?"

"Are you going soft Max?" Eric asks him.

"No, just thinking out loud," Max says.

This surprises me. I didn't expect Max to be like this.

" **This is incredible," says Christina, as we all move away from the railing.**

" **Incredible is the word," I say, nodding.**

 **Four leads the group of initiates across the Pit toward a gaping hole in the wall. The room beyond is well-lit enough that I can see where we're going: a dining hall full of people and clattering silverware. When we walk in, the Dauntless inside stand. They applaud. They stamp their feet. They shout. The noise surrounds me and fills me. Christina smiles, and a second later, so do I.**

 **We look for empty seats. Christina and I discover a mostly empty table at the side of the room, and I find myself sitting between her and Four. In the center of the table is a platter of food I don't recognize: circular pieces of meat wedged between round bread slices. I pinch one between my fingers, unsure what to make of it.**

 **Four nudges me with his elbow.**

" **It's beef," he says. "Put this on it." He passes me a small bowl full of red sauce.**

"Look at Four being all nice," Shauna teases me. I can feel myself start to blush and Shauna and Zeke both start laughing.

" **You've never had a hamburger before?" asks Christina, her eyes wide.**

" **No," I say. "Is that what it's called?"**

" **Stiffs eat plain food," Four says, nodding at Christina.**

" **Why?" she asks.**

"Geez Christina even Four knows what Stiffs eat," Zeke says with a sly smile.

"Yeah I wonder how that is?" Eric says with sarcasm dripping from every word.

"It helps to know a bit about each of the factions when you are training the transfers," I reply.

"Yeah, sure it is." More sarcasm from Eric.

 **I shrug. "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary."**

 **She smirks. "No wonder you left."**

" **Yeah," I say, rolling my eyes. "It was just because of the food."**

"How did you survive there for sixteen-years?" Zeke asks and Tris just shrugs.

 **The corner of Four's mouth twitches.**

"Did you almost smile Four?" Shauna asks with a gasp.

Tris bursts out laughing.

"Don't you laugh missy," Christina says pointing a finger at Tris. "I can't believe how much notice you took of Four." This makes Tris blush and I can't help but laugh a little.

 **The doors to the cafeteria open, and a hush falls over the room. I look over my shoulder. A young man walks in, and it is quiet enough that I can hear his footsteps. His face is pierced in so many places I lose count, and his hair is long, dark, and greasy. But that isn't what makes him look menacing. It is the coldness of his eyes as they sweep across the room.**

" **Who's that?" hisses Christina.**

"And Eric has entered our story everyone," Uriah announces to the room. Everyone goes silent. Very similar to the reaction he got when he entered the dining hall that day.

" **His name is Eric," says Four. "He's a Dauntless leader."**

" **Seriously? But he's so young."**

 **Four gives her a grave look. "Age doesn't matter here."**

 **I can tell she's about to ask what I want to ask: Then what does matter? But Eric's eyes stop scanning the room, and he starts toward a table. He starts toward our table and drops into the seat next to Four. He offers no greeting, so neither do we.**

" **Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" he asks, nodding to Christina and me.**

 **Four says, "This is Tris and Christina."**

" **Ooh, a Stiff," says Eric, smirking at me. His smile pulls at the piercings in his lips, making the holes they occupy wider, and I wince. "We'll see how long you last."**

"Yeah that hasn't worked out the way you thought now. Has it Eric?" Zeke says. He wouldn't dare say something like this to Eric if we weren't in this room but it seems anything can be said here.

 **I mean to say something—to assure him that I will last, maybe—but words fail me. I don't understand why, but I don't want Eric to look at me any longer than he already has. I don't want him to look at me ever again.**

"Smart girl, Tris," Eric says with a smile. His smile looks evil with all the piercings on his face. Now I know why he doesn't smile often, actually I don't think I've ever seen him smile. I hope we don't have to see it again.

 **He taps his fingers against the table. His knuckles are scabbed over, right where they would split if he punched something too hard.**

" **What have you been doing lately, Four?" he asks.**

 **Four lifts a shoulder. "Nothing, really," he says.**

 **Are they friends? My eyes flick between Eric and Four. Everything Eric did—sitting here, asking about Four—suggests that they are, but the way Four sits, tense as pulled wire, suggests they are something else. Rivals, maybe, but how could that be, if Eric is a leader and Four is not?**

" **Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up," Eric says. "He requested that I find out what's going on with you."**

 **Four looks at Eric for a few seconds before saying, "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold."**

" **So he wants to give you a job."**

"Yes I do!" Max shouts. "Just take the bloody job Four."

Everyone is just looking at Max not really knowing what to do. Nobody else makes a comment so Max keeps reading.

 **The rings in Eric's eyebrow catch the light. Maybe Eric perceives Four as a potential threat to his position. My father says that those who want power and get it live in terror of losing it. That's why we have to give power to those who do not want it.**

" **So it would seem," Four says.**

" **And you aren't interested."**

" **I haven't been interested for two years."**

"Bloody waste you being in the control room," Max mumbles.

" **Well," says Eric. "Let's hope he gets the point, then."**

 **He claps Four on the shoulder, a little too hard, and gets up. When he walks away, I slouch immediately. I had not realized that I was so tense.**

" **Are you two...friends?" I say, unable to contain my curiosity.**

" **We were in the same initiate class," he says. "He transferred from Erudite."**

 **All thoughts of being careful around Four leave me. "Were you a transfer too?"**

" **I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions," he says coldly. "Now I've got Stiffs, too?"**

Zeke bursts into laughter. "You really do suck around women Four. How the hell did you end up with someone as nice as Tris after what you said I will never know."

"I'm sure you will get to know," Tori says. "It's sure to be in the book."

" **It must be because you're so approachable," I say flatly. "You know. Like a bed of nails."**

"Oh burn," Uriah calls out and everyone is laughing. Except Tris and I, we are just both blushing badly. I hug her closer to me and whisper, "I like how you stood up to me."

 **He stares at me, and I don't look away. He isn't a dog, but the same rules apply. Looking away is submissive. Looking him in the eye is a challenge. It's my choice.**

 **Heat rushes into my cheeks. What will happen when this tension breaks?**

 **But he just says, "Careful, Tris."**

 **My stomach drops like I just swallowed a stone. A Dauntless member at another table calls out Four's name, and I turn to Christina. She raises both eyebrows.**

" **What?" I ask.**

" **I'm developing a theory."**

" **And it is?"**

 **She picks up her hamburger, grins, and says, "That you have a death wish."**

"I agree," Shauna says. "If we didn't see you two sitting here like this, all lovey dovey. It wouldn't even cross my mind that you two would ever get together."

"Page break," Max tells us.

 **After dinner, Four disappears without a word. Eric leads us down a series of hallways without telling us where we're going. I don't know why a Dauntless leader would be responsible for a group of initiates, but maybe it is just for tonight.**

"Why are you with the initiates Eric?" Zeke asks.

"That would be because some idiot," Eric points to Zeke. "Put a computer virus on the server for the control room and Four had to go and sort out the mess. He almost didn't train the initiates the first day because he was up all night trying to fix the problem."

"Oh yeah," Zeke says, almost embarrassed. I don't think Zeke could ever be completely embarrassed about anything he does. "I forgot about that." There is a small amount of laughter around the room.

 **At the end of each hallway is a blue lamp, but between them it's dark, and I have to be careful not to stumble over uneven ground. Christina walks beside me in silence. No one told us to be quiet, but none of us speak.**

 **Eric stops in front of a wooden door and folds his arms. We gather around him.**

" **For those of you who don't know, my name is Eric," he says. "I am one of five leaders of the Dauntless. We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training."**

 **The thought makes me nauseous. The idea that a Dauntless leader will oversee our initiation is bad enough, but the fact that it's Eric makes it seem even worse.**

"He can't be that bad?" Max asks.

Everyone but Eric and Max are nodding their heads yes.

" **Some ground rules," he says. "You have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You will also get some time off between each stage of initiation."**

 **The phrase "do whatever you like" sticks in my mind. At home, I could never do what I wanted, not even for an evening. I had to think of other people's needs first. I don't even know what I like to do.**

"I think Abnegation parents are selfish," Lynn states. "How can they do this to their kids. It's just not right."

" **You are only permitted to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless," Eric adds. "Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. You will notice that there are ten beds and only nine of you. We anticipated that a higher proportion of you would make it this far."**

" **But we started with twelve," protests Christina. I close my eyes and wait for the reprimand. She needs to learn to stay quiet.**

" **There is always at least one transfer who doesn't make it to the compound," says Eric, picking at his cuticles. He shrugs. "Anyway, in the first stage of initiation, we keep transfers and Dauntless-born initiates separate, but that doesn't mean you are evaluated separately. At the end of initiation, your rankings will be determined in comparison with the Dauntless-born initiates. And they are better than you are already. So I expect—"**

" **Rankings?" asks the mousy-haired Erudite girl to my right. "Why are we ranked?"**

 **Eric smiles, and in the blue light, his smile looks wicked, like it was cut into his face with a knife.**

" **Your ranking serves two purposes," he says. "The first is that it determines the order in which you will select a job after initiation. There are only a few desirable positions available."**

 **My stomach tightens. I know by looking at his smile, like I knew the second I entered the aptitude test room, that something bad is about to happen.**

" **The second purpose," he says, "is that only the top ten initiates are made members."**

 **Pain stabs my stomach. We all stand still as statues. And then Christina says, "What?"**

" **There are eleven Dauntless-borns, and nine of you," Eric continues. "Four initiates will be cut at the end of stage one. The remainder will be cut after the final test."**

 **That means that even if we make it through each stage of initiation, six initiates will not be members. I see Christina look at me from the corner of my eye, but I can't look back at her. My eyes are fixed on Eric and will not move.**

 **My odds, as the smallest initiate, as the only Abnegation transfer, are not good.**

" **What do we do if we're cut?" Peter says.**

" **You leave the Dauntless compound," says Eric indifferently, "and live factionless."**

"That is a stupid rule," Shauna says.

"Not all of the initiates are cut out for Dauntless," Eric tells her. "We need the best."

"Rubbish," Shauna challenges. "There are so many jobs that would suit the weaker ones. Instead of kicking them out you should just give them really shitty jobs."

"Shauna what would happen if there was a war tomorrow?" Max speaks. "If the initiates aren't any good by the end of training then why should we spend more time on them. We need every Dauntless member to be able to be ready at a drop of a hat. Would you want to have to fight along side someone that you knew was weak? Someone who wouldn't be able to have your back if you needed help out in the field? No. You want the best with you."

 **The mousy-haired girl clamps her hand over her mouth and stifles a sob. I remember the factionless man with the gray teeth, snatching the bag of apples from my hands. His dull, staring eyes. But instead of crying, like the Erudite girl, I feel colder. Harder.**

 **I will be a member. I will.**

"See," Eric says. "While all the others are freaking out Tris is deciding that she will do whatever she can to become a member. That is what we want. People who are strong and determined. Most of the initiates who complained are either now factionless or only a few days away from being factionless. This isn't some game people and you all need to realise that."

" **But that's...not fair!" the broad-shouldered Candor girl, Molly, says. Even though**

 **she sounds angry, she looks terrified. "If we had known—"**

" **Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn't have chosen Dauntless?" Eric snaps. "Because if that's the case, you should get out now. If you are really one of us, it won't matter to you that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward."**

 **Eric pushes the door to the dormitory open.**

" **You chose us," he says. "Now we have to choose you."**

"That was all very intense," Marlene whispers.

"Another page break," Max tells us and then starts reading again.

 **I lie in bed and listen to nine people breathing.**

 **I have never slept in the same room as a boy before, but here I have no other option, unless I want to sleep in the hallway.**

"You really love the hallways. Don't you Tris?" Uriah says.

"What?" Christina squeals.

"Calm down Christina," Uriah says moving his hands down for affect.

"Well what do you mean by that?"

"Every time I seem to meet up with Tris she was in some hallway," Uriah tells us.

"Ohhh," Christina says.

 **Everyone else changed into the clothes the Dauntless provided for us, but I sleep in my Abnegation clothes, which still smell like soap and fresh air, like home.**

"Just when I thought you were truly Dauntless," Eric scoffs.

 **I used to have my own room. I could see the front lawn from the window, and beyond it, the foggy skyline. I am used to sleeping in silence.**

 **Heat swells behind my eyes as I think of home, and when I blink, a tear slips out. I cover my mouth to stifle a sob.**

 **I can't cry, not here. I have to calm down.**

 **It will be all right here. I can look at my reflection whenever I want. I can befriend Christina, and cut my hair short, and let other people clean up their own messes.**

"That's right," Christina hollers.

 **My hands shake and the tears come faster now, blurring my vision.**

 **It doesn't matter that the next time I see my parents, on Visiting Day, they will barely recognize me—if they come at all. It doesn't matter that I ache at even a split-second memory of their faces. Even Caleb's, despite how much his secrets hurt me. I match my inhales to the inhales of the other initiates, and my exhales to their exhales. It doesn't matter.**

"But didn't you do the same to Caleb?" Lynn asks.

"I suppose," Tris says. "I never really thought about it like that."

 **A strangled sound interrupts the breathing, followed by a heavy sob. Bed springs squeal as a large body turns, and a pillow muffles the sobs, but not enough. They come from the bunk next to mine—they belong to a Candor boy, Al, the largest and broadest of all the initiates. He is the last person I expected to break down.**

"He was so annoying," Will complains. "I didn't think we were ever going to be able to get a good night sleep."

 **His feet are just inches from my head. I should comfort him—I should want to comfort him, because I was raised that way. Instead I feel disgust. Someone who looks so strong shouldn't act so weak. Why can't he just keep his crying quiet like the rest of us?**

"Should have punched him," Lynn says. Most of the room laughs. Tris is silent. Probably remembering who he was before he turned evil.

 **I swallow hard.**

 **If my mother knew what I was thinking, I know what look she would give me. The corners of her mouth turned down. Her eyebrows set low over her eyes—not scowling, almost tired. I drag the heel of my hand over my cheeks.**

 **Al sobs again. I almost feel the sound grate in my own throat. He is just inches away from me—I should touch him.**

"Yuck, don't touch him," Marlene squirms in her seat.

"Don't like touching boys Mar?" Zeke asks jokingly.

"Please he was a coward. He didn't deserve any sympathy," she says. "I only want to touch real men."

I see Lynn's face screw up like she wants to vomit and look around to see the other girls all nodding their heads in agreement with Marlene. But not Tris, she is still silent.

"Are you okay?" I whisper so she can only hear me.

"Yeah, it's just hard talking about him. He was so sad and just didn't really seem to fit in," Tris whispers back to me. "He shouldn't have done what he did. But maybe if we had helped him it wouldn't have come to that."

She's right but unfortunately there is nothing we can do for him now. It shows what a beautiful person Tris is, that even after what he did to her she can still feel compassion for him. "It wasn't your fault. Don't ever blame yourself for his decisions."

Tris doesn't respond she just holds me closer.

 **No. I put my hand down and roll onto my side, facing the wall. No one has to know that I don't want to help him. I can keep that secret buried. My eyes shut and I feel the pull of sleep, but every time I come close, I hear Al again.**

"Your secrets out now Tris," Zeke says with a smile on his face. Trying to make an awkward situation a little less awkward.

"I wonder what other secrets we will find out about you Tris," Marlene says in a cheerful sing song voice. It is really, irritating.

 **Maybe my problem isn't that I can't go home. I will miss my mother and father and Caleb and evening firelight and the clack of my mother's knitting needles, but that is not the only reason for this hollow feeling in my stomach.**

 **My problem might be that even if I did go home, I wouldn't belong there, among people who give without thinking and care without trying.**

 **The thought makes me grit my teeth. I gather the pillow around my ears to block out Al's crying, and fall asleep with a circle of moisture pressed to my cheek.**

"What a downer," Uriah says. "Let's read another chapter. Hopefully it will get cheerier."

 **MEANWHILE BACK IN THE FACTIONS**

"We can't release the video Marcus," Natalie is almost begging Marcus. "Our children's lives are at risk. The letter said if we agree not to release the video no harm will come to any of the twelve kidnapped. Just because Tobias transferred, you can't tell me that you want anything bad to happen to him."

"Natalie how do we know they won't harm them anyway?" Marcus asks.

"We don't. The video can be shown at any time. Let's give them the two months that they are asking for. Then we can look at releasing the video after. What difference will it make if it is two weeks from now or two months from now?" Natalie states.

"Marcus, Natalie is right. We don't want harm to come to either Beatrice or Tobias. You need to remember there are another ten-people involved. If you can't find it in you to save your own son at least think of the other innocent people," Andrew tries to reason with Marcus.

"Fine, we wait. Andrew, you let the other factions know what we are doing. And I want to go to Dauntless, find out what they are doing to try and bring back the hostages unharmed," Marcus decides.

Natalie and Andrew Prior both let out a sigh, worried sick that their daughter may be in danger. They didn't think they could cope if something were to happen to their youngest. Now they have a chance to save her from whoever has kidnapped the twelve Dauntless.

* * *

"We just got a message from Abnegation," Caleb tells Jeanine as he walks into her office. He never thought such an important person would help to oversee his training. He would do almost anything for the woman in front of him.

"What does the message say Caleb?"

"Abnegation are holding off on releasing a video. They are going to wait until all the Dauntless that have been kidnapped have been returned."

"How very selfless of them. How in the hell did someone orchestrate such an event? Go and tell my driver that I want to leave for Dauntless in ten minutes. I need to get to the bottom of this fiasco," Jeanine demands. Anxious that her two biggest supporters in Dauntless are among the twelve.

Jeanine sits pondering why this has happened and who may be behind it. She knows that Candor and Amity have no idea what is going on. Abnegation couldn't pull off such a feat. That leaves Dauntless. She is going to Dauntless and she is going to find out exactly what happened. Her plans can't go ahead until she has Max and Eric back and under her thumb.

* * *

"Bud," Harrison greets the man as he enters the tattoo parlour.

"I'll be with you in a minute," Bud replies. Once Bud has finished with his customer, he locks the front door and directs Harrison out the back and into Tori's apartment.

"Any news?" Bud asks Harrison.

"The remaining leaders have put me in charge of the investigation. Which is good news. Jeanine Matthews is on her way to Dauntless as we speak and Marcus Eaton has requested a meeting with the remaining leaders. From what I have been told Jeanine is livid with what has happened. The leaders are trying to keep what has happened from the general population of Dauntless. I don't know how long this will last. Have you checked the video feed of where they are staying?"

"They seem to be doing well. They have been reading the books at a steady pace. I don't think we will need to keep them there the full two months," Bud tells Harrison.

"Good. The leaders have put the initiates to work in the kitchens. The Dauntless born have been sent home to their parents while the three transfers that are left have been given an apartment to stay in. They have been told there is a plumbing problem in the dorms. This way it is less conspicuous that some of the initiates are among the missing."

"We will need to watch how we communicate Harrison. We can't afford for them to be found before they have had the chance to see what could become of our city if Jeanine's plan goes ahead," Bud says.

"I know. I just hope it is enough to sway Max and Eric. We just have to make sure that they don't all kill each other before they reach the end of the books," Harrison tells Bud. You can hear the concern in his voice. Worried more for what Eric and Max may do once they are released. Knowing that neither would try anything with so many against them in the apartment they are being held in. "I'll keep you updated when I can."

"Thanks Harrison."

With that the two men separate, hoping that this plan that they have hatched doesn't back fire on them and that the city can be restored to order before the anarchy begins.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

FOUR'S POV

"Who'd like to read? Max asks the group.

"Give it to me," Eric snatches the book out of Max's hand. "Let's try and get this over with quickly."

Does he really think that if he reads it will stop people interrupting to talk about what is going on? He doesn't hold the power here. In this room leadership is outnumbered and it would be better if Eric remembers that. Although he has been easier to deal with here, a lot easier than when he is strutting through the Dauntless compound.

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

" **The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight." Four presses a gun into my palm without looking at me and keeps walking. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that."**

"Oh, this is when Peter," Christina starts to laugh.

"That was so funny," Will chimes in.

I can't help but smile, it was really funny. Tris is laughing next to me.

"Shush," Eric hisses.

"Did you just say 'shush?'" Zeke asks Eric trying not to laugh. Which just makes his face warp into a really funny face and now everyone is laughing.

"QUIET!" Eric shouts.

The room goes deadly quiet for about three seconds and then we all start laughing, including Max.

"Shush," Zeke says putting a finger to his lips and then rolling around on the lounge he is on.

THUMP! Zeke has just rolled off the lounge onto the floor, this has tears flowing from all the girls eyes as they laugh so hard.

Eric stands up, throws the book onto the coffee table and storms out of the room. More laughter ensues.

Once we have all calmed down Uriah speaks. "Someone should go and find Eric. We can't read without him here."

"I'll go," Max says and leaves the room.

We all just sit quietly waiting for Eric and Max to return. I think we are all frightened that if we start talking to one another we will burst into laughter again and never finish reading the chapter.

A few minutes later Eric and Max walk back in and resume their seats. Eric picks the book back up and continues to read.

 **I shouldn't be surprised that the Dauntless expect us to hit the ground running, but I anticipated more than six hours of rest before the running began. My body is still heavy from sleep.**

"It would have been longer if it wasn't for Al," Christina mumbles.

No one responds as Eric has sent a death glare Christina's way.

" **Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time."**

 **I stare at the weapon in my hand. Never in my life did I expect to hold a gun, let alone fire one. It feels dangerous to me, as if just by touching it, I could hurt someone.**

" **We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," says Four. "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."**

" **But what..." Peter yawns through his words. "What does firing a gun have to do with ...bravery?"**

 **Four flips the gun in his hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth.**

" **Wake. Up," Four snaps. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."**

"Yeah. Go Four!" Lynn shouts across the room. Hoots and hollers come from all the Dauntless-borns. I just shake my head a little. I hate having this much attention on me in this situation.

"You put a loaded gun to an initiates head?" Eric asks.

"Yeah, I did."

"There's hope for you yet," Eric says with a sly smile. I just shake my head.

 **He lowers the gun. Once the immediate threat is gone, Peter's green eyes harden. I'm surprised he can stop himself from responding, after speaking his mind all his life in Candor, but he does, his cheeks red.**

" **And to answer your question...you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." Four stops walking at the end of the row and turns on his heel. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me."**

 **He faces the wall with the targets on it—one square of plywood with three red circles on it for each of us. He stands with his feet apart, holds the gun in both hands, and fires. The bang is so loud it hurts my ears. I crane my neck to look at the target. The bullet went through the middle circle.**

 **I turn to my own target. My family would never approve of me firing a gun. They would say that guns are used for self-defense, if not violence, and therefore they are self-serving.**

"I bet they would be happy for you to use it if it came down to you or some factionless scum," Lynn says.

 **I push my family from my mind, set my feet shoulder-width apart, and delicately wrap both hands around the handle of the gun. It's heavy and hard to lift away from my body, but I want it to be as far from my face as possible. I squeeze the trigger, hesitantly at first and then harder, cringing away from the gun. The sound hurts my ears and the recoil sends my hands back, toward my nose. I stumble, pressing my hand to the wall behind me for balance. I don't know where my bullet went, but I know it's not near the target.**

 **I fire again and again and again, and none of the bullets come close.**

" **Statistically speaking," the Erudite boy next to me—his name is Will—says, grinning at me, "you should have hit the target at least once by now, even by accident." He is blond, with shaggy hair and a crease between his eyebrows.**

"That's the only description I get?" Will asks. Tris just shrugs at him.

" **Is that so," I say without inflection.**

" **Yeah," he says. "I think you're actually defying nature."**

 **I grit my teeth and turn toward the target, resolving to at least stand still. If I can't master the first task they give us, how will I ever make it through stage one?**

 **I squeeze the trigger, hard, and this time I'm ready for the recoil. It makes my hands jump back, but my feet stay planted. A bullet hole appears at the edge of the target, and I raise an eyebrow at Will.**

" **So you see, I'm right. The stats don't lie," he says.**

 **I smile a little.**

 **It takes me five rounds to hit the middle of the target, and when I do, a rush of energy goes through me. I am awake, my eyes wide open, my hands warm. I lower the gun. There is power in controlling something that can do so much damage—in controlling something, period.**

 **Maybe I do belong here.**

"Of course you do," Uriah says with a huge smile on his face.

"Page break," Eric says.

 **By the time we break for lunch, my arms throb from holding up the gun and my fingers are hard to straighten. I massage them on my way to the dining hall. Christina invites Al to sit with us. Every time I look at him, I hear his sobs again, so I try not to look at him.**

 **I move my peas around with my fork, and my thoughts drift back to the aptitude tests. When Tori warned me that being Divergent was dangerous, I felt like it was branded on my face, and if I so much as turned the wrong way, someone would see it. So far it hasn't been a problem, but that doesn't make me feel safe. What if I let my guard down and something terrible happens?**

" **Oh, come on. You don't remember me?" Christina asks Al as she makes a sandwich. "We were in Math together just a few days ago. And I am not a quiet person."**

" **I slept through Math most of the time," Al replies. "It was first hour!"**

"I think he slept through life," Eric snarls.

 **What if the danger doesn't come soon—what if it strikes years from now and I never see it coming?**

" **Tris," says Christina. She snaps her fingers in front of my face. "You in there?"**

" **What? What is it?"**

" **I asked if you remember ever taking a class with me," she says. "I mean, no offense, but I probably wouldn't remember if you did. All the Abnegation looked the same to me. I mean, they still do, but now you're not one of them."**

 **I stare at her. As if I need her to remind me.**

" **Sorry, am I being rude?" she asks. "I'm used to just saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."**

"Not pretty enough to be polite, are you Christina?" Eric says with malice then continues to read.

" **I think that's why our factions don't usually associate with each other," I say, with a short laugh. Candor and Abnegation don't hate each other the way Erudite and Abnegation do, but they avoid each other. Candor's real problem is with Amity. Those who seek peace above all else, they say, will always deceive to keep the water calm.**

" **Can I sit here?" says Will, tapping the table with his finger.**

" **What, you don't want to hang out with your Erudite buddies?" says Christina.**

" **They aren't my buddies," says Will, setting his plate down. "Just because we were in the same faction doesn't mean we get along. Plus, Edward and Myra are dating, and I would rather not be the third wheel."**

 **Edward and Myra, the other Erudite transfers, sit two tables away, so close they bump elbows as they cut their food. Myra pauses to kiss Edward. I watch them carefully. I've only seen a few kisses in my life.**

 **Edward turns his head and presses his lips to Myra's. Air hisses between my teeth, and I look away. Part of me waits for them to be scolded. Another part wonders, with a touch of desperation, what it would feel like to have someone's lips against mine.**

"Oh this is going to be so embarrassing," Tris groans and tries to hide her face on my chest.

" **Do they have to be so public?" I say.**

" **She just kissed him." Al frowns at me. When he frowns, his thick eyebrows touch his**

 **eyelashes. "It's not like they're stripping naked."**

" **A kiss is not something you do in public."**

The room burst out in laughter. I want to laugh, I really do. But instead I kiss the top of Tris' head and hug her close to me. Trying to protect her from her own embarrassment.

 **Al, Will, and Christina all give me the same knowing smile.**

" **What?" I say.**

" **Your Abnegation is showing," says Christina. "The rest of us are all right with a little affection in public."**

" **Oh." I shrug. "Well...I guess I'll have to get over it, then."**

"Looks like you have," Zeke says laughing. I can hear Tris groan into my shirt and I can't help but chuckle.

"You're not laughing at me too, are you?" Tris asks me.

"No, just your reaction." Tris just holds me tighter and I have to say I am really enjoying being able to be this close to her.

" **Or you can stay frigid," says Will, his green eyes glinting with mischief. "You know. If you want."**

 **Christina throws a roll at him. He catches it and bites it.**

" **Don't be mean to her," she says. "Frigidity is in her nature. Sort of like being a know-it-all is in yours."**

" **I am not frigid!" I exclaim.**

" **Don't worry about it," says Will. "It's endearing. Look, you're all red."**

 **The comment only makes my face hotter. Everyone else chuckles. I force a laugh and, after a few seconds, it comes naturally.**

 **It feels good to laugh again.**

"Another page break," Eric states.

 **After lunch, Four leads us to a new room. It's huge, with a wood floor that is cracked and creaky and has a large circle painted in the middle. On the left wall is a green board—a chalkboard. My Lower Levels teacher used one, but I haven't seen one since then. Maybe it has something to do with Dauntless priorities: training comes first, technology comes second.**

"Why can't we use some of our Erudite budget to update the technology?" Uriah asks. I think it's a great question to ask. Not that I expect an honest answer from Max or Eric.

"Why waste resources on the training room when we have more important areas that need them?" Max says.

 **Our names are written on the board in alphabetical order. Hanging at three-foot intervals along one end of the room are faded black punching bags.**

 **We line up behind them and Four stands in the middle, where we can all see him.**

" **As I said this morning," says Four, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges —which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless."**

 **I can't even think of life as a Dauntless. All I can think about is making it through initiation.**

" **We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other," says Four. "So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt."**

 **Four names a few different punches, demonstrating each one as he does, first against the air and then against the punching bag.**

 **I catch on as we practice. Like with the gun, I need a few tries to figure out how to hold myself and how to move my body to make it look like his. The kicks are more difficult, though he only teaches us the basics. The punching bag stings my hands and feet, turning my skin red, and barely moves no matter how hard I hit it. All around me is the sound of skin hitting tough fabric.**

 **Four wanders through the crowd of initiates, watching us as we go through the movements again. When he stops in front of me, my insides twist like someone's stirring them with a fork. He stares at me, his eyes following my body from my head to my feet, not lingering anywhere—a practical, scientific gaze.**

"Sure it was," Shauna hums.

I can feel my cheeks getting flushed.

" **You don't have much muscle," he says, "which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them."**

 **Suddenly he presses a hand to my stomach. His fingers are so long that, though the heel of his hand touches one side of my rib cage, his fingertips still touch the other side. My heart pounds so hard my chest hurts, and I stare at him, wide-eyed.**

" **Never forget to keep tension here," he says in a quiet voice.**

 **Four lifts his hand and keeps walking. I feel the pressure of his palm even after he's gone. It's strange, but I have to stop and breathe for a few seconds before I can keep practicing again.**

"You two are really meant for each other," Zeke says shaking his head. I don't want to know what he means and I am thankful when Eric continues to read.

 **When Four dismisses us for dinner, Christina nudges me with her elbow.**

" **I'm surprised he didn't break you in half," she says. She wrinkles her nose. "He scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses."**

" **Yeah. He's..." I look over my shoulder at him. He is quiet, and remarkably self- possessed. But I wasn't afraid that he would hurt me. "...definitely intimidating," I finally say.**

"You were intimidated?" I ask Tris, I can feel everyone's eyes on us.

"No. I just didn't know what else to say to Christina," Tris whispers.

"You can't really expect her to say, "Hey Christina, yeah well I'm um well really hot for my instructor," now can you?" Zeke says in a high pitched voice.

"I don't sound like that," Tris complains.

"Maybe not. But you were hot for your instructor," Zeke teases.

Tris starts to blush and mumbles something I can't understand.

 **Al, who was in front of us, turns around once we reach the Pit and announces, "I want to get a tattoo."**

 **From behind us, Will asks, "A tattoo of what?"**

" **I don't know." Al laughs. "I just want to feel like I've actually left the old faction. Stop crying about it." When we don't respond, he adds, "I know you've heard me."**

" **Yeah, learn to quiet down, will you?" Christina pokes Al's thick arm. "I think you're right. We're half in, half out right now. If we want all the way in, we should look the part."**

"Looking the part doesn't make you Dauntless," Eric scoffs.

 **She gives me a look.**

" **No. I will not cut my hair," I say, "or dye it a strange color. Or pierce my face."**

" **How about your bellybutton?" she says.**

" **Or your nipple?" Will says with a snort.**

 **I groan.**

Poor Tris, I just hold her closer to me. I don't think they can understand just how overwhelming all this can be for someone from Abnegation.

 **Now that training is done for the day, we can do whatever we want until it's time to sleep. The idea makes me feel almost giddy, although that might be from fatigue.**

 **The Pit is swarming with people. Christina announces that she and I will meet Al and Will at the tattoo parlor and drags me toward the clothing place. We stumble up the path, climbing higher above the Pit floor, scattering stones with our shoes.**

" **What is wrong with my clothes?" I say. "I'm not wearing gray anymore."**

" **They're ugly and gigantic." She sighs. "Will you just let me help you? If you don't like what I put you in, you never have to wear it again, I promise."**

 **Ten minutes later I stand in front of a mirror in the clothing place wearing a knee- length black dress. The skirt isn't full, but it isn't stuck to my thighs, either—unlike the first one she picked out, which I refused. Goose bumps appear on my bare arms. She slips the tie from my hair and I shake it out of its braid so it hangs wavy over my shoulders.**

 **Then she holds up a black pencil.**

" **Eyeliner," she says.**

" **You aren't going to be able to make me pretty, you know." I close my eyes and hold still. She runs the tip of the pencil along the line of my eyelashes. I imagine standing before my family in these clothes, and my stomach twists like I might be sick.**

" **Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable."**

"And there we have the transformation from Beatrice to Tris ladies and gentlemen," Zeke announces to the room. Sometimes I would just like to punch him.

 **I open my eyes and for the first time stare openly at my own reflection. My heart rate picks up as I do, like I am breaking the rules and will be scolded for it. It will be difficult to break the habits of thinking Abnegation instilled in me, like tugging a single thread from a complex work of embroidery. But I will find new habits, new thoughts, new rules. I will become something else.**

 **My eyes were blue before, but a dull, grayish blue—the eyeliner makes them piercing. With my hair framing my face, my features look softer and fuller. I am not pretty—my eyes are too big and my nose is too long—but I can see that Christina is right. My face is noticeable.**

"Are you serious Tris? You are beautiful?" Shauna tells Tris.

"She's right," I whisper to Tris and I feel her shiver. I like that I have this effect on her.

 **Looking at myself now isn't like seeing myself for the first time; it's like seeing someone else for the first time. Beatrice was a girl I saw in stolen moments at the mirror, who kept quiet at the dinner table. This is someone whose eyes claim mine and don't release me; this is Tris.**

" **See?" she says. "You're...striking."**

 **Under the circumstances, it's the best compliment she could have given me. I smile at her in the mirror.**

" **You like it?" she says.**

" **Yeah." I nod. "I look like...a different person."**

 **She laughs. "That a good thing or a bad thing?"**

 **I look at myself head-on again. For the first time, the idea of leaving my Abnegation identity behind doesn't make me nervous; it gives me hope.**

" **A good thing." I shake my head. "Sorry, I've just never been allowed to stare at my reflection for this long."**

" **Really?" Christina shakes her head. "Abnegation is a strange faction, I have to tell you."**

The whole room is nodding in agreement to Christina's comment.

" **Let's go watch Al get tattooed," I say. Despite the fact that I have left my old faction behind, I don't want to criticize it yet.**

 **At home, my mother and I picked up nearly identical stacks of clothing every six months or so. It's easy to allocate resources when everyone gets the same thing, but everything is more varied at the Dauntless compound. Every Dauntless gets a certain amount of points to spend per month, and the dress costs one of them.**

"Abnegation must be the most dull place to live," Marlene says.

"You have no idea," Tris responds.

 **Christina and I race down the narrow path to the tattoo place. When we get there, Al is sitting in the chair already, and a small, narrow man with more ink than bare skin is drawing a spider on his arm.**

 **Will and Christina flip through books of pictures, elbowing each other when they find a good one. When they sit next to each other, I notice how opposite they are, Christina dark and lean, Will pale and solid, but alike in their easy smiles.**

 **I wander around the room, looking at the artwork on the walls. These days, the only artists are in Amity. Abnegation sees art as impractical, and its appreciation as time that could be spent serving others, so though I have seen works of art in textbooks, I have never been in a decorated room before. It makes the air feel close and warm, and I could get lost here for hours without noticing. I skim the wall with my fingertips. A picture of a hawk on one wall reminds me of Tori's tattoo. Beneath it is a sketch of a bird in flight.**

" **It's a raven," a voice behind me says. "Pretty, right?"**

 **I turn to see Tori standing there. I feel like I am back in the aptitude test room, with the mirrors all around me and the wires connected to my forehead. I didn't expect to see her again.**

" **Well, hello there." She smiles. "Never thought I would see you again. Beatrice, is it?"**

" **Tris, actually," I say. "Do you work here?"**

" **I do. I just took a break to administer the tests. Most of the time I'm here." She taps her chin. "I recognize that name. You were the first jumper, weren't you?"**

" **Yes, I was."**

" **Well done."**

" **Thanks." I touch the sketch of the bird. "Listen—I need to talk to you about..." I glance over at Will and Christina. I can't corner Tori now; they'll ask questions. " ...something. Sometime."**

" **I am not sure that would be wise," she says quietly. "I helped you as much as I could, and now you will have to go it alone."**

"You freak the girl out at the aptitude test and now you want to be all secretive?" Max asks Tori. "You know we are hunting them but you still helped her. What difference would it make now?"

"Well there aren't cameras watching what I say in the testing room. Not like how it is in Dauntless," Tori fires back at Max.

 **I purse my lips. She has answers; I know she does. If she won't give them to me now, I will have to find a way to make her tell me some other time.**

" **Want a tattoo?" she says.**

 **The bird sketch holds my attention. I never intended to get pierced or tattooed when I came here. I know that if I do, it will place another wedge between me and my family that I can never remove. And if my life here continues as it has been, it may soon be the least of the wedges between us.**

 **But I understand now what Tori said about her tattoo representing a fear she overcame—a reminder of where she was, as well as a reminder of where she is now. Maybe there is a way to honor my old life as I embrace my new one.**

" **Yes," I say. "Three of these flying birds."**

 **I touch my collarbone, marking the path of their flight—toward my heart. One for each member of the family I left behind.**

"Chapter over," Eric says as he closes the book. You can hear the relief in his voice. That he is glad that he has got his first chapter out of the way. I suppose every chapter we get done is one step closer to leaving wherever we are.

"That must be the quickest chapter so far," Uriah says.

'Yeah maybe, Eric should read all the chapters," Lynn laughs, probably thinking of Eric's dummy spit at the start of the chapter.

"No thanks," Eric mumbles.

"Do you think anyone is looking for us?" Shauna asks.

"I'm sure of it," Max states. "You can't have two faction leaders go missing without there being an uproar."

"What about the rest of us?" Shauna sounds concerned.

"Well, you are with us, so, there shouldn't be a problem," Eric tells her.

"Where do you think we are?" Uriah asks.

"I have no clue. I tried looking outside the windows but they have been boarded up. We could be anywhere."


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

FOUR'S POV

"Let's do one more chapter and then turn in for the night," Max says.

It has been a long day and I feel like I can still feel the effects of whatever was in that sleeping serum I was given. I hope we can get through the chapter quickly so I can go to bed. Sitting around all day is so tiring.

"I'll read," Shauna says as she gets up and grabs the book that Eric left on the table.

 **CHAPTER NINE**

" **Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," says Four, stepping away from the board in the training room. He gives me a look. The space next to my name is blank.**

 **The knot in my stomach unravels. A reprieve.**

"C'mon Tris, you're more Dauntless than that!" Zeke jokes.

"Maybe now I am," Tris states, "but not then."

" **This isn't good," says Christina, nudging me with her elbow. Her elbow prods one of my sore muscles—I have more sore muscles than not-sore muscles, this morning —and I wince.**

" **Ow."**

" **Sorry," she says. "But look. I'm up against the Tank."**

 **Christina and I sat together at breakfast, and earlier she shielded me from the rest of the dormitory as I changed. I haven't had a friend like her before. Susan was better friends with Caleb than with me, and Robert only went where Susan went.**

 **I guess I haven't really had a friend, period. It's impossible to have real friendship when no one feels like they can accept help or even talk about themselves. That won't happen here. I already know more about Christina than I ever knew about Susan, and it's only been two days.**

"That is so stupid. Everybody needs friends," Marlene sounds exasperated.

And she's right. Maybe if we had been allowed to have friends in Abnegation Marcus wouldn't have gotten away with what he did to me and Evelyn.

" **The Tank?" I find Christina's name on the board. Written next to it is "Molly."**

" **Yeah, Peter's slightly more feminine-looking minion," she says, nodding toward the cluster of people on the other side of the room. Molly is tall like Christina, but that's where the similarities end. She has broad shoulders, bronze skin, and a bulbous nose.**

" **Those three"—Christina points at Peter, Drew, and Molly in turn—"have been inseparable since they crawled out of the womb, practically. I hate them."**

"Did you have any friends in Candor Christina?" Lynn asks.

"Not really. I just didn't fit in there. I know you all think I'm a Candor loud mouth but compared to most the girls there I was really quiet."

I don't want to think about what that means, Christina is enough Candor for me to deal with.

 **Will and Al stand across from each other in the arena. They put their hands up by their faces to protect themselves, as Four taught us, and shuffle in a circle around each other. Al is half a foot taller than Will, and twice as broad. As I stare at him, I realize that even his facial features are big—big nose, big lips, big eyes. This fight won't last long.**

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Tris," Will jests.

"You're welcome Will," Tris quickly retorts back with a smile on her face.

 **I glance at Peter and his friends. Drew is shorter than both Peter and Molly, but he's built like a boulder, and his shoulders are always hunched. His hair is orange-red, the color of an old carrot.**

Zeke and Uriah start laughing. "An old carrot. Tris you have the funniest ways to describe people," Zeke huffs out between breaths.

" **What's wrong with them?" I say.**

" **Peter is pure evil. When we were kids, he would pick fights with people from other factions and then, when an adult came to break it up, he'd cry and make up some story about how the other kid started it. And of course, they believed him, because we were Candor and we couldn't lie. Ha ha."**

"COWARD!" At least half the room all say at the same time.

 **Christina wrinkles her nose and adds, "Drew is just his sidekick. I doubt he has an independent thought in his brain. And Molly...she's the kind of person who fries ants with a magnifying glass just to watch them flail around."**

"Not exactly who we should be letting into Dauntless," Max says, surprising me.

"Molly and Drew are about to fail. They won't become members," Eric says.

 **In the arena, Al punches Will hard in the jaw. I wince. Across the room, Eric smirks at Al, and turns one of the rings in his eyebrow.**

 **Will stumbles to the side, one hand pressed to his face, and blocks Al's next punch with his free hand. Judging by his grimace, blocking the punch is as painful as a blow would have been. Al is slow, but powerful.**

 **Peter, Drew, and Molly cast furtive looks in our direction and then pull their heads together, whispering.**

" **I think they know we're talking about them," I say.**

" **So? They already know I hate them."**

" **They do? How?"**

 **Christina fakes a smile at them and waves. I look down, my cheeks warm. I shouldn't be gossiping anyway. Gossiping is self-indulgent.**

"Tris!" Uriah cries out. "Gossiping can be fun. Stop with ruining all the fun things with these stupid Abnegation thoughts."

"He's right Tris," Shauna tells Tris. Shauna has become warmer towards Tris as the day goes on. I thought they were starting to become friends after their day zip-lining. I hope that this whole Divergent thing doesn't stop that.

 **Will hooks a foot around one of Al's legs and yanks back, knocking Al to the ground. Al scrambles to his feet.**

"Go Will," Zeke cheers him on. "You shouldn't have let him get back up though."

I don't understand how Zeke is able to joke in one sentence and then become so serious in the next. It is truly a gift I will never have.

" **Because I've told them," she says, through the gritted teeth of her smile. Her teeth are straight on top and crooked on the bottom. She looks at me. "We try to be pretty honest about our feelings in Candor. Plenty of people have told me that they don't like me. And plenty of people haven't. Who cares?"**

" **We just...weren't supposed to hurt people," I say.**

" **I like to think I'm helping them by hating them," she says. "I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind."**

"Imagine telling all the people you didn't like how you felt about them?" Lynn ponders.

"I'm pretty sure you don't need to tell us Lynn. You make it pretty obvious," Tris tells Lynn.

I wonder what happened between the two of them. I'll have to try and remember to ask Tris later.

"I don't hate you Stiff," Lynn says.

"The way you say it is so reassuring Lynn," Tris states.

Lynn just shrugs. I think that's the best outcome we can get out of that conversation. Lynn comes across as hard but she isn't as tough as she makes out. I only know this from being friends with her sister. She is defensive but once you get to know her she is extremely loyal and protective of her friends and family.

 **I laugh a little at that and focus on the arena again. Will and Al face each other for a few more seconds, more hesitant than they were before. Will flicks his pale hair from his eyes. They glance at Four like they're waiting for him to call the fight off, but he stands with his arms folded, giving no response. A few feet away from him, Eric checks his watch.**

"It's even more boring reading about it, than it was watching it," Eric even sounds bored.

 **After a few seconds of circling, Eric shouts, "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap-time? Fight each other!"**

Everyone starts laughing. Shauna shouted the words out in an imitation of Eric's voice.

"I don't sound like that," Eric snaps.

"Just a little bit," Max says with a smile on his face.

Eric does not look happy right now.

" **But..." Al straightens, letting his hands down, and says, "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"**

" **It ends when one of you is unable to continue," says Eric.**

" **According to Dauntless rules," Four says, "one of you could also concede."**

 **Eric narrows his eyes at Four. "According to the old rules," he says. "In the new rules, no one concedes."**

" **A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," Four replies.**

" **A brave man never surrenders."**

"Lucky those weren't the rules when you went through initiation Eric," Zeke reminding Eric in an ever so subtle way that I kicked his ass.

"I may have got my ass handed to me. BUT! I. Did. Not. Concede. Ever!"

The room has become quiet tense. I hope Shauna starts reading again soon.

 **Four and Eric stare at each other for a few seconds. I feel like I am looking at two different kinds of Dauntless—the honorable kind, and the ruthless kind. But even I know that in this room, it's Eric, the youngest leader of the Dauntless, who has the authority.**

 **Beads of sweat dot Al's forehead; he wipes them with the back of his hand.**

" **This is ridiculous," Al says, shaking his head. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"**

" **Oh, you think it's going to be that easy?" Will asks, grinning. "Go on. Try to hit me, slowpoke."**

 **Will puts his hands up again. I see determination in Will's eyes that wasn't there before. Does he really believe he can win? One hard shot to the head and Al will knock him out cold.**

 **That is, if he can actually hit Will. Al tries a punch, and Will ducks, the back of his neck shining with sweat. He dodges another punch, slipping around Al and kicking him hard in the back. Al lurches forward and turns.**

"Are all the transfers fights like this?" Lynn asks.

"You soon see who is going to make a worth while member or not," Eric says. "It's not just the ones who are good or win their fights. It's the ones who keep getting up even when they know they are going to lose. They also seem to do better in their fear sims for some reason."

Why is it that I feel like he is speaking directly about Tris right now? It doesn't help that everyone has turned to look in Tris' direction either.

"What?" Tris asks the room.

"He's talking about you," Shauna says.

"No. It's just a general statement," Tris says.

I squeeze Tris' hand a little tighter just to reassure her that I am here for her and not worry about what Shauna is saying. Although it is unsettling a few hours ago Eric was telling me he will kill her once we are out of here and now he is showing admiration for her.

"So, are all the transfers fights like that one?" Lynn asks again.

"No," I simply say, then nod to Shauna to just start reading again.

 **When I was younger, I read a book about grizzly bears. There was a picture of one standing on its hind legs with its paws outstretched, roaring. That is how Al looks now. He charges at Will, grabbing his arm so he can't slip away, and punches him hard in the jaw.**

 **I watch the light leave Will's eyes, which are pale green, like celery. They roll back into his head, and all the tension falls from his body. He slips from Al's grasp, dead weight, and crumples to the floor. Cold rushes down my back and fills my chest.**

 **Al's eyes widen, and he crouches next to Will, tapping his cheek with one hand. The room falls silent as we wait for Will to respond. For a few seconds, he doesn't, just lies on the ground with an arm bent beneath him. Then he blinks, clearly dazed.**

"KO'd!" Zeke shouts.

" **Get him up," Eric says. He stares with greedy eyes at Will's fallen body, like the sight is a meal and he hasn't eaten in weeks. The curl of his lip is cruel.**

"It's all very descriptive Tris," Marlene states.

 **Four turns to the chalkboard and circles Al's name. Victory.**

" **Next up—Molly and Christina!" shouts Eric. Al pulls Will's arm across his shoulders and drags him out of the arena.**

 **Christina cracks her knuckles. I would wish her luck, but I don't know what good that would do. Christina isn't weak, but she's much narrower than Molly. Hopefully her height will help her.**

"Yeah, right," I hear Christina mumble.

I wasn't there for her fight. I know she lost but that's all. Sounds like there could be more to it.

 **Across the room, Four supports Will from the waist and leads him out. Al stands for a moment by the door, watching them go.**

 **Four leaving makes me nervous. Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.**

Eric bursts out laughing. We all look at him like he is crazy.

"What?" He asks. "I think that is perfect description of how I feel watching the transfers."

Everyone just sits here not moving, I think we are all too stunned at Eric's reaction. I would have thought he would have been completely pissed at what Tris had thought.

 **Christina tucks her hair behind her ears. It is chin-length, black, and pinned back with silver clips. She cracks another knuckle. She looks nervous, and no wonder—who wouldn't be nervous after watching Will collapse like a rag doll?**

 **If conflict in Dauntless ends with only one person standing, I am unsure of what this part of initiation will do to me. Will I be Al, standing over a man's body, knowing I'm the one who put him on the ground, or will I be Will, lying in a helpless heap? And is it selfish of me to crave victory, or is it brave? I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.**

"Brave," Uriah, Lynn and Marlene all call out at the same time and then laugh.

 **I snap to attention when Christina kicks Molly in the side. Molly gasps and grits her teeth like she's about to growl through them. A lock of stringy black hair falls across her face, but she doesn't brush it away.**

 **Al stands next to me, but I'm too focused on the new fight to look at him, or congratulate him on winning, assuming that's what he wants. I am not sure.**

"I wish you hadn't become friends with him," I whisper to Tris.

"Me too," she replies.

 **Molly smirks at Christina, and without warning, dives, hands outstretched, at Christina's midsection. She hits her hard, knocking her down, and pins her to the ground. Christina thrashes, but Molly is heavy and doesn't budge.**

 **She punches, and Christina moves her head out of the way, but Molly just punches again, and again, until her fist hits Christina's jaw, her nose, her mouth. Without thinking, I grab Al's arm and squeeze it as tightly as I can. I just need something to hold on to. Blood runs down the side of Christina's face and splatters on the ground next to her cheek. This is the first time I have ever prayed for someone to fall unconscious.**

 **But she doesn't. Christina screams and drags one of her arms free. She punches Molly in the ear, knocking her off-balance, and wriggles free. She comes to her knees, holding her face with one hand. The blood streaming from her nose is thick and dark and covers her fingers in seconds. She screams again and crawls away from Molly. I can tell by the heaving of her shoulders that she's sobbing, but I can barely hear her over the throbbing in my ears.**

 _ **Please go unconscious.**_

 **Molly kicks Christina's side, sending her sprawling on her back. Al frees his hand and pulls me tight to his side.**

I hate the thought of Al holding her so closely. I'm glad I wasn't there to witness it.

 **I clench my teeth to keep from crying out. I had no sympathy for Al the first night, but I am not cruel yet; the sight of Christina clutching her rib cage makes me want to stand between her and Molly.**

" **Stop!" wails Christina as Molly pulls her foot back to kick again. She holds out a hand. "Stop! I'm..." She coughs. "I'm done."**

"Oh no," Lynn groans.

 **Molly smiles, and I sigh with relief. Al sighs too, his rib cage lifting and falling against my shoulder.**

 **Eric walks toward the center of the arena, his movements slow, and stands over Christina with his arms folded. He says quietly, "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?"**

Oh no, I think.

 **Christina pushes herself to her knees. When she takes her hand from the ground, it leaves a red handprint behind. She pinches her nose to stop the bleeding and nods.**

" **Get up," he says. If he had yelled, I might not have felt like everything inside my stomach was about to come out of it. If he had yelled, I would have known that the yelling was the worst he planned to do. But his voice is quiet and his words precise. He grabs Christina's arm, yanks her to her feet, and drags her out the door.**

" **Follow me," he says to the rest of us. And we do.**

"Page break thingy," Shauna tells us.

"Who cares? Just tell us what happens next," Zeke says. He is sitting on the edge of his seat.

 **I feel the roar of the river in my chest.**

 **We stand near the railing. The Pit is almost empty; it is the middle of the afternoon, though it feels like it's been night for days.**

 **If there were people around, I doubt any of them would help Christina. We are with Eric, for one thing, and for another, the Dauntless have different rules—rules that brutality does not violate.**

 **Eric shoves Christina against the railing.**

" **Climb over it," he says.**

" **What?" She says it like she expects him to relent, but her wide eyes and ashen face suggest otherwise. Eric will not back down.**

You have got to be kidding me. Is he serious? These questions and a lot more start swirling in my head. I should never have left them alone with him.

" **Climb over the railing," says Eric again, pronouncing each word slowly. "If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation."**

Gasps fill the room. "Don't you think that is a little extreme?" Max asks Eric.

"How will they learn if we don't use extreme examples? Do you think a factionless will stop trying to kill you if you ask them to stop? No, they would go straight in for the kill. Did anyone else concede a fight after this? No. Fights don't stop just because someone has had enough, it could cost you your life or the lives of the people you are with. We are the protectors of this city. Dauntless don't give up," Eric declares.

We don't respond. I understand what he is talking about but I still hate to see how he demonstrated it.

 **The railing is narrow and made of metal. The spray from the river coats it, making it slippery and cold. Even if Christina is brave enough to hang from the railing for five minutes, she may not be able to hold on. Either she decides to be factionless, or she risks death.**

 **When I close my eyes, I imagine her falling onto the jagged rocks below and shudder.**

" **Fine," she says, her voice shaking.**

 **She is tall enough to swing her leg over the railing. Her foot shakes. She puts her toe on the ledge as she lifts her other leg over. Facing us, she wipes her hands on her pants and holds on to the railing so hard her knuckles turn white. Then she takes one foot off the ledge. And the other. I see her face between the bars of the barrier, determined, her lips pressed together.**

 **Next to me, Al sets his watch.**

 **For the first minute and a half, Christina is fine. Her hands stay firm around the railing and her arms don't shake. I start to think she might make it and show Eric how foolish he was to doubt her.**

You could hear a pin drop in the room, everyone is on the edge of their seats. Even Tris and she was there that day.

 **But then the river hits the wall, and white water sprays against Christina's back. Her face strikes the barrier, and she cries out. Her hands slip so she's just holding on by her fingertips. She tries to get a better grip, but now her hands are wet.**

 **If I help her, Eric would make my fate the same as hers. Will I let her fall to her death, or will I resign myself to being factionless? What's worse: to be idle while someone dies, or to be exiled and empty-handed?**

 **My parents would have no problem answering that question.**

 **But I am not my parents.**

 **As far as I know, Christina hasn't cried since we got here, but now her face crumples and she lets out a sob that is louder than the river. Another wave hits the wall and the spray coats her body. One of the droplets hits my cheek. Her hands slip again, and this time, one of them falls from the railing, so she's hanging by four fingertips.**

" **Come on, Christina," says Al, his low voice surprisingly loud. She looks at him. He claps. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it."**

 **Would I even be strong enough to hold on to her? Would it be worth my effort to try to help her if I know I'm too weak to do any good?**

 **I know what those questions are: excuses.** _ **Human reason can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important that we don't rely on it.**_ **My father's words.**

 **Christina swings her arm, fumbling for the railing. No one else cheers her on, but Al brings his big hands together and shouts, his eyes holding hers. I wish I could; I wish I could move, but I just stare at her and wonder how long I have been this disgustingly selfish.**

 **I stare at Al's watch. Four minutes have passed. He elbows me hard in the shoulder.**

" **Come on," I say. My voice is a whisper. I clear my throat. "One minute left," I say, louder this time. Christina's other hand finds the railing again. Her arms shake so hard I wonder if the earth is quaking beneath me, jiggling my vision, and I just didn't notice.**

" **Come on, Christina," Al and I say, and as our voices join, I believe I might be strong enough to help her.**

 **I will help her. If she slips again, I will.**

 **Another wave of water splashes against Christina's back, and she shrieks as both her hands slip off the railing. A scream launches from my mouth. It sounds like it belongs to someone else.**

 **But she doesn't fall. She grabs the bars of the barrier. Her fingers slide down the metal until I can't see her head anymore; they are all I see.**

 **Al's watch reads 5:00.**

" **Five minutes are up," he says, almost spitting the words at Eric.**

 **Eric checks his own watch. Taking his time, tilting his wrist, all while my stomach twists and I can't breathe. When I blink, I see Rita's sister on the pavement below the train tracks, limbs bent at strange angles; I see Rita screaming and sobbing; I see myself turning away.**

" **Fine," Eric says. "You can come up, Christina."**

 **Al walks toward the railing.**

" **No," Eric says. "She has to do it on her own."**

" **No, she doesn't," Al growls. "She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said."**

 **Eric doesn't respond. Al reaches over the railing, and he's so tall that he can reach Christina's wrist. She grabs his forearm. Al pulls her up, his face red with frustration, and I run forward to help. I'm too short to do much good, as I suspected, but I grip Christina under the shoulder once she's high enough, and Al and I haul her over the barrier. She drops to the ground, her face still blood-smeared from the fight, her back soaking wet, her body quivering.**

 **I kneel next to her. Her eyes lift to mine, then shift to Al, and we all catch our breath together.**

"That was intense," Zeke gasps between breaths. You would think he had just run a mile. But that is probably how we were all feeling as we listened to the event recounted.

"And that's the end of the chapter," Shauna says shutting the book and putting it back on the table.

"I think that's enough for one day. Four lock the book up. We can't have anyone reading ahead. Let's try and get some rest so we can start this all over again tomorrow," Max says. It's probably the only time today that he has acted like a leader and probably the only time we would have listened to him.

"Come on," I offer a hand to Tris and pull her up from the couch. I grab the book and the box with the other books in it and we walk hand in hand back to our room.

* * *

"I need a shower," Tris states.

"Go ahead. I'll have one when you are finished," I tell her.

While Tris is in the shower I think about everything that is happening at the moment. I wonder if I am on the list of people that will die by the end of the story or worse will it be Tris. Maybe if it's both of us then we would at least be together. I knew something was going on between the Dauntless leaders and Erudite, I just haven't worked out what it is yet. I suppose over the next few days or weeks I am going to find out.

Tris walks up and stand in front of me as I'm sitting on the bed. "Are you okay? You looked a million miles away," she says.

"Yeah. I mean no, I was just thinking about the letter and who dies and what happens. Just a lot of things floating around my brain," I say. Also, there are things I need to tell her. I just don't know how. There is so much going on and I don't want to overwhelm her. I don't want to worry her with the thoughts that I'm worried for her.

"I better have a shower." I go to get up but Tris stops me. "What?" I ask, it is barely a whisper. Being alone with her and this close. It has me in a bit of a spin.

"Kiss me," she whispers. I don't need to be told twice. I quickly wrap my arms around her and press my lips to hers. I love the feeling of my lips on hers, of being able to wrap my arms around her small body. To feel her pressed against me.

We pull away and we stare into each other's eyes. Breathless, foreheads touching. I have never felt like this before. "I better go shower," I say. I leave out the bit about needing a cold shower. I don't think she needs to hear that. "Okay," she whispers. I give her a quick peck on the lips and quickly move toward the shower. I don't need her to see the desire she has stirred in me. Being from Abnegation I'm not sure how she will react and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me. I have no idea what I'm doing, I just hope I don't make a mess of this.

* * *

"Nice shirt," I say as I walk out of the bathroom. Tris is sitting on the edge of the bed in one of my t-shirts. I can't see if she is wearing anything underneath it, as it is so long on her. God I hope she is wearing something underneath it. Damn I need to stop looking at her, her legs are bare. Stop staring Tobias, I scold myself in my mind.

"I think so," Tris says. Although the words breath confidence, I can see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"You definitely look better in it than I do," I say with a smile.

"I doubt that," Tris mumbles.

I walk over to her, standing in front of her I lift her chin so she is staring into my eyes. "Trust me you do," I say.

"Um, what side of the bed do you, um, want?" Tris asks nervously.

"I can sleep on the floor, if that would make you feel more comfortable."

"No!" Tris almost shouts. I'm taken aback a little. I didn't' think she would feel comfortable being in bed with me. "I mean, we woke up together this morning. So it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before. I, I—"

"It's okay Tris. I don't mind," I say.

"No, please Tobias. I'm going to feel safer with you in bed." She pauses for a moment and then sighs. I can feel how nervous she is. "It's not just that. I want to be close to you."

"I want to be close to you to Tris," I whisper. She stands up and just hugs me, I wrap my arms around her and can't help but breath in her scent, it's intoxicating.

I pull away slightly and ask, "which side of the bed do you want?"

"I don't know. I've never slept next to someone before, except for last night and that wasn't really a choice. I haven't even been in a bed this big before. Look how big it is," Tris says and I can't help but chuckle at her.

"Why don't we start by sleeping on the same sides as last night. If we don't like it we can swap," I say. This is all a little overwhelming for me.

"Okay."

We get into bed, the lights are out and we are lying there when Tris asks, "is this all overwhelming for you? It probably isn't, you've probably dated lots of girls. Had lots of girls."

"Tris," I say a little harshly. Wanting her to stop rambling about my so called conquests. "Tris," I say more gently. "You were my first kiss."

"What? No. Really?" she pauses for a moment. "But look at you. You must have Dauntless women throwing themselves at you. Even Marlene was flirting when we had capture the flag."

"You saw that? It happens sometimes," I say. I don't want to tell her that it happens a lot, I don't think it would make her feel any more comfortable knowing this. "I didn't notice any of them. It wasn't until you fell from the sky that I felt anything really."

"It's like you woke me up when you landed. I don't know how to explain it." I'm glad the lights are out otherwise Tris would see the red staining my cheeks from my admission.

"I don't understand why it would be me. But I understand it. When you grabbed my hand there was this spark," Tris quietly tells me, like it's a secret.

"Exactly."

"Do you think all couples feel that?" She asks.

"I don't know. When I first came to Dauntless, Zeke kept trying to get me to go on double dates with him." I start to laugh a bit at the memory. "I think the longest my date lasted was five minutes. I don't have any experience with this. I think we are going to be learning about this together."

"Together, I like that idea."

"Me too," I say with a smile. I know she can't see it but I'm sure you can hear it in my voice. "Now let's try and get some sleep. I am exhausted."

"Tobias, you said earlier that there was something you wanted to tell me when we were alone."

"I did. Do you remember my mother dying?" I ask her.

"Vaguely. I think it's the only memory I have of you as a child," she says.

"Well, um, she didn't die."

"What do you mean?" I can hear the shock in her voice.

"She faked her death and went and lived factionless."

"She left you alone with that monster? Why would she leave you there? How could she?" Tris is really upset, she has sat up in bed and is breathing quicker.

"Tris calm down," I say.

"How are you so calm Tobias. I can't believe that she could have protected you and she didn't. I can't believe she would let you endure all that you did." I hear a sob come from Tris.

I sit up and wrap my arms around her. "It's okay Tris."

"Tobias it's not. I hate knowing that it could have been avoided. I hate knowing that I was so close and didn't know. That I couldn't have helped you. I just feel so helpless about it and knowing that _she_ could have stopped this just makes me angry."

"Thank you," I whisper into her hair.

"For what?"

"For caring. You are the first person since my mother faked her death to care."

"Tobias your friends care, they care about you a lot. I know they don't know what I know but they love you too."

"Yeah I know. But it's not the same thing." I can't let her go, I want to stay like this all night. Forever even.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

FOUR'S POV

"Come on lovebirds," Zeke shouts as he bangs on our bedroom door. "Get up!"

I open my eyes to find that I can't move because Tris' head is lying on my chest and her leg is hitched over mine. She starts to stir and as her eyes flutter open I can see there is confusion on her face. It quickly changes and she looks up at me. "Hi," I say.

"Hi. Um, sorry," she says and goes to move.

"Don't," I whisper and I put my arms around her. I didn't have a nightmare last night. It must be the first time ever that I have slept through the whole night.

She leans her head back on my chest and puts her arm back around me. I could get used to this.

"If you're not out here in ten seconds I'm braking the door down," Zeke yells.

"Go away," I shout back and Tris giggles.

"Leave them be," I hear Shauna tell Zeke.

"Oh Shauna," Zeke whines. "But it's fun, I can finally tease him about having a girlfriend."

"Yeah and he can beat you to death with one hand tied behind his back. Back off and leave them alone."

"Fine," I hear Zeke huff. "You have ten minutes," he then shouts through the door and we can hear them walk away.

"We better get up," I say to Tris.

* * *

We finish breakfast and all make our way back into the lounge room. Taking the same seats as the day before and we get ready for a day of lying around. Not something any of us are used to being Dauntless. Even the initiates.

"I'll read," Lynn says as I hand her the book. She quickly finds where we were up to yesterday and starts to read.

 **CHAPTER TEN**

 **That night I dream that Christina hangs from the railing again, by her toes this time, and someone shouts that only someone who is Divergent can help her. So I run forward to pull her up, but someone shoves me over the edge, and I wake before I hit the rocks.**

"I'm so glad I'm not in your head Tris," Zeke says shaking his head.

"So am I Zeke," Tris laughs.

 **Sweat-soaked and shaky from the dream, I walk to the girls' bathroom to shower and change. When I come back, the word "Stiff" is spray-painted across my mattress in red. The word is written smaller along the bed frame, and again on my pillow. I look around, my heart pounding with anger.**

 **Peter stands behind me, whistling as he fluffs his pillow. It's hard to believe I could hate someone who looks so kind—his eyebrows turn upward naturally, and he has a wide, white smile.**

" **Nice decorations," he says.**

" **Did I do something to you that I'm unaware of?" I demand. I grab the corner of a sheet and yank it away from the mattress. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we are in the same faction now."**

" **I don't know what you're referring to," he says lightly. Then he glances at me. "And you and I will** _ **never**_ **be in the same faction."**

"Can we just kill him?" Lynn asks. "That wasn't in the book, I'm just wondering."

Most people start to laugh. "I don't think that would be a good idea Lynn," Max scolds.

"Just a thought," Lynn says with a shrug.

 **I shake my head as I remove my pillowcase from the pillow.** _ **Don't get angry.**_ **He wants to get a rise out of me; he won't. But every time he fluffs his pillow, I think about punching him in the gut.**

Me too, I think. I hate that guy.

 **Al walks in, and I don't even have to ask him to help me; he just walks over and strips bedding with me. I will have to scrub the bed frame later. Al carries the stack of sheets to the trash can and together we walk toward the training room.**

How did he end up the person he did in the end? A question I will never have answered.

" **Ignore him," Al says. "He's an idiot, and if you don't get angry, he'll stop eventually."**

" **Yeah." I touch my cheeks. They are still warm with an angry blush. I try to distract myself. "Did you talk to Will?" I ask quietly. "After...you know."**

" **Yeah. He's fine. He isn't angry." Al sighs. "Now I'll always be remembered as the first guy who knocked someone out cold."**

" **There are worse ways to be remembered. At least they won't antagonize you."**

" **There are better ways too." He nudges me with his elbow, smiling. "First jumper."**

"First Jumper Tris," Zeke yells across the room. Of course we all laugh at his silliness.

 **Maybe I was the first jumper, but I suspect that's where my Dauntless fame begins and ends.**

 **I clear my throat. "One of you had to get knocked out, you know. If it hadn't been him, it would have been you."**

" **Still, I don't want to do it again." Al shakes his head, too many times, too fast. He sniffs. "I really don't."**

 **We reach the door to the training room and I say, "But you have to."**

 **He has a kind face. Maybe he is too kind for Dauntless.**

"He was never going to make it," I say.

"Finally something we can agree on," Eric responds.

 **I look at the chalkboard when I walk in. I didn't have to fight yesterday, but today I definitely will. When I see my name, I stop in the middle of the step.**

 **My opponent is Peter.**

"Who would do that?" Shauna says shocked but looking directly at me.

"Who do you think?" I reply sarcastically. As if I would do that.

"It was me," Eric says sitting tall, pride dripping from every word.

"Figures," Shauna mumbles

" **Oh no," says Christina, who shuffles in behind us. Her face is bruised, and she looks like she is trying not to limp. When she sees the board, she crumples the muffin wrapper she is holding into her fist. "Are they serious? They're really going to make** _ **you**_ **fight** _ **him**_ **?"**

"Are you sure you're cut out for Dauntless Christina?" Eric asks. "You haven't seemed to caught on to why we do these things."

Christina looks away face flushed with embarrassment.

 **Peter is almost a foot taller than I am, and yesterday, he beat Drew in less than five minutes. Today Drew's face is more black-and-blue than flesh-toned.**

" **Maybe you can just take a few hits and pretend to go unconscious," suggests Al. "No one would blame you."**

"He is such a fucking coward," Eric rants

" **Yeah," I say. "Maybe."**

 **I stare at my name on the board. My cheeks feel hot. Al and Christina are just trying to help, but the fact that they don't believe, not even in a tiny corner of their minds, that I have a chance against Peter bothers me.**

"Why would it bother you Tris?" Christina asks.

"I still have to fight him no matter what. But you and Al never tried to give me any encouragement. I know I didn't have much chance of beating him but I was never going to give up and it felt like you and Al had already given up on me."

Eric stands up and starts clapping. "The type of person I have been told is dangerous to the faction system and she actually is the only transfer who seems to get what Dauntless is about. I might not like you Tris but I respect your attitude."

This is a strange turn of events and it worries me. I see Will and Christina whispering between themselves. I am too far away to hear what they are saying but neither looks happy at what is transpiring in the room right now. I also see Christina eyeing Tris off.

 **I stand at the side of the room, half listening to Al and Christina's chatter, and watch Molly fight Edward. He's much faster than she is, so I'm sure Molly will not win today.**

 **As the fight goes on and my irritation fades, I start to get nervous. Four told us yesterday to exploit our opponent's weaknesses, and aside from his utter lack of likable qualities, Peter doesn't have any. He's tall enough to be strong but not so big that he's slow; he has an eye for other people's soft spots; he's vicious and won't show me any mercy. I would like to say that he underestimates me, but that would be a lie. I am as unskilled as he suspects.**

 **Maybe Al is right, and I should just take a few hits and pretend to be unconscious.**

 **But I can't afford not to try. I can't be ranked last.**

 **By the time Molly peels herself off the ground, looking only half-conscious thanks to Edward, my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my fingertips. I can't remember how to stand. I can't remember how to punch. I walk to the center of the arena and my guts writhe as Peter comes toward me, taller than I remembered, arm muscles standing at attention. He smiles at me. I wonder if throwing up on him will do me any good.**

"You are so funny sometimes Tris," Uriah chuckles.

 **I doubt it.**

" **You okay there, Stiff?" he says. "You look like you're about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry."**

"What an asshole," Marlene declares. I don't think I've ever heard her say a bad thing about anyone. She is always so positive. No wonder her and Uriah make such a nice couple, they are always cheery.

 **Over Peter's shoulder, I see Four standing by the door with his arms folded. His mouth is puckered, like he just swallowed something sour. Next to him is Eric, who taps his foot faster than my heartbeat.**

"I think Four has feelings for Tris," Shauna teases. I'm not going to respond but I hear the laughter. I look at Tris and she is blushing. I put my arm around her and kiss her head. "You guys are so cute," Shauna laughs.

"Keep reading Lynn," I order. I don't want to have to listen to Shauna embarrass us any more.

 **One second Peter and I are standing there, staring at each other, and the next Peter's hands are up by his face, his elbows bent. His knees are bent too, like he's ready to spring.**

" **Come on, Stiff," he says, his eyes glinting. "Just one little tear. Maybe some begging."**

 **The thought of begging Peter for mercy makes me taste bile, and on an impulse, I kick him in the side. Or I would have kicked him in the side, if he hadn't caught my foot and yanked it forward, knocking me off-balance. My back smacks into the floor, and I pull my foot free, scrambling to my feet.**

 **I have to stay on my feet so he can't kick me in the head. That's the only thing I can think about.**

" **Stop playing with her," snaps Eric. "I don't have all day."**

 **Peter's mischievous look disappears. His arm twitches and pain stabs my jaw and spreads across my face, making my vision go black at the edges and my ears ring. I blink and lurch to the side as the room dips and sways. I don't remember his fist coming at me.**

 **I am too off-balance to do anything but move away from him, as far as the arena will allow. He darts in front of me and kicks me hard in the stomach. His foot forces the air from my lungs and it hurts, hurts so badly I can't breathe, or maybe that's because of the kick, I don't know, I just fall.**

 _ **On your feet**_ **is the only thought in my mind. I push myself up, but Peter is already there. He grabs my hair with one hand and punches me in the nose with the other. This pain is different, less like a stab and more like a crackle, crackling in my brain, spotting my vision with different colors, blue, green, red. I try to shove him off, my hands slapping at his arms, and he punches me again, this time in the ribs. My face is wet. Bloody nose. More red, I guess, but I'm too dizzy to look down.**

 **He shoves me and I fall again, scraping my hands on the ground, blinking, sluggish and slow and hot. I cough and drag myself to my feet. I really should be lying down if the room is spinning this fast. And Peter spins around me; I am the center of a spinning planet, the only thing staying still. Something hits me from the side and I almost fall over again.**

 _ **On my feet on my feet.**_ **I see a solid mass in front of me, a body. I punch as hard as I can, and my fist hits something soft. Peter barely groans, and smacks my ear with the flat of his palm, laughing under his breath. I hear ringing and try to blink some of the black patches out of my eyes; how did something get in my eye?**

"Your nothing like Al. That's for sure," Zeke says.

 **Out of my peripheral vision, I see Four shove the door open and walk out. Apparently this fight isn't interesting enough for him. Or maybe he's going to find out why everything's spinning like a top, and I don't blame him; I want to know the answer too.**

"I didn't leave because it wasn't interesting Tris," I quietly tell her.

"Then why did you leave?" Marlene asks.

"I couldn't stand watching her get hurt like that anymore. It was gut wrenching," I say. "I thought I was going to be sick."

I see the sympathy on their faces but they shouldn't be feeling sympathetic towards me they should be looking with admiration at Tris for not giving up. She truly is Dauntless.

 **My knees give out and the floor is cool against my cheek. Something slams into my side and I scream for the first time, a high screech that belongs to someone else and not me, and it slams into my side again, and I can't see anything at all, not even whatever is right in front of my face, the lights out. Someone shouts, "Enough!" and I think too much and nothing at all.**

"Who stopped the fight?" Zeke asks.

"Four did," Eric sneers.

"But you left," Zeke says.

"Yeah well after she screamed he came running back into the room," Eric states. He sounds like he is sickened with the thought that a person may care for another. No wonder he acts the way he does. He is so emotionless.

"Page break thingy," Lynn says and continues to read the book.

 **When I wake up, I don't feel much, but the inside of my head is fuzzy, like it's packed with cotton balls.**

"They must have given you the good drugs," Zeke tells us.

"They have different types?" Christina asks.

"Oh yeah," Zeke says. You can see he is reminiscing about his time on the drugs.

 **I know that I lost, and the only thing keeping the pain at bay is what is making it difficult to think straight.**

" **Is her eye already black?" someone asks.**

 **I open one eye—the other stays shut like it's glued that way. Sitting to my right are Will and Al; Christina sits on the bed to my left with an ice pack on her jaw.**

" **What happened to your face?" I say. My lips feel clumsy and too large.**

"Yeah definitely the good drugs," Zeke says as he nods his head in a yes formation repeatedly.

 **She laughs. "Look who's talking. Should we get you an eye patch?"**

" **Well, I already know what happened to my face," I say. "I was there. Sort of."**

" **Did you just make a joke, Tris?" Will says, grinning. "We should get you on painkillers more often if you're going to start cracking jokes. Oh, and to answer your question—I beat her up."**

" **I can't believe you couldn't beat Will," Al says, shaking his head.**

" **What? He's good," she says, shrugging. "Plus, I think I've finally learned how to stop losing. I just need to stop people from punching me in the jaw."**

" **You know, you'd think you would have figured that out already." Will winks at her. "Now I know why you aren't Erudite. Not too bright, are you?"**

"That's a bit mean Will," Marlene says. "I mean I thought you had a crush on her."

"I was just teasing Marlene," Will says clearly embarrassed.

" **You feeling okay, Tris?" Al says. His eyes are dark brown, almost the same color as Christina's skin. His cheek looks rough, like if he didn't shave it, he would have a thick beard. Hard to believe he's only sixteen.**

"He wasn't," Eric states dryly.

"What?" I ask.

"When we did his death certificate, we found out he was eighteen. We talked to Jack over at Candor and he looked into it for us. It seems Al had issues as a teenager so his parents decided to fudge the records and held him back two years. They didn't think he would transfer because of the issues."

"What type of issues?" Tris asks.

"No idea," Eric shrugs. It is like he doesn't care. Just glad to be rid of him. He probably doesn't care. "That's why we think he hid from his parents on Visiting Day. He was scared they would out him or turn him in to leadership and have him transferred back to Candor."

"It would have been safer for all if they had," I say.

"Jack Kang wouldn't have taken him back. He wouldn't elaborate on what had happened in Candor but he said there wasn't a place for Al there. He sounded like he was relieved the kid was dead. But not at all surprised either," Max tells us all.

" **Yeah," I say. "Just wish I could stay here forever so I never have to see Peter again."**

 **But I don't know where "here" is. I am in a large, narrow room with a row of beds on either side. Some of the beds have curtains between them. On the right side of the room is a nurse's station. This must be where the Dauntless go when they're sick or hurt. The woman there looks at us over a clipboard. I've never seen a nurse with so many piercings in her ear before. Some Dauntless must volunteer to do jobs that traditionally belong to other factions. After all, it wouldn't make sense for the Dauntless to make the trek to the city hospital every time they get hurt.**

"We have some of the best doctors and nurses in the city in Dauntless," Max says with pride in his voice.

 **The first time I went to the hospital, I was six years old. My mother fell on the sidewalk in front of our house and broke her arm. Hearing her scream made me burst into tears, but Caleb just ran for my father without saying a word. At the hospital, an Amity woman in a yellow shirt with clean fingernails took my mother's blood pressure and set her bone with a smile.**

 **I remember Caleb telling her that it would only take a month to mend, because it was a hairline fracture. I thought he was reassuring her, because that's what selfless people do, but now I wonder if he was repeating something he had studied; if all his Abnegation tendencies were just Erudite traits in disguise.**

"Still not over your brother's transfer Tris?" Zeke teases.

" **Don't worry about Peter," says Will. "He'll at least get beat up by Edward, who has been studying hand-to-hand combat since we were ten years old. For fun."**

" **Good," says Christina. She checks her watch. "I think we're missing dinner. Do you want us to stay here, Tris?"**

 **I shake my head. "I'm fine."**

 **Christina and Will get up, but Al waves them ahead. He has a distinct smell—sweet and fresh, like sage and lemongrass. When he tosses and turns at night, I get a whiff of it and I know he's having a nightmare.**

"I hate that smell now," Tris says.

"That's understandable," I reply.

" **I just wanted to tell you that you missed Eric's announcement. We're going on a field trip tomorrow, to the fence, to learn about Dauntless jobs," he says. "We have to be at the train by eight fifteen."**

" **Good," I say. "Thanks."**

" **And don't pay attention to Christina. Your face doesn't look that bad." He smiles a little. "I mean, it looks good. It always looks good. I mean—you look brave. Dauntless."**

Zeke starts laughing so much he has fallen off his couch again. "He's even worst at flirting than you are Four."

There is a round of laughter from around the room.

Tris holds me close and whispers, "I like you just the way you are."

In this moment, I don't care what Zeke has to say because I heard the only words I needed to. I smile at Tris and hold her closer. "Thanks," I whisper back.

 **His eyes skirt mine, and he scratches the back of his head. The silence seems to grow between us. It was a nice thing to say, but he acts like it meant more than just the words. I hope I am wrong. I could not be attracted to Al—I could not be attracted to anyone that fragile. I smile as much as my bruised cheek will allow, hoping that will diffuse the tension.**

"That must have been so uncomfortable," Christina laughs. "How do you get all the awkward ones to like you?"

"Hey," I shout.

Tris has turned a bright shade of red and is trying to bury herself under my arm, which unfortunately makes me laugh.

" **I should let you rest," he says. He gets up to leave, but before he can go, I grab his wrist.**

What? What is she doing? I wonder.

" **Al, are you okay?" I say. He stares blankly at me, and I add, "I mean, is it getting any easier?"**

" **Uh..." He shrugs. "A little."**

 **He pulls his hand free and shoves it in his pocket. The question must have embarrassed him, because I've never seen him so red before. If I spent my nights sobbing into my pillow, I would be a little embarrassed too. At least when I cry, I know how to hide it.**

" **I lost to Drew. After your fight with Peter." He looks at me. "I took a few hits, fell down, and stayed there. Even though I didn't have to. I figure...I figure that since I beat Will, if I lose all the rest, I won't be ranked last, but I won't have to hurt anyone anymore."**

" **Is that really what you want?"**

 **He looks down. "I just can't do it. Maybe that means I'm a coward."**

" **You're not a coward just because you don't want to hurt people," I say, because I know it's the right thing to say, even if I'm not sure I mean it.**

 **For a moment we are both still, looking at each other. Maybe I do mean it. If he is a coward, it isn't because he doesn't enjoy pain. It is because he refuses to act.**

"See she gets it," Eric sounds like it is because of him that she understands what it is to be Dauntless. "You could learn a lot from her Christina."

Ouch that has got to hurt Christina's ego.

 **He gives me a pained look and says, "You think our families will visit us? They say transfer families never come on Visiting Day."**

" **I don't know," I say. "I don't know if it would be good or bad if they did."**

" **I think bad." He nods. "Yeah, it's already hard enough." He nods again, as if confirming what he just said, and walks away.**

"He should have just stayed in Candor," Uriah says. "Maybe he would have been better in Amity."

"At least they could have kept him pumped full of peace serum," Max says.

"I'd love to try some peace serum," Zeke says almost longingly. "Any chance you could get me some Max?"

"Not a chance in hell Zeke," Max chuckles.

 **In less than a week, the Abnegation initiates will be able to visit their families for the first time since the Choosing Ceremony. They will go home and sit in their living rooms and interact with their parents for the first time as adults.**

 **I used to look forward to that day. I used to think about what I would say to my mother and father when I was allowed to ask them questions at the dinner table.**

"What would you have asked them Tris?" Will asks.

"I can't even remember now. Obviously, it wasn't that important," Tris says. She pauses for a moment and then says, "I suppose I want to know why we can't talk at the dinner table. I don't know really. It doesn't matter anyway, I won't ever be having conversations with them. Unless I see them on Visiting Day but even then it wouldn't be enough time when you are trying to catch up on a full year's worth of news."

 **In less than a week, the Dauntless-born initiates will find their families on the Pit floor, or in the glass building above the compound, and do whatever it is the Dauntless do when they reunite. Maybe they take turns throwing knives at each other's heads—it wouldn't surprise me.**

"How did you know?" Uriah asks.

"What? You two actually throw knives at each other?" Tris asks.

"All the time. We used to do it in the lounge room. We would stand in front of the front door. But one day I was practising by myself and mum opened the front door. The carton of milk did not survive," Zeke is laughing as he tells us.

"It wasn't funny when mum grounded you for a month," Uriah teases his brother.

"Do did you stop throwing knives at each other?" Christina asks.

"As if. No way. We just weren't allowed to do it on the front door. We found a piece of wood and stuck it to the wall in Zeke's room and would practice in there," Uriah says.

 **And the transfer initiates with forgiving parents will be able to see them again too. I suspect mine will not be among them. Not after my father's cry of outrage at the ceremony. Not after both their children left them.**

 **Maybe if I could have told them I was Divergent, and I was confused about what to choose, they would have understood. Maybe they would have helped me figure out what Divergent is, and what it means, and why it's dangerous. But I didn't trust them with that secret, so I will never know.**

"Imagine if you had told them Tris. You might have stayed in Abnegation," Tori says.

"If I had done that I would have been miserable for the rest of my life," Tris sounds sullen as she says this.

"I'm glad you didn't," I say and Tris smiles up at me.

 **I clench my teeth as the tears come. I am fed up. I am fed up with tears and weakness. But there isn't much I can do to stop them.**

 **Maybe I drift off to sleep, and maybe I don't. Later that night, though, I slip out of the room and go back to the dormitory. The only thing worse than letting Peter put me in the hospital would be letting him put me there overnight.**

"Chapter over. I think you did the right thing going back to the dorms Tris. Way more Dauntless than someone who picks on the weak," Lynn says. I feel she is trying to get a dig in at Eric without actually saying it. I hope he doesn't try to get back at her for it. It wouldn't surprise me if he did.

* * *

A/N: Just want to say thank you for your reviews and support, it has been amazing.

I also need to thank Lunaschild2016 for her ongoing support, talks and inspiration. If you haven't checked out her stories you should. She has this talent of sucking you into a story, it truly is a gift.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

FOUR'S POV

"I haven't read yet," Will says and Lynn passes the book to him. I think it will be me having to read the next chapter. I'm the only one other than Will who hasn't read yet.

 **CHAPTER ELEVEN**

 **The next morning, I don't hear the alarm, shuffling feet, or conversations as the other initiates get ready. I wake to Christina shaking my shoulder with one hand and tapping my cheek with the other. She already wears a black jacket zipped up to her throat. If she has bruises from yesterday's fight, her dark skin makes them difficult to see.**

" **Come on," she says. "Up and at 'em."**

"You're brave Christina," Marlene says. Christina looks at her confused.

"You should never wake a Dauntless up like that," Marlene continues. Lynn starts to laugh.

"What is so funny?" I ask.

"Marlene tried waking Uriah up one day and he almost slashed her with a knife," Lynn chortles.

"It wasn't that funny," Marlene snickers.

"Yeah it was," Lynn says. "I thought Uriah was going to wet his pants when he realised it was you."

"I thought it was Zeke," Uriah pipes up.

"So you have no problem stabbing me with a knife then?" Zeke asks.

"It's never stopped you," Uriah counters.

"That was one time, and I never meant to stab you with it," Zeke says.

"But you did," Uriah shakes his head.

"It was nothing. You didn't even need stitches. So, no harm done."

Uriah just huffs at Zeke's comment and this has us all laughing.

 **I dreamt that Peter tied me to a chair and asked me if I was Divergent. I answered no, and he punched me until I said yes. I woke up with wet cheeks.**

 **I mean to say something, but all I can do is groan. My body aches so badly it hurts to breathe. It doesn't help that last night's bout of crying made my eyes swell. Christina offers me her hand.**

"Toughen up Tris," Lynn says, the sarcasm dripping from her words.

 **The clock reads eight. We're supposed to be at the tracks by eight fifteen.**

" **I'll run and get us some breakfast. You just...get ready. Looks like it might take you a while," she says.**

 **I grunt. Trying not to bend at the waist, I fumble in the drawer under my bed for a clean shirt. Luckily Peter isn't here to see me struggle. Once Christina leaves, the dormitory is empty.**

"Did that just say you grunted? Give us a grunt Tris," Zeke says, then burst into laughter. Tris just tucks her head under my arm and turns away from everyone completely embarrassed.

 **I unbutton my shirt and stare at my bare side, which is patched with bruises. For a second the colors mesmerize me, bright green and deep blue and brown. I change as fast as I can and let my hair hang loose because I can't lift my arms to tie it back.**

 **I look at my reflection in the small mirror on the back wall and see a stranger. She is blond like me, with a narrow face like mine, but that's where the similarities stop. I do not have a black eye, and a split lip, and a bruised jaw. I am not as pale as a sheet. She can't possibly be me, though she moves when I move.**

"The mirror never lies," Christina says so seriously.

 **By the time Christina comes back, a muffin in each hand, I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my untied shoes. I will have to bend over to tie them. It will hurt when I bend over.**

 **But Christina just passes me a muffin and crouches in front of me to tie my shoes. Gratitude surges in my chest, warm and a little like an ache. Maybe there is some Abnegation in everyone, even if they don't know it.**

"Oh, that's sweet Tris," Christina gives Tris a big warm smile.

 **Well, in everyone but Peter.**

" **Thank you," I say.**

" **Well, we would never get there on time if you had to tie them yourself," she says. "Come on. You can eat and walk at the same time, right?"**

 **We walk fast toward the Pit. The muffin is banana-flavored, with walnuts. My mother baked bread like this once to give to the factionless, but I never got to try it. I was too old for coddling at that point. I ignore the pinch in my stomach that comes every time I think of my mother and half walk, half jog after Christina, who forgets that her legs are longer than mine.**

"That's horrible," Marlene howls. "How could she do that? That isn't selfless, that's just down right mean. To tease your children like that. It's not like the factionless deserve it."

"I agree," Shauna says. "I just don't understand it at all."

"Didn't that upset you Tris?" Marlene asks.

"No. It's just how it was. I didn't know any better. I had never tasted it so, I didn't really know what I was missing," Tris says.

"Are there any overweight Abnegation? Or do their parents just give their portions to the factionless if they are looking a little large?" Will asks.

"I don't know. It's not like you could tell with the baggy clothes we wore," Tris says.

 **We climb the steps from the Pit to the glass building above it and run to the exit. Every thump of my feet sends pain through my ribs, but I ignore it. We make it to the tracks just as the train arrives, its horn blaring.**

" **What took you so long?" Will shouts over the horn.**

" **Stumpy Legs over here turned into an old lady overnight," says Christina.**

" **Oh, shut up." I'm only half kidding.**

 **Four stands at the front of the pack, so close to the tracks that if he shifted even an inch forward, the train would take his nose with it. He steps back to let some of the others get on first. Will hoists himself into the car with some difficulty, landing first on his stomach and then dragging his legs in behind him. Four grabs the handle on the side of the car and pulls himself in smoothly, like he doesn't have more than six feet of body to work with.**

"Smooth Will," Uriah teases.

"You sure take a lot of interest in Four, Tris," Zeke says.

"Well it seemed to work out well for her," Shauna counters.

"True," Zeke says.

 **I jog next to the car, wincing, then grit my teeth and grab the handle on the side. This is going to hurt.**

 **Al grabs me under each arm and lifts me easily into the car. Pain shoots through my side, but it only lasts for a second. I see Peter behind him, and my cheeks get warm. Al was trying to be nice, so I smile at him, but I wish people didn't want to be so nice. As if Peter didn't have enough ammunition already.**

" **Feeling okay there?" Peter says, giving me a look of mock sympathy—his lips turned down, his arched eyebrows pulled in. "Or are you a little...** _ **Stiff**_ **?"**

"What a complete jerk," Marlene says.

 **He bursts into laughter at his joke, and Molly and Drew join in. Molly has an ugly laugh, all snorting and shaking shoulders, and Drew's is silent, so it almost looks like he's in pain.**

"Who laughs at their own joke?" Lynn says.

"I do," Uriah says.

"Me too," Zeke chimes in.

"You two don't count. You are joking all the time. Plus your jokes are funny," Lynn tells them.

" **We are all awed by your incredible wit," says Will.**

" **Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite, Peter?" Christina adds. "I hear they don't object to sissies."**

 **Four, standing in the doorway, speaks before Peter can retort. "Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?"**

"Cranky Four is back," Zeke teases. "I bet you were just jealous because Al helped her into the train car."

"Maybe," I mumble softly. I know Tris heard it because she squeezed my hand harder and snickered.

 **Everyone gets quiet, and Four turns back to the car's opening. He holds the handles on either side, his arms stretching wide, and leans forward so his body is mostly outside the car, though his feet stay planted inside. The wind presses his shirt to his chest. I try to look past him at what we're passing—a sea of crumbling, abandoned buildings that get smaller as we go.**

 **Every few seconds, though, my eyes shift back to Four. I don't know what I expect to see, or what I want to see, if anything. But I do it without thinking.**

"Who wouldn't be checking Four out," Christina gasps when she realises what she has just said.

Zeke is rolling around laughing. "What?" I ask him.

"You don't get it, do you?" Zeke asks. I don't, so I shake my head no. "If you did a survey in Dauntless of who the woman would most like to see with their shirt off, the answer would be you dude."

Eric scoffs at Zeke's comment.

"No use scoffing Eric," Zeke says. "You would probably come in a close second but you are always taking your shirt off in the training room. So, the woman know what they are getting. With Four it is all mystery, even if his shirts are skin tight."

"Just keep reading Will," I say. I don't want to hear any more of this.

 **I ask Christina, "What do you think is out there?" I nod to the doorway. "I mean, beyond the fence."**

 **She shrugs. "A bunch of farms, I guess."**

" **Yeah, but I mean...past the farms. What are we guarding the city from?"**

 **She wiggles her fingers at me. "Monsters!"**

 **I roll my eyes.**

" **We didn't even have guards near the fence until five years ago," says Will. "Don't you remember when Dauntless police used to patrol the factionless sector?"**

" **Yes," I say. I also remember that my father was one of the people who voted to get the Dauntless out of the factionless sector of the city. He said the poor didn't need policing; they needed help, and we could give it to them. But I would rather not mention that now, or here. It's one of the many things Erudite gives as evidence of Abnegation's incompetence.**

"Erudite are right about that," Max says. Everyone turns and looks at him. "There are more incidents in the factionless sectors than along the fence. At least if we are patrolling the factionless we have more of a chance of protecting Faction members that may need to be in the area. I'm sure that man would never have grabbed you Tris if there had been Dauntless patrols near by."

" **Oh, right," he says. "I bet you saw them all the time."**

" **Why do you say that?" I ask, a little too sharply. I don't want to be associated too closely with the factionless.**

" **Because you had to pass the factionless sector to get to school, right?"**

" **What did you do, memorize a map of the city for fun?" says Christina.**

" **Yes," says Will, looking puzzled. "Didn't you?"**

"Will are you like the most boring person to ever walk the earth?" Zeke asks. Will opens his mouth to answer but before he can say anything Zeke continues, "I didn't mean for you to answer the question Will. Just keep reading."

 **The train's brakes squeal, and we all lurch forward as the car slows. I am grateful for the movement; it makes standing easier. The dilapidated buildings are gone, replaced by yellow fields and train tracks. The train stops under an awning. I lower myself to the grass, holding the handle to keep me steady.**

"Why does the train stop there and nowhere else?" Lynn asks.

"It doesn't usually," Eric tells us. "We just do that when we are taking the transfers to the fence. We don't want the paper work if something happens to them."

 **In front of me is a chain-link fence with barbed wire strung along the top. When I walk forward, I notice that it continues farther than I can see, perpendicular to the horizon. Past the fence is a cluster of trees, most of them dead, some green. Milling around on the other side of the fence are Dauntless guards carrying guns.**

" **Follow me," says Four. I stay close to Christina. I don't want to admit it, not even to myself, but I feel calmer when I'm near her. If Peter tries to taunt me, she will defend me.**

 **Silently I scold myself for being such a coward. Peter's insults shouldn't bother me, and I should focus on getting better at combat, not on how badly I did yesterday. And I should be willing, if not able, to defend myself instead of relying on other people to do it for me.**

"At least you realise your faults," Eric says. He is being nice to Tris. I don't like it.

 **Four leads us toward the gate, which is as wide as a house and opens up to the cracked road that leads to the city. When I came here with my family as a child, we rode in a bus on that road and beyond, to Amity's farms, where we spent the day picking tomatoes and sweating through our shirts.**

"Does that happen often?" Will asks.

"We only went once but I know other families did the same thing at different times," Tris says.

 **Another pinch in my stomach.**

" **If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," says Four as he reaches the gate. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's farms, but—"**

" **Patrols for what purpose?" asks Will.**

 **Four lifts a shoulder. "I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them. As I was saying. For the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems."**

" **Yeah. At least we won't be driving buses or cleaning up other people's messes like the factionless," Christina whispers in my ear.**

"Driving buses could be fun?" Uriah says.

"Not if you were driving it," Zeke teases him.

"I couldn't be any worse than a factionless," Uriah tells Zeke, he looks so serious.

"Hopefully, we will never find out," Zeke says.

" **What rank were you?" Peter asks Four.**

 **I don't expect Four to answer, but he looks levelly at Peter and says, "I was first."**

" **And you chose to do this?" Peter's eyes are wide and round and dark green. They would look innocent to me if I didn't know what a terrible person he is. "Why didn't you get a government job?"**

" **I didn't want one," Four says flatly. I remember what he said on the first day, about working in the control room, where the Dauntless monitor the city's security. It is difficult for me to imagine him there, surrounded by computers. To me he belongs in the training room.**

"You two were drawn to each other from day one," Shauna muses.

Tris and I both shrug at the same time, which only has the girls all giggling.

 **We learned about faction jobs in school. The Dauntless have limited options. We can guard the fence or work for the security of our city. We can work in the Dauntless compound, drawing tattoos or making weapons or even fighting each other for entertainment. Or we can work for the Dauntless leaders. That sounds like my best option.**

 **The only problem is that my rank is terrible. And I might be factionless by the end of stage one.**

"What job would you like Tris?" Max asks.

"I'm not sure. Maybe an ambassador," Tris replies. "I think I need to get through initiation first."

"Does it matter," Eric says. "From what we've been told most of you will be dead before the end of these stories."

"Doesn't mean it will come true," Uriah says. Always looking on the bright side.

"Doesn't mean it won't either," Eric grumbles. It's the first time that Eric seems to be doubting himself. Is he finally realising that he may be among the dead?

 **We stop next to the gate. A few Dauntless guards glance in our direction but not many. They are too busy pulling the doors—which are twice as tall as they are and several times wider—open to admit a truck.**

 **The man driving wears a hat, a beard, and a smile. He stops just inside the gate and gets out. The back of the truck is open, and a few other Amity sit among the stacks of crates. I peer at the crates—they hold apples.**

" **Beatrice?" an Amity boy says.**

"Beatrice," Zeke says shaking his head. "It just doesn't sound right."

 **My head jerks at the sound of my name. One of the Amity in the back of the truck stands. He has curly blond hair and a familiar nose, wide at the tip and narrow at the bridge. Robert. I try to remember him at the Choosing Ceremony and nothing comes to mind but the sound of my heart in my ears. Who else transferred? Did Susan? Are there any Abnegation initiates this year? If Abnegation is fizzling, it's our fault —Robert's and Caleb's and mine. Mine. I push the thought from my mind.**

"Always with the negative," Marlene says.

 **Robert hops down from the truck. He wears a gray T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. After a second's hesitation, he moves toward me and folds me in his arms. I stiffen. Only in Amity do people hug each other in greeting. I don't move a muscle until he releases me.**

"I hate going to Amity," Eric tells us. "They have learnt that they need to stand at least three feet from me now."

"What did you do?" Will asks.

"Threaten to shoot them," Eric states.

"How often do you have to go to Amity?" Zeke asks. I bet he will try and get Eric to get him some peace serum. Especially now that Max gave him a definite no.

"We try not to send Eric to Amity anymore," Max laughs. "Johanna reckons it takes days for her members to calm down after he has left. If she knows Eric is coming she ups the dose of peace serum in the bread that day."

"They put peace serum in their bread?" I ask shocked.

"Yes they do," Max says.

"Can you bring some bread back next time Max?" Zeke asks with hope in his eyes.

"No Zeke. There will be no peace serum coming anywhere near the Dauntless compound and especially not any around you," Max tells Zeke.

"It was worth a try," Zeke says.

 **His own smile fades when he looks at me again. "Beatrice, what happened to you? What happened to your face?"**

" **Nothing," I say. "Just training. Nothing."**

" **Beatrice?" demands a nasal voice next to me. Molly folds her arms and laughs. "Is that your real name, Stiff?"**

 **I glance at her. "What did you think Tris was short for?"**

" **Oh, I don't know...weakling?" She touches her chin. If her chin was bigger, it might balance out her nose, but it is weak and almost recedes into her neck. "Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."**

"You showed her," Christina smiles at Tris.

"I sure did," Tris says, smiling back at Christina.

"What happened?" Lynn asks.

"Tris creamed her when they fought. Four had to pull Tris off her," Will says.

"Would have loved to have seen that," Lynn says.

" **There's no need to antagonize her," Robert says softly. "I'm Robert, and you are?"**

" **Someone who doesn't care what your name is," she says. "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."**

"At least she had the part about Dauntless having no manners down," Shauna says.

" **Why don't you get away from us?" I snap.**

" **Right. Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend," she says. She walks away smiling.**

 **Robert gives me a sad look. "They don't seem like nice people."**

" **Some of them aren't."**

" **You could go home, you know. I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception for you."**

"Can they do that?" Uriah asks.

"Amity does it all the time and we have had to bend the rules once," Max says. I wonder who he bent the rules for?

"Why? What does it matter?" Uriah asks.

"If you did it for one, you need to do it for everyone. Then it would mean our faction system would be weakened and there would be more chance of it disintegrating," Eric says.

" **What makes you think I want to go home?" I ask, my cheeks hot. "You think I can't handle this or something?"**

"Why would anyone want to go back to Abnegation of all places?" Shauna asks.

" **It's not that." He shakes his head. "It's not that you can't, it's that you shouldn't have to. You should be happy."**

" **This is what I chose. This is it." I look over Robert's shoulder. The Dauntless guards seem to have finished examining the truck. The bearded man gets back into the driver's seat and closes the door behind him. "Besides, Robert. The goal of my life isn't just...to be happy."**

" **Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?" he says.**

"They're only happy because they are drugged," Lynn snaps. "I wonder what they would be like if they didn't have any peace serum."

"Hopefully we will never know," Max says.

 **Before I can answer, he touches my shoulder and turns toward the truck. A girl in the back has a banjo on her lap. She starts to strum it as Robert hoists himself inside, and the truck starts forward, carrying the banjo sounds and her warbling voice away from us.**

 **Robert waves to me, and again I see another possible life in my mind's eye. I see myself in the back of the truck, singing with the girl, though I've never sung before, laughing when I am off-key, climbing trees to pick the apples, always peaceful and always safe.**

"You would hate that Tris," Uriah says.

"Probably," Tris says.

 **The Dauntless guards close the gate and lock it behind them. The lock is on the outside. I bite my lip. Why would they lock the gate from the outside and not the inside? It almost seems like they don't want to keep something out; they want to keep us in.**

"Exactly the same thing that I've been thinking," I tell Tris.

 **I push the thought out of my head. That makes no sense.**

 **Four steps away from the fence, where he was talking to a female Dauntless guard with a gun balanced on her shoulder a moment before. "I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions," he says when he's a foot away from me.**

 **I cross my arms. "It was a two-minute conversation."**

" **I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." He furrows his eyebrows and touches the corner of my bruised eye with his fingertips.**

"Can't keep your hands to yourself can you Four?" Zeke teases. I can't help but blush.

 **My head jerks back, but he doesn't take his hand away. Instead he tilts his head and sighs. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."**

" **Attack first?" I say. "How will that help?"**

" **You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." He shrugs, and his hand falls.**

" **I'm surprised you know that," I say quietly, "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."**

" **It wasn't something I wanted to watch," he says.**

 **What's that supposed to mean?**

"You Abnegation really are hopeless," Zeke shakes his head.

 **He clears his throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris."**

"I wonder what would have been said if the train hadn't arrived?" Shauna ponders out loud.

"All done," Will says. "Who's next?"

"Four hasn't read," Zeke says.

"You keeping tabs on who has and hasn't read Zeke?" I ask.

"I sure am. I don't want to have to read more than I have too. It's way more fun letting someone else read."


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

FOUR'S POV

I hate the thought of them all watching me as I read. It is so different to being in front of them teaching them how to become Dauntless. I'd rather be their trainer than their librarian. I will just have to hope that I can get this done quickly and I don't have to many interruptions with stupid comments, especially from Zeke.

 **CHAPTER TWELVE**

 **I crawl across my mattress and heave a sigh. It has been two days since my fight with Peter, and my bruises are turning purple-blue. I have gotten used to aching every time I move, so now I move better, but I am still far from healed.**

Oh no! I think. I know what this chapter is. Capture the flag. Looks like everyone is going to know what one of my fears is very soon. Damn! Nobody except Tris and the leaders know what my fears are. This is not going to be much fun.

 **Even though I am still injured, I had to fight again today. Luckily this time, I was paired against Myra, who couldn't throw a good punch if someone was controlling her arm for her. I got a good hit in during the first two minutes. She fell down and was too dizzy to get back up. I should feel triumphant, but there is no triumph in punching a girl like Myra.**

"Isn't that the truth," Will says.

"I don't understand why she transferred," Lynn says.

"For love," Christina says in a dreamy kind of voice. It's a little creepy.

"What an idiot," Lynn scoffs.

"You're right there," Eric agrees and he and Lynn high five. That is just too weird.

 **The second I touch my head to the pillow, the door to the dormitory opens, and people stream into the room with flashlights. I sit up, almost hitting my head on the bed frame above me, and squint through the dark to see what's going on.**

" **Everybody up!" someone roars. A flashlight shines behind his head, making the rings in his ears glint. Eric. Surrounding him are other Dauntless, some of whom I have seen in the Pit, some of whom I have never seen before. Four stands among them.**

"Of course you notice Four," Zeke says.

 **His eyes shift to mine and stay there. I stare back and forget that all around me the transfers are getting out of bed.**

"Wonder what was going through your mind Four," Zeke says with a wink.

"You will never know Zeke," I say.

" **Did you go deaf, Stiff?" demands Eric. I snap out of my daze and slide out from beneath the blankets. I am glad I sleep fully clothed, because Christina stands next to our bunk wearing only a T-shirt, her long legs bare. She folds her arms and stares at Eric. I wish, suddenly, that I could stare so boldly at someone with hardly any clothes on, but I would never be able to do that.**

"I bet Four wishes that too," Lynn teases.

" **You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks," says Eric. "We're going on another field trip."**

 **I shove my feet into shoes and sprint, wincing, behind Christina on the way to the train. A drop of sweat rolls down the back of my neck as we run up the paths along the walls of the Pit, pushing past members on our way up. They don't seem surprised to see us. I wonder how many frantic, running people they see on a weekly basis.**

"All day, every day it is like that," Max says.

 **We make it to the tracks just behind the Dauntless-born initiates. Next to the tracks is a black pile. I make out a cluster of long gun barrels and trigger guards.**

" **Are we going to shoot something?" Christina hisses in my ear.**

 **Next to the pile are boxes of what looks like ammunition. I inch closer to read one of**

 **the boxes. Written on it is "PAINTBALLS."**

 **I've never heard of them before, but the name is self-explanatory. I laugh. "Everyone grab a gun!" shouts Eric.**

 **We rush toward the pile. I am the closest to it, so I snatch the first gun I can find, which is heavy, but not too heavy for me to lift, and grab a box of paintballs. I shove the box in my pocket and sling the gun across my back so the strap crosses my chest.**

" **Time estimate?" Eric asks Four.**

 **Four checks his watch. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"**

" **Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" says Eric, shoving Four's shoulder.**

"But you know the timetable by heart," Max says to Eric.

"Yeah, but I wasn't going to tell him that," Eric says as he nods his head in my direction.

 **A circle of light appears on my left, far away. It grows larger as it comes closer, shining against the side of Four's face, creating a shadow in the faint hollow beneath his cheekbone.**

 **He is the first to get on the train, and I run after him, not waiting for Christina or Will or Al to follow me. Four turns around as I fall into stride next to the car and holds out a hand. I grab his arm, and he pulls me in. Even the muscles in his forearm are taut, defined.**

"Oh my God Tris," Christina yells. "This is like stalker hour with Tris and Four."

The whole room bursts into laughter with Christina's over dramatic behaviour.

 **I let go quickly, without looking at him, and sit down on the other side of the car.**

"I bet you were trying to hide your blush," Uriah chuckles. "See," he points at Tris. "Just like the way you are now."

I can't help but to chuckle with Uriah, Tris is so embarrassed that he called her out.

 **Once everyone is in, Four speaks up.**

" **We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways, and Four grabs the side of the doorway for balance. "This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously."**

" **What do we get if we win?" someone shouts.**

" **Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," says Four, raising an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course."**

"Who said that?" Zeke asks.

Will turns red. Christina then starts to point her finger at him.

"Should have known from the colour of your face," Zeke laughs.

" **Four and I will be your team captains," says Eric. He looks at Four. "Let's divide up transfers first, shall we?"**

 **I tilt my head back. If they're picking us, I will be chosen last; I can feel it. "You go first," Four says.**

 **Eric shrugs. "Edward."**

 **Four leans against the door frame and nods. The moonlight makes his eyes bright. He scans the group of transfer initiates briefly, without calculation, and says, "I want the Stiff."**

"He sure does," Zeke says slyly.

 **A faint undercurrent of laughter fills the car. Heat rushes into my cheeks. I don't know whether to be angry at the people laughing at me or flattered by the fact that he chose me first.**

"Definitely flattered," Shauna says.

" **Got something to prove?" asks Eric, with his trademark smirk. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"**

 **Four shrugs. "Something like that."**

"How many years in a row have you won Four?" Marlene asks.

"Three," I answer with a smile. Knowing that Eric will be sitting there swearing under his breath.

"How many times have you an Eric been on the same team?" Lynn asks.

"None," I say, now I'm trying not to laugh. Eric should be getting pretty pissed off about now.

 **Angry. I should definitely be angry. I scowl at my hands. Whatever Four's strategy is, it's based on the idea that I am weaker than the other initiates. And it gives me a bitter taste in my mouth. I have to prove him wrong—I have to.**

"I never thought that," I tell Tris.

" **Your turn," says Four.**

" **Peter."**

" **Christina."**

 **That throws a wrench in his strategy. Christina is not one of the weak ones. What exactly is he doing?**

" **Molly."**

" **Will," says Four, biting his thumbnail.**

" **Al."**

" **Drew."**

" **Last one left is Myra. So she's with me," says Eric. "Dauntless-born initiates next."**

 **I stop listening once they're finished with us. If Four isn't trying to prove something by choosing the weak, what is he doing? I look at each person he chooses. What do we have in common?**

"How rude Tris," Uriah mocks.

"I didn't know any of you then. I would have taken notice if I'd known you," Tris says defensively.

 **Once they're halfway through the Dauntless-born initiates, I have an idea of what it is. With the exception of Will and a couple of the others, we all share the same body type: narrow shoulders, small frames. All the people on Eric's team are broad and strong. Just yesterday, Four told me I was fast. We will all be faster than Eric's team, which will probably be good for capture the flag—I haven't played before, but I know it's a game of speed rather than brute force. I cover a smile with my hand. Eric is more ruthless than Four, but Four is smarter.**

Max bursts into laughter. "She has you two worked out, doesn't she?" he finally says once his laughter has calmed.

 **They finish choosing teams, and Eric smirks at Four.**

" **Your team can get off second," says Eric.**

" **Don't do me any favors," Four replies. He smiles a little. "You know I don't need them to win."**

" **No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," says Eric, biting down briefly on one of the rings in his lip. "Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."**

"Oh Eric," Max groans. "You fell right into that one."

This has everyone laughing now.

 **We all stand up. Al gives me a forlorn look, and I smile back in what I hope is a reassuring way. If any of the four of us had to end up on the same team as Eric, Peter, and Molly, at least it was him. They usually leave him alone.**

 **The train is about to dip to the ground. I am determined to land on my feet.**

 **Just before I jump, someone shoves my shoulder, and I almost topple out of the train car. I don't look back to see who it is—Molly, Drew, or Peter, it doesn't matter which one. Before they can try it again, I jump. This time I am ready for the momentum the train gives me, and I run a few steps to diffuse it but keep my balance. Fierce pleasure courses through me and I smile. It's a small accomplishment, but it makes me feel Dauntless.**

"We should have some sort of rule against that," Eric says. "Shoving, tripping or whatever else when someone is about to jump from a train should be severely punished."

"I agree," I say. I look around the room and everyone is nodding. "You're a leader, make a new rule."

"It's not that easy Four," Eric replies.

"Make it," I challenge. The room stays silent so I start to read again.

 **One of the Dauntless-born initiates touches Four's shoulder and asks, "When your team won, where did you put the flag?"**

"That's me," Marlene calls out.

" **Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," he says coolly.**

"Told you," she smiles.

" **Come on, Four," she whines. She gives him a flirtatious smile. He brushes her hand off his arm, and for some reason, I find myself grinning.**

"You were flirting with Four?" Uriah asks Marlene.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted him to tell me where they hid their flag," Marlene tries to convince Uriah.

"Sure you did," Uriah says.

" **Navy Pier," another Dauntless-born initiate calls out. He is tall, with brown skin and dark eyes. Handsome. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."**

"Hey! That's me," Uriah shouts. "Finally and she said I was handsome."

There are more than a few eye rolls going around the room.

" **Let's go there, then," suggests Will.**

 **No one objects, so we walk east, toward the marsh that was once a lake. When I was young, I tried to imagine what it would look like as a lake, with no fence built into the mud to keep the city safe. But it is difficult to imagine that much water in one place.**

" **We're close to Erudite headquarters, right?" asks Christina, bumping Will's shoulder with her own.**

" **Yeah. It's south of here," he says. He looks over his shoulder, and for a second his expression is full of longing. Then it's gone.**

"Do you miss Erudite Will?" Eric asks. It's a trick question, he wants to see where Will's loyalty lies.

"Not so much," Will answers. Eric will take that as a yes, I know I have.

 **I am less than a mile away from my brother. It has been a week since we were that close together. I shake my head a little to get the thought out of my mind. I can't think about him today, when I have to focus on making it through stage one. I can't think about him any day.**

 **We walk across the bridge. We still need the bridges because the mud beneath them is too wet to walk on. I wonder how long it's been since the river dried up.**

"If the river is dry, why does it still stay wet?" Marlene asks. No one answers so Marlene asks, "does anyone know?"

"Keep reading Four," Max says.

 **Once we cross the bridge, the city changes. Behind us, most of the buildings were in use, and even if they weren't, they looked well-tended. In front of us is a sea of crumbling concrete and broken glass. The silence of this part of the city is eerie; it feels like a nightmare. It's hard to see where I'm going, because it's after midnight and all the city lights are off.**

 **Marlene takes out a flashlight and shines it at the street in front of us.**

" **Scared of the dark, Mar?" the dark-eyed Dauntless-born initiate teases.**

" **If you want to step on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest," she snaps. But she turns it off anyway.**

 **I have realized that part of being Dauntless is being willing to make things more difficult for yourself in order to be self-sufficient. There's nothing especially brave about wandering dark streets with no flashlight, but we are not supposed to need help, even from light. We are supposed to be capable of anything.**

 **I like that. Because there might come a day when there is no flashlight, there is no gun, there is no guiding hand. And I want to be ready for it.**

"And that's why we train you the way we do," Eric says.

 **The buildings end just before the marsh. A strip of land juts out into the marsh, and rising from it is a giant white wheel with dozens of red passenger cars dangling from it at regular intervals. The Ferris wheel.**

" **Think about it. People used to ride that thing. For fun," says Will, shaking his head.**

" **They must have been Dauntless," I say.**

" **Yeah, but a lame version of Dauntless." Christina laughs. "A Dauntless Ferris wheel wouldn't have cars. You would just hang on tight with your hands, and good luck to you."**

"Just like hanging over the chasm?" Will asks.

"Don't remind me Will," Christina shudders.

 **We walk down the side of the pier. All the buildings on my left are empty, their signs torn down and their windows closed, but it is a clean kind of emptiness. Whoever left these places left them by choice and at their leisure. Some places in the city are not like that.**

" **Dare you to jump into the marsh," says Christina to Will.**

" **You first."**

 **We reach the carousel. Some of the horses are scratched and weathered, their tails broken off or their saddles chipped. Four takes the flag out of his pocket.**

" **In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," he says. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."**

"You beat me every year and you don't even tell them what to do. Unbelievable," Eric sighs.

"Maybe that's why you lose Eric. No original ideas," I say and then quickly continue to read. I can't be bothered listening to his bitching about losing all the time.

 **He is right about that. What good is a prepared body if you have a scattered mind?**

 **Will takes the flag from Four.**

" **Some people should stay here and guard, and some people should go out and scout the other team's location," Will says.**

" **Yeah? You think?" Marlene plucks the flag from Will's fingers. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"**

" **No one," says Will. "But someone's got to do it."**

" **Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," suggests Christina.**

" **That's the sissy way out," Uriah says. "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it."**

"You're giving me a headache with your arguing," Eric moans.

 **Everyone bursts into the conversation at once, their voices louder with each passing second. Christina defends Will's plan; the Dauntless-born initiates vote for offense; everyone argues about who should make the decision. Four sits down on the edge of the carousel, leaning against a plastic horse's foot. His eyes lift to the sky, where there are no stars, only a round moon peeking through a thin layer of clouds. The muscles in his arms are relaxed; his hand rests on the back of his neck. He looks almost comfortable, holding that gun to his shoulder.**

 **I close my eyes briefly. Why does he distract me so easily? I need to focus.**

"That seems almost impossible for you to do Tris," Lynn laughs.

 **What would I say if I could shout above the sniping behind me? We can't act until we know where the other team is. They could be anywhere within a two-mile radius, although I can rule out the empty marsh as an option. The best way to find them is not to argue about how to search for them, or how many to send out in a search party.**

 **It's to climb as high as possible.**

Just thinking about what is to come is making me dizzy. Focus Tobias you are safely on the ground.

 **I look over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching. None of them look at me, so I walk toward the Ferris wheel with light, quiet footsteps, pressing my gun to my back with one hand to keep it from making noise.**

"Are you sure no one's watching?" Zeke teases.

 **When I stare up at the Ferris wheel from the ground, my throat feels tighter. It is taller than I thought, so tall I can barely see the cars swinging at the top. The only good thing about its height is that it is built to support weight. If I climb it, it won't collapse beneath me.**

 **My heart pumps faster. Will I really risk my life for this—to win a game the Dauntless like to play?**

"Hell yeah, you will," Uriah pumps his fist in the air.

 **It's so dark I can barely see them, but when I stare at the huge, rusted supports holding the wheel in place, I see the rungs of a ladder. Each support is only as wide as my shoulders, and there are no railings to hold me in, but climbing a ladder is better than climbing the spokes of the wheel.**

 **I grab a rung. It's rusty and thin and feels like it might crumble in my hands. I put my weight on the lowest rung to test it and jump to make sure it will hold me up. The movement hurts my ribs, and I wince.**

" **Tris," a low voice says behind me.**

"I knew it," Zeke calls out. "That has to be Four."

 **I don't know why it doesn't startle me. Maybe because I am becoming Dauntless, and mental readiness is something I am supposed to develop. Maybe because his voice is low and smooth and almost soothing. Whatever the reason, I look over my shoulder. Four stands behind me with his gun slung across his back, just like mine.**

"I told you," Zeke gloats.

" **Yes?" I say.**

" **I came to find out what you think you're doing."**

" **I'm seeking higher ground," I say. "I don't think I'm doing anything."**

 **I see his smile in the dark. "All right. I'm coming."**

 **I pause a second. He doesn't look at me the way Will, Christina, and Al sometimes do—like I am too small and too weak to be of any use, and they pity me for it. But if he insists on coming with me, it is probably because he doubts me.**

"No we don't," Christina wails.

I look at Christina over the top of the book.

"Okay, maybe a little," she half whispers.

" **I'll be fine," I say.**

" **Undoubtedly," he replies. I don't hear the sarcasm, but I know it's there. It has to be.**

"It wasn't," I tell Tris.

 **I climb, and when I'm a few feet off the ground, he comes after me. He moves faster than I do, and soon his hands find the rungs that my feet leave.**

"He just wanted a better view of your backside," Zeke laughs.

" **So tell me...," he says quietly as we climb. He sounds breathless. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing."**

 **I stare down at the pavement. It seems far away now, but I'm not even a third of the way up. Above me is a platform, just below the center of the wheel. That's my destination. I don't even think about how I will climb back down. The breeze that brushed my cheeks earlier now presses against my side. The higher we go, the stronger it will get. I need to be ready.**

" **Learning about strategy," I say. "Teamwork, maybe."**

" **Teamwork," he repeats. A laugh hitches in his throat. It sounds like a panicked breath.**

" **Maybe not," I say. "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority."**

 **The wind is stronger now. I press closer to the white support so I don't fall, but that makes it hard to climb. Below me the carousel looks small. I can barely see my team under the awning. Some of them are missing—a search party must have left.**

 **Four says, "It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be."**

"It still is," Max says in a commanding voice.

"Then why aren't we promoting it?" I say in my instructor voice. I refuse to back down over this.

"Maybe you are too busy isolating yourself from others to see it," Max says.

"That's rubbish and you know it. You are teaming up with Erudite and it will rip Dauntless further apart. The only time we have any type of team work is in capture the flag. Edward wouldn't have lost his eye if it wasn't every man for himself," I say.

"You don't know that Four," Eric chimes in. "Peter wants first spot, I think he will do anything to get it. It won't matter if there are cuts or not, he is still going to try for first spot."

"And you aren't doing anything to stop him. If team work was encouraged then there would be less chance of people like Peter being anywhere near the top of rankings. The patrol teams need to be able to rely on each other. What will happen with a few more years of you two running Dauntless?" I spit out.

"I think we need to keep reading. You can all fight about this later," Tori says. She may only talk occasionally but at least she is keeping a level head. Which surprises me a bit. She hates leadership and the way they are acting.

 **But I'm not really listening, because the height is dizzying. My hands ache from holding the rungs, and my legs are shaking, but I'm not sure why. It isn't the height that scares me—the height makes me feel alive with energy, every organ and vessel and muscle in my body singing at the same pitch.**

 **Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames.**

"You're in love," Zeke says in his ridiculous sing song girly voice. I start to read again before he can say anything else.

 **My hand almost misses the next rung.**

" **Now tell me...," he says through a bursting breath, "what do you think learning strategy has to do with...bravery?"**

 **The question reminds me that he is my instructor, and I am supposed to learn something from this. A cloud passes over the moon, and the light shifts across my hands.**

" **It...it prepares you to act," I say finally. "You learn strategy so you can use it." I hear him breathing behind me, loud and fast. "Are you all right, Four?"**

" **Are you human, Tris? Being up this high..." He gulps for air. "It doesn't scare you at all?"**

"You don't sound like you are enjoying yourself much Four," Shauna says.

 **I look over my shoulder at the ground. If I fall now, I will die. But I don't think I will fall.**

 **A gust of air presses against my left side, throwing my body weight to the right. I gasp and cling to the rungs, my balance shifting. Four's cold hand clamps around one of my hips, one of his fingers finding a strip of bare skin just under the hem of my T- shirt. He squeezes, steadying me and pushing me gently to the left, restoring my balance.**

 **Now I can't breathe. I pause, staring at my hands, my mouth dry. I feel the ghost of where his hand was, his fingers long and narrow.**

"It's getting very breathless at the top of the ferris wheel," Zeke says, at least it's in his normal voice.

" **You okay?" he asks quietly.**

" **Yes," I say, my voice strained.**

 **I keep climbing, silently, until I reach the platform. Judging by the blunted ends of metal rods, it used to have railings, but it doesn't anymore. I sit down and scoot to the end of it so Four has somewhere to sit. Without thinking, I put my legs over the side. Four, however, crouches and presses his back to the metal support, breathing heavily.**

" **You're afraid of heights," I say. "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"**

"HEIGHTS!" Zeke yells. "Heights!" he says a little softer but still really loud. "You only have four fears and one of them is heights. It's just, it's just, it's so normal."

"What did you expect Zeke?" I ask him.

"I don't know. I just didn't expect it to be. . .. I just don't know," Zeke sounds flustered.

" **I ignore my fear," he says. "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist."**

"So, even though you have the fear, you spend every day trying to overcome it. But you haven't. Do you think you ever will?" Will asks.

"I haven't so far," I tell Will.

"What chance is there for me if you can't?" Will asks.

"You're afraid of heights too?" Zeke asks. Will just nods his head. "Is this like a really common fear then?"

"It is extremely common," Eric says.

"Does that mean you are afraid of heights too?" Zeke asks Eric.

"We aren't here to discuss my fears Zeke," Eric tries to brush Zeke off.

"Maybe we should. We could all share some of our fears," Zeke offers.

"We aren't here for that. Let's just get this read," Eric states. "Four keep reading!"

"Like you are any better than the rest of us," Zeke mumbles under his breath. I start to read before we end up with a punch up in the middle of the lounge room.

 **I stare at him for a second. I can't help it. To me there's a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, as he does.**

 **I have been staring at him too long.**

" **What?" he says quietly.**

" **Nothing."**

"Yeah right," Zeke says sarcastically. "You got lost looking into his beautiful eyes. With the moon floating between the clouds. After he saved you from a certain death," Zeke puts the back of his wrist to his forehead and gasps, "it's all so romantic."

"You are ridiculous Zeke," Shauna laughs at him and smacks his arm at the same time. We are all laughing at him.

 **I look away from him and toward the city. I have to focus. I climbed up here for a reason.**

 **The city is pitch-black, but even if it wasn't, I wouldn't be able to see very far. A building stands in my way.**

" **We're not high enough," I say. I look up. Above me is a tangle of white bars, the wheel's scaffolding. If I climb carefully, I can wedge my feet between the supports and the crossbars and stay secure. Or as secure as possible.**

" **I'm going to climb," I say, standing up. I grab one of the bars above my head and pull myself up. Shooting pains go through my bruised sides, but I ignore them.**

" **For God's sake, Stiff," he says.**

"You sound like you must have been really freaking out Four," Shauna says.

" **You don't have to follow me," I say, staring at the maze of bars above me. I shove my foot onto the place where two bars cross and push myself up, grabbing another bar in the process. I sway for a second, my heart beating so hard I can't feel anything else. Every thought I have condenses into that heartbeat, moving at the same rhythm.**

"Yes he does," Zeke and Uriah call out at the same time and then laugh.

" **Yes, I do," he says.**

"See we knew it," Uriah smiles a big toothy grin and high fives his brother.

 **This is crazy, and I know it. A fraction of an inch of mistake, half a second of hesitation, and my life is over. Heat tears through my chest, and I smile as I grab the next bar. I pull myself up, my arms shaking, and force my leg under me so I'm standing on another bar. When I feel steady, I look down at Four. But instead of seeing him, I see straight to the ground.**

 **I can't breathe.**

 **I imagine my body plummeting, smacking into the bars as it falls down, and my limbs at broken angles on the pavement, just like Rita's sister when she didn't make it onto the roof. Four grabs a bar with each hand and pulls himself up, easy, like he's sitting up in bed. But he is not comfortable or natural here—every muscle in his arm stands out. It is a stupid thing for me to think when I am one hundred feet off the ground.**

"You were thinking of him in bed Tris," Lynn laughs.

"While she checked him out," Shauna laughs just like her sister just did. I never realised their laughs were exactly the same. Must be a sister thing.

 **I grab another bar, find another place to wedge my foot. When I look at the city again, the building isn't in my way. I'm high enough to see the skyline. Most of the buildings are black against a navy sky, but the red lights at the top of the Hub are lit up. They blink half as fast as my heartbeat.**

 **Beneath the buildings, the streets look like tunnels. For a few seconds I see only a dark blanket over the land in front of me, just faint differences between building and sky and street and ground. Then I see a tiny pulsing light on the ground.**

" **See that?" I say, pointing.**

 **Four stops climbing when he's right behind me and looks over my shoulder, his chin next to my head. His breaths flutter against my ear, and I feel shaky again, like I did when I was climbing the ladder.**

"Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her," Zeke is chanting.

"Shut up," Eric bellows.

"Calm down. You are just a sore loser," Zeke tells Eric. Before they get into it, I start to read again.

" **Yeah," he says. A smile spreads over his face.**

"He's smiling because the two of you are so close, not because you found the flag," Zeke says.

Eric shoots Zeke a dirty look but Zeke just laughs at him.

" **It's coming from the park at the end of the pier," he says. "Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough."**

" **Okay," I say. I look over my shoulder at him. We are so close I forget where I am; instead I notice that the corners of his mouth turn down naturally, just like mine, and that he has a scar on his chin.**

"Four, seriously dude, you should be kissing her," Zeke whines.

" **Um," I say. I clear my throat. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."**

 **Four nods and steps down. His leg is so long that he finds a place for his foot easily and guides his body between the bars. Even in darkness, I see that his hands are bright red and shaking.**

"That's from frustration," Zeke mumbles.

 **I step down with one foot, pressing my weight into one of the crossbars. The bar creaks beneath me and comes loose, clattering against half a dozen bars on the way down and bouncing on the pavement. I'm dangling from the scaffolding with my toes swinging in midair. A strangled gasp escapes me.**

" **Four!"**

 **I try to find another place to put my foot, but the nearest foothold is a few feet away, farther than I can stretch. My hands are sweaty. I remember wiping them on my slacks before the Choosing Ceremony, before the aptitude test, before every important moment, and suppress a scream. I will slip. I will slip.**

"Why would you think of something so yucky as sweaty hands? Isn't there something that would be more important when you are facing death?" Christina asks.

"It's just what I thought," Tris shrugs.

" **Hold on!" he shouts. "Just hold on, I have an idea."**

 **He keeps climbing down. He's moving in the wrong direction; he should be coming toward me, not going away from me. I stare at my hands, which are wrapped around the narrow bar so tightly my knuckles are white. My fingers are dark red, almost purple. They won't last long.**

"Come back Four," Zeke calls out. "I'll kiss you this time, I promise. Just come back."

Tris and I both throw pillows at Zeke. "Thank you," he says and puts them behind him and makes himself comfortable.

 **I won't last long.**

 **I squeeze my eyes shut. Better not to look. Better to pretend that none of this exists. I hear Four's sneakers squeak against metal and rapid footsteps on ladder rungs.**

" **Four!" I yell. Maybe he left. Maybe he abandoned me. Maybe this is a test of my strength, of my bravery. I breathe in my nose and out my mouth. I count my breaths to calm down. One, two. In, out. Come on, Four is all I can think.** _ **Come on, do something.**_

"How can you just leave her hanging like that?" Shauna asks. I don't even bother responding.

 **Then I hear something wheeze and creak. The bar I'm holding shudders, and I scream through my clenched teeth as I fight to keep my grip.**

 **The wheel is moving.**

 **Air wraps around my ankles and wrists as the wind gushes up, like a geyser. I open my eyes. I'm moving—toward the ground. I laugh, giddy with hysteria as the ground comes closer and closer. But I'm picking up speed. If I don't drop at the right time, the moving cars and metal scaffolding will drag at my body and carry me with them, and then I will really die.**

"At least we know you don't," Marlene says with a smile.

"Shh," Eric says.

 **Every muscle in my body tenses as I hurtle toward the ground. When I can see the cracks in the sidewalk, I drop, and my body slams into the ground, feet first. My legs collapse beneath me and I pull my arms in, rolling as fast as I can to the side. The cement scrapes my face, and I turn just in time to see a car bearing down on me, like a giant shoe about to crush me. I roll again, and the bottom of the car skims my shoulder.**

 **I'm safe.**

A collective sigh goes around the room and it takes everything I have not to laugh. We all knew the outcome of what happened here. What is going to happen when we start to look at things we haven't done yet?

 **I press my palms to my face. I don't try to get up. If I did, I'm sure I would just fall back down. I hear footsteps, and Four's hands wrap around my wrists. I let him pry my hands from my eyes.**

 **He encloses one of my hands perfectly between two of his. The warmth of his skin overwhelms the ache in my fingers from holding the bars.**

" **You all right?" he asks, pressing our hands together.**

" **Yeah."**

 **He starts to laugh.**

 **After a second, I laugh too. With my free hand, I push myself to a sitting position. I am aware of how little space there is between us—six inches at most. That space feels charged with electricity. I feel like it should be smaller.**

"Kiss her!" Of course it's Zeke calling out, again.

 **He stands, pulling me up with him. The wheel is still moving, creating a wind that tosses my hair back.**

" **You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked," I say. I try to sound casual. "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."**

" **I would have, if I had known," he says. "Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag."**

 **Four hesitates for a moment and then takes my arm, his fingertips pressing to the inside of my elbow. In other factions, he would give me time to recover, but he is Dauntless, so he smiles at me and starts toward the carousel, where our team members guard our flag. And I half run, half limp beside him. I still feel weak, but my mind is awake, especially with his hand on me.**

"I bet it is," Zeke teases.

 **Christina is perched on one of the horses, her long legs crossed and her hand around the pole holding the plastic animal upright. Our flag is behind her, a glowing triangle in the dark. Three Dauntless-born initiates stand among the other worn and dirty animals. One of them has his hand on a horse's head, and a scratched horse eye stares at me between his fingers. Sitting on the edge of the carousel is an older Dauntless, scratching her quadruple-pierced eyebrow with her thumb.**

" **Where'd the others go?" asks Four.**

 **He looks as excited as I feel, his eyes wide with energy.**

" **Did you guys turn on the wheel?" the older girl says. "What the hell are you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!'" She shakes her head. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"**

"I bet that is Maggie," Eric says. I just nod my head.

" **The wheel doesn't matter," says Four. "We know where they are."**

" **We?" says Christina, looking from Four to me.**

" **Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," he says.**

"You can hear the pride in his voice," Shauna says.

"Probably because he is the one reading it," Lynn tells her.

" **What do we do now, then?" asks one of the Dauntless-born initiates through a yawn.**

"Bloody sheep," Eric says.

 **Four looks at me. Slowly the eyes of the other initiates, including Christina, migrate from him to me. I tense my shoulders, about to shrug and say I don't know, and then an image of the pier stretching out beneath me comes into my mind. I have an idea.**

"Go Tris, go Tris, go Tris," Zeke chants.

"What's with all the chanting all the time?" Eric asks.

"I dunno. It's fun," Zeke says. "Go tris!"

" **Split in half," I say. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag."**

 **Christina looks at me like she no longer recognizes me. I don't blame her.**

"I didn't. It was like the Abnegation girl I knew had completely disappeared," Christina says.

"Tris is truly Dauntless," Marlene says.

" **Sounds good," says the older girl, clapping her hands together. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"**

 **Christina joins me in the group going to the right, along with Uriah, whose smile looks white against his skin's bronze. I didn't notice before, but he has a tattoo of a snake behind his ear. I stare at its tail curling around his earlobe for a moment, but then Christina starts running and I have to follow her.**

"You do too," Christina says while staring at Uriah's tattoo.

"Christina do you take notice of anything around you?" Max asks.

"Sure. I really like the top that Marlene is wearing. She always seems to wear clothes that accentuate her body shape. Shauna has beautiful bone structure, it would be a lot of fun to do her make up."

"Okay we get it," Eric says cutting her off. I can hear the dislike he has for her in his voice. "You will make a great fence guard."

Christina just scowls at him.

 **I have to run twice as fast to match my short strides to her long ones. As I run, I realize that only one of us will get to touch the flag, and it won't matter that it was my plan and my information that got us to it if I'm not the one who grabs it. Though I can hardly breathe as it is, I run faster, and I'm on Christina's heels. I pull my gun around my body, holding my finger over the trigger.**

 **We reach the end of the pier, and I clamp my mouth shut to keep my loud breaths in. We slow down so our footsteps aren't as loud, and I look for the blinking light again. Now that I'm on the ground, it's bigger and easier to see. I point, and Christina nods, leading the way toward it.**

 **Then I hear a chorus of yells, so loud they make me jump. I hear puffs of air as paintballs go flying and splats as they find their targets. Our team has charged, the other team runs to meet us, and the flag is almost unguarded. Uriah takes aim and shoots the last guard in the thigh. The guard, a short girl with purple hair, throws her gun to the ground in a tantrum.**

 **I sprint to catch up to Christina. The flag hangs from a tree branch, high above my head. I reach for it, and so does Christina.**

" **Come on, Tris," she says. "You're already the hero of the day. And you know you can't reach it anyway."**

 **She gives me a patronizing look, the way people sometimes look at children when they act too adult, and snatches the flag from the branch. Without looking at me, she turns and gives a whoop of victory. Uriah's voice joins hers and then I hear a chorus of yells in the distance.**

"Tris deserved to grab the flag first," Lynn cries out. "You're a bitch Christina."

 **Uriah claps my shoulder, and I try to forget about the look Christina gave me. Maybe she's right; I've already proved myself today. I do not want to be greedy; I do not want to be like Eric, terrified of other people's strength.**

"You should have taken the flag Tris," Eric says. "Lynn's right."

Christina gets up and runs from the room with Will chasing after her. Eric gets up and walks out as well.

"So we just have to wait for them to get back?" Lynn asks.

"You should have kept your mouth shut Lynn," Shauna scolds her sister.

"Why? It was a shitty thing to do and the look she gave Tris, well, she knew it was," Lynn defends herself.

"I don't care what you think," we hear Eric shout. "Get back in that room now. You made your choice now you can suck it up."

We all sit quietly waiting for the three to return. No one looks at any one else. I think we are afraid that we will start laughing and cause more problems. If only we could just read the books and get this over with quickly.

Eric storms back into the room and sits down. Will comes in next with Christina close by. She has her head down and quickly takes her seat so I start to read again.

 **The shouts of triumph become infectious, and I lift my voice to join in, running toward my teammates. Christina holds the flag up high, and everyone clusters around her, grabbing her arm to lift the flag even higher. I can't reach her, so I stand off to the side, grinning.**

 **A hand touches my shoulder.**

" **Well done," Four says quietly.**

"Page break," I say as I continue to read.

" **I can't believe I missed it!" Will says again, shaking his head. Wind coming through the doorway of the train car blows his hair in every direction.**

" **You were performing the very important job of staying out of our way," says Christina, beaming.**

 **Al groans. "Why did I have to be on the other team?"**

" **Because life's not fair, Albert. And the world is conspiring against you," says Will. "Hey, can I see the flag again?"**

 **Peter, Molly, and Drew sit across from the members in the corner. Their chests and backs are splattered with blue and pink paint, and they look dejected. They speak quietly, sneaking looks at the rest of us, especially Christina. That is the benefit of not holding the flag right now—I am no one's target. Or at least, no more than usual.**

"Glad you could find the positive Tris," Marlene smiles.

"Me too," Tris returns the smile to Marlene.

" **So you climbed the Ferris wheel, huh," says Uriah. He stumbles across the car and sits next to me. Marlene, the girl with the flirty smile, follows him.**

" **Yes," I say.**

" **Pretty smart of you. Like...Erudite smart," Marlene says. "I'm Marlene."**

" **Tris," I say. At home, being compared to an Erudite would be an insult, but she says it like a compliment.**

" **Yeah, I know who you are," she says. "The first jumper tends to stick in your head."**

"First jumper Tris," Zeke calls out.

"Zeke," I yell. "Enough with the first jumper crap. It's getting old."

 **It has been years since I jumped off a building in my Abnegation uniform; it has been decades.**

 **Uriah takes one of the paintballs from his gun and squeezes it between his thumb and index finger. The train lurches to the left, and Uriah falls against me, his fingers pinching the paintball until a stream of pink, foul-smelling paint sprays on my face.**

"That was horrible," Tris laughs. "Why do they smell so bad?"

 **Marlene collapses in giggles. I wipe some of the paint from my face, slowly, and then smear it on his cheek. The scent of fish oil wafts through the train car.**

" **Ew!" He squeezes the ball at me again, but the opening is at the wrong angle, and the paint sprays into his mouth instead. He coughs and makes exaggerated gagging sounds.**

"At least you didn't have to taste it," Uriah murmurs.

"Yeah but it was great to watch you eat it," Tris responds.

 **I wipe my face with my sleeve, laughing so hard my stomach hurts.**

 **If my entire life is like this, loud laughter and bold action and the kind of exhaustion you feel after a hard but satisfying day, I will be content. As Uriah scrapes his tongue with his fingertips, I realize that all I have to do is get through initiation, and that life will be mine.**

"Chapter over," I say with a sigh. I feel like that was the longest chapter so far.

"Can we have some lunch or go to the training room? Anything I can't keep sitting like this," Uriah whines.

"I'm going to go and do the washing. Does anyone want their clothes washed?" Tris asks.

After a chorus of yes pleases Tris decided to get everyone to just leave their washing at the door's to their rooms. The rest of the initiates decided to go to the training room. Tori, Zeke and Shauna followed the initiates.

I decided I'd go and help Tris while Max and Eric went into the kitchen to prepare lunch.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

FOUR'S POV

"I'm reading," Zeke announces as he picks up the book. We all get comfortable ready for him to start.

 **CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

 **The next morning, when I trudge into the training room, yawning, a large target stands at one end of the room, and next to the door is a table with knives strewn across it. Target practice again. At least it won't hurt.**

"Yeah right," Christina scoffs. Over half the room doesn't know what happened when I taught the transfers to throw knives. This should be fun, not.

 **Eric stands in the middle of the room, his posture so rigid it looks like someone replaced his spine with a metal rod. The sight of him makes me feel like all the air in the room is heavier, bearing down on me. At least when he was slouched against a wall, I could pretend he wasn't here. Today I can't pretend.**

" **Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," Eric says. "You will resume fighting then. Today, you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knives." His voice is deeper than usual. "And pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them."**

 **At first no one moves.**

" **Now!"**

"It looks like he might have been shouting the 'now' part," Zeke tells us.

"Little cranky from losing capture the flag?" Uriah asks with a smile on his face.

"Wipe the smile of your face Pedrad," Eric demands. "You'd be tired and cranky too if you had lost, again. Then had to deal with the stupidity of the transfers."

"HEY!" Will, Christina and Tris all call out at the same time.

 **We scramble for daggers. They aren't as heavy as guns, but they still feel strange in my hands, like I am not allowed to hold them.**

" **He's in a bad mood today," mumbles Christina.**

" **Is he ever in a good mood?" I murmur back.**

 **But I know what she means. Judging by the poisonous look Eric gives Four when he isn't paying attention, last night's loss must have bothered Eric more than he let on. Winning capture the flag is a matter of pride, and pride is important to the Dauntless. More important than reason or sense.**

"She so has you pegged," Tori says, laughing at Eric.

 **I watch Four's arm as he throws a knife. The next time he throws, I watch his stance. He hits the target each time, exhaling as he releases the knife.**

"You always find an excuse to check him out Tris," Marlene says.

"Wouldn't you?" Tris quickly says back to Marlene with a smile.

"I'm sitting right here," I say.

"I know," Tris cheekily says.

 **Eric orders, "Line up!"**

 **Haste, I think, will not help. My mother told me that when I was learning how to knit. I have to think of this as a mental exercise, not a physical exercise. So I spend the first few minutes practicing without a knife, finding the right stance, learning the right arm motion.**

"You just compared learning how to knit with knife throwing," Lynn says. "How is that possible?"

"I don't know. I throw knives way better than I could ever knit," Tris says.

"That's because you had a great instructor," I say with a big smile on my face.

I hear more than a few groans from around the room and Tris just laughs.

 **Eric paces too quickly behind us.**

"What is wrong with you Eric?" Tori asks. "You were a transfer. Do you not have empathy for them?"

"No. they need to learn. They need to be able to act in stressful situations. If they can't act with me pacing behind them, how the hell do you think they will react in front of a threat?"

I hate to say it but he does have a point. Not that I am going to voice that to the group.

" **I think the Stiff's taken too many hits to the head!" remarks Peter, a few people**

 **down. "Hey, Stiff! Remember what a knife is?"**

 **Ignoring him, I practice the throw again with a knife in hand but don't release it. I shut out Eric's pacing, and Peter's jeering, and the nagging feeling that Four is staring at me, and throw the knife. It spins end over end, slamming into the board. The blade doesn't stick, but I'm the first person to hit the target.**

"Nice work Tris," Lynn says.

 **I smirk as Peter misses again. I can't help myself.**

" **Hey, Peter," I say. "Remember what a target is?"**

"Ha, ha. Burn asshole!" Zeke shouts. "Oh that wasn't in the book."

"I think we got that Zeke," I tell him.

 **Next to me, Christina snorts, and her next knife hits the target.**

"Go Christina," Marlene calls out.

 **A half hour later, Al is the only initiate who hasn't hit the target yet. His knives clatter to the floor, or bounce off the wall. While the rest of us approach the board to collect our weapons, he hunts the floor for his.**

"How stupid is he?" Lynn asks shaking her head. It's easy for her to make the remark, she has been throwing knives for a lot longer than the transfers.

 **The next time he tries and misses, Eric marches toward him and demands, "How slow are you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?"**

"Way to give him time to answer," Tori snorts.

 **Al's face turns red. He throws another knife, and this one sails a few feet to the right of the target. It spins and hits the wall.**

" **What was that, initiate?" says Eric quietly, leaning closer to Al.**

 **I bite my lip. This isn't good.**

" **It—it slipped," says Al.**

" **Well, I think you should go get it," Eric says. He scans the other initiates' faces —everyone has stopped throwing again—and says, "Did I tell you to stop?"**

 **Knives start to hit the board. We have all seen Eric angry before, but this is different. The look in his eyes is almost rabid.**

" **Go get it?" Al's eyes are wide. "But everyone's still throwing."**

" **And?"**

" **And I don't want to get hit."**

" **I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better than you." Eric smiles a little, but his eyes stay cruel. "Go get your knife."**

 **Al doesn't usually object to anything the Dauntless tell us to do. I don't think he's afraid to; he just knows that objecting is useless. This time Al sets his wide jaw. He's reached the limits of his compliance.**

" **No," he says.**

"Of all the times for him to finally stand up to Eric," Shauna says. "He picks the day you are throwing knives. Idiot."

" **Why not?" Eric's beady eyes fix on Al's face. "Are you afraid?"**

" **Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife?" says Al. "Yes, I am!"**

Groans emanate from most people in the room. Most know Eric well enough that they know that what Al just admitted was a huge mistake.

 **Honesty is his mistake. Not his refusal, which Eric might have accepted. "Everyone stop!" Eric shouts.**

 **The knives stop, and so does all conversation. I hold my small dagger tightly.**

" **Clear out of the ring." Eric looks at Al. "All except you."**

 **I drop the dagger and it hits the dusty floor with a thud. I follow the other initiates to the edge of the room, and they inch in front of me, eager to see what makes my stomach turn: Al, facing Eric's wrath.**

" **Stand in front of the target," says Eric.**

"Is this some sort of joke?" Max asks. "What are you doing Eric?"

 **Al's big hands shake. He walks back to the target.**

" **Hey, Four." Eric looks over his shoulder. "Give me a hand here, huh?"**

 **Four scratches one of his eyebrows with a knife point and approaches Eric. He has dark circles under his eyes and a tense set to his mouth—he's as tired as we are.**

"Again with the Four descriptions," Marlene exclaims.

" **You're going to stand there as he throws those knives," Eric says to Al, "until you learn not to flinch."**

"Eric, what have I told you about these types of punishments?" Max says.

"They need to learn Max," Eric says dismissively.

"Yes, they do need to learn. They don't need to be tortured," Max says through gritted teeth. You can see the anger there.

" **Is this really necessary?" says Four. He sounds bored, but he doesn't look bored. His face and body are tense, alert.**

"Again?" Marlene whines. Seems she doesn't like to hear about me very much. Or is she just trying to have people forget that only a chapter ago she was trying to flirt with me?

 **I squeeze my hands into fists. No matter how casual Four sounds, the question is a challenge. And Four doesn't often challenge Eric directly.**

"Maybe not in front of the initiates," Eric sneers.

 **At first Eric stares at Four in silence. Four stares back. Seconds pass and my fingernails bite my palms.**

" **I have the authority here, remember?" Eric says, so quietly I can barely hear him. "Here, and everywhere else."**

"And where would everywhere else be Eric?" Zeke asks raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up and read Zeke," Eric tells Zeke.

 **Color rushes into Four's face, though his expression does not change. His grip on the knives tightens and his knuckles turn white as he turns to face Al.**

 **I look from Al's wide, dark eyes to his shaking hands to the determined set of Four's jaw. Anger bubbles in my chest, and bursts from my mouth: "Stop it."**

"No!" Uriah shouts. When he sees everyone looking at him he continues. "What? You would have to be crazy to get in the middle of this."

 **Four turns the knife in his hand, his fingers moving painstakingly over the metal edge. He gives me such a hard look that I feel like he's turning me to stone. I know why. I am stupid for speaking up while Eric is here; I am stupid for speaking up at all.**

"I'm glad you understood what I was thinking," I tell Tris.

" **Any idiot can stand in front of a target," I say. "It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice."**

"Oh yeah," Zeke hollers.

" **Then it should be easy for you," Eric says. "If you're willing to take his place."**

 **The last thing I want to do is stand in front of that target, but I can't back down now. I didn't leave myself the option. I weave through the crowd of initiates, and someone shoves my shoulder.**

" **There goes your pretty face," hisses Peter. "Oh, wait. You don't have one."**

"He is just so horrible. Has he looked in the mirror?" Marlene declares.

 **I recover my balance and walk toward Al. He nods at me. I try to smile encouragingly, but I can't manage it. I stand in front of the board, and my head doesn't even reach the center of the target, but it doesn't matter. I look at Four's knives: one in his right hand, two in his left hand.**

"What a fucking coward," Zeke utters. "To let someone else take your place and to acknowledge the person. Does he have no shame?"

"Can't agree more," Eric replies.

 **My throat is dry. I try to swallow, and then look at Four. He is never sloppy. He won't hit me. I'll be fine.**

 **I tip my chin up. I will not flinch. If I flinch, I prove to Eric that this is not as easy as I said it was; I prove that I'm a coward.**

" **If you flinch," Four says, slowly, carefully, "Al takes your place. Understand?"**

 **I nod.**

 **Four's eyes are still on mine when he lifts his hand, pulls his elbow back, and throws the knife. It is just a flash in the air, and then I hear a thud. The knife is buried in the board, half a foot away from my cheek. I close my eyes. Thank God.**

" **You about done, Stiff?" asks Four.**

 **I remember Al's wide eyes and his quiet sobs at night and shake my head. "No."**

" **Eyes open, then." He taps the spot between his eyebrows.**

"You don't sound very happy Four," Shauna says.

"Would you be?" I ask her.

"Probably not."

 **I stare at him, pressing my hands to my sides so no one can see them shake. He passes a knife from his left hand to his right hand, and I see nothing but his eyes as the second knife hits the target above my head. This one is closer than the last one—I feel it hovering over my skull.**

" **Come on, Stiff," he says. "Let someone else stand there and take it." Why is he trying to goad me into giving up? Does he want me to fail? "Shut up, Four!"**

"I wasn't trying to goad you," I say exasperated.

 **I hold my breath as he turns the last knife in his hand. I see a glint in his eyes as he pulls his arm back and lets the knife fly. It comes straight at me, spinning, blade over handle. My body goes rigid. This time, when it hits the board, my ear stings, and blood tickles my skin. I touch my ear. He nicked it.**

"Way to woo a girl Four," Uriah laughs.

"It didn't work out to badly for me Uriah," I say. Pulling Tris closer to me.

"You too are definitely meant to be together," Uriah laughs.

 **And judging by the look he gives me, he did it on purpose.**

" **I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is," says Eric, his voice smooth, "but I think that's enough for today."**

 **He squeezes my shoulder. His fingers feel dry and cold, and the look he gives me claims me, like he's taking ownership of what I did. I don't return Eric's smile. What I did had nothing to do with him.**

" **I should keep my eye on you," he adds.**

"Creepy," Shauna says.

 **Fear prickles inside me, in my chest and in my head and in my hands. I feel like the word "DIVERGENT" is branded on my forehead, and if he looks at me long enough, he'll be able to read it. But he just lifts his hand from my shoulder and keeps walking.**

 **Four and I stay behind. I wait until the room is empty and the door is shut before looking at him again. He walks toward me.**

" **Is your—" he begins.**

" **You did that on** _ **purpose**_ **!" I shout.**

" **Yes, I did," he says quietly. "And you should thank me for helping you."**

 **I grit my teeth. "Thank you? You almost stabbed my ear, and you spent the entire time taunting me. Why should I thank you?"**

" **You know, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on!"**

 **He glares at me, and even when he glares, his eyes look thoughtful. Their shade of blue is peculiar, so dark it is almost black, with a small patch of lighter blue on the left iris, right next to the corner of his eye.**

"You do take a lot of notice Tris," Shauna says.

"See. That is what I have been talking about," Marlene says.

" **Catch on? Catch on to what? That you wanted to prove to Eric how tough you are? That you're sadistic, just like he is?"**

"Ouch!" Zeke says.

" **I am not sadistic." He doesn't yell. I wish he would yell. It would scare me less. He leans his face close to mine, which reminds me of lying inches away from the attack dog's fangs in the aptitude test, and says, "If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?"**

Will burst into laughter and we all look at him. "She just compared Four to the dog in the aptitude test," he tells us.

Tris goes bright red and I just shake my head.

 **He crosses the room and slams the point of a knife so hard into the table that it sticks there, handle toward the ceiling.**

" **I—" I start to shout, but he's already gone. I scream, frustrated, and wipe some of the blood from my ear.**

"Dramatic end to the chapter," Zeke says. "Who's next?"

"I will," Shauna grabs the book from Zeke.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

FOUR'S POV

 **CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 **Today is the day before Visiting Day. I think of Visiting Day like I think of the world ending: Nothing after it matters. Everything I do builds up to it. I might see my parents again. I might not. Which is worse? I don't know.**

"At least the world didn't end after Visiting Day," Tori laughs.

 **I try to pull a pant leg over my thigh and it sticks just above my knee. Frowning, I stare at my leg. A bulge of muscle is stopping the fabric. I let the pant leg fall and look over my shoulder at the back of my thigh. Another muscle stands out there.**

 **I step to the side so I stand in front of the mirror. I see muscles that I couldn't see before in my arms, legs, and stomach. I pinch my side, where a layer of fat used to hint at curves to come. Nothing. Dauntless initiation has stolen whatever softness my body had. Is that good, or bad?**

"It's good," Lynn says. I look around the room and all the boys are nodding. I don't know whether I am happy about the way they are all looking at Tris.

"It means your Dauntless now Tris," Uriah pipes up. Marlene clips the back of his head with her hand. "Hey, what was that for?" 

"Can you not see the way Four is looking at you? Do you want a slow death or a quick one?" Marlene asks Uriah.

"What? I mean, no. I'm not looking at her like that man. She is like a sister," Uriah says.

"That is messed up Uriah. You don't look at your sister like that," Zeke says.

"How would you know? We don't have a sister," Uriah tells Zeke.

"Thank goodness for that," Tris mumbles. Everyone hears what she says and starts to laugh.

 **At least I am stronger than I was. I wrap my towel around me again and leave the girls' bathroom. I hope no one is in the dormitory to see me walking in my towel, but I can't wear those pants.**

 **When I open the dormitory door, a weight drops into my stomach. Peter, Molly, Drew, and some of the other initiates stand in the back corner, laughing. They look up when I walk in and start snickering. Molly's snort-laugh is louder than everyone else's.**

"There just isn't anything nice about that girl," Christina muses.

 **I walk to my bunk, trying to pretend like they aren't there, and fumble in the drawer under my bed for the dress Christina made me get. One hand clamped around the towel and one holding the dress, I stand up, and right behind me is Peter.**

"I knew that dress would come in handy," Christina gives Tris a 'I told you so look."

 **I jump back, almost hitting my head on Christina's bunk. I try to slip past him, but he slams his hand against Christina's bed frame, blocking my path. I should have known he wouldn't let me get away that easily.**

I feel myself stiffen. Oh God, what is he going to do?

" **Didn't realize you were so skinny, Stiff."**

" **Get away from me." My voice is somehow steady.**

" **This isn't the Hub, you know. No one has to follow a Stiff's orders here." His eyes travel down my body, not in the greedy way that a man looks at a woman, but cruelly, scrutinizing every flaw. I hear my heartbeat in my ears as the others inch closer, forming a pack behind Peter.**

"How does he not see a fine piece of ass in front of him?" Eric says shaking his head.

"What did you say?" I ask with as much venom as I can muster.

"Take it down a notch Four," Eric spews. "It is just a comment, it's not like I'm going to try to hit that any time soon."

"Just watch your mouth," I point my finger menacingly at him.

 **This will be bad.**

 **I have to get out of here.**

I would expect Zeke to say something funny right about now but you can feel the heavy tension in the room. Not just from Eric and I but from what is unfolding in the book.

 **Out of the corner of my eye, I see a clear path to the door. If I can duck under Peter's arm and sprint toward it, I might be able to make it.**

" **Look at her," says Molly, crossing her arms. She smirks at me. "She's practically a child."**

" **Oh, I don't know," says Drew. "She could be hiding something under that towel. Why don't we look and see?"**

"They wouldn't," Shauna gasps.

 _ **Now.**_ **I duck under Peter's arm and dart toward the door. Something pinches and pulls at my towel as I walk away and then yanks sharply—Peter's hand, gathering the fabric into his fist. The towel slips from my hand and the air is cold on my naked body, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.**

"I can't believe they did that," Marlene cries out.

 **Laughter erupts, and I run as fast as I can toward the door, holding the dress against my body to hide it. I sprint down the hallway and into the bathroom and lean against the door, breathing hard. I close my eyes.**

 **It doesn't matter. I don't care.**

"Are you okay," I whisper to Tris and hold her close to me.

"I'll be fine. It's not that easy having to relive the event," she says with a small smile.

"I should have let you keep beating on Molly that day," I say. Tris gives me a small laugh.

 **A sob bursts from my mouth, and I slap my hand over my lips to contain it. It doesn't matter what they saw. I shake my head like the motion is supposed to make it true.**

"Oh Tris," Christina looks as though she is going to cry any second now. I really hope she doesn't.

 **With shaking hands, I get dressed. The dress is plain black, with a V-neck that shows the tattoos on my collarbone, and goes down to my knees.**

 **Once I'm dressed and the urge to cry is gone, I feel something hot and violent writhing in my stomach. I want to hurt them.**

 **I stare at my eyes in the mirror. I want to, so I will.**

"Go Tris, go Tris, go Tris," Zeke starts another of his little chants. We all laugh, more from relief that what happened is over than laughing at Zeke.

"Page break thingy," Shauna tells the room.

 **I can't fight in a dress, so I get myself some new clothes from the Pit before I walk to the training room for my last fight. I hope it's with Peter.**

"We should make dresses that we can fight in," Christina says with excitement in her eyes.

" **Hey, where were you this morning?" Christina asks when I walk in. I squint to see the blackboard across the room. The space next to my name is blank—I haven't gotten an opponent yet.**

" **I got held up," I say.**

"That's an understatement," Lynn scoffs.

 **Four stands in front of the board and writes a name next to mine. Please let it be**

 **Peter, please, please...**

" **You okay, Tris? You look a little...," says Al.**

" **A little what?"**

 **Four moves away from the board. The name written next to mine is Molly. Not Peter, but good enough.**

" **On edge," says Al.**

"How could he even tell? I mean it is like he is in a permanent slumber. How could he know what others are like," Lynn says.

"They teach you about body language in Candor," Christina explains.

 **My fight is last on the list, which means I have to wait through three matches before I face her. Edward and Peter fight second to last—good. Edward is the only one who can beat Peter. Christina will fight Al, which means that Al will lose quickly, like he's been doing all week.**

" **Go easy on me, okay?" Al asks Christina.**

" **I make no promises," she replies.**

 **The first pair—Will and Myra—stand across from each other in the arena. For a second they both shuffle back and forth, one jerking an arm forward and then retracting it, the other kicking and missing. Across the room, Four leans against the wall and yawns.**

"Bored are we?" Zeke asks me.

"You have no idea," I say.

 **I stare at the board and try to predict the outcome of each match. It doesn't take long. Then I bite my fingernails and think about Molly. Christina lost to her, which means she's good. She has a powerful punch, but she doesn't move her feet. If she can't hit me, she can't hurt me.**

"Someone's Erudite is showing," Uriah sing songs.

 **As expected, the next fight between Christina and Al is quick and painless. Al falls after a few hard hits to the face and doesn't get back up, which makes Eric shake his head.**

 **Edward and Peter take longer. Though they are the two best fighters, the disparity between them is noticeable. Edward's fist slams into Peter's jaw, and I remember what Will said about him—that he has been studying combat since he was ten. It's obvious. He is faster and smarter than even Peter.**

"Everyone's smarter than Peter," Christina claims. I'm not sure if that is entirely true.

 **By the time the three matches are done, my nails are bitten to the beds and I'm hungry for lunch. I walk to the arena without looking at anyone or anything but the center of the room. Some of my anger has faded, but it isn't hard to call back. All I have to do is think about how cold the air was and how loud the laughter was.** _ **Look at her. She's a child.**_

 **Molly stands across from me.**

" **Was that a birthmark I saw on your left butt cheek?" she says, smirking. "God, you're pale, Stiff."**

"She is so asking for it," Lynn says. "You better have beaten her."

"Will you just let me read so we can find out," Shauna scolds her sister.

 **She'll make the first move. She always does.**

 **Molly starts toward me and throws her weight into a punch. As her body shifts forward, I duck and drive my fist into her stomach, right over her bellybutton. Before she can get her hands on me, I slip past her, my hands up, ready for her next attempt.**

 **She's not smirking anymore. She runs at me like she's about to tackle me, and I dart out of the way. I hear Four's voice in my head, telling me that the most powerful weapon at my disposal is my elbow. I just have to find a way to use it.**

"Even in the middle of a fight you are thinking of Four," Zeke laughs.

"I was thinking of the advice he gave me," Tris defends.

 **I block her next punch with my forearm. The blow stings, but I barely notice it. She grits her teeth and lets out a frustrated groan, more animal-sounding than human. She tries a sloppy kick at my side, which I dodge, and while her balance is off, I rush forward and force my elbow up at her face. She pulls her head back just in time, and my elbow grazes her chin.**

"This is why most initiates lose," Eric seems like he is thinking aloud. When he sees us all looking at him he speaks. "They let their emotions get the better of them. They don't channel their anger, they let it dictate them."

 **She punches me in the ribs and I stumble to the side, recovering my breath. There's something she's not protecting, I know it. I want to hit her face, but maybe that's not a smart move. I watch her for a few seconds. Her hands are too high; they guard her nose and cheeks, leaving her stomach and ribs exposed. Molly and I have the same flaw in combat.**

 **Our eyes meet for just a second.**

 **I aim an uppercut low, below her bellybutton. My fist sinks into her flesh, forcing a heavy breath from her mouth that I feel against my ear. As she gasps, I sweep-kick her legs out from under her, and she falls hard on the ground, sending dust into the air. I pull my foot back and kick as hard as I can at her ribs.**

 **My mother and father would not approve of my kicking someone when she's down.**

 **I don't care.**

"Finally!" Zeke cheers.

 **She curls into a ball to protect her side, and I kick again, this time hitting her in the stomach. Like a child. I kick again, this time hitting her in the face. Blood springs from her nose and spreads over her face. Look at her. Another kick hits her in the chest.**

 **I pull my foot back again, but Four's hands clamp around my arms, and he pulls me away from her with irresistible force. I breathe through gritted teeth, staring at Molly's blood-covered face, the color deep and rich and beautiful, in a way.**

"Let's just ignore your last comment," Zeke says.

 **She groans, and I hear a gurgling in her throat, watch blood trickle from her lips.**

" **You won," Four mutters. "Stop."**

 **I wipe the sweat from my forehead. He stares at me. His eyes are too wide; they look alarmed.**

" **I think you should leave," he says. "Take a walk."**

" **I'm fine," I say. "I'm fine now," I say again, this time for myself. I wish I could say I felt guilty for what I did.**

 **I don't.**

"And this is when Tris became truly Dauntless," Lynn says with a big smile on her face.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Here's a bonus chapter because last chapter didn't have much to it. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

FOUR'S POV

"My turn to read," Christina cheerfully says while clapping her hands together. I don't know what has her so happy but I hope she tones it down while she is reading or I am going to end up with a headache.

 **CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

 **Visiting Day. The second I open my eyes, I remember. My heart leaps and then plummets when I see Molly hobble across the dormitory, her nose purple between strips of medical tape. Once I see her leave, I check for Peter and Drew. Neither of them is in the dormitory, so I change quickly. As long as they aren't here, I don't care who sees me in my underwear, not anymore.**

"Al sure enjoyed it," Will teases Tris. I feel Tris tense next to me and lean in closer.

"Are you okay?" I whisper. Tris just nods but I can feel that she isn't really.

"That's not funny Will," Tori scolds.

Everyone is waiting to see how he responds but he just shrugs. What is that? Christina continues to read.

 **Everyone else dresses in silence. Not even Christina smiles. We all know that we might go to the Pit floor and search every face and never find one that belongs to us.**

"I'm so glad I didn't have that problem," Marlene smiles.

"I couldn't imagine what that would feel like," Uriah says.

"Lucky you stayed in Dauntless then," Zeke says. "There is no way I would have visited you if you had left."

"You would have," Uriah smiles.

"No way in hell little brother."

"Yeah you would have. Mum would have made you," Uriah is still smiling.

"She could try."

"Don't talk crap Zeke," Lynn butts into the brothers' discussion. "Your mum would have dragged you by the ear to go see him."

I start to laugh, thinking that is exactly what Hana would have done and Zeke would never have argued with her.

"What's so funny?" Zeke asks me.

"I can just imagine Hana dragging you out by the ear," I say laughing even harder.

 **I make my bed with the tight corners like my father taught me. As I pinch a stray hair from my pillow, Eric walks in.**

"Dun dun dah," Uriah says. We all laugh.

" **Attention!" he announces, flicking a lock of dark hair from his eyes. "I want to give you some advice about today. If by some miracle your families do come to visit you..." He scans our faces and smirks. "...which I doubt, it is best not to seem too attached. That will make it easier for you, and easier for them. We also take the phrase 'faction before blood' very seriously here. Attachment to your family suggests you aren't entirely pleased with your faction, which would be shameful. Understand?"**

 **I understand. I hear the threat in Eric's sharp voice. The only part of that speech that Eric meant was the last part: We are Dauntless, and we need to act accordingly.**

"Exactly," Eric shouts slapping his thigh.

 **On my way out of the dormitory, Eric stops me.**

" **I may have underestimated you, Stiff," he says. "You did well yesterday."**

"Wow!" Zeke exclaims. "That must be the first-time Eric paid someone a compliment."

"Don't act like you think you know me Zeke," Eric snaps back at Zeke.

Zeke just puts his hands up, like he is saying he doesn't want to start an argument.

 **I stare up at him. For the first time since I beat Molly, guilt pinches my gut.**

 **If Eric thinks I did something right, I must have done it wrong.**

" **Thank you," I say. I slip out of the dormitory.**

 **Once my eyes adjust to the dim hallway light, I see Christina and Will ahead of me, Will laughing, probably at a joke Christina made. I don't try to catch up. For some reason, I feel like it would be a mistake to interrupt them.**

"Ooooh lovers," Uriah jokes. Both Christina and Will go red and everyone has a laugh.

 **Al is missing. I didn't see him in the dormitory, and he's not walking toward the Pit now. Maybe he's already there.**

"Why did you tease Tris about Al if he wasn't even there?" Lynn asks and you can hear the shock and a little anger in her voice.

"Just because she didn't see him, doesn't mean he wasn't there," Will defends.

"Enough," I say. "No more creepy Al stories."

 **I run my fingers through my hair and smooth it into a bun. I check my clothes—am I covered up? My pants are tight and my collarbone is showing. They won't approve.**

"Who cares if they approve? You are Dauntless now," Lynn insists.

 **Who cares if they approve? I set my jaw. This is my faction now. These are the clothes my faction wears. I stop just before the hallway ends.**

"See. There's our Dauntless Tris," Lynn nods as she says this.

 **Clusters of families stand on the Pit floor, most of them Dauntless families with Dauntless initiates. They still look strange to me—a mother with a pierced eyebrow, a father with a tattooed arm, an initiate with purple hair, a wholesome family unit. I spot Drew and Molly standing alone at one end of the room and suppress a smile. At least their families didn't come.**

"Ouch! Tris is really becoming Dauntless," Marlene teases.

 **But Peter's did. He stands next to a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a short, meek-looking woman with red hair. Neither of his parents looks like him. They both wear black pants and white shirts, typical Candor outfits, and his father speaks so loudly I can almost hear him from where I stand. Do they know what kind of person their son is?**

"That's because he was adopted," Max says. Just another piece of the Peter puzzle. I wonder if that is why he is the way he is. I wonder if his birth parents were Abnegation and that is why he hates Tris so much.

"How do you know this?" Tris asks.

"It is in the file we got from Candor," Max says. "We get an information file for every transfer."

"So, you would know when my birthday is?" Tris asks with hope in her voice.

"You don't know when your birthday is?" Christina almost screams.

Tris just shakes her head.

"We most certainly know when _your_ birthday is Tris," Eric states.

"Why do you say it like that?" I ask.

"It seems Tris here is the youngest ever transfer that Dauntless has had. Her birthday was only two days before the Choosing Ceremony," Eric states. "And didn't it cause the stir in Abnegation."

"What do you mean?" Concern written all over Tris's face as she asks this.

"Your father and Marcus Eaton tried to have your decision to transfer to Dauntless revoked," Max says seriously.

"Revoked?" Tris chokes out.

"Yes revoked," Eric says. "Every leader from every faction was dragged into bloody faction meetings to discuss you."

"I don't understand," Tris says. "Why?"

"Well this is where it gets complicated. Marcus and Andrew demanded to see your test results. Which should never have been allowed. Only the faction you choose and Erudite usually see the results. But because Marcus heads the government he pulled rank. When they saw that you got an Abnegation result all hell broke loose," Max explains and you could hear a pin drop it is so quiet.

"Marcus tried to make out that Tobias had seduced you into coming to Dauntless," Eric smirks.

"But I didn't know who Tobias was until the night before we all got kidnapped," Tris says.

"You know who Tobias Eaton is?" Christina asks.

"Not really the question to be asking right now," I say.

"We know Tris," Max says. "We asked Tobias and he explained that he knew of you but didn't know you. I suppose that has changed rather a lot now." Max chuckles.

Tris blushes.

"So what happened with the meeting?" Tori asks. I think we are all dying to know the answer to that.

"Because the other factions knew we were cutting initiates this year, Andrew and Marcus kept demanding that you be returned to Abnegation," Eric answers. "The short version is that the factions agreed that if you failed you would not be sent to factionless but you could choose to go back to Abnegation if you wanted."

"What?" Christina screams. "How is that fair? Why should _she_ get a special pass just because _her_ father is on the council?" The venom in Christina's voice is toxic.

"I don't think you really need to worry about that Christina," Eric replies with complete disdain for Christina. "From what we can see she is going to out rank _you_ by quite a bit. If she goes as well as she has in her fear sims, in the fear landscape she may even rank first."

"First," another scream from Christina.

"Yes. First," Max concurs.

"Which will be a good fuck you to Marcus bloody Eaton, if you ask me," Eric laughs.

Good to know he doesn't like my father either.

"But what about you saying that the factions will disintegrate if we break the rules?" Zeke asks.

"We only agreed to give her the option of going back. As much as Tris sucked in the fights you could see from day one she was going to make it. It was in her eyes. We have never had a first jumper that hasn't ranked in the top five initiates," Eric says.

"Keep reading Christina," Max tells her.

I wonder if it was because she is Divergent that they tried to have her taken back to Abnegation. I'm glad that they didn't. Must be the first time I have ever agreed with Eric and Max on something.

 **Then again...what kind of person am I?**

 **Across the room, Will stands with a woman in a blue dress. She doesn't look old enough to be his mother, but she has the same crease between her eyebrows as he does, and the same golden hair. He talked about having a sister once; maybe that's her.**

"Cara," Will says. I can hear the longing in his voice.

 **Next to him, Christina hugs a dark-skinned woman in Candor black and white. Standing behind Christina is a young girl, also a Candor. Her younger sister.**

 **Should I even bother scanning the crowd for my parents? I could turn around and go back to the dormitory.**

 **Then I see her. My mother stands alone near the railing with her hands clasped in front of her. She has never looked more out of place, with her gray slacks and gray jacket buttoned at the throat, her hair in its simple twist and her face placid. I start toward her, tears jumping into my eyes. She came. She came for me.**

 **I walk faster. She sees me, and for a second her expression is blank, like she doesn't know who I am. Then her eyes light up, and she opens her arms. She smells like soap and laundry detergent.**

" **Beatrice," she whispers. She runs her hand over my hair.**

"Beatrice, it cracks me up every time I hear it," Lynn laughs. "It just doesn't suit you."

 **Don't cry, I tell myself. I hold her until I can blink the moisture from my eyes, and then pull back to look at her again. I smile with closed lips, just like she does. She touches my cheek.**

" **Well, look at you," she says. "You've filled out." She puts her arm across my shoulders. "Tell me how you are."**

" **You first." The old habits are back. I should let her speak first. I shouldn't let the conversation stay focused on me for too long. I should make sure she doesn't need anything.**

"This is ridiculous. The Abnegation really need to re-evaluate their rules," Shauna says.

" **Today is a special occasion," she says. "I came to see you, so let's talk mostly about you. It is my gift to you."**

"How can it be a gift? It shouldn't have to be a gift. This is just not normal," Shauna states, shaking her head.

 **My selfless mother. She should not be giving me gifts, not after I left her and my father. I walk with her toward the railing that overlooks the chasm, glad to be close to her. The last week and a half has been more affectionless than I realized. At home we did not touch each other often, and the most I ever saw my parents do was hold hands at the dinner table, but it was more than this, more than here.**

"No wonder you freaked out at Edward and Myra," Will says.

" **Just one question." I feel my pulse in my throat. "Where's Dad? Is he visiting Caleb?"**

" **Ah." She shakes her head. "Your father had to be at work."**

 **I look down. "You can tell me if he didn't want to come."**

 **Her eyes travel over my face. "Your father has been selfish lately. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, I promise."**

 **I stare at her, stunned. My father—selfish? More startling than the label is the fact that she assigned it to him. I can't tell by looking at her if she's angry. I don't expect to be able to. But she must be; if she calls him selfish, she must be angry.**

"Is it really that serious?" Will asks.

"It's like one step away from divorce," Tris sounds so serious as she says this and worried. But she is right. When an Abnegation is labelled selfish, I don't know how to describe it, but it is extremely serious.

" **What about Caleb?" I say. "Will you visit him later?"**

" **I wish I could," she says, "but the Erudite have prohibited Abnegation visitors from entering their compound. If I tried, I would be removed from the premises."**

" **What?" I demand. "That's terrible. Why would they do that?"**

" **Tensions between our factions are higher than ever," she says. "I wish it wasn't that way, but there is little I can do about it."**

"That is stupid," Lynn declares. "What do they gain from that? You would think that Erudite would like to rub it in that an Abnegation wanted to be in Erudite and not Abnegation."

"Sometime the most logical people can be completely illogical," Tori states.

 **I think of Caleb standing among the Erudite initiates, scanning the crowd for our mother, and feel a pang in my stomach. Part of me is still angry with him for keeping so many secrets from me, but I don't want him to hurt.**

" **That's terrible," I repeat. I look toward the chasm.**

 **Standing alone at the railing is Four. Though he's not an initiate anymore, most of the Dauntless use this day to come together with their families. Either his family doesn't like to come together, or he wasn't originally Dauntless. Which faction could he have come from?**

"That question just keeps popping up," Eric can't help but say.

"When will we find out who Four is?" Uriah asks.

"You already know," Zeke tells him.

"I know. I just can't wait to see the reaction of the others," Uriah starts to bounce with excitement in his seat.

"Why don't you just tell us Four?" Marlene asks.

"It might not come up," I say.

" **There's one of my instructors." I lean closer to her and say, "He's kind of intimidating."**

" **He's handsome," she says.**

 **I find myself nodding without thinking. She laughs and lifts her arm from my shoulders. I want to steer her away from him, but just as I'm about to suggest that we go somewhere else, he looks over his shoulder.**

"Busted," Zeke calls out laughing.

 **His eyes widen at the sight of my mother. She offers him her hand.**

" **Hello. My name is Natalie," she says. "I'm Beatrice's mother."**

 **I have never seen my mother shake hands with someone. Four eases his hand into hers, looking stiff, and shakes it twice. The gesture looks unnatural for both of them. No, Four was not originally Dauntless if he doesn't shake hands easily.**

"Tris you basically answered your own question," Zeke chuckles.

"Shh, just read Christina," Tris says glaring daggers at Zeke. This has him laughing.

" **Four," he says. "It's nice to meet you."**

" **Four," my mother repeats, smiling. "Is that a nickname?"**

" **Yes." He doesn't elaborate. What is his real name? "Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training."**

 **Since when does "overseeing" include throwing knives at me and scolding me at every opportunity?**

"Sarcasm Beatrice," I tease.

" **That's good to hear," she says. "I know a few things about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her."**

 **He looks at me, and his eyes move down my face, from nose to mouth to chin. Then he says, "You shouldn't worry."**

"Yeah he wasn't just looking at you Tris. That's what someone does when they want to kiss you," Shauna teases. Although I don't think she is teasing Tris. I think she is trying to tease me. And it works, I can't help but blush.

 **I can't keep the heat from rushing into my cheeks. I hope it isn't noticeable.**

"Blushes all round," Shauna laughs. Everyone is looking at her like she is crazy but I know what she is talking about.

 **Is he just reassuring her because she's my mother, or does he really believe that I am capable? And what did that look mean?**

"I believed in you," I tell Tris.

"Yeah and you wanted to kiss her too," Zeke says. I just shake my head. I am not going to admit to everyone that he is right.

 **She tilts her head. "You look familiar for some reason, Four."**

" **I can't imagine why," he replies, his voice suddenly cold. "I don't make a habit of associating with the Abnegation."**

 **My mother laughs. She has a light laugh, half air and half sound. "Few people do, these days. I don't take it personally."**

 **He seems to relax a little. "Well, I'll leave you to your reunion."**

"Four how can you go from being nice to so rude all in a few seconds?" Marlene asks.

"It's a gift," I say dryly.

 **My mother and I watch him leave. The roar of the river fills my ears. Maybe Four was one of the Erudite, which explains why he hates Abnegation. Or maybe he believes the articles the Erudite release about us—them, I remind myself. But it was kind of him to tell her that I'm doing well when I know he doesn't believe it.**

"I did believe it," I almost shout.

"Calm down Four," Lynn cautions.

" **Is he always like that?" she says. "Worse."**

" **Have you made friends?" she asks.**

" **A few," I say. I look over my shoulder at Will and Christina and their families. When Christina catches my eye, she beckons to me, smiling, so my mother and I cross the Pit floor.**

 **Before we can get to Will and Christina, though, a short, round woman with a black- and-white-striped shirt touches my arm. I twitch, resisting the urge to smack her hand away.**

"I would have," Lynn says. I believe she would.

" **Excuse me," she says. "Do you know my son? Albert?"**

" **Albert?" I repeat. "Oh—you mean Al? Yes, I know him."**

" **Do you know where we can find him?" she says, gesturing to a man behind her. He is tall and as thick as a boulder. Al's father, obviously.**

" **I'm sorry, I didn't see him this morning. Maybe you should look for him up there?" I point at the glass ceiling above us.**

" **Oh my," Al's mother says, fanning her face with her hand. "I would rather not attempt that climb again. I almost had a panic attack on the way down here. Why aren't there any railings along those paths? Are you all insane?"**

 **I smile a little. A few weeks ago I might have found that question offensive, but now I spend too much time with Candor transfers to be surprised by tactlessness.**

" **Insane, no," I say. "Dauntless, yes. If I see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him."**

"Great answer Tris," Marlene smiles. "But why is she asking you if we are all insane? Wasn't Al the crazy one?"

 **My mother, I see, wears the same smile I do. She isn't reacting the way some of the other transfers' parents are—her neck bent, looking around at the Pit walls, at the Pit ceiling, at the chasm. Of course she isn't curious—she's Abnegation. Curiosity is foreign to her.**

 **I introduce my mother to Will and Christina, and Christina introduces me to her mother and her sister. But when Will introduces me to Cara, his older sister, she gives me the kind of look that would wither a plant and does not extend her hand for me to shake. She glares at my mother.**

"At least it is in our manifesto that we don't have manners, what's the other factions excuse?" Lynn says.

" **I can't believe that you associate with one of them, Will," she says.**

 **My mother purses her lips, but of course, doesn't say anything.**

" **Cara," says Will, frowning, "there's no need to be rude."**

" **Oh, certainly not. Do you know what she is?" She points at my mother. "She's a council member's wife is what she is. She runs the 'volunteer agency' that supposedly helps the factionless. You think I don't know that you're just hoarding goods to distribute to your own faction while we don't get fresh food for a month, huh? Food for the factionless, my eye."**

" **I'm sorry," my mother says gently. "I believe you are mistaken."**

" **Mistaken. Ha," Cara snaps. "I'm sure you're exactly what you seem. A faction of happy-go-lucky do-gooders without a selfish bone in their bodies. Right."**

" **Don't speak to my mother that way," I say, my face hot. I clench my hands into fists. "Don't say another word to her or I swear I will break your nose."**

"You are becoming scary Tris," Zeke jokes. I only know this because he is laughing his head off as he says it.

" **Back off, Tris," Will says. "You're not going to punch my sister."**

" **Oh?" I say, raising both eyebrows. "You think so?"**

" **No, you're not." My mother touches my shoulder. "Come on, Beatrice. We wouldn't want to bother your friend's sister."**

 **She sounds gentle, but her hand squeezes my arm so hard I almost cry out from the pain as she drags me away. She walks with me, fast, toward the dining hall. Just before she reaches it, though, she takes a sharp left turn and walks down one of the dark hallways I haven't explored yet.**

"Now we know where you get it from Tris," Tori smiles.

" **Mom," I say. "Mom, how do you know where you're going?"**

 **She stops next to a locked door and stands on her tiptoes, peering at the base of the blue lamp hanging from the ceiling. A few seconds later she nods and turns to me again.**

" **I said no questions about me. And I meant it. How are you really doing, Beatrice? How have the fights been? How are you ranked?"**

" **Ranked?" I say. "You know that I've been fighting? You know that I'm ranked?"**

" **It isn't top-secret information, how the Dauntless initiation process works."**

 **I don't know how easy it is to find out what another faction does during initiation, but I suspect it's not that easy. Slowly, I say, "I'm close to the bottom, Mom."**

" **Good." She nods. "No one looks too closely at the bottom. Now, this is very important, Beatrice: What were your aptitude test results?"**

"Like your father didn't put you on top of everyone's radar," Eric scoffs.

 **Tori's warning pulses in my head. Don't tell anyone. I should tell her that my result was Abnegation, because that's what Tori recorded in the system.**

 **I look into my mother's eyes, which are pale green and framed by a dark smudge of eyelashes. She has lines around her mouth, but other than that, she doesn't look her age. Those lines get deeper when she hums. She used to hum as she washed the dishes.**

 **This is my mother.**

 **I can trust her.**

" **They were inconclusive," I say softly.**

" **I thought as much." She sighs. "Many children who are raised Abnegation receive that kind of result. We don't know why. But you have to be very careful during the next stage of initiation, Beatrice. Stay in the middle of the pack, no matter what you do. Don't draw attention to yourself. Do you understand?"**

"I think it's because they are told to repress everything," Will says. "Because you are stuck in your head all day it does something to the mind."

"But they aren't just in Abnegation," I say.

" **Mom, what's going on?"**

" **I don't care what faction you chose," she says, touching her hands to my cheeks. "I am your mother and I want to keep you safe."**

" **Is this because I'm a—" I start to say, but she presses her hand to my mouth.**

" **Don't say that word," she hisses. "Ever."**

 **So Tori was right. Divergent is a dangerous thing to be. I just don't know why, or even what it really means, still.**

" **Why?"**

 **She shakes her head. "I can't say."**

"How frustrating," Lynn says. "They put some stupid label on you and then no one will talk. They shouldn't be allowed to do that."

 **She looks over her shoulder, where the light from the Pit floor is barely visible. I hear shouts and conversations, laughter and shuffling footsteps. The smell from the dining hall floats over my nose, sweet and yeasty: baking bread. When she turns toward me, her jaw is set.**

" **There's something I want you to do," she says. "I can't go visit your brother, but you can, when initiation is over. So I want you to go find him and tell him to research the simulation serum. Okay? Can you do that for me?"**

"What's the simulation serum got to do with anything?" Will asks.

"That would be a good question for Max or Eric to answer," I say.

"Just read Christina," Max demands.

" **Not unless you explain some of this to me, Mom!" I cross my arms. "You want me to go hang out at the Erudite compound for the day, you had better give me a reason!"**

"Stubborn," I whisper.

" **I can't. I'm sorry." She kisses my cheek and brushes a lock of hair that fell from my bun behind my ear. "I should leave. It will make you look better if you and I don't seem attached to each other."**

" **I don't care how I look to them," I say.**

" **You should," she says. "I suspect they are already monitoring you."**

 **She walks away, and I am too stunned to follow her. At the end of the hallway she turns and says, "Have a piece of cake for me, all right? The chocolate. It's delicious." She smiles a strange, twisted smile, and adds, "I love you, you know."**

 **And then she's gone.**

 **I stand alone in the blue light coming from the lamp above me, and I understand:**

 **She has been to the compound before. She remembered this hallway. She knows about the initiation process.**

 **My mother was Dauntless.**

"You really are meant for Dauntless," Uriah cheers. "It's in your blood."


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

FOUR'S POV

Will takes the book from Christina and just starts to read.

 **CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

 **That afternoon, I go back to the dormitory while everyone else spends time with their families and find Al sitting on his bed, staring at the space on the wall where the chalkboard usually is. Four took it down yesterday so he could calculate our stage one rankings.**

" **There you are!" I say. "Your parents were looking for you. Did they find you?"**

 **He shakes his head.**

"Of course he didn't. He was avoiding them," Max says.

"How do you know that?" Tris asks.

"We were watching from the control room," Eric says. "Had to make sure that no one was too friendly with their families."

"Al was acting suspicious so we took a bit more notice to him. Noticed that he was staying in the shadows but watching them," Max says. "At one stage it looked like he might actually attack them. We had members in the Pit watching out for his parents. They were here for hours trying to find him."

"So, you knew he was trouble but you still let him sleep in a room full of initiates?" I say, incensed at the danger leadership left Tris in.

"It wasn't that easy Four," Eric snaps back at me. "We didn't know of his troubles until we looked at his file. We just didn't get to his file until after he jumped."

"Maybe you should have looked before hand," I counter.

"We would have but we were stuck in bloody meetings trying to keep _your little girlfriend_ in Dauntless."

What can I even say to that? I have nothing so I just huff out a sigh. I can't fault them for not looking but I can blame Marcus.

 **I sit down next to him on the bed. My leg is barely half the width of his, even now that it's more muscular than it was. He wears black shorts. His knee is purple-blue with a bruise and crossed with a scar.**

"Did he get the scar here?" Christina asks.

"No," Will says. "He must have had it when he arrived."

"There were a lot of scars on him," Max says. "Look we don't know what he did while he was in Candor but from what the doctor that examined him said, he had a lot of self-inflicted injuries and a few that he had no idea where they came from."

"When we talked to Jack he would only tell us that he was troubled and that he had the nicest parents. They knew his parents hadn't inflicted the injuries because of whatever trouble that he had been in," Max informs us.

"Can we stop this thing from happening again?" I ask. "Not the jumping. The unstable from being able to choose. And how did his parents get away with holding him back two years?"

"We asked Jack that and he couldn't answer the question. The whole mess is on the calendar to be discussed at the next council meeting," Eric says.

I think he is just trying to calm me down. Because I am sure from what I know there isn't going to be a council meeting anytime soon.

" **You didn't want to see them?" I say.**

" **Didn't want them to ask how I was doing," he says. "I'd have to tell them, and they would know if I was lying."**

"He was such a good liar," Tris comments.

"He was," Christina agrees. "I can usually tell when someone is lying but I didn't with him."

"Maybe because he was Candor you didn't look to closely at him," Will remarks.

"Maybe."

" **Well..." I struggle to come up with something to say. "What's wrong with how you're doing?"**

 **Al laughs harshly. "I've lost every fight since the one with Will. I'm not doing well."**

" **By choice, though. Couldn't you tell them that, too?"**

 **He shakes his head. "Dad always wanted me to come here. I mean, they said they wanted me to stay in Candor, but that's only because that's what they're supposed to say. They've always admired the Dauntless, both of them. They wouldn't understand if I tried to explain it to them."**

"They bloody knew more than he is letting on," Zeke sounds almost as frustrated as I feel.

" **Oh." I tap my fingers against my knee. Then I look at him. "Is that why you chose Dauntless? Because of your parents?"**

 **Al shakes his head. "No. I guess it was because...I think it's important to protect people. To stand up for people. Like you did for me." He smiles at me. "That's what the Dauntless are supposed to do, right? That's what courage is. Not...hurting people for no reason."**

 **I remember what Four told me, that teamwork used to be a Dauntless priority. What were the Dauntless like when it was? What would I have learned if I had been here when my mother was Dauntless? Maybe I wouldn't have broken Molly's nose. Or threatened Will's sister.**

"Where do we start with your thoughts Tris? Really? You over think everything," Lynn complains.

 **I feel a pang of guilt. "Maybe it will be better once initiation is over."**

" **Too bad I might come in last," Al says. "I guess we'll see tonight."**

"Bye-bye Al," Uriah says. "Oh wait, why didn't he leave?"

"It will come up later Uriah," Tris says.

 **We sit side-by-side for a while. It's better to be here, in silence, than in the Pit, watching everyone laugh with their families.**

 **My father used to say that sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them. I feel good when I do something I know he would be proud of, like it makes up for all the things I've done that he wouldn't be proud of.**

"What are some of the things you have done that he wouldn't be proud of?" Zeke asks. "Wait, don't answer that. It is probably some ridiculous rule of Abnegation's that you broke and that we wouldn't find interesting anyway."

" **I feel braver when I'm around you, you know," he says. "Like I could actually fit in here, the same way you do."**

"Someone has a crush," Marlene hums.

Everyone looks at Tris and she has gone bright red.

 **I am about to respond when he slides his arm across my shoulders. Suddenly I freeze, my cheeks hot.**

"You didn't tell me about this," Christina screams across the room.

"It's not something I wanted to remember," Tris sounds morfified.

 **I didn't want to be right about Al's feelings for me. But I was.**

 **I do not lean into him. Instead I sit forward so his arm falls away. Then I squeeze my hands together in my lap.**

"Smooth Tris," Zeke laughs with a wink to Tris.

" **Tris, I...," he says. His voice sounds strained. I glance at him. His face is as red as mine feels, but he's not crying—he just looks embarrassed.**

" **Um...sorry," he says. "I wasn't trying to...um. Sorry."**

"Yeah, Al isn't as smooth as Tris was," Zeke is full on belly laughing now.

"Are you okay?" I ask her. This must be almost humiliating for her.

This type of thing wouldn't happen in Abnegation, so having to reject someone would be harder than it would for most people.

"I'm fine. It's just embarrassing," Tris whispers to me.

 **I wish I could tell him not to take it personally. I could tell him that my parents rarely held hands even in our own home, so I have trained myself to pull away from all gestures of affection, because they raised me to take them seriously. Maybe if I told him that, there wouldn't be a layer of hurt beneath his flush of embarrassment.**

 **But of course, it is personal. He is my friend—and that is all. What is more personal than that?**

 **I breathe in, and when I breathe out, I make myself smile. "Sorry about what?" I ask, trying to sound casual. I brush off my jeans, though there isn't anything on them, and stand up.**

"I would have wanted a shower after that," Lynn says. Which breaks the tension for Tris a little and she shares in laughing about it with us.

" **I should go," I say.**

"Run Tris, run," Zeke shouts. More laughter follows.

 **He nods and doesn't look at me.**

" **You going to be okay?" I say. "I mean...because of your parents. Not because..." I let my voice trail off. I don't know what I would say if I didn't.**

" **Oh. Yeah." He nods again, a little too vigorously. "I'll see you later, Tris."**

 **I try not to walk out of the room too fast. When the dormitory door closes behind me, I touch a hand to my forehead and grin a little. Awkwardness aside, it is nice to be liked.**

"I think you were liked by more than just the crazy guy," Shauna says.

"Page break," Will says. "Thank goodness that is over."

 **Discussing our family visits would be too painful, so our final rankings for stage one are all anyone can talk about that night. Every time someone near me brings it up, I stare at some point across the room and ignore them.**

 **My rank can't be as bad as it used to be, especially after I beat Molly, but it might not be good enough to get me in the top ten at the end of initiation, especially when the Dauntless-born initiates are factored in.**

 **At dinner I sit with Christina, Will, and Al at a table in the corner. We are uncomfortably close to Peter, Drew, and Molly, who are at the next table over. When conversation at our table reaches a lull, I hear every word they say. They are speculating about the ranks. What a surprise.**

"We were the same Tris," Uriah says.

"What would you be worried about?" Tris asks Uriah.

"Are you serious?" Uriah sounds shocked. "Do you know how much pressure is put on us to beat the transfers?"

"Dauntless expects all Dauntless borns to pass," Lynn says.

"No we don't," Eric buts in. "We know that not all Dauntless borns are going to make it. That's why we would rather see them transfer out if they aren't good enough. It is embarrassing for all involved when we have to walk them out of Dauntless."

"The worst is when their parents come to say goodbye, it can become really awkward," Max says.

" **You weren't allowed to have pets?" Christina demands, smacking the table with her palm. "Why not?"**

" **Because they're illogical," Will says matter-of-factly. "What is the point in providing food and shelter for an animal that just soils your furniture, makes your home smell bad, and ultimately dies?"**

 **Al and I meet eyes, like we usually do when Will and Christina start to fight. But this time, the second our eyes meet, we both look away. I hope this awkwardness between us doesn't last long. I want my friend back.**

" **The point is..." Christina's voice trails off, and she tilts her head. "Well, they're fun to have. I had a bulldog named Chunker. One time we left a whole roasted chicken on the counter to cool, and while my mother went to the bathroom, he pulled it down off the counter and ate it, bones and skin and all. We laughed so hard."**

"Why doesn't anyone in Dauntless have pets?" Tris asks.

"Most of the faction is underground. It wouldn't be fair on the animals," Max says.

"But it's alright for humans?" Tris whispers so I can only hear her.

" **Yes, that certainly changes my mind. Of course I want to live with an animal that eats all my food and destroys my kitchen." Will shakes his head. "Why don't you just get a dog after initiation if you're feeling that nostalgic?"**

" **Because." Christina's smile falls, and she pokes at her potato with her fork. "Dogs are sort of ruined for me. After...you know, after the aptitude test."**

"Don't start," Eric says. "I know you are all going to want to start talking about the aptitude test. Just let it go so we can keep reading."

I have to agree with him. I don't want to have to discuss the aptitude test. Marcus told me how to get an Abnegation result.

 **We exchange looks. We all know that we aren't supposed to talk about the test, not even now that we have chosen, but for them that rule must not be as serious as it is for me. My heart jumps unsteadily in my chest. For me that rule is protection. It keeps me from having to lie to my friends about my results. Every time I think the word "Divergent," I hear Tori's warning—and now my mother's warning too.** _ **Don't tell anyone. Dangerous.**_

" **You mean...killing the dog, right?" asks Will.**

 **I almost forgot. Those with an aptitude for Dauntless picked up the knife in the simulation and stabbed the dog when it attacked. No wonder Christina doesn't want a pet dog anymore. I tug my sleeves over my wrists and twist my fingers together.**

" **Yeah," she says. "I mean, you guys all had to do that too, right?"**

 **She looks first at Al, and then at me. Her dark eyes narrow, and she says, "** _ **You**_ **didn't."**

"Didn't you see he didn't get a Dauntless result Christina?" Eric asks. "Maybe there is a little Dauntless in you after all."

" **Hmm?"**

" **You're hiding something," she says. "You're fidgeting."**

" **What?"**

" **In Candor," says Al, nudging me with his shoulder. There. That feels normal. "We learn to read body language so we know when someone is lying or keeping something from us."**

" **Oh." I scratch the back of my neck. "Well..."**

" **See, there it is again!" she says, pointing at my hand.**

 **I feel like I'm swallowing my heartbeat. How can I lie about my results if they can tell when I'm lying? I'll have to control my body language. I drop my hand and clasp my hands in my lap. Is that what an honest person does?**

"You really have a problem with honesty," Lynn states.

"I can be honest. Just, if you want to survive in Abnegation, you need to be able to lie," Tris says. I have to agree with her. It was the only way I survived as long as I did. Not that it mattered that much. Marcus was going to beat me no matter what my answer was, it just meant the beatings were less if I came up with a believable lie.

 **I don't have to lie about the dog, at least. "No, I didn't kill the dog."**

" **How did you get Dauntless without using the knife?" says Will, narrowing his eyes at me.**

 **I look him in the eye and say evenly, "I didn't. I got Abnegation."**

 **It is half-true. Tori reported my result as Abnegation, so that is what is in the system. Anyone who has access to the scores would be able to see it. I keep my eyes on his for a few seconds. Shifting them away might be suspicious. Then I shrug and stab a piece of meat with my fork. I hope they believe me. They have to believe me.**

" **But you chose Dauntless anyway?" Christina says. "Why?"**

" **I told you," I say, smirking. "It was the food."**

 **She laughs. "Did you guys know that Tris had never seen a hamburger before she came here?"**

"Christina you really are self-involved aren't you?" Shauna says. "You could have asked so many more questions to Tris but instead you decided to go into the story about her first day and make yourself out to be better than her."

"That's not how I meant it," Christina defends.

I wonder what Zeke said to Shauna because she is being so nice to Tris when a few chapters ago she was hating on her. I look to Zeke and he understands and just shakes his head.

 **She launches into the story of our first day, and my body relaxes, but I still feel heavy. I should not lie to my friends. It creates barriers between us, and we already have more than I want. Christina taking the flag. Me rejecting Al.**

"You still aren't over that!" Christina exclaims.

"Why should she be? It was a dog act," Eric reprimands Christina.

Christina turns red and Will quickly starts to read again.

 **After dinner we go back to the dormitory, and it's hard for me not to sprint, knowing that the rankings will be up when I get there. I want to get it over with. At the door to the dormitory, Drew shoves me into the wall to get past me. My shoulder scrapes on the stone, but I keep walking.**

"Dead carrot walking," Zeke calls out and everyone is laughing.

 **I'm too short to see over the crowd of initiates standing near the back of the room, but when I find a space between heads to look through, I see that the blackboard is on the ground, leaning against Four's legs, facing away from us. He stands with a piece of chalk in one hand.**

" **For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," he says. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice."**

"So Dauntless of you Four," Eric says his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Hate to see how they would be ranked if you were scoring them," Zeke says.

 **I think his eyes linger on Peter at that last line, but they move on quickly enough that I'm not sure.**

" **If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent."**

 **Molly lets out an unpleasant noise, like a snort or a grumble.**

"She always sounds like a wild animal," Christina says.

" **Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice," he says. "That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one."**

 **I shift from one foot to the other, trying to get a good look at him. When I finally do, I look away. His eyes are already on me, probably drawn by my nervous movement.**

"You two are so cute," Marlene drawls.

" **We will announce the cuts tomorrow," Four says. "The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are your ranks."**

 **He hangs the board on the hook and steps back so we can see the rankings:**

 **1\. Edward**

 **2\. Peter**

 **4\. Christina**

 **5\. Molly**

 **6\. Tris**

 **Sixth? I can't be sixth. Beating Molly must have boosted my rank more than I thought it would. And losing to me seems to have lowered hers. I skip to the bottom of the list.**

"Tris," Eric says. "It wasn't just the fights. You were first jumper, you were great at knife throwing and you won your team the game of capture the flag. It didn't matter that you didn't grab the flag. No one gets points for that. I think Four may have been a little too harsh with the scoring. I would have put you ahead of both Molly and Christina."

"Why would you put her ahead of me?" Christina whines.

"She never conceded, she won more fights than you. It was only that she sat out for one of the round of fights or her ranking could have been higher," I say.

"I agree with what Four just said," Eric states.

I can see Christina sinking further into her seat. So can Will and he starts to read again.

 **7\. Drew**

 **8\. Al**

 **9\. Myra**

 **Al isn't dead last, but unless the Dauntless-born initiates completely failed their version of stage one of initiation, he is factionless.**

 **I glance at Christina. She tilts her head and frowns at the board. She isn't the only one. The quiet in the room is uneasy, like it is rocking back and forth on a ledge.**

 **Then it falls.**

" **What?" demands Molly. She points at Christina. "I beat her! I beat her in minutes,**

 **and she's ranked above me?"**

" **Yeah," says Christina, crossing her arms. She wears a smug smile. "And?"**

" **If you intend to secure yourself a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents," says Four, his voice cutting through the mutters and grumbles of the other initiates. He pockets the chalk and walks past me without glancing in my direction. The words sting a little, reminding me that I am the low-ranked opponent he's referring to.**

"It wasn't a bad thing Tris," I tell her. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I was trying to make her feel bad."

"Oh," Tris says.

"You probably improved the most out of anyone in the class," I say.

 **Apparently they remind Molly, too.**

" **You," she says, focusing her narrowed eyes on me. "You are going to pay for this."**

 **I expect her to lunge at me, or hit me, but she just turns on her heel and stalks out of the dormitory, and that is worse. If she had exploded, her anger would have been spent quickly, after a punch or two. Leaving means she wants to plan something. Leaving means I have to be on my guard.**

 **Peter didn't say anything when the rankings went up, which, given his tendency to complain about anything that doesn't go his way, is surprising. He just walks to his bunk and sits down, untying his shoelaces. That makes me feel even more uneasy. He can't possibly be satisfied with second place. Not Peter.**

 **Will and Christina slap hands, and then Will claps me on the back with a hand bigger than my shoulder blade.**

" **Look at you. Number six," he says, grinning.**

" **Still might not have been good enough," I remind him.**

" **It will be, don't worry," he says. "We should celebrate."**

" **Well, let's go, then," says Christina, grabbing my arm with one hand and Al's arm with the other. "Come on, Al. You don't know how the Dauntless-borns did. You don't know anything for sure."**

" **I'm just going to go to bed," he mumbles, pulling his arm free.**

"So much better that he isn't around," Uriah says.

 **In the hallway, it is easy to forget about Al and Molly's revenge and Peter's suspicious calm, and easy to pretend that what separates us as friends does not exist. But lingering at the back of my mind is the fact that Christina and Will are my competitors. If I want to fight my way to the top ten, I will have to beat them first.**

 **I just hope I don't have to betray them in the process.**

"You can't think like that Tris," Max says. "You need to do whatever you can to get to the top."

"Like stab someone in the eye. Or try and throw someone in the chasm?" I ask.

"I didn't mean it like that Four," Max says.

"Then what did you mean Max?"

"I mean that you work as hard as you can to be the best. Whoever you beat is going to be pissed at you no matter what you have done."

"Page break," Will says.

 **That night I have trouble falling asleep. The dormitory used to seem loud to me, with all the breathing, but now it is too quiet. When it's quiet, I think about my family. Thank God the Dauntless compound is usually loud.**

 **If my mother was Dauntless, why did she choose Abnegation? Did she love its peace, its routine, its goodness—all the things I miss, when I let myself think about it?**

 **I wonder if someone here knew her when she was young and could tell me what she was like then. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't want to discuss her. Faction transfers are not really supposed to discuss their old factions once they become members. It's supposed to make it easier for them to change their allegiance from family to faction—to embrace the principle "faction before blood."**

 **I bury my face in the pillow. She asked me to tell Caleb to research the simulation serum—why? Does it have something to do with me being Divergent, with me being in danger, or is it something else? I sigh. I have a thousand questions, and she left before I could ask any of them. Now they swirl in my head, and I doubt I'll be able to sleep until I can answer them.**

"You need to relax more Tris," Zeke says. "You will end up giving yourself an ulcer."

"Easier said than done Zeke," Tris tells him.

 **I hear a scuffle across the room and lift my head from the pillow. My eyes aren't adjusted to the dark, so I stare into pure black, like the backs of my eyelids. I hear shuffling and the squeak of a shoe. A heavy thud.**

 **And then a wail that curdles my blood and makes my hair stand on end. I throw the blankets back and stand on the stone floor with bare feet. I still can't see well enough to find the source of the scream, but I see a dark lump on the floor a few bunks down. Another scream pierces my ears.**

" **Turn on the lights!" someone shouts.**

 **I walk toward the sound, slowly so I don't trip over anything. I feel like I'm in a trance. I don't want to see where the screaming is coming from. A scream like that can only mean blood and bone and pain; that scream that comes from the pit of the stomach and extends to every inch of the body.**

"I didn't scream like that when I broke my leg," Lynn says.

"Bit different than what just happen," Uriah says.

"Not if you go by Tris' description," Lynn counters

 **The lights come on.**

 **Edward lies on the floor next to his bed, clutching at his face. Surrounding his head is a halo of blood, and jutting between his clawing fingers is a silver knife handle. My heart thumping in my ears, I recognize it as a butter knife from the dining hall. The blade is stuck in Edward's eye.**

"Imagine if they had used a steak knife," Tori says.

"It was bad enough, don't make it worse Tori," Christina says.

 **Myra, who stands at Edward's feet, screams. Someone else screams too, and someone yells for help, and Edward is still on the floor, writhing and wailing. I crouch by his head, my knees pressing to the pool of blood, and put my hands on his shoulders.**

" **Lie still," I say. I feel calm, though I can't hear anything, like my head is submerged in water. Edward thrashes again and I say it louder, sterner. "I said, lie still. Breathe."**

" **My eye!" he screams.**

 **I smell something foul. Someone vomited.**

"I hate the smell of vomit," Uriah says. "It makes me want to vomit."

"Is that why you vomited the other night?" Marlene asks. "I just thought you had too much to drink."

"I think it was a bit of both," Uriah says almost gagging.

" **Take it out!" he yells. "Get it out, get it out of me, get it out!"**

 **I shake my head and then realize that he can't see me. A laugh bubbles in my stomach. Hysterical. I have to suppress hysteria if I'm going to help him. I have to forget myself.**

"Good one Tris," Zeke says. "Maybe you could use sign language next time."

"There is nothing funny about this Zeke," Tris scolds.

Zeke puts his hands up in defeat and Will continues to read.

" **No," I say. "You have to let the doctor take it out. Hear me? Let the doctor take it out. And breathe."**

" **It hurts," he sobs.**

" **I know it does." Instead of my voice I hear my mother's voice. I see her crouching before me on the sidewalk in front of our house, brushing tears from my face after I scraped my knee. I was five at the time.**

" **It will be all right." I try to sound firm, like I'm not idly reassuring him, but I am. I don't know if it will be all right. I suspect that it won't.**

 **When the nurse arrives, she tells me to step back, and I do. My hands and knees are soaked with blood. When I look around, I see that only two faces are missing.**

 **Drew.**

 **And Peter.**

"How could they do that?" Marlene cries out.

"They didn't," Max says.

"Yes they did," Christina states.

"No Christina they didn't," Eric tells her.

"Page break," Will calls out.

 **After they take Edward away, I carry a change of clothes into the bathroom and wash my hands. Christina comes with me and stands by the door, but she doesn't say anything, and I'm glad. There isn't much to say.**

 **I scrub at the lines in my palms and run one fingernail under my other fingernails to get the blood out. I change into the pants I brought and throw the soiled ones in the trash. I get as many paper towels as I can hold. Someone needs to clean up the mess in the dormitory, and since I doubt I'll ever be able to sleep again, it might as well be me.**

"You're Abnegation is showing Tris," Lynn says.

"Thank God it was," Christina says. "No one else could have done half what she did that night."

 **As I reach for the door handle, Christina says, "You know who did that, right?"**

" **Yeah."**

" **Should we tell someone?"**

" **You really think the Dauntless will do anything?" I say. "After they hung you over the chasm? After they made us beat each other unconscious?"**

"We did look into it," Max says. "That's how we know it wasn't Peter or Drew."

"How do you know?" I ask.

"We found Peter and Drew in the Dauntless Pub. They were trying to hook up with the two lowest ranked Dauntless born initiates. They were trying to lose their virginity to girls they thought would be gone the next day," Eric says.

"They could have left and come back," Christina says.

"They didn't leave and they were too drunk to be able to attack someone in the dark like that. There was no way they could have lost their virginity either," Eric says.

"Why not?" Tris asks me innocently.

"Things don't work as well when you have had too much to drink," I say.

I can see her thinking what I said through and then it seems to dawn on her. "Oh," she says as the blushes a deep crimson.

 **She doesn't say anything.**

 **For a half hour after that, I kneel alone on the floor in the dormitory and scrub at Edward's blood. Christina throws away the dirty paper towels and gets me new ones. Myra is gone; she probably followed Edward to the hospital.**

 **No one sleeps much that night.**

" **So who did it?" Christina asks.**

"We don't know if it was Molly or Al," Max says.

"How did you decide that?" I ask.

"Molly was unaffected by what happened. Which makes us think she was trying to boost Peter's ranking because she had only come to Dauntless because Peter had and she wanted to impress him. But then we also have to consider Al, he was unstable and I wouldn't put it past him to do anything," Eric says.

"Another page break," Will sighs.

" **This is going to sound weird," Will says, "but I wish we didn't have a day off today."**

 **I nod. I know what he means. Having something to do would distract me, and I could use a distraction right now.**

 **I have not spent much time alone with Will, but Christina and Al are taking naps in the dormitory, and neither of us wanted to be in that room longer than we had to. Will didn't tell me that; I just know.**

"You were right Tris," Will softly says.

 **I slide one fingernail under another. I washed my hands thoroughly after cleaning up Edward's blood, but I still feel like it's on my hands. Will and I walk with no sense of purpose. There is nowhere to go.**

" **We could visit him," suggests Will. "But what would we say? 'I didn't know you that well, but I'm sorry you got stabbed in the eye'?"**

 **It isn't funny. I know that as soon as he says it, but a laugh rises in my throat anyway, and I let it out because it's harder to keep it in. Will stares at me for a second, and then he laughs too. Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.**

" **Sorry," I say. "It's just so ridiculous."**

 **I don't want to cry for Edward—at least not in the deep, personal way that you cry for a friend or loved one. I want to cry because something terrible happened, and I saw it, and I could not see a way to mend it. No one who would want to punish Peter has the authority to, and no one who has the authority to punish him would want to. The Dauntless have rules against attacking someone like that, but with people like Eric in charge, I suspect those rules go unenforced.**

"I am not a monster," Eric yells. "You have no idea who I am."

"No your just Jeanine's lap dog," I yell back at Eric.

"You don't know shit Four," Eric yells while standing up and pointing a finger at me.

"I know enough," I yell back also standing.

"Sit down both of you," Max bellows at us.

Tris comes to me and puts her hand in mine. This calms me considerately. "Come and sit down," she says. I turn and look at her. She looks like she is pleading for me to do as she asks with her eyes. I sit back down on the day bed and Tris sits back down with me.

"Are you okay, Tobias?" she whispers so no one else can here. I just nod.

"You are so bloody whipped Four," Eric scoffs.

"Eric," Max says. Eric doesn't move he just keeps staring at me. I refuse to break eye contact. "Eric," Max yells. Eric breaks eye contact and looks at Max. "Sit down," max commands and Eric does as he is told.

 **I say, more seriously, "The most ridiculous part is, in any other faction it would be brave of us to tell someone what happened. But here...in** _ **Dauntless...**_ **bravery won't do us any good."**

" **Have you ever read the faction manifestos?" says Will.**

 **The faction manifestos were written after the factions formed. We learned about them in school, but I never read them.**

" **You have?" I frown at him. Then I remember that Will once memorized a map of the city for fun, and I say, "Oh. Of course you have. Never mind."**

" **One of the lines I remember from the Dauntless manifesto is, 'We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.'"**

 **Will sighs.**

 **He doesn't need to say anything else. I know what he means. Maybe Dauntless was formed with good intentions, with the right ideals and the right goals. But it has strayed far from them. And the same is true of Erudite, I realize. A long time ago, Erudite pursued knowledge and ingenuity for the sake of doing good. Now they pursue knowledge and ingenuity with greedy hearts. I wonder if the other factions suffer from the same problem. I have not thought about it before.**

"They all do," I say. Remembering just how far from being Abnegation Marcus was. Tris understands what I am saying and squeezes my hand. I look down at her and give her a small sigh.

 **Despite the depravity I see in Dauntless, though, I could not leave it. It isn't only because the thought of living factionless, in complete isolation, sounds like a fate worse than death. It is because, in the brief moments that I have loved it here, I saw a faction worth saving. Maybe we can become brave and honorable again.**

" **Let's go to the cafeteria," Will says, "and eat cake."**

" **Okay." I smile.**

 **As we walk toward the Pit, I repeat the line Will quoted to myself so I don't forget it.**

 _ **I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.**_

 **It is a beautiful thought.**

"Another page break," Will says. "How long is this damn chapter."

"Should have got Eric to read it," Zeke says.

 **Later, when I return to the dormitory, Edward's bunk is stripped clean and his drawers are open, empty. Across the room, Myra's bunk looks the same way.**

 **When I ask Christina where they went, she says, "They quit."**

" **Even Myra?"**

" **She said she didn't want to be here without him. She was going to get cut anyway." She shrugs, like she can't think of anything else to do. If that's true, I know how she feels. "At least they didn't cut Al."**

 **Al was supposed to get cut, but Edward's departure saved him. The Dauntless decided to spare him until the next stage.**

"Big mistake," I say.

" **Who else got cut?" I say.**

 **Christina shrugs again. "Two of the Dauntless-born. I don't remember their names."**

 **I nod and look at the blackboard. Someone drew a line through Edward and Myra's names, and changed the numbers next to everyone else's names. Now Peter is first. Will is second. I am fifth. We started stage one with nine initiates.**

 **Now we have seven.**

"End of chapter," Will says. You can hear the relief in his voice.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Marlene says. We all look at her. "I know what is coming and I didn't get to go because I didn't have an older sibling. So this will just make me closer to it."

 **CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

 **It's noon. Lunchtime.**

 **I sit in a hallway I don't recognize. I walked here because I needed to get away from the dormitory. Maybe if I bring my bedding here, I will never have to go to the dormitory again. It may be my imagination, but it still smells like blood in there, even though I scrubbed the floor until my hands were sore, and someone poured bleach on it this morning.**

 **I pinch the bridge of my nose. Scrubbing the floor when no one else wanted to was something that my mother would have done. If I can't be with her, the least I can do is act like her sometimes.**

"You need to stop thinking like that," Lynn says. While I don't want to say it, Lynn is right.

 **I hear people approaching, their footsteps echoing on the stone floor, and I look down at my shoes. I switched from gray sneakers to black sneakers a week ago, but the gray shoes are buried in one of my drawers. I can't bear to throw them away, even though I know it's foolish to be attached to sneakers, like they can bring me home.**

"You are home Tris," Lynn says.

"I know. It's just hard sometimes. I'm sure it will get better the longer I am in Dauntless," Tris says.

"I think that way too," Will admits.

" **Tris?"**

 **I look up. Uriah stops in front of me. He waves along the Dauntless-born initiates he walks with. They exchange looks but keep moving.**

" **You okay?" he says.**

" **I had a difficult night."**

" **Yeah, I heard about that guy Edward." Uriah looks down the hallway. The Dauntless- born initiates disappear around a corner. Then he grins a little. "Want to get out of here?"**

"You asked Tris to go?" Marlene asks looking devastated.

"I didn't go looking for her Mar," Uriah says. "I just saw her and she looked so down."

" **What?" I ask. "Where are you going?"**

" **To a little initiation ritual," he says. "Come on. We have to hurry."**

 **I briefly consider my options. I can sit here. Or I can leave the Dauntless compound.**

 **I push myself to my feet and jog next to Uriah to catch up to the Dauntless-born initiates.**

" **The only initiates they usually let come are ones with older siblings in Dauntless," he says. "But they might not even notice. Just act like you belong."**

" **What exactly are we doing?"**

" **Something dangerous," he says. A look I can only describe as Dauntless mania enters his eyes, but rather than recoil from it, as I might have a few weeks ago, I catch it, like it's contagious. Excitement replaces the leaden feeling inside me. We slow when we reach the Dauntless-born initiates.**

"You would have gone even if it was the first day," I say.

"Probably."

" **What's the Stiff doing here?" asks a boy with a metal ring between his nostrils.**

" **She just saw that guy get stabbed in the eye, Gabe," says Uriah. "Give her a break, okay?"**

 **Gabe shrugs and turns away. No one else says anything, though a few of them give me sidelong glances like they're sizing me up. The Dauntless-born initiates are like a pack of dogs. If I act the wrong way, they won't let me run with them. But for now, I am safe.**

 **We turn another corner, and a group of members stands at the end of the next hallway. There are too many of them to all be related to a Dauntless-born initiate, but I see some similarities among the faces.**

"We all try to go along whenever we can," Shauna says. "It is a great stress reliever."

I can't think of much worse than going. It would cause me more stress than I would like to imagine.

" **Let's go," one of the members says. He turns and plunges through a dark doorway. The other members follow him, and we follow them. I stay close behind Uriah as I pass into darkness and my toe hits a step. I catch myself before falling forward and start to climb.**

" **Back staircase," Uriah says, almost mumbling. "Usually locked."**

 **I nod, though he can't see me, and climb until all the steps are gone. By then, a door at the top of the staircase is open, letting in daylight. We emerge from the ground a few hundred yards from the glass building above the Pit, close to the train tracks.**

 **I feel like I have done this a thousand times before. I hear the train horn. I feel the vibrations in the ground. I see the light attached to the head car. I crack my knuckles and bounce once on my toes.**

 **We jog in a single pack next to the car, and in waves, members and initiates alike pile into the car. Uriah gets in before me, and people press behind me. I can't make any mistakes; I throw myself sideways, grabbing the handle on the side of the car, and hoist myself into the car. Uriah grabs my arm to steady me.**

 **The train picks up its speed. Uriah and I sit against one of the walls.**

 **I shout over the wind, "Where are we going?"**

 **Uriah shrugs. "Zeke never told me."**

" **Zeke?"**

" **My older brother," he says. He points across the room at a boy sitting in the doorway with his legs dangling out of the car. He is slight and short and looks nothing like Uriah, apart from his coloring.**

"I finally make an appearance," Zeke calls out. "It's about time."

" **You don't get to know. That ruins the surprise!" the girl on my left shouts. She extends her hand. "I'm Shauna."**

"Me too," Shauna says. Zeke and Shauna high five.

 **I shake her hand, but I don't grip hard enough and I let go too quickly. I doubt I will ever improve my handshake. It feels unnatural to grasp hands with strangers.**

" **I'm—" I start to say.**

" **I know who you are," she says. "You're the Stiff. Four told me about you." I pray the heat in my cheeks is not visible. "Oh? What did he say?"**

 **She smirks at me. "He said you were a Stiff. Why do you ask?"**

"Shauna," I whine.

"I didn't tell her anything Four. Geez," Shauna says.

"So you did talk about me?" Tris asks me.

"Maybe," I say.

Shauna starts to laugh. "What did he tell you?" Zeke asks Shauna.

"I'm not telling. So stop asking," Shauna says.

" **If my instructor is talking about me," I say, as firmly as I can, "I want to know what he's saying." I hope I tell a convincing lie. "He isn't coming, is he?"**

" **No. He never comes to this," she says. "It's probably lost its appeal. Not much scares him, you know."**

"I swear when we get out of here Four, I am taking you with us," Zeke says.

"Not bloody likely," I say.

"What? Don't you want to face your fear?" Zeke asks a raised eyebrow.

"Why? Want to start calling me three?" I ask.

Zeke bursts out laughing. "Point taken," he says.

"We could go together," Tris looks at me with hope.

I shake my head. "Once together in my fear landscape was enough Tris."

 **He isn't coming. Something in me deflates like an untied balloon. I ignore it and nod. I do know that Four is not a coward. But I also know that at least one thing does scare him: heights. Whatever we're doing, it must involve being high up for him to avoid it. She must not know that if she speaks of him with such reverence in her voice.**

"Reverence hey Shauna?" I tease.

"Shut up Four," she tells me and I laugh.

" **Do you know him well?" I ask. I am too curious; I always have been.**

" **Everyone knows Four," she says. "We were initiates together. I was bad at fighting, so he taught me every night after everyone was asleep." She scratches the back of her neck, her expression suddenly serious. "Nice of him."**

"Wow Four," Uriah says. "I didn't know you could be so nice."

"Really Uriah?" I question. "Because I think I've helped you out once or twice."

Uriah shuts his mouth extremely quickly. I would never tell that I have been helping him to get through stage two of training. If I can keep his secret then I will do everything I can for it not to come out. Although it is fun to tease him a little.

 **She gets up and stands behind the members sitting in the doorway. In a second, her serious expression is gone, but I still feel rattled by what she said, half confused by the idea of Four being "nice" and half wanting to punch her for no apparent reason.**

"Jealousy," shouts Christina.

" **Here we go!" shouts Shauna. The train doesn't slow down, but she throws herself out of the car. The other members follow her, a stream of black-clothed, pierced people not much older than I am. I stand in the doorway next to Uriah. The train is going much faster than it has every other time I've jumped, but I can't lose my nerve now, in front of all these members. So I jump, hitting the ground hard and stumbling forward a few steps before I regain my balance.**

 **Uriah and I jog to catch up to the members, along with the other initiates, who barely look in my direction.**

 **I look around as I walk. The Hub is behind us, black against the clouds, but the buildings around me are dark and silent. That means we must be north of the bridge, where the city is abandoned.**

"You must be near the Hancock building," Will says.

 **We turn a corner and spread out as we walk down Michigan Avenue. South of the bridge, Michigan Avenue is a busy street, crawling with people, but here it is bare.**

 **As soon as I lift my eyes to scan the buildings, I know where we're going: the empty Hancock building, a black pillar with crisscrossed girders, the tallest building north of the bridge.**

"I knew it," Will gloats.

 **But what are we going to do? Climb it?**

 **As we get closer, the members start to run, and Uriah and I sprint to catch them. Jostling one another with their elbows, they push through a set of doors at the building's base. The glass in one of them is broken, so it is just a frame. I step through it instead of opening it and follow the members through an eerie, dark entryway, crunching broken glass beneath my feet.**

 **I expect us to go up the stairs, but we stop at the elevator bank.**

" **Do the elevators work?" I ask Uriah, as quietly as I can.**

" **Sure they do," says Zeke, rolling his eyes. "You think I'm stupid enough not to come here early and turn on the emergency generator?"**

" **Yeah," says Uriah. "I kinda do."**

 **Zeke glares at his brother, then puts him in a headlock and rubs his knuckles into Uriah's skull. Zeke may be smaller than Uriah, but he must be stronger. Or at least faster. Uriah smacks him in the side, and he lets go.**

"He's not stronger," Uriah scoffs.

"Are you sure about that little brother?" Zeke asks.

"Positive," Uriah says confidently.

"Want to test your theory?" Zeke teases.

"Not now," Marlene scolds. "I'm trying to read."

 **I grin at the sight of Uriah's disheveled hair, and the elevator doors open. We pile in, members in one and initiates in the other. A girl with a shaved head stomps on my toes on the way in and doesn't apologize. I grab my foot, wincing, and consider kicking her in the shins. Uriah stares at his reflection in the elevator doors and pats his hair down.**

Lynn starts to laugh. "You should have Tris. I would have," Lynn says.

" **What floor?" the girl with the shaved head says. "One hundred," I say.**

" **How would you know that?"**

" **Lynn, come on," says Uriah. "Be nice."**

" **We're in a one-hundred-story abandoned building with some Dauntless," I retort. "Why don't you know that?"**

 **She doesn't respond. She just jams her thumb into the right button.**

"She put you in your place didn't she Lynn," Shauna laughs at her sister.

 **The elevator zooms upward so fast my stomach sinks and my ears pop. I grab a railing at the side of the elevator, watching the numbers climb. We pass twenty, and thirty, and Uriah's hair is finally smooth. Fifty, sixty, and my toes are done throbbing. Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, and the elevator comes to a stop at one hundred. I'm glad we didn't take the stairs.**

" **I wonder how we'll get to the roof from..." Uriah's voice trails off.**

 **A strong wind hits me, pushing my hair across my face. There is a gaping hole in the ceiling of the hundredth floor. Zeke props an aluminum ladder against its edge and starts to climb. The ladder creaks and sways beneath his feet, but he keeps climbing, whistling as he does. When he reaches the roof, he turns around and holds the top of the ladder for the next person.**

 **Part of me wonders if this is a suicide mission disguised as a game.**

"If we were going to do that Tris, we would at least give you a gun," Eric says.

 **It isn't the first time I've wondered that since the Choosing Ceremony.**

 **I climb the ladder after Uriah. It reminds me of climbing the rungs on the Ferris wheel with Four close at my heels. I remember his fingers on my hip again, how they kept me from falling, and I almost miss a step on the ladder.** _ **Stupid.**_

"Can't stop thinking of him even when he isn't around," Marlene says. "That's so cute."

 **Biting my lip, I make it to the top and stand on the roof of the Hancock building.**

 **The wind is so powerful I hear and feel nothing else. I have to lean against Uriah to keep from falling over. At first, all I see is the marsh, wide and brown and everywhere, touching the horizon, devoid of life. In the other direction is the city, and in many ways it is the same, lifeless and with limits I do not know.**

 **Uriah points to something. Attached to one of the poles on top of the tower is a steel cable as thick as my wrist. On the ground is a pile of black slings made of tough fabric, large enough to hold a human being. Zeke grabs one and attaches it to a pulley that hangs from the steel cable.**

 **I follow the cable down, over the cluster of buildings and along Lake Shore Drive. I don't know where it ends. One thing is clear, though: If I go through with this, I'll find out.**

 **We're going to slide down a steel cable in a black sling from one thousand feet up. "Oh my God," says Uriah.**

 **All I can do is nod.**

" **I can't believe we missed it," Christina whines.**

"You wouldn't have been able to handle it Candor," Eric says. "There is a reason only Dauntless born are invited."

"Tris handled it," Christina gripes.

"Yeah but it's Tris," Uriah says with a big grin on his place. "Plus, her mum was Dauntless."

 **Shauna is the first person to get in the sling. She wriggles forward on her stomach until most of her body is supported by black fabric. Then Zeke pulls a strap across her shoulders, the small of her back, and the top of her thighs. He pulls her, in the sling, to the edge of the building and counts down from five. Shauna gives a thumbs-up as he shoves her forward, into nothingness.**

 **Lynn gasps as Shauna hurtles toward the ground at a steep incline, headfirst. I push past her to see better. Shauna stays secure in the sling for as long as I can see her, and then she's too far away, just a black speck over Lake Shore Drive.**

"You gasped Lynn," Eric says. "Didn't think that zip-lining would shock you."

"When was the last time you went zip-lining Eric?" Lynn snaps back.

"A couple of weeks before initiation started," Eric snaps back at Lynn. "Not like I'm going to go with a bunch of initiates."

"Thank the gods for that," Lynn says.

 **The members whoop and pump their fists and form a line, sometimes shoving one another out of the way to get a better place. Somehow I am the first initiate in line, right in front of Uriah. Only seven people stand between me and the zip line.**

 **Still, there is a part of me that groans, I have to wait for seven people? It is a strange blend of terror and eagerness, unfamiliar until now.**

"Only you could be this excited Tris. No wonder you were the first jumper," Shauna says.

 **The next member, a young-looking boy with hair down to his shoulders, jumps into the sling on his back instead of his stomach. He stretches his arms wide as Zeke shoves him down the steel cable.**

 **None of the members seem at all afraid. They act like they have done this a thousand times before, and maybe they have. But when I look over my shoulder, I see that most of the initiates look pale or worried, even if they talk excitedly to one another. What happens between initiation and membership that transforms panic into delight? Or do people just get better at hiding their fear?**

"Better at hiding their fear," I say.

 **Three people in front of me. Another sling; a member gets in feet-first and crosses her arms over her chest. Two people. A tall, thick boy jumps up and down like a child before climbing into the sling and lets out a high screech as he disappears, making the girl in front of me laugh. One person.**

 **She hops into the sling face-first and keeps her hands in front of her as Zeke tightens her straps. And then it's my turn.**

 **I shudder as Zeke hangs my sling from the cable. I try to climb in, but I have trouble; my hands are shaking too badly.**

" **Don't worry," Zeke says right next to my ear. He takes my arm and helps me get in, facedown.**

 **The straps tighten around my midsection, and Zeke slides me forward, to the edge of the roof. I stare down the building's steel girders and black windows, all the way to the cracked sidewalk. I am a fool for doing this. And a fool for enjoying the feeling of my heart slamming against my sternum and sweat gathering in the lines of my palms.**

" **Ready, Stiff?" Zeke smirks down at me. "I have to say, I'm impressed that you aren't screaming and crying right now."**

" **I told you," Uriah says. "She's Dauntless through and through. Now get on with it."**

" **Careful, brother, or I might not tighten your straps enough," Zeke says. He smacks**

 **his knee. "And then, splat!"**

" **Yeah, yeah," Uriah says. "And then our mother would boil you alive."**

Shauna, Lynn, Marlene, Tori and I all start to laugh. "It's not that funny," Zeke says.

"It is Zeke," Max says with a grin on his face.

"Is mum one of your fears Zeke?" Uriah asks.

"Shut it Uriah," Zeke says.

"I knew it," Uriah shouts and punches his fists in the air.

 **Hearing him talk about his mother, about his intact family, makes my chest hurt for a second, like someone pierced it with a needle.**

" **Only if she found out." Zeke tugs on the pulley attached to the steel cable. It holds, which is fortunate, because if it breaks, my death will be swift and certain. He looks down at me and says, "Ready, set, g—"**

 **Before he can finish the word "go," he releases the sling and I forget him, I forget Uriah, and family, and all the things that could malfunction and lead to my death. I hear metal sliding against metal and feel wind so intense it forces tears into my eyes as I hurtle toward the ground.**

 **I feel like I am without substance, without weight. Ahead of me the marsh looks huge, its patches of brown spreading farther than I can see, even up this high. The air is so cold and so fast that it hurts my face. I pick up speed and a shout of exhilaration rises within me, stopped only by the wind that fills my mouth the second my lips part.**

"First person to not scream on their first try," Zeke says shaking his head.

 **Held secure by the straps, I throw my arms out to the side and imagine that I am flying. I plunge toward the street, which is cracked and patchy and follows perfectly the curve of the marsh. I can imagine, up here, how the marsh looked when it was full of water, like liquid steel as it reflected the color of the sky.**

 **My heart beats so hard it hurts, and I can't scream and I can't breathe, but I also feel everything, every vein and every fiber, every bone and every nerve, all awake and buzzing in my body as if charged with electricity. I am pure adrenaline.**

 **The ground grows and bulges beneath me, and I can see the tiny people standing on the pavement below. I should scream, like any rational human being would, but when I open my mouth again, I just crow with joy. I yell louder, and the figures on the ground pump their fists and yell back, but they are so far away I can barely hear them.**

"You could tell how much you were enjoying it," Shauna says with a smile. I just shudder at the thought.

 **I look down and the ground smears beneath me, all gray and white and black, glass and pavement and steel. Tendrils of wind, soft as hair, wrap around my fingers and push my arms back. I try to pull my arms to my chest again, but I am not strong enough. The ground grows bigger and bigger.**

 **I don't slow down for another minute at least but sail parallel to the ground, like a bird.**

 **When I slow down, I run my fingers over my hair. The wind teased it into knots. I hang about twenty feet above the ground, but that height seems like nothing now. I reach behind me and work to undo the straps holding me in. My fingers shake, but I still manage to loosen them. A crowd of members stands below. They grasp one another's arms, forming a net of limbs beneath me.**

 **In order to get down, I have to trust them to catch me. I have to accept that these people are mine, and I am theirs. It is a braver act than sliding down the zip line.**

"That's an interesting observation," Eric says.

"Maybe we should make all the initiates go zip lining," Uriah says.

"You really think people like Peter or Al would help to catch you?" I ask.

"Maybe not," Uriah says.

 **I wriggle forward and fall. I hit their arms hard. Wrist bones and forearms press into my back, and then palms wrap around my arms and pull me to my feet. I don't know which hands hold me and which hands don't; I see grins and hear laughter.**

" **What'd you think?" Shauna says, clapping me on the shoulder.**

" **Um..." All the members stare at me. They look as windblown as I feel, the frenzy of adrenaline in their eyes and their hair askew. I know why my father said the Dauntless were a pack of madmen. He didn't—couldn't—understand the kind of camaraderie that forms only after you've all risked your lives together.**

" **When can I go again?" I say. My smile stretches wide enough to show teeth, and when they laugh, I laugh. I think of climbing the stairs with the Abnegation, our feet finding the same rhythm, all of us the same. This isn't like that. We are not the same. But we are, somehow, one.**

"One big happy family," Zeke laughs. Knowing that it isn't true.

 **I look toward the Hancock building, which is so far from where I stand that I can't see the people on its roof.**

" **Look! There he is!" someone says, pointing over my shoulder. I follow the pointed finger toward a small dark shape sliding down the steel wire. A few seconds later I hear a bloodcurdling scream.**

"Uriah?" I ask.

Zeke, Lynn, Shauna and Tris all laugh.

" **I bet he'll cry."**

" **Zeke's brother, cry? No way. He would get punched so hard."**

" **His arms are flailing!"**

" **He sounds like a strangled cat," I say. Everyone laughs again. I feel a twinge of guilt for teasing Uriah when he can't hear me, but I would have said the same thing if he were standing here. I hope.**

"You hurt me," Uriah says holding his hand to his heart. Laughter ensues.

 **When Uriah finally comes to a stop, I follow the members to meet him. We line up beneath him and thrust our arms into the space between us. Shauna clamps a hand around my elbow. I grab another arm—I'm not sure who it belongs to, there are too many tangled hands—and look up at her.**

" **Pretty sure we can't call you 'Stiff' anymore," Shauna says. She nods. "Tris."**

"Page break," Marlene says. "I'm glad that's over. I hate that I missed out."

"We'll go another time Mar," Uriah tells her.

"We better," she says and then continues with the story.

 **I still smell like wind when I walk into the cafeteria that evening. For the second after I walk in, I stand among a crowd of Dauntless, and I feel like one of them. Then Shauna waves to me and the crowd breaks apart, and I walk toward the table where Christina, Al, and Will sit, gaping at me.**

 **I didn't think about them when I accepted Uriah's invitation. In a way, it is satisfying to see stunned looks on their faces. But I don't want them to be upset with me either.**

" **Where were you?" asks Christina. "What were you doing with them?"**

"Who sounds like she swallowed the cranky pill?" Lynn teases Christina.

"Yeah must have gotten it from you," Christina says bitchily to Lynn.

"Doubt it," Lynn retorts.

" **Uriah...you know, the Dauntless-born who was on our capture the flag team?" I say. "He was leaving with some of the members and he begged them to let me come along. They didn't really want me there. Some girl named Lynn stepped on me."**

" **They may not have wanted you there then," says Will quietly, "but they seem to like you now."**

"Why wouldn't we want Tris there?" Uriah says. "She is the funnest transfer ever."

"Thanks Uriah," Tris says with a grin.

"You're welcome, Tris."

" **Yeah," I say. I can't deny it. "I'm glad to be back, though."**

 **Hopefully they can't tell I'm lying, but I suspect they can. I caught sight of myself in a window on the way into the compound, and my cheeks and eyes were both bright, my hair tangled. I look like I have experienced something powerful.**

" **Well, you missed Christina almost punching an Erudite," says Al. His voice sounds eager. I can count on Al to try to break the tension. "He was here asking for opinions about the Abnegation leadership, and Christina told him there were more important things for him to be doing."**

" **Which she was completely right about," adds Will. "And he got testy with her. Big mistake."**

" **Huge," I say, nodding. If I smile enough, maybe I can make them forget their jealousy, or hurt, or whatever is brewing behind Christina's eyes.**

"Wasn't helping Tris," Christina says.

Tris just shrugs at Christina and this has Lynn in hysterics. I don't know what it is, but Lynn likes to annoy Christina.

" **Yeah," she says. "While you were off having fun, I was doing the dirty work of defending your old faction, eliminating interfaction conflict..."**

" **Come on, you know you enjoyed it," says Will, nudging her with his elbow. "If you're not going to tell the whole story, I will. He was standing..."**

 **Will launches into his story, and I nod along like I'm listening, but all I can think about is staring down the side of the Hancock building, and the image I got of the marsh full of water, restored to its former glory. I look over Will's shoulder at the members, who are now flicking bits of food at one another with their forks.**

 **It's the first time I have been really eager to be one of them.**

 **Which means I have to survive the next stage of initiation.**

"I can't believe you weren't listening to me," Will sounds hurt.

"Come on man, she had just gone zip lining. How can you expect her to listen to some boring story where someone almost got hit," Uriah says.

"That's it guys. Another chapter is done," Marlene says.

"Are we half way yet?" Lynn asks.

"Almost, maybe another chapter," Marlene says.

"Well give it to me," Lynn says holding out her hand for Marlene to give her the book.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

FOUR'S POV

"When's dinner?" Zeke asked.

"Whenever you want to get up and cook it," Eric challenges.

"I thought you were doing all the cooking. Plus, Max isn't going to let me near a stove," Zeke counters.

"Let's read this chapter and then we can look at dinner," Max says.

"Can we just take a small break? I am so sick of sitting," Zeke whines.

"Suck it up Zeke. The sooner we finish the sooner we leave here," Eric says.

"I'm quite liking it here," Zeke says. "I don't mind staying here for a while. I just need to move around."

Lynn decides to ignore Zeke and starts to read.

 **CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

 **As far as I can tell, the second stage of initiation involves sitting in a dark hallway with the other initiates, wondering what's going to happen behind a closed door.**

"Has anyone tried opening a door or window?" Zeke asks.

"There isn't a handle on the front door," Max says.

"What about a window?" Zeke asks.

Before he has even finished even asking the question Eric is out of his seat and over at the window. The windows are boarded up and he starts to try and pull the boards of wood off.

"Don't you think they would have thought of that?" I ask.

"It doesn't hurt to try," Eric says.

"Why don't we just take a quick break and then we can finish the chapter and then eat?" I suggest.

Eric ignores what I am saying. I walk back over and sit with Tris. No use trying to talk to him while he is like this.

I hear a board breaking and then a loud alarm starts to sound throughout the apartment. A lot like the fire alarms going off in Dauntless when we are having a drill.

"Turn the noise off," Uriah shouts.

"I don't know where it is coming from," Eric shouts back.

The alarm stops and then a voice tells us, "you have sixty seconds to get comfortable."

I look at Tris and the first thing I think of is that they are going to release the sleeping serum.

"Sleep serum?" Tris asks.

"I think so," I say. "Come on, let's go." I grab Tris and drag her towards our room. I am not sleeping in the same room as Eric and Max. It is bad enough that we are staying in the same apartment as them.

We reach our room and quickly change our clothes and get into bed. "What if it isn't the serum?" Tris asks.

"At least we are comfortable," I say.

We hear a hissing sound and can see the serum slowly releasing throughout the room. I can hear muffled voices from the other side of our door. 'Run' and 'hurry up' seem to be the most frequently used words.

I pull Tris closer to me as I feel my eyes slowly drooping.

* * *

I wake and see that Tris and I are in the same position that we were in before the serum put us to sleep. I shake Tris and she moans.

"Are you awake?" I ask.

"Mmm," Tris responds.

"We should probably get up," I say.

"Four," shouts Zeke and then bangs on our door.

"Yeah," I reply.

Zeke opens our door and walks in. "Shauna is still asleep too. I think it may be because they are smaller than we are," Zeke says as he plops himself on the bed. "The board on the window has been fixed. They also left an envelope with your name on it."

"What time is it?" I ask.

"It's six in the morning. We missed dinner," Zeke laughs.

"Why do you find that funny?"

"Well I wanted to stop and no one would and now I've missed dinner and been lying around even longer than I wanted too."

"Is anyone else awake?"

"Eric and Max went straight to the training room. Uriah and Will are in the lounge room thumb wrestling. Looks like all the girls are still asleep. You two look good together. I'm happy for you man."

"Thanks Zeke."

"Do you think that they will find out who you are?"

"You mean if you don't tell them first?"

"I have left heaps of hints and they haven't got them." Zeke laughs.

"I'd like to know who has put us here."

"Do you think it's true? That a lot of us are going to die?"

"I hope not. But so far everything is pretty accurate."

"I hate to think about it. What about my mum?" Zeke sounds worried.

"All we can do is hope for the best and that whatever is coming we can change."

"I hope you are right. I'm going to go back to Shauna. Talk later Four."

"Later Zeke."

"I don't think I've ever heard Zeke so serious," Tris whispers.

"How much did you hear?"

"Just the last bit. I fell back asleep after you asked me if I was awake."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. You?"

"Yeah, tired," I say. "We should get up. Do you want first shower?"

"Yes, that would be nice," Tris says with a smile.

* * *

Once we have both showered we go down stairs.

"Finally," Uriah huffs. "You need to open the envelope."

Uriah passes me the envelope and shouts, "FOUR IS OPENING THE ENVELOPE."

"Uriah! Did you have to shout in my ear?" I ask.

"Sorry dude. I'm just excited."

I start to rip open the envelope and everyone starts to appear from different rooms. I find a letter and start to read.

"Dear Four," I say out loud.

"I hope everyone has learnt their lesson and will not try to escape again. The only way out is to read all three books. It's not a hard thing to do. So, stay focused and keep reading. You will find a box on the counter with a few essential items in it for all of you.

Shauna's birth control shot runs out in a few weeks.

I can't read this. I don't want to know this stuff," I am too shocked to keep going.

"You are such a baby Four," Christina says. "Give it here."

Christina tries to yank the letter out of my hand but I don't let her and I continue to read,

"Shauna's birth control shot runs out in a few weeks so I have left her adequate protection. You might want to share them around, unless you know where your partners have been. I don't know if the initiates know but they are all covered for pregnancy. It is part of the shot you were given at the start of initiation.

I have also restocked some items in the fridge and you will find there is a Dauntless cake in the fridge. Do not leave the Pedrad brothers alone with the cake. Not until you have all had a piece.

Try to keep yourselves out of trouble. Keep reading and the time will pass quickly. I do suggest you keep up your combat skills because you are sure to need them once you leave here.

That's it."

"Let's ditch the book for the day," Uriah says.

"I agree," Zeke says.

"You just want to take Shauna upstairs and start using the protection," Uriah teases Zeke.

"She is still protected Uriah, so I don't need to do that," Zeke says.

"Okay, enough with the sex talk," Shauna says.

"I think Uriah is right. Let's just ditch the book for the day," Eric says. "I am going to the training room."

"Wait!" Uriah calls out. "What about the cake?"

"Leave me a piece," Eric calls out.

"Are you sure you can trust me?" Uriah asks him.

"Are you sure I won't gut you?" Eric raises an eyebrow. Uriah gulps. "I'll have my piece after I've had a workout."

"Who wants cake?" Christina asks opening the fridge and takes the cake out and puts it on the counter.

"Wow, they even cut it into equal slices for us," Uriah says. "Do you ever think they will give us sharp knives?"

"I doubt it," Tris says. "Not that it would matter, we have seen what a butter knife can do."

"Don't remind us Tris," Will says.

Uriah passes everyone a piece a cake and we all sit around the dining table.

"Oh my God, how good does this taste?" Uriah moans.

"Uriah close your mouth while you are eating," Marlene scolds.

"Mmmmm," Uriah moans again.

I pick up my cake and start to move away from the table.

"Where are you going Four?" Marlene asks.

"As far from Uriah eating as I can get," I say.

* * *

I am sitting on my bed when Tris walks in.

"Are you okay?" she asks me.

"Yeah. I just don't think I'm used to being around others so much."

"What's in your hand?" I ask.

"Christina thought that I should take some condoms because and I quote "you and Four are together and you don't know where he has been," end quote."

I go to get off the bed ready to give Christina a piece of my mind but Tris grabs my hand.

"Don't. She isn't worth getting upset about. I took them and left before I hit her myself. Plus it's none of her business. If you make a scene then it will only feed her."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm not happy that she would insinuate that about you but it's not like I didn't think similar thoughts. I can understand that she is trying to look out for me. I just don't like that she tries to make me doubt us."

"You don't ever have to doubt us Tris. I haven't looked at another girl ever."

"He's right," Shauna says from the doorway. "Sorry, I saw what happened downstairs and I wanted to make sure you were alright Tris."

"I'm fine," Tris says. "Thanks Shauna."

"I wanted to apologize for the way I acted the other day. You know, about the whole Divergent thing," Shauna says.

"It's ok Shauna," Tris says.

"No it wasn't. My mum has always ranted about people who are Divergent. She had a serious boyfriend before she met my dad but he transferred out of Dauntless and I always wondered if he was the reason she hates Divergents. I think it was just a bit of a shock when we were reading the book, anyway I didn't mean what I said," Shauna says.

Tris and Shauna hug. "I'm not hugging you Four," Shauna says and I laugh.

"Good to know," I say.

"Seriously though, I am really happy for you both. You deserve happiness Four," Shauna says.

"Thanks Shauna," I say.

"What's going on in here?" Zeke says as he walks into the room.

"I just came to tell Tris to ignore Christina," Shauna says.

"Yeah. As if she knows anything," Zeke says. "Did she not hear me say what an idiot Four is at dating?"

"Well maybe I was just waiting for the right one," I say.

"Doesn't make any difference your still an idiot," Zeke laughs.

I put my arms around Tris and say, "well, I'm her idiot now."

"Poor Tris," Zeke jokes. "What are you guys up to for the rest of the day?"

"I'm going to go down to the training room," I say. "I was just waiting until everyone else had finished before I went down."

"Always so social Four," Zeke teases.

"Do you really think it would be safe to have Eric and I in the training room together?"

"Probably not. Although he has been more . . . pleasant," Zeke says.

"Yeah and that's what worries me," I say.

"Well he can't do anything while we are here. It sounds like Uriah has finished his workout from the noise in the hall," Shauna says.

We walk over to the hallway and Uriah is jumping around Eric. "Come on man," Uriah is saying.

"I'm not sparring with you Uriah," Eric grumbles.

"Why not? I thought you were one of our trainers. Don't you want to help me become a better fighter?"

"I'm not your anything while we are in here Uriah. Go find Four," Eric says.

"Fine," Uriah says. "But I am going to wear you down before we leave here."

"I'm sure you will Uriah," Eric calls back at Uriah chuckling and then goes into his room.

"Man Eric should never have admitted that," Zeke says. "Uriah is going to be annoying him for the rest of the time we are here now."

"Better him than me," I say.

"Have you guys worked out today?" I ask. Both Zeke and Shauna shake their heads. "Want to come down with us?"

"Sure why not," Zeke says.

* * *

"I'm bored," Uriah complains.

We are all sitting around the dining table, we have just finished eating lunch.

"You could go and clean up the kitchen," Eric says.

"I'm not that bored," Uriah says.

"Doesn't matter. Go and clean the kitchen," Zeke says.

"You go and clean the kitchen," Uriah tells zeke.

"Both of you go and clean the kitchen," Eric snaps.

"Why don't we read another chapter?" Shauna says.

"Once the Pedrad's clean the kitchen," Eric looks between Zeke and Uriah.

"Fine," Uriah grumbles.

As the two walk into the kitchen I hear Zeke say, "this is all your fault. You should have kept your mouth shut."

We all start to laugh at the two brothers. They do provide us with some entertainment while we are stuck here.

"I'll go and get the book." I rise from my chair and watch as the others start to make their way to the lounge room.

* * *

"I don't know why they couldn't have given us other things to do than read these books," Lynn complains.

"There's the training room. What more could you want?" Eric says.

"Not everyone is as obsessed as you are Eric," Marlene says.

"Maybe you should be," he counters.

"Lynn start reading," I say.

"Do you want me to start from the start of the chapter?" she asks.

"How much had you read?"

"Two lines."

"Just start it again."

 **CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

 **As far as I can tell, the second stage of initiation involves sitting in a dark hallway with the other initiates, wondering what's going to happen behind a closed door.**

"Why do you make us all sit around like that?" Uriah asks.

I sigh. "We don't know how long each person will be in there so we need to keep you all together or it would take even longer to get through."

 **Uriah sits across from me, with Marlene on his left and Lynn on his right. The Dauntless-born initiates and the transfers were separated during stage one, but we will be training together from now on. That's what Four told us before he disappeared behind the door.**

" **So," says Lynn, scuffing the floor with her shoe. "Which one of you is ranked first, huh?"**

 **Her question is met with silence at first, and then Peter clears his throat.**

" **Me," he says.**

"Not like he earned the spot," Christina scoffs.

" **Bet I could take you." She says it casually, turning the ring in her eyebrow with her fingertips. "I'm second, but I bet any of us could take you, transfer."**

 **I almost laugh. If I was still Abnegation, her comment would be rude and out of place, but among the Dauntless, challenges like that seem common. I am almost starting to expect them.**

" **I wouldn't be so sure about that, if I were you," Peter says, his eyes glittering. "Who's first?"**

" **Uriah," she says. "And I am sure. You know how many years we've spent preparing for this?"**

 **If she intends to intimidate us, it works. I already feel colder.**

"That's what I intended," Lynn says with a smile.

 **Before Peter can respond, Four opens the door and says, "Lynn." He beckons to her, and she walks down the hallway, the blue light at the end making her bare head glow.**

" **So you're first," Will says to Uriah.**

 **Uriah shrugs. "Yeah. And?"**

" **And you don't think it's a little unfair that you've spent your entire life getting ready for this, and we're expected to learn it all in a few weeks?" Will says, his eyes narrowing.**

" **Not really. Stage one was about skill, sure, but no one can prepare for stage two," he says. "At least, so I'm told."**

"You weren't made to fight them," Eric snarls at Will.

 **No one responds to that. We sit in silence for twenty minutes. I count each minute on my watch. Then the door opens again, and Four calls another name.**

" **Peter," he says.**

 **Each minute wears into me like a scrape of sandpaper. Gradually, our numbers begin to dwindle, and it's just me and Uriah and Drew. Drew's leg bounces, and Uriah's fingers tap against his knee, and I try to sit perfectly still. I hear only muttering from the room at the end of the hallway, and I suspect this is another part of the game they like to play with us. Terrifying us at every opportunity.**

"We don't terrify you at every opportunity," I say.

"Yes you do Four," Christina challenges.

"Rubbish," Eric says.

 **The door opens, and Four beckons to me. "Come on, Tris."**

"Do we get to see your fears Tris?" Uriah asks with a glint in his eye.

"Don't sound so excited Uriah," Tris says.

"But I am," Uriah starts bouncing in his seat. Tris just rolls her eyes.

 **I stand, my back sore from leaning against the wall for so long, and walk past the other initiates. Drew sticks out his leg to trip me, but I hop over it at the last second.**

"Hope he fails," Marlene says.

"We all hope that," Will says.

 **Four touches my shoulder to guide me into the room and closes the door behind me.**

 **When I see what's inside, I recoil immediately, my shoulders hitting his chest.**

"What just happened? Tris recoiled from Four's touch," Marlene sounds shocked.

"It wasn't from his touch," Tris defends. "It was what's inside the room."

"Oh thank goodness," Marlene sighs. "I thought I must have missed something and you two weren't getting along."

 **In the room is a reclining metal chair, similar to the one I sat in during the aptitude test. Beside it is a familiar machine. This room has no mirrors and barely any light. There is a computer screen on a desk in the corner.**

" **Sit," Four says. He squeezes my arms and pushes me forward.**

"It sounds like he almost had to drag you to the chair," Lynn says.

"I did."

" **What's the simulation?" I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I don't succeed.**

" **Ever hear the phrase 'face your fears'?" he says. "We're taking that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation."**

"Is one of your fears the chair?" Uriah asks.

"I'm not even going to answer that," Tris crosses her arms over her chest.

"You just did," Uriah laughs.

 **I touch a wavering hand to my forehead. Simulations aren't real; they pose no real threat to me, so logically, I shouldn't be afraid of them, but my reaction is visceral. It takes all the willpower I have for me to steer myself toward the chair and sit down in it again, pressing my skull into the headrest. The cold from the metal seeps through my clothes.**

"I thought you were going to say that Four had to sit on you to stay in the chair," Zeke says with a snort.

"Did you just snort?" Eric asks.

"Yeah," Zeke is laughing rather loudly at himself.

"You really are an idiot," Eric shakes his head.

" **Do you ever administer the aptitude tests?" I say. He seems qualified.**

"He seems qualified? What is that about?" Lynn asks.

"I don't know. It just sort of popped into my head," Tris says.

" **No," he replies. "I avoid Stiffs as much as possible."**

 **I don't know why someone would avoid the Abnegation. The Dauntless or the Candor, maybe, because bravery and honesty make people do strange things, but the Abnegation?**

" **Why?"**

" **Do you ask me that because you think I'll actually answer?"**

" **Why do you say vague things if you don't want to be asked about them?"**

"She always has a come back for you bro?" Zeke raises his eyebrows at me.

"Tris is the only person I've ever seen stand up to _both_ Four and Eric," Shauna says.

"Keep reading Lynn," Eric tells her.

 **His fingers brush my neck. My body tenses. A tender gesture? No—he has to move my hair to the side. He taps something, and I tilt my head back to see what it is. Four holds a syringe with a long needle in one hand, his thumb against the plunger. The liquid in the syringe is tinted orange.**

"You didn't move my hair out of the way," Christina whinges.

"Mine either," Marlene says.

"Who cares?" Eric spits out. "We all get it. This is some weird flirting ritual between the two of them. Can we just read the damn story."

" **An injection?" My mouth goes dry. I don't usually mind needles, but this one is huge.**

"I bet that's not the only thing of Four's that is huge," Christina declares. "Why are you all looking at me like that? I bet you were all thinking the same thing."

"Pretty sure I wasn't," Zeke says.

"Me either," Uriah says.

"What the hell Christina?" Eric sounds disgusted.

"I can't believe you just said that," Will sounds hurt. "What else about him do you think about?"

"What is she talking about?" Tris asks innocently.

"Don't worry about it," I tell her.

"You seem to have your own little crush going on Christina," Lynn points out.

"No I don't!" Christina defends.

"I still don't get what any of this is about?" Tris says.

Marlene walks over to where Tris and I are sitting and whispers in her ear. Tris starts to go bright red. "Oh," she mouths.

"Just read," I am almost begging Lynn.

" **We use a more advanced version of the simulation here," he says, "a different serum, no wires or electrodes for you."**

" **How does it work without wires?"**

" **Well, I have wires, so I can see what's going on," he says. "But for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer."**

 **He turns my arm over and eases the tip of the needle into the tender skin on the side of my neck. A deep ache spreads through my throat. I wince and try to focus on his calm face.**

" **The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test," he says. "In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions —like fear—and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down—that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."**

 **I try to follow his words, but my thoughts are going haywire. I feel the trademark symptoms of fear: sweaty palms, racing heart, tightness in my chest, dry mouth, a lump in my throat, difficulty breathing. He plants his hands on either side of my head and leans over me.**

" **Be brave, Tris," he whispers. "The first time is always the hardest."**

"You didn't' tell me to be brave," Uriah exclaims.

"Me either," Lynn says.

"What you said could have been taken two ways," Christina says.

"Christina cut it out," Max calls out. "Get your head out of the gutter and back off."

Every ones heads go down, not wanting to look at Christina or encourage her with any more of her innuendos.

 **His eyes are the last thing I see.**

"Page break thingy," Lynn says.

"I need a break," Will says and walks out of the room.

"Will," Christina calls after him. When he doesn't turn around she gets up and follows in the direction she just left.

"What is her problem?" Lynn grumbles.

"I think she is jealous," Shauna says.

"I think she has bigger problems now," Zeke says. "I wonder how she will get herself out of this one with Will."

"She was Candor, I'm sure she will come up with something," Eric sounds irritated.

"I'm going to go look for them," Max raises from his chair. "We will never get this chapter finished otherwise."

"Has she tried to flirt with you before?" Shauna asks.

"I always thought she was scared of me," I say.

"As if he would know if a girl was flirting with him," Zeke laughs.

Max walks back into the room with Christina and Will walking in behind him. Will doesn't look happy and Christina seems to be wiping tears from her eyes. Doesn't look like their talk went well.

Lynn continues to read.

 **I stand in a field of dry grass that comes up to my waist. The air smells like smoke and burns my nostrils. Above me the sky is bile-colored, and the sight of it fills me with anxiety, my body cringing away from it.**

"Bile-coloured?" Marlene asks.

"It's green," Eric sounds bored.

"Why didn't you just say that?" Marlene asks.

"I didn't write this," Tris defends.

 **I hear fluttering, like the pages of a book blown by the wind, but there is no wind. The air is still and soundless apart from the flapping, neither hot nor cold—not like air at all, but I can still breathe. A shadow swoops overhead.**

"Like this?" Lynn asks and she flicks the pages of the book so that they start to flutter.

"Lynn!" Eric scolds. "Be careful with the book, it is really old."

"So Erudite," Lynn mumbles then starts reading again.

 **Something lands on my shoulder. I feel its weight and the prick of talons and fling my arm forward to shake it off, my hand batting at it. I feel something smooth and fragile. A feather. I bite my lip and look to the side. A black bird the size of my forearm turns its head and focuses one beady eye on me.**

 **I grit my teeth and hit the crow again with my hand. It digs in its talons and doesn't move. I cry out, more frustrated than pained, and hit the crow with both hands, but it stays in place, resolute, one eye on me, feathers gleaming in the yellow light. Thunder rumbles and I hear the patter of rain on the ground, but no rain falls.**

 **The sky darkens, like a cloud is passing over the sun. Still cringing away from the crow, I look up. A flock of crows storms toward me, an advancing army of outstretched talons and open beaks, each one squawking, filling the air with noise. The crows descend in a single mass, diving toward the earth, hundreds of beady black eyes shining.**

The room is dead silent. Nobody is moving, the only noise is Lynn reading.

 **I try to run, but my feet are firmly planted and refuse to move, like the crow on my shoulder. I scream as they surround me, feathers flapping in my ears, beaks pecking at my shoulders, talons clinging to my clothes. I scream until tears come from my eyes, my arms flailing. My hands hit solid bodies but do nothing; there are too many. I am alone. They nip at my fingertips and press against my body, wings sliding across the back of my neck, feet tearing at my hair.**

 **I twist and wrench and fall to the ground, covering my head with my arms. They scream against me. I feel a wiggling in the grass, a crow forcing its way under my arm. I open my eyes and it pecks at my face, its beak hitting me in the nose. Blood drips onto the grass and I sob, hitting it with my palm, but another crow wedges under my other arm and its claws stick to the front of my shirt.**

 **I am screaming; I am sobbing.**

" **Help!" I wail. "Help!"**

"Was that hard to watch Four?" Shauna asks.

I just nod my head.

"You shouldn't have been watching," Eric says. "It's completely unprofessional."

"Like you wouldn't watch if it was your girl," Zeke says.

"We weren't even together yet," I defend.

"Just read Lynn," Max says.

 **And the crows flap harder, a roar in my ears. My body burns, and they are everywhere, and I can't think, I can't breathe. I gasp for air and my mouth fills with feathers, feathers down my throat, in my lungs, replacing my blood with dead weight.**

" **Help," I sob and scream, insensible, illogical. I am dying; I am dying; I am dying.**

 **My skin sears and I am bleeding, and the squawking is so loud my ears are ringing, but I am not dying, and I remember that it isn't real, but it feels real, it feels so real. Be brave. Four's voice screams in my memory. I cry out to him, inhaling feathers and exhaling "Help!" But there will be no help; I am alone.**

 _ **You stay in the hallucination until you can calm down**_ **, his voice continues, and I cough, and my face is wet with tears, and another crow has wriggled under my arms, and I feel the edge of its sharp beak against my mouth. Its beak wedges past my lips and scrapes my teeth. The crow pushes its head into my mouth and I bite hard, tasting something foul. I spit and clench my teeth to form a barrier, but now a fourth crow is pushing at my feet, and a fifth crow is pecking at my ribs.**

 _ **Calm down.**_ **I can't, I can't. My head throbs.**

 _ **Breathe.**_ **I keep my mouth closed and suck air into my nose. It has been hours since I was alone in the field; it has been days. I push air out of my nose. My heart pounds hard in my chest. I have to slow it down. I breathe again, my face wet with tears.**

 **I sob again, and force myself forward, stretching out on the grass, which prickles against my skin. I extend my arms and breathe. Crows push and prod at my sides, worming their way beneath me, and I let them. I let the flapping of wings and the squawking and the pecking and the prodding continue, relaxing one muscle at a time, resigning myself to becoming a pecked carcass.**

"Lucky you don't have much meat on you," Lynn says and then laughs.

 **The pain overwhelms me.**

 **I open my eyes, and I am sitting in the metal chair.**

"Thank God that is over," Zeke sighs.

"That was way to vivid," Marlene says.

"So are you really scared of crows?" Lynn asks.

Tris just shakes her head. She looks a lot like she did when she came out of the sim.

"What does it mean then?" Uriah asks.

"Losing control," Eric says. I just nod.

 **I scream and hit my arms and head and legs to get the birds off me, but they are gone, though I can still feel the feathers brushing the back of my neck and the talons in my shoulder and my burning skin. I moan and pull my knees to my chest, burying my face in them.**

 **A hand touches my shoulder, and I fling a fist out, hitting something solid but soft. "Don't touch me!" I sob.**

" **It's over," Four says. The hand shifts awkwardly over my hair, and I remember my father stroking my hair when he kissed me goodnight, my mother touching my hair when she trimmed it with the scissors. I run my palms along my arms, still brushing off feathers, though I know there aren't any.**

" **Tris."**

 **I rock back and forth in the metal chair.**

" **Tris, I'm going to take you back to the dorms, okay?"**

" **No!" I snap. I lift my head and glare at him, though I can't see him through the blur of tears. "They can't see me...not like this..."**

" **Oh, calm down," he says. He rolls his eyes. "I'll take you out the back door."**

" **I don't need you to..." I shake my head. My body is trembling and I feel so weak I'm not sure I can stand, but I have to try. I can't be the only one who needs to be walked back to the dorms. Even if they don't see me, they'll find out, they'll talk about me—**

"Most people get walked back to the dorms, especially after the first sim," Max says.

" **Nonsense."**

 **He grabs my arm and hauls me out of the chair. I blink the tears from my eyes, wipe my cheeks with the heel of my hand, and let him steer me toward the door behind the computer screen.**

 **We walk down the hallway in silence. When we're a few hundred yards away from the room, I yank my arm away and stop.**

" **Why did you do that to me?" I say. "What was the point of that, huh? I wasn't aware that when I chose Dauntless, I was signing up for weeks of torture!"**

"Feisty Tris," Tori says.

Zeke is rolling around laughing his ass off.

"I can't imagine anyone talking to you like that Four," Shauna say.

Zeke just keeps laughing.

"Oh man," Zeke gets out between laughing. "She so has." More laughter. "your number."

"Just keep reading," I say frowning.

" **Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" he says calmly.**

" **That isn't overcoming cowardice! Cowardice is how you decide to be in real life, and in real life, I am not getting pecked to death by crows, Four!" I press my palms to my face and sob into them.**

 **He doesn't say anything, just stands there as I cry. It only takes me a few seconds to stop and wipe my face again. "I want to go home," I say weakly.**

"No you don't," Uriah smiles at Tris.

Tris gives him a weak smile back.

 **But home is not an option anymore. My choices are here or the factionless slums.**

 **He doesn't look at me with sympathy. He just looks at me. His eyes look black in the dim corridor, and his mouth is set in a hard line.**

" **Learning how to think in the midst of fear," he says, "is a lesson that everyone, even your Stiff family, needs to learn. That's what we're trying to teach you. If you can't learn it, you'll need to get the hell out of here, because we won't want you."**

"You are hopeless," Zeke shakes his head while looking at me.

"No Zeke," Eric interrupts. "He said exactly what needed to be said. It doesn't matter if he has feelings for her. There is no place for anyone in Dauntless unless they are one hundred percent committed."

" **I'm trying." My lower lip trembles. "But I failed. I'm failing."**

 **He sighs. "How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?"**

" **I don't know." I shake my head. "A half hour?"**

" **Three minutes," he replies. "You got out three times faster than the other initiates. Whatever you are, you're not a failure."**

"Three minutes!" Max shouts. "Unbelievable even for a Divergent."

"So _she_ only did well because she was Divergent?" Christina questions.

"It's more complicated than that Christina," Eric sighs. "Yes it helps to be Divergent but we haven't seen anyone get out of a sim that quickly before. I think that even if Tris wasn't Divergent she would still be extremely quicker than anyone else."

"But she has an advantage," Christina whines.

"The first sim should have taken her longer because she hadn't been in there before. As she said while in the sim, she knew it wasn't real but it still felt real. So I don't think it is as advantageous as you think," Eric explains. "The sims are more for us. So we can find out who is Divergent."

"So then you can hunt them down and kill them," I say. Eric ignores me.

 **Three minutes?**

 **He smiles a little. "Tomorrow you'll be better at this. You'll see."**

" **Tomorrow?"**

 **He touches my back and guides me toward the dormitory. I feel his fingertips through my shirt. Their gentle pressure makes me forget the birds for a moment.**

"I bet it did," Zeke teases.

" **What was your first hallucination?" I say, glancing at him.**

"Such a bold question to ask him," Lynn says.

" **It wasn't a 'what' so much as a 'who.'" He shrugs. "It's not important."**

" **And are you over that fear now?"**

" **Not yet." We reach the door to the dormitory, and he leans against the wall, sliding his hands into his pockets. "I may never be."**

" **So they don't go away?"**

" **Sometimes they do. And sometimes new fears replace them." His thumbs hook around his belt loops. "But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it,** _ **that's**_ **the point."**

 **I nod. I used to think the Dauntless were fearless. That is how they seemed, anyway. But maybe what I saw as fearless was actually fear under control.**

" **Anyway, your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation," he adds.**

" **What do you mean?"**

" **Well, are you really afraid of crows?" he says, half smiling at me. The expression warms his eyes enough that I forget he's my instructor. He's just a boy, talking casually, walking me to my door. "When you see one, do you run away screaming?"**

" **No. I guess not." I think about stepping closer to him, not for any practical reason, but just because I want to see what it would be like to stand that close to him; just because I want to.**

"Just do it Tris," Marlene giggles.

 _ **Foolish**_ **, a voice in my head says.**

 **I step closer and lean against the wall too, tilting my head sideways to look at him. As I did on the Ferris wheel, I know exactly how much space there is between us. Six inches. I lean. Less than six inches. I feel warmer, like he's giving off some kind of energy that I am only now close enough to feel.**

" **So what am I really afraid of?" I say.**

" **I don't know," he says. "Only you can know."**

 **I nod slowly. There are a dozen things it could be, but I'm not sure which one is right, or if there's even one right one.**

" **I didn't know becoming Dauntless would be this difficult," I say, and a second later, I am surprised that I said it; surprised that I admitted to it. I bite the inside of my cheek and watch Four carefully. Was it a mistake to tell him that?**

" **It wasn't always like this, I'm told," he says, lifting a shoulder. My admission doesn't appear to bother him. "Being Dauntless, I mean."**

" **What changed?"**

" **The leadership," he says. "The person who controls training sets the standard of Dauntless behavior. Six years ago Max and the other leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and more brutal, said it was supposed to test people's strength. And that changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole. Bet you can't guess who the leaders' new protégé is."**

 **The answer is obvious: Eric. They trained him to be vicious, and now he will train the rest of us to be vicious too.**

 **I look at Four. Their training didn't work on him.**

" **So if you were ranked first in your initiate class," I say, "what was Eric's rank?"**

" **Second."**

" **So he was their second choice for leadership." I nod slowly. "And you were their first."**

" **What makes you say that?"**

" **The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night. Jealous, even though he has what he wants."**

I am waiting for Eric to explode. I can't think that he would like what Tris said, I think he would like it even less that everyone now knows. But he doesn't.

 **Four doesn't contradict me. I must be right. I want to ask why he didn't take the position the leaders offered him; why he is so resistant to leadership when he seems to be a natural leader. But I know how Four feels about personal questions.**

"You finally learning to restrain yourself around him?" Uriah asks.

"No," Tris says with a giggle.

 **I sniff, wipe my face one more time, and smooth down my hair.**

" **Do I look like I've been crying?" I say.**

" **Hmm." He leans in close, narrowing his eyes like he's inspecting my face. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Even closer, so we would be breathing the same air—if I could remember to breathe.**

" **No, Tris," he says. A more serious look replaces his smile as he adds, "You look tough as nails."**

"I don't understand the two of you," Zeke says shaking his head. "You are just too weird."

"Who wants to read the next chapter? Lynn asks holding the book out.

"I will," Tori says as she grabs the book from Lynn


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

FOUR'S POV

 **CHAPTER NINETEEN**

 **When I walk in, most of the other initiates—Dauntless-born and transfer alike—are crowded between the rows of bunk beds with Peter at their center. He holds a piece of paper in both hands.**

"Why were the Dauntless-born in the transfers dorm?" Eric asks.

"Peter told us he had something to show us," Uriah says.

" _ **The mass exodus of the children of Abnegation leaders cannot be ignored or attributed to coincidence," he reads. "The recent transfer of Beatrice and Caleb Prior, the children of Andrew Prior, calls into question the soundness of Abnegation's values and teachings."**_

 **Cold creeps up my spine. Christina, standing on the edge of the crowd, looks over her shoulder and spots me. She gives me a worried look. I can't move. My father. Now the Erudite are attacking my father.**

" _ **Why else would the children of such an important man decide that the lifestyle he has set out for them is not an admirable one?"**_ **Peter continues** _ **. "Molly Atwood, a fellow Dauntless transfer, suggests a disturbed and abusive upbringing might be to blame. 'I heard her talking in her sleep once,' Molly says. 'She was telling her father to stop doing something. I don't know what it was, but it gave her nightmares.'"**_

"What a bitch!" Lynn exclaims

 **So this is Molly's revenge. She must have talked to the Erudite reporter that Christina yelled at.**

 **She smiles. Her teeth are crooked. If I knocked them out, I might be doing her a favor.**

" **What?" I demand. Or I try to demand, but my voice comes out strangled and scratchy, and I have to clear my throat and say it again. "** _ **What?"**_

 **Peter stops reading, and a few people turn around. Some, like Christina, look at me in a pitying way, their eyebrows drawn in, their mouths turned down at the corners. But most give me little smirks and eye one another suggestively. Peter turns last, with a wide smile.**

" **Give me that," I say, holding out my hand. My face burns.**

" **But I'm not done reading," he replies, laughter in his voice. His eyes scan the paper again.** _ **"However, perhaps the answer lies not in a morally bereft man, but in the corrupted ideals of an entire faction. Perhaps the answer is that we have entrusted our city to a group of proselytizing tyrants who do not know how to lead us out of poverty and into prosperity."**_

 **I storm up to him and try to snatch the paper from his hands, but he holds it up, high above my head so I can't reach it unless I jump, and I won't jump. Instead, I lift my heel and stomp as hard as I can where the bones in his foot connect to his toes. He grits his teeth to stifle a groan.**

"GO TRIS!" Zeke shouts.

 **Then I throw myself at Molly, hoping the force of the impact will surprise her and knock her down, but before I can do any damage, cold hands close around my waist.**

" **That's my** _ **father!"**_ **I scream. "My father, you coward!"**

 **Will pulls me away from her, lifting me off the ground. My breaths come fast, and I struggle to grab the paper before anyone can read another word of it. I have to burn it; I have to destroy it; I have to.**

 **Will drags me out of the room and into the hallway, his fingernails digging into my skin. Once the door shuts behind him, he lets go, and I shove him as hard as I can.**

" **What? Did you think I couldn't defend myself against that piece of Candor trash?"**

" **No," says Will. He stands in front of the door. "I figured I'd stop you from starting a brawl in the dormitory. Calm down."**

 **I laugh a little. "Calm down? Calm** _ **down**_ **? That's my** _ **family**_ **they're talking about, that's my** _ **faction**_ **!"**

" **No, it's not." There are dark circles under his eyes; he looks exhausted. "It's your old faction, and there's nothing you can do about what they say, so you might as well just ignore it."**

" **Were you even listening?" The heat in my cheeks is gone, and my breaths are more even now. "Your stupid ex-faction isn't just insulting Abnegation anymore. They're calling for an overthrow of the entire government."**

 **Will laughs. "No, they're not. They're arrogant and dull, and that's why I left them, but they aren't revolutionaries. They just want more say, that's all, and they resent Abnegation for refusing to listen to them."**

"You hope," I say.

" **They don't want people to listen, they want people to agree," I reply. "And you shouldn't bully people into agreeing with you." I touch my palms to my cheeks. "I can't believe my brother joined them."**

" **Hey. They're not all bad," he says sharply.**

 **I nod, but I don't believe him. I can't imagine anyone emerging from the Erudite unscathed, though Will seems all right.**

"Gee thanks Tris," Will says with a smile.

 **The door opens again, and Christina and Al walk out.**

" **It's my turn to get tattooed," she says. "Want to come with us?"**

 **I smooth my hair. I can't go back into the dormitory. Even if Will let me, I am outnumbered there. My only choice is to go with them and try to forget what's happening outside the Dauntless compound. I have enough to worry about without anxiety about my family.**

"Why are Erudite saying all this stuff?" Marlene asks.

The room falls silent. Should I say something? Will my theories be shot down. I can see Max and Eric silently communicating with each other. They know exactly what is going on, I'm sure of it.

"Page break," Tori says.

 **Ahead of me, Al gives Christina a piggyback ride. She shrieks as he charges through the crowd. People give him a wide berth, when they can.**

 **My shoulder still burns. Christina persuaded me to join her in getting a tattoo of the Dauntless seal. It is a circle with a flame inside it. My mother didn't even react to the one on my collarbone, so I don't have as many reservations about getting tattoos. They are a part of life here, just as integral to my initiation as learning to fight.**

"We should all get a matching tattoo when we get out of here," Marlene says. "To remember the time we spent here.

"As long as it's not girly," Uriah says.

"I'd thought you'd be used to girly tattoos," Zeke teases his brother.

"I wouldn't go there if I was you Zeke," Uriah warns.

"Yeah, I don't think you want people knowing what you got tattooed on your butt," Lynn laughs.

"How do you know about that?" Zeke looks worried. I wonder what it is?

"Who do you think?" Lynn says pointing at Shauna.

"Shauna you promised," Zeke whines.

"I didn't mean too," Shauna blushes. "I was drunk and we had that fight and so I was ranting to Lynn and it sort of slipped out."

"You have to tell us now," Eric says.

"I don't think so," Zeke says.

"Or we could hold you down and have a look for ourselves," Eric smirks.

"You want to hold me down and look at my butt?" Zeke asks Eric.

I start to laugh. "You didn't think that through, did you?" I say.

"Just tell us Zeke," Christina pleads.

"No. No way. I will never tell," Zeke says.

"Just wait. Eventually Zeke will get drunk and do a nudie run through the Pit," Shauna laughs. "It happens at least once a year."

"Really?" Tris asks. She sounds shocked.

"Yeah," Uriah says. "For some reason Zeke thinks he is at his coolest when he is drunk and nude. Although sometimes I think he would do it without the alcohol."

"Hey, I have a good body," Zeke stands and runs his hands up and down his body.

"Sit down," Shauna laughs.

 **Christina also persuaded me to purchase a shirt that exposes my shoulders and collarbone, and to line my eyes with black pencil again. I don't bother objecting to her makeover attempts anymore. Especially since I find myself enjoying them.**

"You do?" Christina squeals.

Tris groans. "You were never supposed to know that," she says.

"We are so going shopping when we get out of here," Christina shrieks.

"I didn't say I liked shopping Christina," Tris pleads.

"Well, I will get the clothes and then can give you the makeover," Christina says.

"Great," Tris gives a fake smile.

"Wow Christina has her own real life Barbie," Marlene starts clapping her hands together.

"What's a Barbie?" Both Tris and I ask together.

"It was a doll from before the war. Completely out of proportion but most little girls would have one. They would dress them up and stuff. Caused a lot of problems with body image until they changed the doll," Christina says.

 **Will and I walk behind Christina and Al.**

" **I can't believe you got another tattoo," he says, shaking his head.**

" **Why?" I say. "Because I'm a Stiff?"**

" **No. Because you're...sensible." He smiles. His teeth are white and straight. "So, what was your fear today, Tris?"**

"What's wrong with getting tattoos Will?" Eric asks.

"Um, nothing," Will doesn't look at Eric.

" **Too many crows," I reply. "You?"**

 **He laughs. "Too much acid."**

 **I don't ask what that means.**

" **It's really fascinating how it all works," he says. "It's basically a struggle between your thalamus, which is producing the fear, and your frontal lobe, which makes decisions. But the simulation is all in your head, so even though you feel like someone is doing it to you, it's just you, doing it to yourself and..." He trails off. "Sorry. I sound like an Erudite. Just a habit."**

 **I shrug. "It's interesting."**

"You don't sound interested," Lynn says.

 **Al almost drops Christina, and she slaps her hands around the first thing she can grab, which just happens to be his face. He cringes and adjusts his grip on her legs. At a glance, Al seems happy, but there is something heavy about even his smiles. I am worried about him.**

"Yeah he was crazy," Zeke says.

"Maybe," Tris shrugs. I hate how she keeps feeling bad for Al. He chose his path.

 **I see Four standing by the chasm, a group of people around him. He laughs so hard he has to grab the railing for balance. Judging by the bottle in his hand and the brightness of his face, he's intoxicated, or on his way there. I had begun to think of Four as rigid, like a soldier, and forgot that he's also eighteen.**

" **Uh-oh," says Will. "Instructor alert."**

" **At least it's not Eric," I say. "He'd probably make us play chicken or something."**

" **Sure, but Four is scary. Remember when he put the gun up to Peter's head? I think Peter wet himself."**

" **Peter deserved it," I say firmly.**

"He so did," Christina laughs.

 **Will doesn't argue with me. He might have, a few weeks ago, but now we've all seen what Peter is capable of.**

" **Tris!" Four calls out. Will and I exchange a look, half surprise and half apprehension. Four pulls away from the railing and walks up to me. Ahead of us, Al and Christina stop running, and Christina slides to the ground. I don't blame them for staring. There are four of us, and Four is only talking to me.**

"Of course he is," Zeke laughs. "Oh no, four and alcohol and a girl. This could be a disaster." Zeke has his hands covering his eyes.

"That won't help you Zeke," I say. "You can still hear the words."

"Do I want to hear this?" He asks.

"It can't be that bad or they wouldn't be sitting here together," Shauna tells him.

"I really hope not," Zeke says as he slowly lowers his hands.

" **You look different." His words, normally crisp, are now sluggish.**

" **So do you," I say. And he does—he looks more relaxed, younger. "What are you doing?"**

" **Flirting with death," he replies with a laugh. "Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea."**

" **No, it isn't." I'm not sure I like Four this way. There's something unsettling about it.**

"You don't like me drinking?" I ask Tris.

"It was just different," she tells me.

" **Didn't know you had a tattoo," he says, looking at my collarbone.**

 **He sips the bottle. His breath smells thick and sharp. Like the factionless man's breath.**

"That's the way you want your crush to think of you," Zeke laughs.

"I wouldn't laugh Zeke," Shauna says. "Do you know what your breath smells like sometimes?"

" **Right. The** _ **crows**_ **," he says. He glances over his shoulder at his friends, who are carrying on without him, unlike mine. He adds, "I'd ask you to hang out with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way."**

 **I am tempted to ask him why he wants me to hang out with him, but I suspect the answer has something to do with the bottle in his hand.**

"No it didn't," I say shocked that she would think that.

" **What way?" I ask. "Drunk?"**

" **Yeah...well, no." His voice softens. "Real, I guess."**

" **I'll pretend I didn't."**

" **Nice of you." He puts his lips next to my ear and says, "You look good, Tris."**

 **His words surprise me, and my heart leaps. I wish it didn't, because judging by the way his eyes slide over mine, he has no idea what he's saying. I laugh. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?"**

" **Of course." He winks at me.**

"I didn't know you knew how to wink Four," Zeke teases.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me Zeke," I say with a wink.

"Don't do that," Zeke shudders. Everyone is looking at him confused. "He winked at me," Zeke explains.

"What like this?" Uriah asks and winks at Zeke.

"No, I think it would have been more like this," Lynn says and then she winks at Zeke.

"Stop! My eyes, my eyes," Zeke laughs.

 **I can't help it. I smile. Will clears his throat, but I don't want to turn away from Four, even when he walks back to his friends.**

 **Then Al rushes at me like a rolling boulder and throws me over his shoulder. I shriek, my face hot.**

" **Come on, little girl," he says, "I'm taking you to dinner."**

 **I rest my elbows on Al's back and wave at Four as he carries me away.**

"Did Four wave back?" Marlene asks.

"He did," Will says.

"Oh," Marlene sighs.

" **I thought I would rescue you," Al says as we walk away. He sets me down. "What was** _ **that**_ **all about?"**

 **He is trying to sound lighthearted, but he asks the question almost sadly. He still cares too much about me.**

"Like he had a chance with Four around," Shauna scoffs.

" **Yeah, I think we'd all like to know the answer to** _ **that**_ **question," says Christina in a singsong voice. "What did he say to you?"**

" **Nothing." I shake my head. "He was drunk. He didn't even know what he was saying." I clear my throat. "That's why I was grinning. It's...funny to see him that way."**

"I knew exactly what I was saying," I tell her.

" **Right," says Will. "Couldn't possibly be because—"**

 **I elbow Will hard in the ribs before he can finish his sentence. He was close enough to hear what Four said to me about looking good. I don't need him telling everyone about it, especially not Al. I don't want to make him feel worse.**

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christina whines.

"I forgot all about it," Will replies.

"How could you forget _that_?" Christina wails. God her voice is annoying.

"Probably because you are very good at distracting me," Will exclaims.

Christina gets a big grin on her face. I don't even want to know how she has been distracting him.

 **At home I used to spend calm, pleasant nights with my family. My mother knit scarves for the neighborhood kids. My father helped Caleb with his homework. There was a fire in the fireplace and peace in my heart, as I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and everything was quiet.**

 **I have never been carried around by a large boy, or laughed until my stomach hurt at the dinner table, or listened to the clamor of a hundred people all talking at once. Peace is restrained; this is free.**

"Abnegation need to loosen up," Tori says. "And that was the end of the chapter."

"How did you get such a short chapter?" Eric asks.

"Just lucky I guess," Tori smiles at him.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Tris grabs the book from Tori and begins.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY**

 **I breathe through my nose. In, out. In.**

" **It's just a simulation, Tris," Four says quietly.**

 **He's wrong. The last simulation bled into my life, waking and sleeping. Nightmares, not just featuring the crows but the feelings I had in the simulation—terror and helplessness, which I suspect is what I am really afraid of. Sudden fits of terror in the shower, at breakfast, on the way here. Nails bitten down so far my nail beds ache. And I am not the only one who feels this way; I can tell.**

"So, being Divergent doesn't really help in the sims?" Marlene comments.

"Of course it does!" Christina shrieks. "Look at the times _she_ was getting."

"I think Marlene has a point," Eric ponders. "If it did help she wouldn't be feeling the same as every other initiate going through the sims."

I see a look shared between Marlene and Uriah. It makes me think he told her he is Divergent too. Marlene may act like she is an air head but she's definitely smarter than she looks.

"How can you say that Eric. You are the one hunting them," Christina says.

"The sims might make it obvious that Tris is Divergent. But, she is still reacting the same way any other initiate would," Eric quietly says.

"I still think it is unfair," Christina crosses her arms over her chest.

"Of course _you_ would," Eric replies. "Do you think every initiate above you in rankings is Divergent? Because I know they aren't. I've reviewed the tapes. Which means you still wouldn't be one of the best anyway."

Christina unfolds her arms and relaxes back into her seat. You can see the defeat in her eyes. For someone who is supposed to be Tris's friend, best friend at that, she isn't acting like it.

 **Still I nod and close my eyes.**

* * *

 **I am in darkness. The last thing I remember is the metal chair and the needle in my arm. This time there is no field; there are no crows. My heart pounds in anticipation. What monsters will creep from the darkness and steal my rationality? How long will I have to wait for them?**

"What exciting fear are you giving us today Tris?" Zeke jokes.

 **A blue orb lights up a few feet ahead of me, and then another one, filling the room with light. I am on the Pit floor, next to the chasm, and the initiates stand around me, their arms folded and their faces blank. I search for Christina and find her standing among them. None of them move. Their stillness makes my throat feel tight.**

 **I see something in front of me—my own faint reflection. I touch it, and my fingers find glass, cool and smooth. I look up. There is a pane above me; I am in a glass box. I press above my head to see if I can force the box open. It doesn't budge. I am sealed in.**

 **My heart beats faster. I don't want to be trapped. Someone taps on the wall in front of me. Four. He points at my feet, smirking.**

 **A few seconds ago, my feet were dry, but now I stand in half an inch of water, and my socks are soggy. I crouch to see where the water is coming from, but it seems to be coming from nowhere, rising up from the box's glass bottom. I look up at Four, and he shrugs. He joins the crowd of initiates.**

"I hate soggy socks," Uriah tells us.

"Me too," Shauna giggles.

"Who doesn't hate soggy socks?" Lynn joins the soggy sock conversation.

"Just read," Eric sighs.

 **The water rises fast. It now covers my ankles. I pound against the glass with my fist.**

" **Hey!" I say. "Let me out of here!"**

 **The water slides up my bare calves as it rises, cool and soft. I hit the glass harder.**

" **Get me out of here!"**

 **I stare at Christina. She leans over to Peter, who stands beside her, and whispers something in his ear. They both laugh.**

"Why would you think I would talk to Peter like that?" Christina asks.

"I don't know. I'm just explaining what is happening. I didn't make up what would be in my own fears," Tris defends.

 **The water covers my thighs. I pound both fists against the glass. I'm not trying to get their attention anymore; I'm trying to break out. Frantic, I bang against the glass as hard as I can. I step back and throw my shoulder into the wall, once, twice, three times, four times. I hit the wall until my shoulder aches, screaming for help, watching the water rise to my waist, my rib cage, my chest.**

" **Help!" I scream. "Please! Please help!"**

 **I slap the glass. I will die in this tank. I drag my shaking hands through my hair.**

 **I see Will standing among the initiates, and something tickles at the back of my mind. Something he said. Come on, think. I stop trying to break the glass. It's hard to breathe, but I have to try. I'll need as much air as I can get in a few seconds.**

 **My body rises, weightless in the water. I float closer to the ceiling and tilt my head back as the water covers my chin. Gasping, I press my face to the glass above me, sucking in as much air as I can. Then the water covers me, sealing me into the box.**

 _ **Don't panic.**_ **It's no use—my heart pounds and my thoughts scatter. I thrash in the water, smacking the walls. I kick the glass as hard as I can, but the water slows down my foot.** _ **The simulation is all in your head.**_

 **I scream, and water fills my mouth. If it's in my head, I control it. The water burns my eyes. The initiates' passive faces stare back at me. They don't care.**

"If you die in the sim, are you really dead?" Uriah asks.

"No," Max says.

 **I scream again and shove the wall with my palm. I hear something. A cracking sound. When I pull my hand away, there is a line in the glass. I slam my other hand next to the first and drive another crack through the glass, this one spreading outward from my palm in long, crooked fingers. My chest burns like I just swallowed fire. I kick the wall. My toes ache from the impact, and I hear a long, low groan.**

 **The pane shatters, and the force of the water against my back throws me forward. There is air again.**

 **I gasp and sit up. I'm in the chair. I gulp and shake out my hands. Four stands to my right, but instead of helping me up, he just looks at me.**

"How weird is it that you are in the box with soggy socks and then you wake up and you are dry?" Lynn says.

"I wasn't really thinking of that when I woke up," Tris says. "But it is weird, now that I think about it."

" **What?" I ask.**

" **How did you do that?"**

" **Do what?"**

" **Crack the glass."**

" **I don't know." Four finally offers me his hand. I swing my legs over the side of the chair, and when I stand, I feel steady. Calm.**

"That's sweet," Shauna smiles.

 **He sighs and grabs me by the elbow, half leading and half dragging me out of the room. We walk quickly down the hallway, and then I stop, pulling my arm back. He stares at me in silence. He won't give me information without prompting.**

"That's not so sweet," Shauna frowns. "Can you ever be nice for more than a couple of minutes?"

"Of course I can," I say shocked.

"I can't wait to actually see that happen," Shauna says.

"I've been nice all morning," I defend.

"Only because you are sitting there with your mouth closed," Shauna replies.

"Just read Tris," Max says. I give Shauna a dirty look and she sticks her tongue out at me. I just laugh.

" **What?" I demand.**

" **You're Divergent," he replies.**

 **I stare at him, fear pulsing through me like electricity. He knows. How does he know?**

 **I must have slipped up. Said something wrong.**

 **I should act casual. I lean back, pressing my shoulders to the wall, and say, "What's Divergent?"**

"You wouldn't last five minutes in Candor Tris," Zeke full on belly laughs.

" **Don't play stupid," he says. "I suspected it last time, but this time it's obvious. You manipulated the simulation; you're Divergent. I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to wind up dead at the bottom of the chasm, you'll figure out how to hide it during the simulations! Now, if you'll excuse me."**

 **He walks back to the simulation room and slams the door behind him. I feel my heartbeat in my throat. I manipulated the simulation; I broke the glass. I didn't know that was an act of Divergence.**

 **How did he?**

 **I push myself away from the wall and start down the hallway. I need answers, and I know who has them.**

"Always the charmer," Zeke teases me.

"What did you expect me to do?" I ask.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe be a little more comforting," Zeke says.

Before I can respond Tris continues.

"There's a page break," she says.

"Thank you," I whisper to her. She looks up and gives me a faint smile.

 **I walk straight to the tattoo place where I last saw Tori.**

 **There aren't many people out, because it's midafternoon and most of them are at work or at school. There are three people in the tattoo place: the other tattoo artist, who is drawing a lion on another man's arm, and Tori, who is sorting through a stack of paper on the counter. She looks up when I walk in.**

" **Hello, Tris," she says. She glances at the other tattoo artist, who is too focused on what he's doing to notice us. "Let's go in the back."**

 **I follow her behind the curtain that separates the two rooms. The next room contains a few chairs, spare tattoo needles, ink, pads of paper, and framed artwork. Tori draws the curtain shut and sits in one of the chairs. I sit next to her, tapping my feet to give myself something to do.**

" **What's going on?" she says. "How are the simulations going?"**

" **Really well." I nod a few times. "A little too well, I hear."**

" **Ah."**

" **Please help me understand," I say quietly. "What does it mean to be..." I hesitate. I should not say the word "Divergent" here. "What the hell am I? What does it have to do with the simulations?"**

 **Tori's demeanor changes. She leans back and crosses her arms. Her expression becomes guarded.**

" **Among other things, you...you are someone who is aware, when they are in a simulation, that what they are experiencing is not real," she says. "Someone who can then manipulate the simulation or even shut it down. And also..." She leans forward and looks into my eyes. "Someone who, because you are also Dauntless...tends to die."**

 **A weight settles on my chest, like each sentence she speaks is piling there. Tension builds inside me until I can't stand to hold it in anymore—I have to cry, or scream, or...**

 **I let out a harsh little laugh that dies almost as soon as it's born and say, "So I'm going to die, then?"**

" **Not necessarily," she says. "The Dauntless leaders don't know about you yet. I deleted your aptitude results from the system immediately and manually logged your result as Abnegation. But make no mistake—if they discover what you are, they** _ **will**_ **kill you."**

"We haven't killed anyone," Max hits the arm of the chair.

"What about Amar?" I shout.

"We didn't have anything to do with that," Max defends.

"You want me to believe that? Then why is it that he ended up dead a week after we were both asked to go through a fear sim with Jeanine Matthews watching?" I ask.

"What?" Zeke sounds shocked.

"Someone," I point to Eric. "Told Jeanine about a conversation I had with Amar. Next thing you know Amar and I are being taken by Jeanine and her assistant to go through one of our fear sims. So who do you think did it?"

"Max?" Zeke asks.

"I had nothing to do with his death," Max declares. "I know you don't believe me Four. Yes, Jeanine thought he was Divergent. But I can promise you, I didn't have anything to do with what happened to him."

"Just keep reading," Zeke says. You can feel the pain in his voice. He was great friends with Amar, they had grown up together. "Hopefully these stupid books might give us some answers."

 **I stare at her in silence. She doesn't look crazy. She sounds steady, if a little urgent, and I've never suspected her of being unbalanced, but she must be. There hasn't been a murder in our city as long as I've been alive. Even if individuals are capable of it, the leaders of a faction can't possibly be.**

"You really need to come on patrol with me," Shauna tells Tris.

"Why?" Tris asks.

"There are countless murders in the factionless sectors," Eric says. "People don't report them because they are factionless."

"What about in the factions?" Christina asks.

"Yes, but only leadership is informed," Eric states.

"Why do they keep that from us?" Will queries.

"To keep people thinking that the faction system is perfect," Max says. "It is in the cities laws. Abnegation want everyone to believe that we are living in harmony."

"So they cover it all up?" Tris sounds anxious. Knowing that her father is a part of this cover up must be a shock to her.

"Yes _Stiff_ , your father is part of the city wide cover up," Eric smirks.

"What else aren't you telling us?" Will asks.

"Look," Max begins. "We are trying to keep everyone in the city safe. With that comes the burden of having to keep some aspects of our lives classified. You may not like it but that is the way it has always been. This is part of why our faction system works so well."

" **You're paranoid," I say. "The leaders of the Dauntless wouldn't kill me. People don't do that. Not anymore. That's the point of all this...all the factions."**

" **Oh, you think so?" She plants her hands on her knees and stares right at me, her features taut with sudden ferocity. "They got my brother, why not you, huh? What makes you special?"**

" **Your brother?" I say, narrowing my eyes.**

" **Yeah. My brother. He and I both transferred from Erudite, only his aptitude test was inconclusive. On the last day of simulations, they found his body in the chasm. Said it was a suicide. Only my brother was doing well in training, he was dating another initiate, he was happy." She shakes her head. "You have a brother, right? Don't you think you would know if he was suicidal?"**

 **I try to imagine Caleb killing himself. Even the thought sounds ridiculous to me. Even if Caleb was miserable, it would not be an option.**

 **Her sleeves are rolled up, so I can see a tattoo of a river on her right arm. Did she get it after her brother died? Was the river another fear she overcame?**

 **She lowers her voice. "In the second stage of training, Georgie got really good, really fast. He said the simulations weren't even scary to him...they were like a game. So the instructors took a special interest in him. Piled into the room when he went under, instead of just letting the instructor report his results. Whispered about him all the time. The last day of simulations, one of the Dauntless leaders came in to see it himself. And the next day, Georgie was gone."**

"I was in leadership when George went through initiation," Max states. "He wasn't murdered Tori, I can promise you that."

"Thanks," Tori spits. "But I can't believe that."

The room is silent. Max doesn't respond, knowing that Tori isn't going to believe him anyway. I nudge Tris. "Just read."

 **I could be good at the simulations, if I mastered whatever force helped me break the glass. I could be so good that all the instructors took notice. I could, but will I?**

" **Is that all it is?" I say. "Just changing the simulations?"**

" **I doubt it," she says, "but that's all I know."**

" **How many people know about this?" I say, thinking of Four. "About manipulating the**

 **simulations?"**

" **Two kinds of people," she says. "People who want you dead. Or people who have experienced it themselves. First hand. Or second hand, like me."**

 **Four told me he would delete the recording of me breaking the glass. He doesn't want me dead. Is he Divergent? Was a family member? A friend? A girlfriend?**

"A girlfriend? Yeah right," Zeke laughs.

 **I push the thought aside. I can't let him distract me.**

"That isn't really working very well for you Tris," Marlene smiles.

" **I don't understand," I say slowly, "why the Dauntless leaders care that I can manipulate the simulation."**

" **If I had it figured out, I would have told you by now." She presses her lips together. "The only thing I've come up with is that changing the simulation isn't what they care about; it's just a symptom of something else. Something they do care about."**

 **Tori takes my hand and presses it between her palms.**

" **Think about this," she says. "These people taught you how to use a gun. They taught you how to fight. You think they're above hurting you? Above killing you?"**

 **She releases my hand and stands.**

" **I have to go or Bud will ask questions. Be careful, Tris."**

"Which one of you two," Tris points between Max and Eric. "Is going to explain to me why you want me dead."

"We don't want you dead Tris," Max says. I scoff at that comment. "Jeanine does."

"But you are willing to follow what she tells you," I sneer.

"It's a little more complicated than that Four," Eric utters.

"That's the end of the chapter," Tris says. "Maybe if we keep reading we will learn more."

"Let's take a break. Have something to eat. Then come back to it a little later," Max says.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I really hate when I am over tired. Instead of being able to sleep I become hyperactive. So while I channel my hyperactive behaviour towards writing more chapters. You people get an extra chapter for the day. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

FOUR'S POV

Tris goes to help Eric with dinner. Lynn and Marlene follow her in. I really don't want her alone with him right now. I don't think they do either.

I walk into the training room and Zeke and Uriah follow me in.

"Why didn't you tell me about Amar?" Zeke demands.

"How could I? I didn't know what to tell you. Would you have believed me?" I say.

"You knew how close we were," Zeke responds.

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. I thought you would think I was just being paranoid," I sound defeated.

"Do you think Max is really involved?" Uriah asks. Desperation in his voice.

"Yeah I do," I say. "There is something going on between Dauntless and Erudite. It looks like they are teaming up to overthrow Abnegation."

"What!" Zeke exclaims.

"Keep your voice down," I say. "I don't know how they are going to do it but I was able to get into Max's computer. It was all on there."

"How did you do that?" Zeke asks.

"I tricked Lauren into writing me a program so I could mirror his computer on mine," I say.

"Shit Four! If they find out," Zeke says.

"I don't think it is going to matter. We have been put here to try and save lives. I'm sure whatever is going to happen is in those books," I say.

"What about me?" Uriah asks. "Do you think it's going to come out?"

"What are you talking about Uriah?" Zeke asks. Concern written all over his face.

"I'm Divergent Zeke. Four has been helping me to hide it."

Zeke grabs his brother and hugs him. "I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe little brother."

"Thanks Zeke. Do you think you could let go of me now?"

"Yeah, sure. Sorry," Zeke says as he lets his brother go.

"Thanks Four, for looking after him."

I just nod.

"This is all starting to become a little real, isn't it?" Zeke says.

"Yeah, it is," I say.

"We should get back to the group," I say. "We don't want the wrong person overhearing us."

* * *

After dinner we sit back down and I pick up the book Tris left on our seat. "I'll read."

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

 **The door to the Pit closes behind me, and I am alone. I have not walked this tunnel since the day of the Choosing Ceremony. I remember how I walked it then, my footsteps unsteady, searching for light. I walk it surefooted now. I don't need light anymore.**

 **It has been four days since I spoke to Tori. Since then, Erudite has released two articles about Abnegation. The first article accuses Abnegation of withholding luxuries like cars and fresh fruit from the other factions in order to force their belief in self-denial on everyone else. When I read it, I thought of Will's sister, Cara, accusing my mother of hoarding goods.**

"How do Abnegation withhold cars? They don't make them, do they?" Will asks.

"No they don't," Eric says. "Erudite do."

"So how can it be Abnegations fault?" Will asks. "Or is this just Erudite trying to stir up trouble?"

No one in the room seems to have an answer for Will so I keep reading.

 **The second article discusses the failings of choosing government officials based on their faction, asking why only people who define themselves as selfless should be in government. It promotes a return to the democratically elected political systems of the past. It makes a lot of sense, which makes me suspect it is a call for revolution wrapped in the clothing of rationality.**

 **I reach the end of the tunnel. The net stretches across the gaping hole, just as it did when I last saw it. I climb the stairs to the wooden platform where Four pulled me to solid ground and grab the bar that the net is attached to. I would not have been able to lift my body up with just my arms when I first got here, but now I do it almost without thinking and roll into the center of the net.**

 **Above me are the empty buildings that stand at the edge of the hole, and the sky. It is dark blue and starless. There is no moon.**

"Weren't you scared someone might fall on you?" Marlene asks.

"Never thought about it," Tris replies. "Has that ever happened before?"

Max starts to laugh. "We have had a few near misses. But the people on the net have usually seen the jumper coming. I think we've only had one accident. No real harm done, just a couple of broken bones."

 **The articles troubled me, but I had friends to cheer me up, and that is something. When the first one was released, Christina charmed one of the cooks in the Dauntless kitchens, and he let us try some cake batter. After the second article, Uriah and Marlene taught me a card game, and we played for two hours in the dining hall.**

"Tris had no idea what she was doing," Marlene laughs. "But by the end she was beating us all the time."

 **Tonight, though, I want to be alone. More than that, I want to remember why I came here, and why I was so determined to stay here that I would jump off a building for it, even before I knew what being Dauntless was. I work my fingers through the holes in the net beneath me.**

 **I wanted to be like the Dauntless I saw at school. I wanted to be loud and daring and free like them. But they were not members yet; they were just playing at being Dauntless. And so was I, when I jumped off that roof. I didn't know what fear was.**

"Why didn't you know what fear was?" Will asks. Always with the questions.

"I don't know. There wasn't anything for me to fear in Abnegation."

I wish I was able to say the same thing.

 **In the past four days, I faced four fears. In one I was tied to a stake and Peter set a fire beneath my feet. In another I was drowning again, this time in the middle of an ocean as the water raged around me. In the third, I watched as my family slowly bled to death. And in the fourth, I was held at gunpoint and forced to shoot them. I know what fear is now.**

 **Wind rushes over the lip of the hole and washes over me, and I close my eyes. In my mind I stand at the edge of the roof again. I undo the buttons of my gray Abnegation shirt, exposing my arms, revealing more of my body than anyone else has ever seen. I ball the shirt up and hurl it at Peter's chest.**

 **I open my eyes. No, I was wrong; I didn't jump off the roof because I wanted to be like the Dauntless. I jumped off because I already was like them, and I wanted to show myself to them. I wanted to acknowledge a part of myself that Abnegation demanded that I hide.**

"First jumper Tris," Zeke calls out. We all laugh. Why we can't just be quiet and not encourage him, I don't know. Maybe we need the laughter.

 **I stretch my hands over my head and hook them in the net again. I reach with my toes as far as I can, taking up as much of the net as possible. The night sky is empty and silent, and for the first time in four days, so is my mind.**

"Page break," I tell them.

 **I hold my head in my hands and breathe deeply. Today the simulation was the same as yesterday: Someone held me at gunpoint and ordered me to shoot my family. When I lift my head, I see that Four is watching me.**

" **I know the simulation isn't real," I say.**

" **You don't have to explain it to me," he replies. "You love your family. You don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world."**

"I had that fear too," Will says.

"Me too," Lynn confesses.

"Is it a common fear?" Shauna asks.

"It is probably the most popular fear. There isn't many people who don't have it," I say.

" **In the simulation is the only time I get to see them," I say. Even though he says I don't, I feel like I have to explain why this fear is so difficult for me to face. I twist my fingers together and pull them apart. My nail beds are bitten raw—I have been chewing them as I sleep. I wake to bloody hands every morning. "I miss them. You ever just ...miss your family?"**

 **Four looks down. "No," he says eventually. "I don't. But that's unusual."**

 **It is unusual, so unusual it distracts me from the memory of holding a gun to Caleb's chest. What was his family like that he no longer cares about them?**

"Do you want to explain Four?" Lynn asks.

"No," I tell her.

 **I pause with my hand on the doorknob and look back at him.**

 _ **Are you like me?**_ **I ask him silently.** _ **Are you Divergent?**_

 **Even thinking the word feels dangerous. His eyes hold mine, and as the silent seconds pass, he looks less and less stern. I hear my heartbeat. I have been looking at him too long, but then, he has been looking back, and I feel like we are both trying to say something the other can't hear, though I could be imagining it. Too long—and now, even longer, my heart even louder, his tranquil eyes swallowing me whole.**

"What were you thinking Four?" Shauna asks.

"Do you really think I'm going to tell you Shauna?"

"No but it was worth a try."

 **I push the door open and hurry down the hallway.**

 **I shouldn't be so easily distracted by him. I shouldn't be able to think of anything but initiation. The simulations should disturb me more; they should break my mind, as they have been doing to most of the other initiates. Drew doesn't sleep—he just stares at the wall, curled in a ball. Al screams every night from his nightmares and cries into his pillow. My nightmares and chewed fingernails pale by comparison.**

 **Al's screams wake me every time, and I stare at the springs above me and wonder what on earth is wrong with me, that I still feel strong when everyone else is breaking down. Is it being Divergent that makes me steady, or is it something else?**

"It's something else," I say.

"What do you mean?" Zeke asks.

"Fear doesn't shut Tris down. It wakes her up," I say. "It doesn't have anything to do with being Divergent. It is just who she is."

 **When I get back to the dormitory, I expect to find the same thing I found the day before: a few initiates lying on beds or staring at nothing. Instead they stand in a group on the other end of the room. Eric is in front of them with a chalkboard in his hands, which is facing the other way, so I can't see what's written on it. I stand next to Will.**

" **What's going on?" I whisper. I hope it isn't another article, because I'm not sure I can handle any more hostility directed at me.**

" **Rankings for stage two," he says.**

" **I thought there weren't any cuts after stage two," I hiss.**

" **There aren't. It's just a progress report, sort of."**

 **I nod.**

 **The sight of the board makes me feel uneasy, like something is swimming in my stomach. Eric lifts the board above his head and hangs it on the nail. When he steps aside, the room falls silent, and I crane my neck to see what it says.**

 **My name is in the first slot.**

"Go Tris!" Uriah shouts.

 **Heads turn in my direction. I follow the list down. Christina and Will are fourth and sixth, respectively. Peter is second, but when I look at the time listed by his name, I realize that the margin between us is conspicuously wide.**

 **Peter's average simulation time is eight minutes. Mine is two minutes, forty-five seconds.**

"Less than three minutes? That is insane," Lynn says.

"But you cheated," Christina claims.

"I did not," Tris states, I can hear the anger in her voice.

"You heard what Four said Christina," Eric chips in. "She doesn't react to fear the way most people do."

"I don't believe you," Christina says with her arms crossed.

"I don't think anyone cares Christina," Lynn snaps at her. "You are just showing your true colours. You're just as bad as Al or Peter, you think because of where Tris came from she shouldn't be able to beat you. You think you are better than her." Lynn stands with her arms crossed.

"Okay ladies," Zeke calmly says. "I think we should all sit down and let Four continue to read."

Lynn sits back down but she re crosses her arms as soon as she is seated and gives Christina a death glare. I should ask Lynn to train the transfers with me, her glare is as scary as mine, maybe even more.

" **Nice job, Tris," Will says quietly.**

 **I nod, still staring at the board. I should be pleased that I am ranked first, but I know what that means. If Peter and his friends hated me before, they will despise me now. Now I am Edward. It could be my eye next. Or worse.**

"You were right about that," Uriah says.

"What happened?" Max asks.

"I'm sure it will come out soon," Uriah says.

 **I search for Al's name and find it in the last slot. The crowd of initiates breaks up slowly, leaving just me, Peter, Will, and Al standing there. I want to console Al. To tell him that the only reason that I'm doing well is that there's something different about my brain.**

 **Peter turns slowly, every limb infused with tension. A glare would have been less threatening than the look he gives me—a look of pure hatred. He walks toward his bunk, but at the last second, he whips around and shoves me against a wall, a hand on each of my shoulders.**

" **I will not be outranked by a Stiff," he hisses, his face so close to mine I can smell his stale breath. "How did you do it, huh? How the hell did you do it?"**

 **He pulls me forward a few inches and then slams me against the wall again. I clench my teeth to keep from crying out, though pain from the impact went all the way down my spine. Will grabs Peter by his shirt collar and drags him away from me.**

" **Leave her alone," he says. "Only a coward bullies a little girl."**

" **A little girl?" scoffs Peter, throwing off Will's hand. "Are you blind, or just stupid? She's going to edge you out of the rankings and out of** _ **Dauntless**_ **, and you're going to get** _ **nothing**_ **, all because she knows how to manipulate people and you don't. So when you realize that she's out to ruin us all, you let me know."**

"I think Peter was right," Christina says.

"That's great Christina," Tris says. "We get it. Just shut it so we can get through the story."

We all sit here stunned, I don't think anyone expected this outburst from Tris. I'm glad she did it.

"Just read Four," Tris whispers.

 **Peter storms out of the dormitory. Molly and Drew follow him, looks of disgust on their faces.**

" **Thanks," I say, nodding to Will.**

" **Is he right?" Will asks quietly. "Are you trying to manipulate us?"**

" **How on earth would I do that?" I scowl at him. "I'm just doing the best I can, like anyone else."**

" **I don't know." He shrugs a little. "By acting weak so we pity you? And then acting tough to psyche us out?"**

" **Psyche you out?" I repeat. "I'm your** _ **friend.**_ **I wouldn't do that."**

"When did she ever act weak?" Eric asks. "She may have been weak when it came to the fights but she never acted weak."

 **He doesn't say anything. I can tell he doesn't believe me—not quite.**

" **Don't be an idiot, Will," says Christina, hopping down from her bunk. She looks at me without sympathy and adds, "She's not acting."**

 **Christina turns and leaves, without banging the door shut. Will follows. I am alone in the room with Al. The first and the last.**

"You are such a bitch Christina," Lynn shouts.

"Go to hell Lynn," Christina screams back.

"Enough!" Max shouts. "If you two want to continue this then we will take it to the training room. But, Christina, your track record for fighting isn't the best. So think carefully before you decide what you want to do."

"I say we take it to the training room," Lynn says.

"Christina, don't do this," Will begs. "It's not worth it. Just let it go."

Christina just shakes her head no. I can see most of the room looking at her, wanting to scream coward. "Just read Four," Max says.

 **Al has never looked small before, but he does now, with his shoulders slumped and his body collapsing on itself like crumpled paper. He sits down on the edge of his bed.**

" **Are you all right?" I ask.**

" **Sure," he says.**

 **His face is bright red. I look away. Asking him was just a formality. Anyone with eyes could see that Al is not all right.**

" **It's not over," I say. "You can improve your rank if you..."**

 **My voice trails off when he looks up at me. I don't even know what I would say to him if I finished my sentence. There is no strategy for stage two. It reaches deep into the heart of who we are and tests whatever courage is there.**

" **See?" he says. "It's not that simple."**

" **I know it's not."**

" **I don't think you do," he says, shaking his head. His chin wobbles. "For you it's easy. All of this is easy."**

" **That's not true."**

" **Yeah, it is." He closes his eyes. "You aren't helping me by pretending it isn't. I don't —I'm not sure you can help me at all."**

 **I feel like I just walked into a downpour, and all my clothes are heavy with water; like I am heavy and awkward and useless. I don't know if he means that no one can help him, or if I, specifically, can't help him, but I would not be okay with either interpretation. I want to help him. I am powerless to do so.**

"He didn't want to help himself," Eric says. "He could have been ranked first at the end of stage one but he chose not to fight. Whatever happens is all his own doing. It comes down to that he wasn't cut out for Dauntless."

" **I...," I start to say, meaning to apologize, but for what? For being more Dauntless than he is? For not knowing what to say?**

" **I just..." The tears that have been gathering in his eyes spill over, wetting his cheeks. "...want to be alone."**

 **I nod and turn away from him. Leaving him is not a good idea, but I can't stop myself. The door clicks into place behind me, and I keep walking.**

 **I walk past the drinking fountain and through the tunnels that seemed endless the day I got here but now barely register in my mind. This is not the first time I have failed my family since I got here, but for some reason, it feels that way. Every other time I failed, I knew what to do but chose not to do it. This time, I did not know what to do. Have I lost the ability to see what people need? Have I lost part of myself?**

 **I keep walking.**

"You did the right thing," Shauna says.

"I'm glad I did now but, at the time I felt pretty helpless," Tris admits.

"Page break," I say.

 **I somehow find the hallway I sat in the day Edward left. I don't want to be alone, but I don't feel like I have much of a choice. I close my eyes and pay attention to the cold stone beneath me and breathe the musty underground air.**

" **Tris!" someone calls from the end of the hallway. Uriah jogs toward me. Behind him are Lynn and Marlene. Lynn is holding a muffin.**

" **Thought I would find you here." He crouches near my feet. "I heard you got ranked first."**

" **So you just wanted to congratulate me?" I smirk. "Well, thanks."**

" _ **Someone**_ **should," he says. "And I figured your friends might not be so congratulatory, since their ranks aren't as high. So quit moping and come with us. I'm going to shoot a muffin off Marlene's head."**

"Funny how Tris has made friends with the Dauntless-borns but none of the other transfers have," Max ponders.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Christina squawks. Her voice is really starting to grate on me.

"Just an observation," Max shrugs.

 **The idea is so ridiculous I can't stop myself from laughing. I get up and follow Uriah to the end of the hallway, where Marlene and Lynn are waiting. Lynn narrows her eyes at me, but Marlene grins.**

" **Why aren't you out celebrating?" she asks. "You're practically guaranteed a top ten spot if you keep it up."**

" **She's too Dauntless for the other transfers," Uriah says.**

" **And too Abnegation to 'celebrate,'" remarks Lynn.**

"We are just as Dauntless as Tris," Will demands.

"Really?" Max asks with a raised eyebrow.

"How many Dauntless-born were you friends with before we entered this house? Wait let me rephrase that. How many Dauntless-born friends do you have?"

"Point taken," Will says defeated.

 **I ignore her. "Why are you shooting a muffin off Marlene's head?"**

" **She bet me I couldn't aim well enough to hit a small object from one hundred feet," Uriah explains. "I bet her she didn't have the guts to stand there as I tried. It works out well, really."**

 **The training room where I first fired a gun is not far from my hidden hallway. We get there in under a minute, and Uriah flips on a light switch. It looks the same as the last time I was there: targets on one end of the room, a table with guns on the other.**

" **They just keep these lying around?" I ask.**

" **Yeah, but they aren't loaded." Uriah pulls up his shirt. There is a gun stuck under the waistband of his pants, right under a tattoo. I stare at the tattoo, trying to figure out what it is, but then he lets his shirt fall. "Okay," he says. "Go stand in front of a target."**

 **Marlene walks away, a skip in her step.**

" **You aren't seriously going to shoot at her, are you?" I ask Uriah.**

" **It's not a real gun," says Lynn quietly. "It's got plastic pellets in it. The worst it'll do is sting her face, maybe give her a welt. What do you think we are, stupid?"**

"You're not really going to do it?" Christina asks.

"Yeah," Uriah, Marlene and Lynn all shout at the same time.

 **Marlene stands in front of one of the targets and sets the muffin on her head. Uriah squints one eye as he aims the gun.**

" **Wait!" calls out Marlene. She breaks off a piece of the muffin and pops it into her mouth. "Mmkay!" she shouts, the word garbled by food. She gives Uriah a thumbs-up.**

"You guys are crazy," Will says.

"No, we're Dauntless," Uriah laughs.

" **I take it your ranks were good," I say to Lynn.**

 **She nods. "Uriah's second. I'm first. Marlene's fourth."**

" **You're only first by a hair ," says Uriah as he aims. He squeezes the trigger. The muffin falls off Marlene's head. She didn't even blink.**

" **We both win!" she shouts.**

" **You miss your old faction?" Lynn asks me.**

" **Sometimes," I say. "It was calmer. Not as exhausting."**

"Ohhh look. Lynn is being nice," Shauna teases.

Lynn just death glares her sister, which makes Zeke burst out laughing.

 **Marlene picks up the muffin from the ground and bites into it. Uriah shouts, "Gross!"**

" **Initiation's supposed to wear us down to who we really are. That's what Eric says, anyway," Lynn says. She arches an eyebrow.**

" **Four says it's to prepare us."**

" **Well, they don't agree on much."**

"I think they are both right," Tori says. We all turn to face Tori. "It's true. I don't think you two understand just how similar you both are."

 **I nod. Four told me that Eric's vision for Dauntless is not what it's supposed to be, but I wish he would tell me exactly what he thinks the right vision is. I get glimpses of it every so often—the Dauntless cheering when I jumped off the building, the net of arms that caught me after zip lining—but they are not enough. Has he read the Dauntless manifesto? Is that what he believes in—in ordinary acts of bravery?**

 **The door to the training room opens. Shauna, Zeke, and Four walk in just as Uriah fires at another target. The plastic pellet bounces off the center of the target and rolls along the ground.**

" **I thought I heard something in here," says Four.**

"You're all in trouble now," Tori laughs.

" **Turns out it's my idiot brother," says Zeke. "You're not supposed to be in here after hours. Careful, or Four will tell Eric, and then you'll be as good as scalped."**

 **Uriah wrinkles his nose at his brother and puts the pellet gun away. Marlene crosses the room, taking bites of her muffin, and Four steps away from the door to let us file out.**

"Did you end up getting a pellet in your butt Uriah?" I ask him.

"How did you know?"

"You forgot to put the safety on," I laugh.

"That was so funny," Lynn says. "Marlene. Do you remember how he jumped up and down screaming and rubbing his butt for like five minutes?"

Marlene and Lynn are both laughing their heads off. Zeke is just shaking his head. "I wish I had seen that," Tris says laughing.

"It wasn't that funny," Uriah says.

"Maybe not for you but for the rest of us it was hilarious," Lynn says with tears running down her face.

"You could have told me Four," Uriah whines.

"Where's the fun in that?" Zeke laughs. "Pity we didn't get to see it."

"We could probably try the control room. Maybe a camera picked them up," I say.

"That sounds like a plan," Zeke says.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to be wasting resources by searching for it?" Eric asks.

"You can come to," Zeke says. "If you want."

Eric laughs. "Yeah it might be good for a laugh."

What the hell is coming over Eric? This is just strange.

" **You wouldn't tell Eric," says Lynn, eyeing Four suspiciously.**

" **No, I wouldn't," he says. As I pass him, he rests his hand on the top of my back to usher me out, his palm pressing between my shoulder blades. I shiver. I hope he can't tell.**

"Could you tell?" Shauna asks. I nod.

 **The others walk down the hallway, Zeke and Uriah shoving each other, Marlene splitting her muffin with Shauna, Lynn marching in front. I start to follow them.**

" **Wait a second," Four says. I turn toward him, wondering which version of Four I'll see now—the one who scolds me, or the one who climbs Ferris wheels with me. He smiles a little, but the smile doesn't spread to his eyes, which look tense and worried.**

" **You belong here, you know that?" he says. "You belong with us. It'll be over soon, so just hold on, okay?"**

 **He scratches behind his ear and looks away, like he's embarrassed by what he said.**

 **I stare at him. I feel my heartbeat everywhere, even in my toes. I feel like doing something bold, but I could just as easily walk away. I am not sure which option is smarter, or better. I am not sure that I care.**

 **I reach out and take his hand. His fingers slide between mine. I can't breathe.**

 **I stare up at him, and he stares down at me. For a long moment, we stay that way. Then I pull my hand away and run after Uriah and Lynn and Marlene. Maybe now he thinks I'm stupid, or strange. Maybe it was worth it.**

"Is that the first time Tris initiated contact?" Shauna asks. I nod. "This is so cute. You two are just so cute."

"Shauna," Tris whines.

"What? We have been waiting for two years for Four to like a girl. It's exciting," Shauna says.

"Tris is your first girlfriend?" Christina sounds disgusted.

"Yeah," I say. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

"But there are so many hot woman in Dauntless. What makes her so special?" Christina asks.

"Jealous?" Zeke questions.

"No. I just don't understand it," Christina say.

"It's not up to you to understand it Christina. It's just what it is," Lynn says.

"Is that why you had that stupid ass grin on your face?" Zeke is laughing at me.

I nod my head. I remember how I was grinning like an idiot.

"There's another page break," I say. I don't feel like having to justify my feelings to Christina or anyone else for that matter. This is all new and I don't want to stuff it up. I'm sure I would if I did say something.

 **I get back to the dormitory before anyone else does, and when they start to trickle in, I get into bed and pretend to be asleep. I don't need any of them, not if they're going to react this way when I do well. If I can make it through initiation, I will be Dauntless, and I won't have to see them anymore.**

"That's right Tris. You can hang with us," Marlene says with a big smile on her face.

"Thanks Marlene."

 **I don't need them—but do I want them? Every tattoo I got with them is a mark of their friendship, and almost every time I have laughed in this dark place was because of them. I don't want to lose them. But I feel like I have already.**

 **After at least a half hour of racing thoughts, I roll onto my back and open my eyes. The dormitory is dark now—everyone has gone to bed.** _ **Probably exhausted from resenting me so much**_ **, I think with a wry smile. As if coming from the most hated faction wasn't enough, now I'm showing them up, too.**

"Ain't that the truth," Zeke says.

 **I get out of bed to get a drink of water. I'm not thirsty, but I need to do something. My bare feet make sticky sounds on the floor as I walk, my hand skimming the wall to keep my path straight. A bulb glows blue above the drinking fountain.**

"Does anyone ever clean the paths?" Will asks.

"Only if something is spilled," Max says.

 **I tug my hair over one shoulder and bend over. As soon as the water touches my lips, I hear voices at the end of the hallway. I creep closer to them, trusting the dark to keep me hidden.**

" **So far there haven't been any signs of it." Eric's voice. Signs of what?**

" **Well, you wouldn't have seen much of it yet," someone replies. A female voice; cold and familiar, but familiar like a dream, not a real person. "Combat training shows you nothing. The simulations, however, reveal who the Divergent rebels are, if there are any, so we will have to examine the footage several times to be sure."**

 **The word "Divergent" makes me go cold. I lean forward, my back pressed to the stone, to see who the familiar voice belongs to.**

" **Don't forget the reason I had Max appoint you," the voice says. "Your first priority is always finding them. Always."**

" **I won't forget."**

"Who were you talking to Eric?" I ask.

"Why ask me, when you already know _Four_ ," Eric snaps.

"So it's true. You are hunting Divergents," I accuse him.

"No I'm not," Eric states.

"What do you mean you're not?" Max asks. "Jeanine told you to look for them."

"She is not the leader of our faction Max. I don't have to take orders from her," Eric says.

"So what are you doing then?" I ask. I then see a look in Eric's eye. I don't know why but for some reason I don't think I want him to answer that question. Not here out in the open.

"Just ignore it," I say. "I'll keep reading.

 **I shift a few inches forward, hoping I am still hidden. Whoever that voice belongs to, she is pulling the strings; she is responsible for Eric's leadership position; she is the one who wants me dead. I tilt my head forward, straining to see them before they turn the corner.**

"So Max," Zeke says. "You only appointed Eric because Jeanine told you too?"

"No. I appointed Eric because he was the most qualified," Max states.

"What about Four?" Lynn asks.

"He dropped out of leadership training. He didn't want the position."

"But you still want him?" Lynn asks.

"Yes I do. He would be a great asset for our faction. Although they don't want to hear it. Four and Eric as leaders together could make this faction the strongest it has ever been. If they would just take the time to get along."

I don't want to have to keep listening to this. I don't want to be working with Eric. I am sure he feels exactly the same way. Although there is something strange going on with him.

 **Then someone grabs me from behind.**

"Oh my God," Tori shouts. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that to happen."

 **I start to scream, but a hand claps over my mouth. It smells like soap and it's big enough to cover the lower half of my face. I thrash, but the arms holding me are too strong, and I bite down on one of the fingers.**

The room is quiet, hanging on every word I am saying. Zeke is on the edge of his seat. Marlene is gripping Uriah's hand tightly. Lynn's hands are in fists. They all know what is about to happen. But they have never heard it in such detail.

" **Ow!" a rough voice cries.**

" **Shut up and keep her mouth covered." That voice is higher than the average male's and clearer. Peter.**

 **A strip of dark cloth covers my eyes, and a new pair of hands ties it at the back of my head. I struggle to breathe. There are at least two hands on my arms, dragging me forward, and one on my back, shoving me in the same direction, and one on my mouth, keeping my screams in. Three people. My chest hurts. I can't resist three people on my own.**

"Three," Max gasps.

" **Wonder what it sounds like when a Stiff begs for mercy," Peter says with a chuckle. "Hurry up."**

 **I try to focus on the hand on my mouth. There must be something distinct about it that will make him easier to identify. His identity is a problem I can solve. I need to solve a problem right now, or I will panic.**

"See, she deals with fear differently. It has nothing to do with her being Divergent," Eric says directly to Christina.

 **The palm is sweaty and soft. I clench my teeth and breathe through my nose. The soap smell is familiar. Lemongrass and sage. The same smell surrounds Al's bunk. A weight drops into my stomach.**

 **I hear the crash of water against rocks. We are near the chasm—we must be above it, given the volume of the sound. I press my lips together to keep from screaming. If we are above the chasm, I know what they intend to do to me.**

" **Lift her up, c'mon."**

 **I thrash, and their rough skin grates against mine, but I know it's useless. I scream too, knowing that no one can hear me here.**

 **I will survive until tomorrow. I will.**

"You're one determined bitch, I will give you that," Eric chuckles.

 **The hands push me around and up and slam my spine into something hard and cold. Judging by its width and curvature, it is a metal railing. It is the metal railing, the one that overlooks the chasm. My breaths wheeze and mist touches the back of my neck. The hands force my back to arch over the railing. My feet leave the ground, and my attackers are the only thing keeping me from falling into the water.**

 **A heavy hand gropes along my chest. "You sure you're sixteen, Stiff? Doesn't feel like you're more than twelve." The other boys laugh.**

 **Bile rises in my throat and I swallow the bitter taste.**

" **Wait, I think I found something!" His hand squeezes me. I bite my tongue to keep from screaming. More laughter.**

I hate having to read this. To know what they did to her. I wish I could have got there sooner.

 **Al's hand slips from my mouth. "Stop that," he snaps. I recognize his low, distinct voice.**

 **When Al lets go of me, I thrash again and slip down to the ground. This time, I bite down as hard as I can on the first arm I find. I hear a scream and clench my jaw harder, tasting blood. Something hard strikes my face. White heat races through my head. It would have been pain if adrenaline wasn't coursing through me like acid.**

 **The boy wrenches his trapped arm away from me and throws me to the ground. I bang my elbow against stone and bring my hands up to my head to remove the blindfold. A foot drives into my side, forcing the air from my lungs. I gasp and cough and claw at the back of my head. Someone grabs a handful of my hair and slams my head against something hard. A scream of pain bursts from my mouth, and I feel dizzy.**

 **Clumsily, I fumble along the side of my head to find the edge of the blindfold. I drag my heavy hand up, taking the blindfold with it, and blink. The scene before me is sideways and bobs up and down. I see someone running toward us and someone running away—someone large, Al. I grab the railing next to me and haul myself to my feet.**

 **Peter wraps a hand around my throat and lifts me up, his thumb wedged under my chin. His hair, which is usually shiny and smooth, is tousled and sticks to his forehead. His pale face is contorted and his teeth are gritted, and he holds me over the chasm as spots appear on the edges of my vision, crowding around his face, green and pink and blue. He says nothing. I try to kick him, but my legs are too short. My lungs scream for air.**

 **I hear a shout, and he releases me.**

 **I stretch out my arms as I fall, gasping, and my armpits slam into the railing. I hook my elbows over it and groan. Mist touches my ankles. The world dips and sways around me, and someone is on the Pit floor—Drew—screaming. I hear thumps. Kicks. Groans.**

 **I blink a few times and focus as hard as I can on the only face I can see. It is contorted with anger. His eyes are dark blue.**

" **Four," I croak.**

 **I close my eyes, and hands wrap around my arms, right where they join with the shoulder. He pulls me over the railing and against his chest, gathering me into his arms, easing an arm under my knees. I press my face into his shoulder, and there is a sudden, hollow silence.**

Silence is all around the room then I hear a sob. I turn to see Shauna with tears running down her cheeks. "Hey, it's okay baby," Zeke consoles her.

I turn to Tris and she has tears in her eyes but she hasn't shed any yet.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. It's just hard having to relive that," she whispers.

I wrap my arms around her. "I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner."

"Don't say that. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't got there when you did."

"Was that the end of the chapter?" Lynn asks. I nod. Lynn stands up and says, "I need to go hit something." She walks off towards the training room.

"I think we all need a bit of a break," Max says.

It is clear that this has had an effect on everyone.

"C'mon Tris," Uriah says. "Let's go help Lynn beat the punching bags."

Uriah pulls Tris up and starts to drag her out of the room. She keeps hold of my hand and says, "Come on."

I don't need to be told twice. Time in the training room will probably do us all good.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

FOUR'S POV

We all meet back in the lounge room after most of us worked out in the training room. Christina and Will were noticeably absent. I don't know what is going on there but I am sure we will find out eventually.

"I'll read," Max says.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

 **I open my eyes to the words "Fear God Alone" painted on a plain white wall. I hear the sound of running water again, but this time it's from a faucet and not from the chasm. Seconds go by before I see definite edges in my surroundings, the lines of door frame and countertop and ceiling.**

"Did Four take you to his apartment?" Christina squeals.

"Couldn't you have given us a better description," Uriah whines.

"I did have a head injury," Tris defends.

"Yeah but I've always wondered what Four's place looked like," Uriah says.

"You haven't been there?" Will asks. Uriah shakes his head.

"Why not?" Christina asks.

"No one goes to Four's," Uriah starts to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Christina asks.

"Zeke broke in and tried to wake him up one day," Uriah says and then stops. He looks at Shauna and they both start laughing like little school girls.

"Uriah!" Christina scolds. "Tell us what happened."

"I ended up with a black eye and a sprained wrist," Zeke tells everyone. No use trying to get it out of Uriah, he and Shauna are still laughing.

"Why would you do that?" Will asks me.

"I didn't know who it was. And who breaks into someone's home just to wake them up?"

"Zeke does," Uriah gasps out and then starts laughing even more.

"It wasn't that funny," Zeke mumbles.

 **The pain is a constant throb in my head and cheek and ribs. I shouldn't move; it will make everything worse. I see a blue patchwork quilt under my head and wince as I tilt my head to see where the water sound is coming from.**

 **Four stands in the bathroom with his hands in the sink. Blood from his knuckles turns the sink water pink. He has a cut at the corner of his mouth, but he seems otherwise unharmed. His expression is placid as he examines his cuts, turns off the water, and dries his hands with a towel.**

"Why would you take her to your place?" Max asks me.

"Well I wasn't going to make her go back to the dorms," I say.

 **I have only one memory of getting here, and even that is just a single image: black ink curling around the side of a neck, the corner of a tattoo, and the gentle sway that could only mean he was carrying me.**

 **He turns off the bathroom light and gets an ice pack from the refrigerator in the corner of the room. As he walks toward me, I consider closing my eyes and pretending to be asleep, but then our eyes meet and it's too late.**

"Busted," Zeke shouts out.

" **Your hands," I croak.**

" **My hands are none of your concern," he replies. He rests his knee on the mattress and leans over me, slipping the ice pack under my head. Before he pulls away, I reach out to touch the cut on the side of his lip but stop when I realize what I am about to do, my hand hovering.**

"Come on Tris," Zeke calls out. "Just touch him for goodness sake."

 _ **What do you have to lose?**_ **I ask myself. I touch my fingertips lightly to his mouth.**

"Glad to see you are listening to me," Zeke teases Tris.

"Yeah, I'm sure it was your voice in my head telling me to do it," sarcasm dripping from Tris' lips. Laughter ensues.

" **Tris," he says, speaking against my fingers, "I'm all right."**

" **Why were you there?" I ask, letting my hand drop.**

" **I was coming back from the control room. I heard a scream."**

"Don't you mean, you heard Tris scream?" Lynn asks.

"It wouldn't have mattered who it was. I still would have helped them."

" **What did you do to them?" I say.**

" **I deposited Drew at the infirmary a half hour ago," he says. "Peter and Al ran. Drew claimed they were just trying to scare you. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say."**

" **He's in bad shape?"**

" **He'll live," he replies. He adds bitterly, "In what condition, I can't say."**

"Go Four! Go Four! Go Four!" Zeke chants.

 **It isn't right to wish pain on other people just because they hurt me first. But white-hot triumph races through me at the thought of Drew in the infirmary, and I squeeze Four's arm.**

" **Good," I say. My voice sounds tight and fierce. Anger builds inside me, replacing my blood with bitter water and filling me, consuming me. I want to break something, or hit something, but I am afraid to move, so I start crying instead.**

 **Four crouches by the side of the bed, and watches me. I see no sympathy in his eyes. I would have been disappointed if I had. He pulls his wrist free and, to my surprise, rests his hand on the side of my face, his thumb skimming my cheekbone. His fingers are careful.**

"Does anybody else feel like we shouldn't be listening to this?" Shauna asks.

"What do you mean?" Tris asks.

"It just seems like such an intimate moment between the two of you. I feel like we are intruding on it," Shauna says.

"Are you kidding me?" Zeke chuckles. "This is awesome. I love watching Four make a fool of himself around girls."

"But he's not making a fool of himself Zeke. It's kind of private," Shauna is speaking so quietly.

"Doesn't matter," Zeke says. "I still want to see how this whole thing developed."

"You are worse than a girl Zeke," Lynn says with a laugh.

"Damn right I am. Keep reading Max," Zeke says with a big grin on his face.

" **I could report this," he says.**

" **No," I reply. "I don't want them to think I'm scared."**

 **He nods. He moves his thumb absently over my cheekbone, back and forth. "I figured you would say that."**

" **You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?"**

" **I'll help you."**

 **Four grips my shoulder with one hand and holds my head steady with the other as I push myself up. Pain rushes through my body in sharp bursts, but I try to ignore it, stifling a groan.**

 **He hands me the ice pack. "You can let yourself be in pain," he says. "It's just me here."**

 **I bite down on my lip. There are tears on my face, but neither of us mentions or even acknowledges them.**

" **I suggest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you from now on," he says.**

"Yeah right," Eric scoffs.

" **I thought I was," I say. I feel Al's hand against my mouth again, and a sob jolts my body forward. I press my hand to my forehead and rock slowly back and forth. "But Al..."**

" **He wanted you to be the small, quiet girl from Abnegation," Four says softly. "He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason."**

 **I nod and try to believe him.**

" **The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real."**

" **You think I have to pretend to be vulnerable?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.**

" **Yes, I do." He takes the ice pack from me, his fingers brushing mine, and holds it against my head himself. I put my hand down, too eager to relax my arm to object. Four stands up. I stare at the hem of his T-shirt.**

"What are you thinking Tris?" Zeke asks while raising his eyebrows.

"Zeke!" Tris tries to sound shocked.

"Yeah, you were wondering what he would look like with his shirt off," Zeke chuckles and Tris blushes a deep red.

 **Sometimes I see him as just another person, and sometimes I feel the sight of him in my gut, like a deep ache.**

"You have it so bad," Shauna teases.

" **You're going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you," he adds, "but you should let that bruise on your cheek show, and keep your head down."**

 **The idea nauseates me.**

" **I don't think I can do that," I say hollowly. I lift my eyes to his.**

" **You have to."**

" **I don't think you** _ **get**_ **it." Heat rises into my face. "They touched me."**

 **His entire body tightens at my words, his hand clenching around the ice pack. "Touched you," he repeats, his dark eyes cold.**

" **Not...in the way you're thinking." I clear my throat. I didn't realize when I said it how awkward it would be to talk about. "But...almost."**

 **I look away.**

 **He is silent and still for so long that eventually, I have to say something.**

" **What is it?"**

" **I don't want to say this," he says, "but I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand?"**

 **His straight eyebrows are drawn low over his eyes. My stomach writhes, partly because I know he makes a good point but I don't want to admit it, and partly because I want something I don't know how to express; I want to press against the space between us until it disappears.**

"I did too," I whisper so only Tris can hear me. While I can see the blush forming on Tris' cheeks, I can definitely feel that it's on mine as well.

 **I nod.**

" **But please, when you see an opportunity..." He presses his hand to my cheek, cold and strong, and tilts my head up so I have to look at him. His eyes glint. They look almost predatory. "Ruin them."**

 **I laugh shakily. "You're a little scary, Four."**

"Finally you see he is scary," Uriah says only half joking.

" **Do me a favor," he says, "and don't call me that."**

" **What should I call you, then?"**

" **Nothing." He takes his hand from my face. "Yet."**

"This is so exciting," Zeke starts bouncing on his couch.

"Calm down Zeke," Max says. "That was the end of the chapter."

"When do we get the big reveal?" Zeke asks.

"Not just yet," I say.

"You two need to move things along a little quicker."


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

FOUR'S POV

Eric takes the book out of Max's hand. "I may as well read while the book is here," Eric says.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

 **I don't go back to the dorms that night. Sleeping in the same room as the people who attacked me just to look brave would be stupid. Four sleeps on the floor and I sleep on his bed, on top of the quilt, breathing in the scent of his pillowcase. It smells like detergent and something heavy, sweet, and distinctly male.**

"What a gentleman," Marlene uses her flirty voice. "Who would ever think a Dauntless man could be so sweet."

"Probably because he wasn't originally from Dauntless," Uriah grumbles.

"I am so going to win the bet," Lynn cheers. "He had to have been Amity."

Laughter can be heard around the room.

"Damn!" Lynn shouts.

"What's wrong Lynn?" Marlene asks concerned.

"There is no way he is from Amity with that response," she says.

"They might just be doing it to trick you," Marlene says.

"Do you think?" Lynn has hope in her voice.

"No but it sounded like the right thing to say," Marlene giggles. Lynn just shakes her head.

 **The rhythm of his breaths slows, and I prop myself up to see if he is asleep. He lies on his stomach with one arm around his head. His eyes are closed, his lips parted. For the first time, he looks as young as he is, and I wonder who he really is. Who is he when he isn't Dauntless, isn't an instructor, isn't Four, isn't anything in particular?**

"The questions that many people have been asking for the last two years," Shauna says.

"How the hell can you sleep on your stomach, while sleeping on the floor?" Zeke asks.

I just shrug.

 **Whoever he is, I like him. It's easier for me to admit that to myself now, in the dark, after all that just happened. He is not sweet or gentle or particularly kind. But he is smart and brave, and even though he saved me, he treated me like I was strong. That is all I need to know.**

"Who knew someone could look past the good looks, the muscles and still like you?" Zeke says. "Not to mention that she actually is okay with your brash personality."

 **I watch the muscles in his back expand and contract until I fall asleep.**

"Although it does seem she likes to look at your muscles too," Zeke guffaws.

"Who doesn't?" Christina and Marlene say at exactly the same time.

"Marlene," Uriah whines.

"I like your muscles best," Marlene tells Uriah and he sits up straighter and pushes out his chest. We all just laugh at him.

 **I wake to aches and pains. I cringe as I sit up, holding my ribs, and walk up to the small mirror on the opposite wall. I am almost too short to see myself in it, but when I stand on my tiptoes, I can see my face.**

Zeke bursts out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Tris asks.

"You're so short," Zeke keeps laughing.

"Yeah that's just hilarious," Tris mumbles.

 **As expected, there is a dark blue bruise on my cheek. I hate the idea of slumping into the dining hall like this, but Four's instructions have stayed with me. I have to mend my friendships. I need the protection of seeming weak.**

"You only stayed friends with us because you wanted to pretend to be weak?" Christina asks with disgust in her voice.

"Like you deserve to have her as a friend," Lynn retorts.

"If I remember Christina," Uriah says. I don't think I have ever heard him so serious before. "You were all over her after you saw what had happened to her. She didn't have to do anything because you felt so guilty for the bitch you were the day before."

I never thought I would see this. Firstly, Uriah being serious and secondly, someone not in authority shutting Christina up.

 **I tie my hair in a knot at the back of my head. The door opens and Four walks in, a towel in hand and his hair glistening with shower water. I feel a thrill in my stomach when I see the line of skin that shows above his belt as he lifts his hand to dry his hair and force my eyes up to his face.**

"Oh," Marlene whines. "I thought you were going to tell us he was wearing the towel.

"Marlene," Shauna reprimands.

"Sorry," Marlene says. "I'm really not interested in you Four, I promise Tris."

"Maybe just a little fascinated?" Zeke asks.

"Maybe," Marlene whispers.

" **Hi," I say. My voice sounds tight. I wish it didn't.**

 **He touches my bruised cheek with just his fingertips. "Not bad," he says. "How's your head?"**

" **Fine," I say. I'm lying—my head is throbbing. I brush my fingers over the bump, and pain prickles over my scalp. It could be worse. I could be floating in the river.**

"Good to see you are finally looking at the positive," Eric says.

We all look at him strangely.

"What?" Eric asks. "She is always Miss Doom and Gloom. This time she found the positive."

 **Every muscle in my body tightens as his hand drops to my side, where I got kicked. He does it casually, but I can't move.**

" **And your side?" he asks, his voice low.**

" **Only hurts when I breathe."**

 **He smiles. "Not much you can do about that."**

" **Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing."**

" **Well," he says, "I would only go if there was cake."**

"Please tell me you were trying to make a joke?" Zeke asks.

"Trying," I say.

"It was a pretty bad one," Zeke says.

"Not everyone can be a clown all the time," I say.

 **I laugh, and then wince, covering his hand to steady my rib cage. He slides his hand back slowly, his fingertips grazing my side. When his fingers lift, I feel an ache in my chest. Once this moment ends, I have to remember what happened last night. And I want to stay here with him.**

"Tris has a really bad sense of humour too," Zeke comments.

 **He nods a little and leads the way out.**

" **I'll go in first," he says when we stand outside the dining hall. "See you soon, Tris."**

"Why didn't you go in together?" Shauna asks.

I just give her a look.

"No one would have thought anything of it. People are always walking in and out of the dining hall at the same time."

"I think it was smart," Eric says. "She has just been attacked by her fellow initiates, if they found out there was something going on between you two she would probably have had these two." He points to Christina and Will. "Trying to kill her as well."

"We would not," Christina defends.

"Please," Eric scoffs. "You already think she was cheating. That would have just made it all a whole lot worse."

 **He walks through the doors and I am alone. Yesterday he told me he thought I would have to pretend to be weak, but he was wrong. I am weak already. I brace myself against the wall and press my forehead to my hands. It's difficult to take deep breaths, so I take short, shallow ones. I can't let this happen. They attacked me to make me feel weak. I can pretend they succeeded to protect myself, but I can't let it become true.**

 **I pull away from the wall and walk into the dining hall without another thought. A few steps in, I remember I'm supposed to look like I'm cowering, so I slow my pace and hug the wall, keeping my head down. Uriah, at the table next to Will and Christina's, lifts his hand to wave at me. And then puts it down.**

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing," Uriah says in a low voice. "You looked so beat up."

 **I sit next to Will.**

 **Al isn't there—he isn't anywhere.**

 **Uriah slides into the seat next to me, leaving his half-eaten muffin and half-finished glass of water on the other table. For a second, all three of them just stare at me.**

" **What happened?" Will asks, lowering his voice.**

 **I look over his shoulder at the table behind ours. Peter sits there, eating a piece of toast and whispering something to Molly. My hand clenches around the edge of the table. I want him to hurt. But now isn't the time.**

"Peter must have been really upset that you didn't die," Shauna says.

"The kids an imbecile," Eric says. "Three on one and he still couldn't do the job properly."

 **Drew is missing, which means he's still in the infirmary. Vicious pleasure courses through me at the thought.**

" **Peter, Drew...," I say quietly. I hold my side as I reach across the table for a piece of toast. It hurts to stretch out my hand, so I let myself wince and hunch over. "And..." I swallow. "And Al."**

" **Oh God," says Christina, her eyes wide.**

" **Are you all right?" Uriah asks.**

 **Peter's eyes find mine across the dining hall, and I have to force myself to look away. It brings a bitter taste to my mouth to show him that he scares me, but I have to. Four was right. I have to do everything I can to make sure I don't get attacked again.**

" **Not really," I say.**

 **My eyes burn, and it's not artifice, unlike the wincing. I shrug. I believe Tori's warning now. Peter, Drew, and Al were ready to throw me into the chasm out of jealousy—what is so unbelievable about the Dauntless leaders committing murder?**

"We haven't murdered anyone," Max declares.

"Not yet," I say.

Neither Max or Eric disagree with me.

 **I feel uncomfortable, like I'm wearing someone else's skin. If I'm not careful, I could die. I can't even trust the leaders of my faction. My new family.**

" **But you're just..." Uriah purses his lips. "It isn't fair. Three against one?"**

" **Yeah, and Peter is all about what's fair. That's why he grabbed Edward in his sleep and stabbed him in the eye." Christina snorts and shakes her head. "Al, though? Are you sure, Tris?"**

"Why would you think she made that up?" Tori asks.

"I didn't think Al would do something like that," Christina declares.

 **I stare at my plate. I'm the next Edward. But unlike him, I'm not going to leave.**

" **Yeah," I say. "I'm sure."**

" **It has to be desperation," says Will. "He's been acting...I don't know. Like a different person. Ever since stage two started."**

 **Then Drew shuffles into the dining hall. I drop my toast, and my mouth drifts open.**

 **Calling him "bruised" would be an understatement. His face is swollen and purple. He has a split lip and a cut running through his eyebrow. He keeps his eyes down on the way to his table, not even lifting them to look at me. I glance across the room at Four. He wears the satisfied smile I wish I had on.**

"You gave him such a good beat down Four," Shauna says, sounding proud.

"Well he deserved it," I say.

" **Did you do that?" hisses Will.**

 **I shake my head. "No. Someone—I never saw who—found me right before..." I gulp.**

 **Saying it out loud makes it worse, makes it real. "...I got tossed into the chasm."**

"Why didn't you tell them about Four?" Shauna asks.

"I didn't want more questions. It was hard enough," Tris says.

" **They were going to kill you?" says Christina in a low voice.**

" **Maybe. They might have been planning on dangling me over it just to scare me." I lift a shoulder. "It worked."**

 **Christina gives me a sad look. Will just glares at the table.**

"So Christina is pitying you but what's with the glare at the table Will?" Eric asks. "Why can't you make eye contact?"

Will doesn't answer.

"You didn't know anything about it did you? I mean beforehand?" Eric asks.

"No!" Will exclaims. "Not beforehand, I heard Peter and Molly talking that morning after it happened. He was saying something about having killed Tris. I didn't believe him."

"Are you sure that is all it is?" Eric asks in his quiet, I am going to do you some damage if you are lying to me voice.

"That's it, I promise."

" **We have to do something about this," Uriah says in a low voice.**

" **What, like beat them up?" Christina grins. "Looks like that's been taken care of already."**

" **No. That's pain they can get over," replies Uriah. "We have to edge them out of the rankings. That will damage their futures. Permanently."**

"That's really smart of you little bro," Zeke says.

"Thanks Zeke," Uriah puts on his big goofy smile.

 **Four gets up and stands between the tables. Conversation abruptly ceases.**

" **Transfers. We're doing something different today," he says. "Follow me."**

 **We stand, and Uriah's forehead wrinkles. "Be careful," he tells me.**

" **Don't worry," says Will. "We'll protect her."**

"There's a page break," Eric says.

 **Four leads us out of the dining hall and along the paths that surround the Pit. Will is on my left, Christina is on my right.**

" **I never really said I was sorry," Christina says quietly. "For taking the flag when you earned it. I don't know what was wrong with me."**

"How long was that guilt eating at you Christina?" Shauna asks.

"You are ridiculous _Candor_ ," Eric says. "If you are going to do stupid shit. You need to at least wear it. You are only saying this stuff because you feel guilty over the way you acted the day before. Some friend you are."

"What would you know about friends, _Eric_?" Christina snaps back at him.

I doubt he will answer and he doesn't he just keeps on with the story.

 **I'm not sure if it's smart to forgive her or not—to forgive either of them, after what they said to me when the rankings went up yesterday. But my mother would tell me that people are flawed and I should be lenient with them. And Four told me to rely on my friends.**

 **I don't know who I should rely on more, because I'm not sure who my true friends are. Uriah and Marlene, who were on my side even when I seemed strong, or Christina and Will, who have always protected me when I seemed weak?**

"Pick us, pick us," Marlene and Uriah shout across the room.

Tris is laughing her head off. Will and Christina not so much.

 **When her wide brown eyes meet mine, I nod. "Let's just forget about it."**

 **I still want to be angry, but I have to let my anger go.**

"How big of you," Christina's words drip with sarcasm.

 **We climb higher than I've gone before, until Will's face goes white whenever he looks down. Most of the time I like heights, so I grab Will's arm like I need his support —but really, I'm lending him mine. He smiles gratefully at me.**

"Is anyone else here other than Four and I afraid of heights?" Will asks. "No? That's surprising considering that it is such a common fear."

"Why do you think anyone would want to share their fears with you?" Lynn asks.

"Does that mean _you're_ afraid of heights?" Will teases Lynn.

"No I'm not," Lynn says dryly.

"Four, is she?" Will asks.

"Even if she was, it's not my place to share another initiates fears Will," I say.

"How cool would it be to know every ones fears?" Only Christina would think that.

"Do you have any idea what it is like to watch that shit all day?" Eric asks. "It is like rubbing sandpaper across your skin repeatedly until there is no skin left."

 **Four turns around and walks backward a few steps—backward, on a narrow path with no railing. How well does he know this place?**

 **He eyes Drew, who trudges at the back of the group, and says, "Pick up the pace, Drew!"**

The whole room bursts out laughing. "He so deserved that," Uriah shouts out.

 **It's a cruel joke, but it's hard for me to fight off a smile. That is, until Four's eyes shift to my arm around Will's, and all the humor drains from them. His expression sends a chill through me. Is he...jealous?**

"Oh yeah!" Zeke calls out. "Four is jealous. Better watch your back Will."

 **We get closer and closer to the glass ceiling, and for the first time in days, I see the sun. Four walks up a flight of metal stairs leading through a hole in the ceiling. They creak under my feet, and I look down to see the Pit and the chasm below us.**

 **We walk across the glass, which is now a floor rather than a ceiling, through a cylindrical room with glass walls. The surrounding buildings are half-collapsed and appear to be abandoned, which is probably why I never noticed the Dauntless compound before. The Abnegation sector is also far away.**

 **The Dauntless mill around the glass room, talking in clusters. At the edge of the room, two Dauntless fight with sticks, laughing when one of them misses and hits only air. Above me, two ropes stretch across the room, one a few feet higher than the other. They probably have something to do with the daredevil stunts the Dauntless are famous for.**

 **Four leads us through another door. Beyond it is a huge, dank space with graffitied walls and exposed pipes. The room is lit by a series of old-fashioned fluorescent tubes with plastic covers—they must be ancient.**

"Remember when we stole the spray paint cans from janitorial services and did that?" Zeke says.

"Yeah, I thought Max was going to skin us alive," Uriah laughs.

"But then he said how much he liked it," Lynn says.

"It is so much easier to get away with things like that when you are a dependant," Shauna adds in.

"Just wait until you lot have kids," Max says.

"There's a good chance that isn't going to happen Max," Lynn points out.

"Well let's hope that if you do they are twice as crazy as the Pedrads over there," Max says.

"Not possible Max," Zeke says. "Life wouldn't be that unfair."

" **This," says Four, his eyes bright in pale light, "is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it will be like the next time you see it."**

 **Behind him, the word "Dauntless" is spray-painted in red artistic lettering on a concrete wall.**

" **Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it."**

 **That means that everyone will be like Divergent in the fear landscape. I don't know if that's a relief, because I can't be detected, or a problem, because I won't have the advantage.**

"I don't think it will make that much difference," Uriah says.

 **Four continues, "The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have."**

 **How many fears will I have? I think of facing the crows again and shiver, though the air is warm.**

" **I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation," he says. I remember when he said that. On the first day. Right before he put a gun to Peter's head. I wish he had pulled the trigger.**

" **That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body—to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head." One of the fluorescent tubes above Four's head twitches and flickers. Four stops scanning the crowd of initiates and focuses his stare on me.**

"Can't keep your eyes of her, you have it so bad dude," Zeke teases me.

" **Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?"**

 **We all nod. Even Drew, who makes it look painful.**

"I'm surprised Drew understood," Christina remarks.

"Maybe it was an involuntary tick from all the pain he was in," Eric says.

 **If I do well in my final test, I have a good chance of making it into the top ten and a good chance of becoming a member. Becoming Dauntless. The thought makes me almost giddy with relief.**

" **You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." Four shrugs. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."**

" **That doesn't sound fair," says Peter. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."**

 **Four stares at him for a few seconds and then laughs. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?"**

"Man if I was Peter I would be running as fast as I could to get out of there," Zeke laughs.

 **The crowd of initiates parts to make way for him as he walks toward Peter, folds his arms, and says, in a deadly voice, "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward."**

 **Peter stares back, expressionless.**

"How is Peter so cold and lifeless?" Shauna says.

"He has always been that way," Christina tells us.

"Should we tell them what we did?" Zeke asks.

"What are you talking about?" Tris asks.

"Let Eric finish reading this bit then you can tell them," I say.

" **So now we all know," says Four, quietly, "that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation." His mouth curls in a smile.**

 **Will puts his arm around me. Christina's shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. And somewhere within me, I find a smile too.**

"There's a page break," Eric says. "Now spill."

"Four took Peter into the observation room next to the landscape room," Zeke starts telling everyone. "Anyway, Shauna and I were in the room waiting. And we may have explained to Peter that threatening initiates wasn't his biggest problem."

"What did you do?" Max says.

"You should have seen Shauna, she was awesome. She put a knife to his eye. We didn't hurt him, just told him that we would be happy to let any future employers know what an asshole he really was."

"You three can't do things like that," Max states.

"Well we did," I tell Max. "And I would do it again. We probably should have done it sooner."

"Wish we could see that," Uriah says. "Can we see the footage from it?"

"Sorry little bro but there is no footage," Zeke says with a smile.

"You deleted the footage?" Eric asks.

"No of course not," Zeke says. "We may have put the camera on loop so it looks like we were never there."

"Zeke are you trying to get yourself kicked out of Dauntless?" Max asks.

"Calm down Max, just pretend you didn't hear this conversation," Zeke laughs.

Max just shakes his head and Eric starts to read again.

 **When we get back to the dorm that afternoon, Al is there.**

"This can't be good," Tori says.

 **Will stands behind me and holds my shoulders—lightly, as if to remind me that he's there. Christina edges closer to me.**

"You bitch about Tris not wanting to be your friends but you like to be able to feel powerful around her," Eric says.

That's an interesting way of looking at it and I think he may be right. They like Tris to feel weaker than they are.

 **Al's eyes have shadows beneath them, and his face is swollen from crying. Pain stabs my stomach when I see him. I can't move. The scent of lemongrass and sage, once pleasant, turns sour in my nose.**

"I would love to know what he was thinking," Christina says.

"I wouldn't," Eric says. "From what I can tell, he was one messed up kid."

"Imagine if he had transferred the year he was supposed to," Lynn says. "That would have meant that he would have had to fight Four and Eric."

"Pity it wasn't our year," Eric says.

"Maybe he wouldn't have transferred," I say.

"I blame his parents," Max says. "They shouldn't have interfered like they did. They should have done more while he was under their supervision. Instead we had to mop up his messes."

"You're just pissed because it would have been the first year we didn't have a jumper," Eric laughs.

"It would have been a nice change," Max responds.

" **Tris," says Al, his voice breaking. "Can I talk to you?"**

" **Are you kidding?" Will squeezes my shoulders. "You don't get to come near her ever again."**

" **I won't hurt you. I never wanted to..." Al covers his face with both hands. "I just want to say that I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't...I don't know what's wrong with me, I...please forgive me, please..."**

"He knew what was wrong with himself," Max says. "He must have."

 **He reaches for me like he's going to touch my shoulder, or my hand, his face wet with tears.**

I can't help but tense with the thought of him trying to touch Tris. Tris feels my tension and squeezes my hand.

 **Somewhere inside me is a merciful, forgiving person. Somewhere there is a girl who tries to understand what people are going through, who accepts that people do evil things and that desperation leads them to darker places than they ever imagined. I swear she exists, and she hurts for the repentant boy I see in front of me.**

 **But if I saw her, I wouldn't recognize her.**

" **Stay away from me," I say quietly. My body feels rigid and cold, and I am not angry, I am not hurt, I am nothing. I say, my voice low, "Never come near me again."**

 **Our eyes meet. His are dark and glassy. I am nothing.**

" **If you do, I swear to God I will kill you," I say. "You coward."**

"Go Tris, go Tris, go Tris," Zeke chants. When he sees that no one is wanting to encourage him he quickly stops.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Bonus chapter because it's Saturday and I can. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for all the support everyone.

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Zeke volunteers. Zeke looks at the book and then back at everyone. "We are getting closer to the finish," he says with a smile.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

" **Tris."**

 **In my dream, my mother says my name. She beckons to me, and I cross the kitchen to stand beside her. She points to the pot on the stove, and I lift the lid to peek inside. The beady eye of a crow stares back at me, its wing feathers pressed to the side of the pot, its fat body covered with boiling water.**

" **Dinner," she says.**

" **Tris!" I hear again. I open my eyes. Christina stands next to my bed, her cheeks streaked with mascara-tinted tears.**

"This isn't going to be good," Shauna says.

" **It's Al," she says. "Come on."**

 **Some of the other initiates are awake, and some aren't. Christina grabs my hand and pulls me out of the dormitory. I run barefoot over the stone floor, blinking clouds from my eyes, my limbs still heavy with sleep. Something terrible has happened. I feel it with every thump of my heart.** _ **It's Al**_ **.**

 **We run across the Pit floor, and then Christina stops. A crowd has gathered around the ledge, but everyone stands a few feet from one another, so there is enough space for me to maneuver past Christina and around a tall, middle-aged man to the front.**

"I always hate being in the Pit when this happens," Marlene says.

"How often does it happen," Will asks.

"It depends," Eric says. "There is always one during initiation. Then you have the older members that want to take the jump rather than live factionless. We try to get them to tell us when they are going to do it."

"Why?" Tris asks.

"So we can avoid having a crowd around. We try not to let the children see it," Max says. "But that doesn't always happen."

"Remember when old man Robinson tried to do it?" Zeke says with a joke.

"Don't laugh Zeke," Shauna scolds. "It was just embarrassing."

"What happened?" I ask.

"He had it planned for weeks. Told everyone about it. The guy must have been close to a hundred. So, first he tried to climb up on the railing," Zeke starts to laugh again.

"Zeke," Shauna scolds him again.

"Come on Shauna it was funny," Zeke whines. "So, he tries to climb up on the railing but falls backwards onto the ground. Then Max had to help him up because he couldn't pull himself up off the ground."

Max is just shaking his head at the memory.

"I tried to talk him out of it," Max says.

"Again he tried to climb over the railing but no he fell backwards again," Zeke says. "This happened four more times. Eventually he got angry and called out for someone to put a bullet in his head."

"What happened?" Will asks.

"His son Robbo shot him in the head," Max says.

"Is that even allowed?" Tris asks.

"No, but we weren't going to make the moment any harder for Robbo," Max tells us. "Poor bastard had, had a bad enough day."

The room has gone silent so, Zeke continues with the story.

 **Two men stand next to the ledge, hoisting something up with ropes. They both grunt from the effort, heaving their weight back so the ropes slide over the railing, and then reaching forward to grab again. A huge, dark shape appears above the ledge, and a few Dauntless rush forward to help the two men haul it over.**

"Who gets stuck with that job?" Christina asks.

"Usually the entertainment fighters," Eric says. "They are always lifting weights and staying fitter than most, so it is part of their jobs."

 **The shape falls with a thud on the Pit floor. A pale arm, swollen with water, flops onto the stone. A body. Christina pulls herself tight to my side, clinging to my arm. She turns her head into my shoulder and sobs, but I can't look away. A few of the men turn the body over, and the head flops to the side.**

 **The eyes are open and empty. Dark. Doll's eyes. And the nose has a high arch, a narrow bridge, a round tip. The lips are blue. The face itself is something other than human, half corpse and half creature. My lungs burn; my next breath rattles on the way in.** _ **Al.**_

" **One of the initiates," says someone behind me. "What happened?"**

" **Same thing that happens every year," someone else replies. "He pitched himself over the ledge."**

" **Don't be so morbid. Could have been an accident."**

" **They found him in the middle of the chasm. You think he tripped over his shoelace**

 **and...whoopsies, just stumbled fifteen feet forward?"**

"Who in Dauntless uses the word whoopsies?" Lynn asks.

Zeke and Shauna start laughing. "What?" Lynn asks.

"Al just committed suicide and you ask who uses the word whoopsies?" Shauna tells her.

"Well, I can't help Al but I'd love to beat the idiot who uses that word," Lynn says and we all start to laugh.

 **Christina's hands get tighter and tighter around my arm. I should tell her to let go of me; it's starting to hurt. Someone kneels next to Al's face and pushes his eyelids shut. Trying to make it look like he's sleeping, maybe. Stupid. Why do people want to pretend that death is sleep? It isn't. It isn't.**

"I don't think it was to make him look like he was sleeping," I say.

 **Something inside me collapses. My chest is so tight, suffocating, can't breathe. I sink to the ground, dragging Christina down with me. The stone is rough under my knees. I hear something, a memory of sound. Al's sobs; his screams at night. Should have known. Still can't breathe. I press both palms to my chest and rock back and forth to free the tension in my chest.**

"This is what I hate about these jumpers," Max says. "They never think about what it does to everyone else."

"I don't think they are thinking of anyone else Max," Eric says.

"Well they should, at least when the oldies are doing it they give everyone a chance to say goodbye."

 **When I blink, I see the top of Al's head as he carries me on his back to the dining hall. I feel the bounce of his footsteps. He is big and warm and clumsy. No, was. That is death—shifting from "is" to "was."**

 **I wheeze. Someone has brought a large black bag to put the body in. I can tell that it will be too small. A laugh rises in my throat and flops from my mouth, strained and gurgling. Al's too big for the body bag; what a tragedy. Halfway through the laugh, I clamp my mouth shut, and it sounds more like a groan. I pull my arm free and stand, leaving Christina on the ground. I run.**

"You have some really weird shit go through your head Stiff," Eric says.

"I know," Tris responds.

"Page break thingy," Zeke tells us.

" **Here you go," Tori says. She hands me a steaming mug that smells like peppermint. I hold it with both hands, my fingers prickling with warmth.**

 **She sits down across from me. When it comes to funerals, the Dauntless don't waste any time. Tori said they want to acknowledge death as soon as it happens. There are no people in the front room of the tattoo parlor, but the Pit is crawling with people, most of them drunk. I don't know why that surprises me.**

"We love to drink," Zeke says.

 **At home, a funeral is a somber occasion. Everyone gathers to support the deceased's family, and no one has idle hands, but there is no laughter, or shouting, or joking. And the Abnegation don't drink alcohol, so everyone is sober. It makes sense that funerals would be the opposite here.**

"I suppose that would be what they would do. They don't celebrate life when you are alive so how could they celebrate life when you are dead," Max says.

" **Drink it," she says. "It will make you feel better, I promise."**

" **I don't think tea is the solution," I say slowly. But I sip it anyway. It warms my mouth and my throat and trickles into my stomach. I didn't realize how deeply cold I was until I wasn't anymore.**

"Did you put a little something in the tea Tori?" Zeke asks.

"No Zeke."

"' **Better' is the word I used. Not 'good.'" She smiles at me, but the corners of her eyes don't crinkle like they usually do. "I don't think 'good' will happen for a while."**

 **I bite my lip. "How long..." I struggle for the right words. "How long did it take for you to be okay again, after your brother..."**

"I don't think Al should be compared to Tori's brother," Christina says.

"I didn't mean it like that," Tris sounds angry. "I just wanted to know about the process of it all, I guess."

"It's okay Tris," Tori says soothingly. "I understood."

" **Don't know." She shakes her head. "Some days I feel like I'm still not okay. Some days I feel fine. Happy, even. It took me a few years to stop plotting revenge, though."**

" **Why did you stop?" I ask.**

 **Her eyes go vacant as she stares at the wall behind me. She taps her fingers against her leg for a few seconds and then says, "I don't think of it as stopping. More like I'm...waiting for my opportunity."**

"Who's on your list Tori?"

"Like I'm going to tell you Eric."

 **She comes out of her daze and checks her watch.**

" **Time to go," she says.**

 **I pour the rest of my tea down the sink. When I lift my hand from the mug, I realize that I'm shaking. Not good. My hands usually shake before I start to cry, and I can't cry in front of everyone.**

 **I follow Tori out of the tattoo place and down the path to the Pit floor. All the people that were milling around earlier are gathered by the ledge now, and the air smells potently of alcohol. The woman in front of me lurches to the right, losing her balance, and then erupts into giggles as she falls against the man next to her. Tori grabs my arm and steers me away.**

 **I find Uriah, Will, and Christina standing among the other initiates. Christina's eyes are swollen. Uriah is holding a silver flask. He offers it to me. I shake my head.**

" **Surprise, surprise," says Molly from behind me. She nudges Peter with her elbow. "Once a Stiff, always a Stiff."**

"She is such a bitch," Lynn states.

 **I should ignore her. Her opinions shouldn't matter to me.**

" **I read an interesting article today," she says, leaning closer to my ear. "Something**

 **about your dad, and the real reason you left your old faction."**

 **Defending myself isn't the most important thing on my mind. But it is the easiest one**

 **to address.**

 **I twist, and my fist connects with her jaw. My knuckles sting from the impact. I don't remember deciding to punch her. I don't remember forming a fist.**

"Oh yeah!" Zeke shouts. "Wish I had seen that."

 **She lunges at me, her hands outstretched, but she doesn't get far. Will grabs her collar and pulls her back. He looks from her to me and says, "Quit it. Both of you."**

 **Part of me wishes that he hadn't stopped her. A fight would be a welcome distraction, especially now that Eric is climbing onto a box next to the railing. I face him, crossing my arms to keep myself steady. I wonder what he'll say.**

"Not that stupid speech you do every time," Zeke moans.

"If you can come up with a better one than I would love to hear it Zeke," Max says.

 **In Abnegation no one has committed suicide in recent memory, but the faction's stance on it is clear: Suicide, to them, is an act of selfishness. Someone who is truly selfless does not think of himself often enough to desire death. No one would say that aloud, if it happened, but everyone would think it.**

"That's because they are already dead," Eric says.

Or they will be soon I think to myself.

" **Quiet down, everyone!" shouts Eric. Someone hits what sounds like a gong, and the shouts gradually stop, though the mutters don't. Eric says, "Thank you. As you know, we're here because Albert, an initiate, jumped into the chasm last night."**

 **The mutters stop too, leaving just the rush of water in the chasm.**

" **We do not know why," says Eric, "and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not choose a life of ease when we became Dauntless. And the truth of it is..." Eric smiles. If I didn't know him, I would think that smile is genuine. But I do know him. "The truth is, Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into vicious waters to get there. Who among us is brave enough to venture into that darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our** _ **bravest!**_ **"**

 **A cry rises from the center of the crowd, and a whoop. The Dauntless cheer at varying pitches, high and low, bright and deep. Their roar mimics the roar of the water. Christina takes the flask from Uriah and drinks. Will slides his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his side. Voices fill my ears.**

" **We will celebrate him now, and remember him always!" yells Eric. Someone hands him a dark bottle, and he lifts it. "To Albert the Courageous!"**

" **To Albert!" shouts the crowd. Arms lift all around me, and the Dauntless chant his name. "Albert! Al-bert! Al-bert!" They chant until his name no longer sounds like his name. It sounds like the primal scream of an ancient race.**

"Is this how it is at every funeral?" Will asks.

"The speech is a little different for the oldies," Max says. "But the Dauntless act the same way."

 **I turn away from the railing. I cannot stand this any longer.**

 **I don't know where I'm going. I suspect that I am not going anywhere at all, just away. I walk down a dark hallway. At the end is the drinking fountain, bathed in the blue glow of the light above it.**

 **I shake my head. Courageous? Courageous would have been admitting weakness and leaving Dauntless, no matter what shame accompanied it. Pride is what killed Al, and it is the flaw in every Dauntless heart. It is in mine.**

"I think it may have been a little more than pride, he was really messed up," Will says.

" **Tris."**

 **A jolt goes through me, and I turn around. Four stands behind me, just inside the blue circle of light. It gives him an eerie look, shading his eye sockets and casting shadows under his cheekbones.**

"Bet you still thought he looked hot," Marlene giggles.

"Maybe," Tris whispers.

" **What are you doing here?" I ask. "Shouldn't you be paying your respects?"**

 **I say it like it tastes bad and I have to spit it out.**

" **Shouldn't you?" he says. He steps toward me, and I see his eyes again. They look black in this light.**

" **Can't pay respect when you don't have any," I reply. I feel a twinge of guilt and shake my head. "I didn't mean that."**

"Yes you did," Zeke says.

" **Ah." Judging by the look he gives me, he doesn't believe me. I don't blame him.**

" **This is ridiculous," I say, heat rushing into my cheeks. "He throws himself off a ledge and Eric's calling it brave? Eric, who tried to have you throw knives at Al's head? " I taste bile. Eric's false smiles, his artificial words, his twisted ideals—they make me want to be sick. "He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"**

" **What do you want them to do?" he says. "Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late."**

" **It's not about Al," I snap. "It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees hurling themselves into the chasm as a viable option. I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterward? Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's...I can't..."**

 **I shake my head. My face burns and my heart pounds, and I try to keep myself under control, but I can't.**

" **This would never have happened in Abnegation!" I almost shout. "None of it! Never. This place warped him and ruined him, and I don't care if saying that makes me a Stiff, I don't care, I don't care!"**

"He was already warped before he got here," Eric murmurs.

 **Four's eyes shift to the wall above the drinking fountain.**

" **Careful, Tris," he says, his eyes still on the wall.**

" **Is that all you can say?" I demand, scowling at him. "That I should be careful? That's it?"**

" **You're as bad as the Candor, you know that?" He grabs my arm and drags me away from the drinking fountain. His hand hurts my arm, but I'm not strong enough to pull away.**

 **His face is so close to mine that I can see a few freckles spotting his nose. "I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully." He sets his hands on my shoulders, his fingers pressing, squeezing. I feel small. "They are watching you.** _ **You**_ **, in particular."**

"Only because of your father," Max says.

Why do I not believe him?

" **Let go of me," I say weakly.**

 **His fingers spring apart, and he straightens. Some of the weight on my chest lifts now that he isn't touching me. I fear his shifting moods. They show me something unstable inside of him, and instability is dangerous.**

" **Are they watching you, too?" I say, so quietly he wouldn't be able to hear me if he wasn't standing so close.**

 **He doesn't answer my question. "I keep trying to help you," he says, "but you refuse to be helped."**

" **Oh, right. Your** _ **help**_ **," I say. "Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else, it sure is helpful."**

" **Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you," he snaps. "I was reminding you that if you failed, someone else would have to take your place."**

 **I cup the back of my neck with my hand and think back to the knife incident. Every time he spoke, it was to remind me that if I gave up, Al would have to take my place in front of the target.**

" **Why?" I say.**

" **Because you're from Abnegation," he says, "and it's when you're acting selflessly that you are at your bravest."**

 **I understand now. He wasn't persuading me to give up. He was reminding me why I couldn't—because I needed to protect Al. The thought makes me ache now. Protect Al. My friend. My attacker.**

 **I can't hate Al as much as I want to.**

 **I can't forgive him either.**

" **If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away," he says, "because if the wrong people discover it...well, it won't be good for you."**

" **Why? Why do they care about my intentions?"**

" **Intentions are the only thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way. They want you to think a certain way. So you're easy to understand. So you won't pose a threat to them." He presses a hand to the wall next to my head and leans into it. His shirt is just tight enough that I can see his collarbone and the faint depression between his shoulder muscle and his bicep.**

"It always comes down to how he looks with you Tris," Shauna teases.

 **I wish I was taller. If I was tall, my narrow build would be described as "willowy" instead of "childish," and he might not see me as a little sister he needs to protect.**

 **I don't want him to see me as his sister.**

"I don't see you as a little sister," I spit out.

"Thank God for that," Zeke says.

" **I don't understand," I say, "why they care what I think, as long as I'm acting how they want me to."**

" **You're acting how they want you to now," he says, "but what happens when your Abnegation-wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?"**

 **I don't have an answer to that, and I don't even know if he's right about me. Am I wired like the Abnegation, or the Dauntless?**

 **Maybe the answer is neither. Maybe I am wired like the Divergent.**

" **I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that?" I say. "I'm not weak, you know. I can do this on my own."**

 **He shakes his head. "You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you're wrong."**

 **He leans his face close to mine and wraps his fingers around my chin. His hand smells like metal. When was the last time he held a gun, or a knife? My skin tingles at the point of contact, like he's transmitting electricity through his skin.**

" **My** _ **first**_ **instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press," he says, his fingers squeezing at the word "break." My body tenses at the edge in his voice, so I am coiled as tight as a spring, and I forget to breathe.**

 **His dark eyes lifting to mine, he adds, "But I resist it."**

" **Why..." I swallow hard. "Why is that your first instinct?"**

" **Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating." He releases me but doesn't pull away, his hand grazing my jaw, my neck. "Sometimes I just ...want to see it again. Want to see you awake."**

"That's what it took for a girl to get your attention?" Shauna asks me.

"Pretty much," I shrug.

 **I set my hands on his waist. I can't remember deciding to do that. But I also can't move away. I pull myself against his chest, wrapping my arms around him. My fingers skim the muscles of his back.**

"Pretty bold for someone with an Abnegation wired brain," Shauna comments.

"I think she's way more Dauntless than Abnegation," Uriah says.

"Sitting right here," Tris points out.

"We know," Shauna and Uriah say at the same time and then laugh.

 **After a moment he touches the small of my back, pressing me closer, and smoothes his other hand over my hair. I feel small again, but this time, it doesn't scare me. I squeeze my eyes shut. He doesn't scare me anymore.**

" **Should I be crying?" I ask, my voice muffled by his shirt. "Is there something wrong with me?"**

 **The simulations drove a crack through Al so wide he could not mend it. Why not me? Why am I not like him—and why does that thought make me feel so uneasy, like I'm teetering on a ledge myself?**

" **You think I know anything about tears?" he says quietly.**

 **I close my eyes. I don't expect Four to reassure me, and he makes no effort to, but I feel better standing here than I did out there among the people who are my friends, my faction. I press my forehead to his shoulder.**

" **If I had forgiven him," I say, "do you think he would be alive now?"**

" **I don't know," he replies. He presses his hand to my cheek, and I turn my face into it, keeping my eyes closed.**

" **I feel like it's my fault."**

" **It isn't your fault," he says, touching his forehead to mine.**

" **But I should have. I should have forgiven him."**

" **Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done," he says, "but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."**

 **I frown and pull back. That is a lesson that members of Abnegation learn—guilt as a tool, rather than a weapon against the self. It is a line straight from one of my father's lectures at our weekly meetings.**

"Now way," Christina shouts. "You're from Abnegation."

"I win, I win, I win," Marlene sings.

"Not so fast," Zeke says. "Nothing has been admitted yet. You just need to calm down girls."

I think Zeke is getting a buzz out of having this drag on.

"Just tell us Four," Marlene whines.

I just shake my head.

" **What faction did you come from, Four?"**

"Oh, here it comes," Zeke says.

" **It doesn't matter," he replies, his eyes lowered. "This is where I am now. Something you would do well to remember for yourself."**

I hear the groans from around the room and can't help but chuckle just a little.

 **He gives me a conflicted look and touches his lips to my forehead, right between my eyebrows. I close my eyes. I don't understand this, whatever it is. But I don't want to ruin it, so I say nothing. He doesn't move; he just stays there with his mouth pressed to my skin, and I stay there with my hands on his waist, for a long time.**

"Things are getting a little more serious," Zeke teases. "How much longer do we have to wait for some action?" You can hear the frustration in Zeke's voice and it makes a few people around the room laugh.

"Not everyone is a slut like you Zeke," Lynn says.

"Hey, that's not nice," Zeke shouts out.

"That's the end of the chapter."

"Can we take a break," Tris asks.

"Yeah let's meet back in an hour," Max says.

* * *

Tris gets up and starts to walk towards the stairs. I get up and decide to follow her. I'm sure she isn't feeling that great right now. Having to relive Al's demise must have been hard.

I walk into our room to see Tris flop onto the bed. I close and lock our door. I think it would be better if we didn't have any distractions for a while.

I go and sit on the bed next to where Tris is lying. "Are you okay?"

A muffled "yeah" comes from Tris who doesn't try to move.

We sit in silence for a few minutes when Tris finally turns over and looks at me.

"They are going to find out what your fears are," she softly says.

"I know."

"Do you think there is a way that we could skip it for you?"

"I don't know how. I've been thinking that maybe the sooner it happens the quicker it will be out of the way and they will all move on."

"I'm sorry," she says.

"What for?"

"If the story wasn't told from my point of view then maybe no one would have ever found out. I know how private you are."

"None of this is your fault. I sometimes wonder how we ended up in the middle of all this. I'm worried about what we are going to find out about ourselves."

"It's all been a bit of a laugh. But what will happen when we start reading about things we haven't done yet?"

"I don't know. I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"It can't be that far away. Look at how everyone has been reacting to events that they have lived through. Do you think it will change us?"

"I hope not," I say. "I like us."

I grab hold of her hand and link our fingers. "Maybe we should make a promise," I say.

"What sort of promise?"

"That whatever happens in these books that we will talk to each other about it. We are both stubborn so it could be hard at times but I don't want to lose you. Not when I have only just found you."

"I think that is a good idea," Tris smiles. "Although this scares me."

"Us?"

"No. Maybe a little but that wasn't what I was talking about."

"What are you talking about?"

"Not knowing what is going to come out in the books."

"Okay. So, what's scaring you about us?"

"I don't know. This is so embarrassing," Tris says as she blushes a deep red. "I just, I, this us. It's just all new to me and sometimes the feelings I get just overwhelm me and I can be sitting right next to you but it still doesn't feel close enough. Does that kinda make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense to me because I'm feeling it too," I say. I'm sure my blush is just as bad as hers.

"Come here," I say.

Tris gets up and crawls over and sits in my lap. I lean down and brush my lips over hers. She moves her arm around my neck and pulls me in closer and deepens the kiss.

When we finally pull away we are both breathless. I am about to kiss her again when she asks me, "what is your tattoo?"

"You want to see it?" She nods. "Hop up," I say.

Tris hops off my lap and I stand. I reach for the hem of my shirt and I feel like the look she is giving me is going to make me explode. I take my shirt off and turn away from her.

She gasps as she looks at my back. "This is amazing," she says as she touches my skin, leaving me to gasp now. Her touch is electrifying and I am finding it hard to breath.

"Why all the factions?"

"I don't want to be one thing. I want to be selfless, brave, smart, honest and kind. But I still have some work to do on being kind."

I can't stand it anymore. I spin around and grab her face in my hands and kiss her. This kiss is more, it's fire and passion and tongues and teeth. I can't get enough of her and it seems she is feeling the same way.

"Open the door," Zeke shouts as he bangs on the door.

We pull apart with a start. Feeling like we have been caught doing something we shouldn't. Although I don't think what we were doing was wrong.

"Four, open the door," Zeke shouts again.

Without thinking I stride over to the door and open it.

"You could have at least put a shirt on," Zeke complains.

"What do you want?" I ask a little harsher than I meant to.

"Sorry. Oh shit. I interrupted something," Zeke smacks his hand to his head. I raise my eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah, right. I came to tell you we are going to start reading again."

"That's it? You almost bash down our door to tell us we are going to start reading again."

"Yeah. I, sorry. Look, just make sure you put a shirt back on before you come downstairs. Otherwise the girls are gonna go nuts."

"Fine, we will be there in a minute."


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

FOUR'S POV

"My turn to read," Uriah sounds like a little kid as he bounces on the couch.

"Sit down," Marlene tells him.

Tris walks in with mugs of hot chocolate for everyone on a tray. We all grab a drink and sit back ready for Uriah to start reading.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

 **I stand with Will and Christina at the railing overlooking the chasm, late at night after most of the Dauntless have gone to sleep. Both my shoulders sting from the tattoo needle. We all got new tattoos a half hour ago.**

 **Tori was the only one in the tattoo place, so I felt safe getting the symbol of Abnegation—a pair of hands, palms up as if to help someone stand, bounded by a circle—on my right shoulder. I know it was a risk, especially after all that's happened. But that symbol is a part of my identity, and it felt important to me that I wear it on my skin.**

"Do a lot of transfers get their old faction symbol?" Marlene asks.

"Yeah. I think they like to know where they came from and how far they have come to be a part of Dauntless," Tori explains.

"Four do you have yours?"

"Yes."

"Eric?"

"Yes."

"Christina?"

"No."

"Will?"

"No.

 **I step up on one of the barrier's crossbars, pressing my hips to the railing to keep my balance. This is where Al stood. I look down into the chasm, at the black water, at the jagged rocks. Water hits the wall and sprays up, misting my face. Was he afraid when he stood here? Or was he so determined to jump that it was easy?**

"Probably the easiest thing he had done since he got here," Eric comments.

 **Christina hands me a stack of paper. I got a copy of every report the Erudite have released in the last six months. Throwing them into the chasm won't get rid of them forever, but it might make me feel better.**

"Where did you get them from?" Eric asks.

"I don't think you want to know," Tris replies.

"If you stole them from my office," Eric threatens.

"I have no intentions of being in your office Eric," Tris says.

"Good."

 **I stare at the first one. On it is a picture of Jeanine, the Erudite representative. Her sharp-but-attractive eyes stare back at me.**

" **Have you ever met her?" I ask Will. Christina crumples the first report into a ball and hurls it into the water.**

" **Jeanine? Once," he replies. He takes the next report and tears it to shreds. The pieces float into the river. He does it without Christina's malice. I get the feeling that the only reason he's participating is to prove to me that he doesn't agree with his former faction's tactics. Whether he believes what they're saying or not is unclear, and I am afraid to ask.**

" **Before she was a leader, she worked with my sister. They were trying to develop a longer-lasting serum for the simulations," he says. "Jeanine's so smart you can see it even before she says anything. Like...a walking, talking computer."**

" **What..." I fling one of the pages over the railing, pressing my lips together. I should just ask. "What do you think of what she has to say?"**

 **He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe it's a good idea to have more than one faction in control of the government. And maybe it would be nice if we had more cars and...fresh fruit and..."**

" **You do realize there's no secret warehouse where all that stuff is kept, right?" I ask, my face getting hot.**

" **Yes, I do," he says. "I just think that comfort and prosperity are not a priority for Abnegation, and maybe they would be if the other factions were involved in our decision making."**

" **Because giving an Erudite boy a car is more important than giving food to the factionless," I snap.**

" **Hey now," says Christina, brushing Will's shoulder with her fingers. "This is supposed to be a light hearted session of symbolic document destruction, not a political debate."**

"Yeah great idea," Max scoffs. "Polluting the water with all that paper."

"Better than dead bodies," Tori quips.

 **I bite back what I was about to say and stare at the stack of paper in my hands. Will and Christina share a lot of idle touches lately. I've noticed it. Have they?**

" **All that stuff she said about your dad, though," he says, "makes me kind of hate her. I can't imagine what good can come of saying such terrible things."**

 **I can. If Jeanine can make people believe that my father and all the other Abnegation leaders are corrupt and awful, she has support for whatever revolution she wants to start, if that's really her plan. But I don't want to argue again, so I just nod and throw the remaining sheets into the chasm. They drift back and forth, back and forth until they find the water. They will be filtered out at the chasm wall and discarded.**

" **It's bedtime," Christina says, smiling. "Ready to go back? I think I want to put Peter's hand in a bowl of warm water to make him pee tonight."**

"Did you?" Lynn asks.

"No, I got distracted," Christina answers.

"Would have loved to have seen his reaction in the morning," Lynn laughs.

 **I turn away from the chasm and see movement on the right side of the Pit. A figure climbs toward the glass ceiling, and judging by the smooth way he walks, like his feet barely leave the ground, I know it is Four.**

" **That sounds great, but I have to talk to Four about something," I say, pointing toward the shadow ascending the path. Her eyes follow my hand.**

" **Are you sure you should be running around here alone at night?" she asks.**

" **I won't be alone. I'll be with Four." I bite my lip.**

 **Christina is looking at Will, and he is looking back at her. Neither of them is really listening to me.**

" **All right," Christina says distantly. "Well, I'll see you later, then."**

 **Christina and Will walk toward the dormitories, Christina tousling Will's hair and Will jabbing her in the ribs. For a second, I watch them. I feel like I am witnessing the beginning of something, but I'm not sure what it will be.**

"Is Will what distracted you?" Lynn asks.

"Yeah," Christina sounds dreamy as she answers.

 **I jog to the path on the right side of the Pit and start to climb. I try to make my footsteps as quiet as possible. Unlike Christina, I don't find it difficult to lie. I don't intend to talk to Four—at least, not until I find out where he's going, late at night, in the glass building above us.**

"Where he is always going," Zeke says.

 **I run quietly, breathless when I reach the stairs, and stand at one end of the glass room while Four stands at the other. Through the windows I see the city lights, glowing now but petering out even as I look at them. They are supposed to turn off at midnight.**

 **Across the room, Four stands at the door to the fear landscape. He holds a black box in one hand and a syringe in the other.**

"You go through your fear landscape all the time?" Will asks.

"He is obsessed," Zeke says.

"Why?" Will asks.

I just shrug.

" **Since you're here," he says, without looking over his shoulder, "you might as well go in with me."**

 **I bite my lip. "Into your fear landscape?"**

" **Yes."**

"OH! MY GOD!" Uriah shouts at the top of his lungs. "We get to see Four's fear landscape."

"Calm down Uri," Marlene tells him as she blows on her hot chocolate.

 **As I walk toward him, I ask, "I can do that?"**

" **The serum connects you to the program," he says, "but the program determines whose landscape you go through. And right now, it's set to put us through mine."**

" **You would let me see that?"**

" **Why else do you think I'm going in?" he asks quietly. He doesn't lift his eyes. "There are some things I want to show you."**

"You couldn't just tell her?" Zeke asks shaking his head. "this must be the most fucked up date in history."

"It wasn't a date Zeke," I try to defend.

"How did you know she would even follow you?" Lynn asks.

"I just did," I say.

"You two are so weird," Zeke chuckles.

 **He holds up the syringe, and I tilt my head to better expose my neck. I feel sharp pain when the needle goes in, but I am used to it now. When he's done, he offers me the black box. In it is another syringe.**

" **I've never done this before," I say as I take it out of the box. I don't want to hurt him.**

" **Right here," he says, touching a spot on his neck with his fingernail. I stand on my tiptoes and push the needle in, my hand shaking a little. He doesn't even flinch.**

 **He keeps his eyes on me the whole time, and when I'm done, puts both syringes in the box and sets it by the door. He knew that I would follow him up here. Knew, or hoped. Either way is fine with me.**

"Yep, completely weird," Zeke says.

 **He offers me his hand, and I slide mine into it. His fingers are cold and brittle. I feel like there is something I should say, but I am too stunned and can't come up with any words. He opens the door with his free hand, and I follow him into the dark. I am now used to entering unknown places without hesitation. I keep my breaths even and hold firmly to Four's hand.**

" **See if you can figure out why they call me Four," he says.**

 **The door clicks shut behind us, taking all the light with it. The air is cold in the hallway; I feel each particle enter my lungs. I inch closer to him so my arm is against his and my chin is near his shoulder.**

" **What's your real name?" I ask.**

" **See if you can figure that out too."**

"This is unbelievable," Uriah starts to wriggle around in his seat. "I am so excited. Is this really happening?"

"Woo hoo," Uriah says and raises both his arms in the air.

Everything starts to move in slow motion as we watch Uriah lift his arm and one knocks Marlene's drink straight out of her hand. The liquid falls from the cup and lands directly on the book.

"The book!" someone screams.

Eric jumps out of his seat and grabs the book out of Uriah's lap. He starts shaking the liquid off the book. He looks down and you can see the worry he has in his eyes. He quickly starts tearing pages from the book.

"What the hell are you doing?" Max yells.

Eric puts the torn pages on the coffee table and gives Max the book. "I'm trying to save the book," Eric explains. "We don't know what will happen if the pages get wet."

"So, what's the damage?" I ask.

"Up to page 330 is ruined. I don't know if we will be able to ever read those pages. We will need to wait until they dry to see if we can separate them," Eric says.

"I won't get to see Four's fears," Uriah asks dejected.

"No, you idiot. You won't," Eric snaps.

"I can't believe you did that," Zeke scolds his brother.

"I didn't mean too."

"No more drinks while we are reading. Make it food too," Eric demands.

"Wait," Uriah says. "I know what we can do."

We are all staring at him.

"Well what is it?" Zeke asks impatiently.

"I'll act out his fears. We already know one is heights. Come on Lynn you can help me. I'll be Four and you can be Tris," Uriah says.

Uriah stands on top of his couch, Marlene has moved and is sitting with Shauna and Zeke.

"Tris, Tris," Uriah calls to Lynn.

"It's okay Four. I'm coming," Lynn calls back and jumps up on the couch with Uriah.

"Oh God," I groan.

"Come on Four, this is hilarious," Zeke laughs.

"Tris I can't do this," Uriah starts shaking.

"Yes you can. I'm here for you," Lynn replies trying not to laugh. "Just take my hand."

Uriah and Lynn are holding hands standing on the couch. Zeke, Shauna and Marlene have tears flowing from their laughter.

"We need to jump," Lynn tells Uriah.

"I can't. No please. Don't make me," Uriah shakes his head vigorously with his eyes shut tight.

"Yes you can. You're Four," Lynn says. "We can do it together."

"You would do that for me," Uriah looks at Lynn.

"Yes Four, of course I would."

"Oh Tris," Uriah moans and pulls Lynn into a hug.

"Don't hug me," Lynn says pushing him away.

"No Tris, I'm falling," Uriah cries out as he pretends to fall off the couch from Lynn's push.

Lynn is bent over holding her stomach laughing at Uriah. Uriah jumps up and takes a bow.

"What's the next fear Four?" Uriah asks.

I can't get words out, I don't think anyone else can either from the amount of laughter that is filling the room.

We stay laughing for a few more minutes. Then Max brings us all back to reality.

"I think we should just try to salvage the rest of the chapter. Do you think you can read without causing a catastrophe Uriah?" Max asks.

"I'll try," Uriah says.

 **you only have four..." My voice trails off. Only four fears.**

" **Oh." I look over my shoulder at him. "That's why they call you—"**

"You only have four fears?" Christina asks in disbelief.

"Why else would he use a number for a name?" Zeke asks her like she is totally stupid.

"I don't know," Christina snaps. "That's why I'm asking."

"Is that like special or something?" Will asks.

"Most people have ten to fifteen fears," Max answers Will.

 **The words leave me when I see his expression. His eyes are wide and seem almost vulnerable under the room's lights. His lips are parted. If we were not here, I would describe the look as awe. But I don't understand why he would be looking at me in awe.**

 **He wraps his hand around my elbow, his thumb pressing to the soft skin above my forearm, and tugs me toward him. The skin around my wrist still stings, like the belt was real, but it is as pale as the rest of me. His lips slowly move against my cheek, then his arms tighten around my shoulders, and he buries his face in my neck, breathing against my collarbone.**

"What belt?" Uriah asks.

"Don't worry about it Uriah," I say.

 **I stand stiffly for a second and then loop my arms around him and sigh.**

" **Hey," I say softly. "We got through it."**

 **He lifts his head and slips his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. We stare at each other in silence. His fingers move absently over a lock of my hair.**

" **You got me through it," he says finally.**

" **Well." My throat is dry. I try to ignore the nervous electricity that pulses through me every second he touches me. "It's easy to be brave when they're not my fears."**

"How do you keep going in there Four?" Shauna asks. "Look at how you are reacting and you do that all the time."

 **I let my hands drop and casually wipe them on my jeans, hoping he doesn't notice.**

 **If he does, he doesn't say so. He laces his fingers with mine.**

" **Come on," he says. "I have something else to show you."**

"Are you going to tell us what your fears are?" Lynn asks.

"No I'm not," I say in my instructor voice so they know to drop the subject.


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

FOUR'S POV

Shauna takes the book from Uriah and starts to read.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

 **Hand in hand, we walk toward the Pit. I monitor the pressure of my hand carefully. One minute, I feel like I'm not gripping hard enough, and the next, I'm squeezing too hard. I never used to understand why people bothered to hold hands as they walked, but then he runs one of his fingertips down my palm, and I shiver and understand it completely.**

"Do you overthink everything?" Lynn gives Tris an eye roll.

"What? I've never held hands before," Tris squeaks out.

"You are so adorable," Shauna giggles.

"I can't believe you actually listened to me Four," Zeke proudly says. "I told you girls like it when you do that."

"I can't believe I listened to you either," I chuckle.

"Any advice you need," Zeke points to himself. "Just come and see me. I'm here to help."

"You are so ridiculous Zeke," Shauna punches his arm.

"Oww, that wasn't nice," Zeke complains. "I haven't heard you complain about any of the moves I've tried on you."

"That's because she was waiting so damn long for you to open your eyes and realise that she was there," Lynn chips in.

"I, um," Zeke can't seem to get any words out. "I didn't think she'd be interested in me."

"For someone who thinks he knows a lot about girls," Uriah says. "You really are stupid."

"How can you say that?" Shock evident in Zeke's voice.

"Even I knew Shauna liked you," I say.

"See, if Four got it, then it shows just how stupid you are," Uriah laughs.

"Start reading again Shauna," Max says.

" **So..." I latch on to the last logical thought I remember. "Four fears."**

" **Four fears then; four fears now," he says, nodding. "They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but...I still haven't made any progress."**

" **You can't be fearless, remember?" I say. "Because you still care about things. About your life."**

" **I know."**

"That's why you keep going in?" Zeke asks. "Why keep torturing yourself man?"

"Hopefully now he has Tris he will have better things to do," Uriah says with a big smile on his face.

 **We walk along the edge of the Pit on a narrow path that leads to the rocks at the bottom of the chasm. I've never noticed it before—it blended in with the rock wall. But Tobias seems to know it well.**

"I can't believe you are taking her to our spot," Zeke whines.

"Is there something you forgot to tell us Zeke?" Lynn asks. "What's with the whole 'our spot'?"

"I don't mean it like that," Zeke is still whining. "I showed the spot to Four and Shauna just after our initiation."

"You've never taken me down there, other than that first time," Shauna says.

"I never thought about it," Zeke says. "Do you go down there a lot Four?"

"Yeah, I like the quiet," I say. "Especially after dealing with initiates all day."

 **I don't want to ruin the moment, but I have to know about his aptitude test. I have to know if he's Divergent.**

" **You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results," I say.**

" **Ah." He scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. "Does it matter?"**

" **Yes. I want to know."**

" **How demanding you are." He smiles.**

"I like this bossier Tris," Lynn says.

 **We reach the end of the path and stand at the bottom of the chasm, where the rocks form unsteady ground, rising up at harsh angles from the rushing water. He leads me up and down, across small gaps and over angular ridges. My shoes cling to the rough rock. The soles of my shoes mark each rock with a wet footprint.**

 **He finds a relatively flat rock near the side, where the current isn't strong, and sits down, his feet dangling over the edge. I sit beside him. He seems comfortable here, inches above the hazardous water.**

 **He releases my hand. I look at the jagged edge of the rock.**

" **These are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends," he says.**

"Can we just skip this?" I ask.

"NO!" Everybody yells at me. I can't help but blush. I never thought that my first kiss was going to be broadcast out to my friends and others like this. To make it worse I am going to be hearing what it was like from Tris' point of view.

Then my head starts to ache. What if she didn't like it? What if she was only nice because of her Abnegation side?

"Keep reading Shauna," Eric says. "Before Four's head explodes."

"What?" I ask.

"You look like your head is going to explode," Eric smirks. "Can't wait to know what has got you feeling like that."

 **I lace my fingers together and clench. This is the perfect place for him to tell me that he is Divergent, if indeed that's what he is. The roar of the chasm ensures that we won't be overheard. I don't know why the thought makes me so nervous.**

" **My result was as expected," he says. "Abnegation."**

"I WIN!" Marlene shouts. She jumps off the couch and starts skipping around the room and yelling, "I win, I win." Over and over again.

"MARLENE!" Lynn screams. "Are you skipping?"

"Yeah," she says and then continues on her chant.

"We are not in Amity. Act like a Dauntless," Lynn huffs with her hands on her hips.

"You don't know Lynn, we could be in Amity," Marlene says as she sits down.

"Even if we are we still act Dauntless," Lynn says.

"I don't understand how Four could be from Abnegation," Christina says. " _And_ he ranked first."

"It's called hard work Christina," Eric says. "If you want to succeed you need to put in the hard work. Life in Dauntless isn't about the shopping. Look at all the members in the room. Now look at their body shapes. Everyone works out and they work out hard."

"Most mornings while you were sleeping, Tris was in the training room by herself. How do you think she beat Molly? It wasn't just that Molly sent her into a fit of rage, she also had developed the skills to beat her," I say.

"You've picked the wrong faction if you think it is all shopping, make-overs and games," Eric tells Christina.

" **Oh." Something inside me deflates. I am wrong about him.**

 **But—I had assumed that if he was not Divergent, he must have gotten a Dauntless result. And technically, I also got an Abnegation result—according to the system. Did the same thing happen to him? And if that's true, why isn't he telling me the truth?**

" **But you chose Dauntless anyway?" I say.**

" **Out of necessity."**

" **Why did you have to leave?"**

 **His eyes dart away from mine, across the space in front of him, as if searching the air for an answer. He doesn't need to give one. I still feel the ghost of a stinging belt on my wrist.**

" **You had to get away from your dad," I say.**

"Coward," Christina sneers.

Before I have time to react Tris is off our seat and standing in front of Christina.

"What did you say?" Tris screams at Christina. "You sit here and judge him like that. Do you know what it feels like to be hit like that? To have a fully grown man beat you with his belt when you are only nine years old? To have to endure that every day until you are sixteen. You couldn't even handle a few punches from Molly without giving up. So back the fuck off!"

"I. I didn't realise. I'm sor, I'm sorry," Christina stammers out.

I get up and go over to Tris. I put my arms around her waist. "Come on, she's not worth it," I whisper into her ear.

"Keep reading Shauna," I say as I bring Tris back to our seat.

"Glad we didn't try to act out that fear Lynn," Uriah says to Lynn.

"You're not wrong there Uriah," Lynn replies.

" **Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"**

 **He lifts a shoulder. "That, and I've always felt that I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."**

" **But you're...incredible," I say. I pause and clear my throat. "I mean, by Dauntless standards. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"**

"She's right Four," Zeke says.

 **He shrugs. He doesn't seem to care about his talent, or his status among the Dauntless, and that is what I would expect from the Abnegation. I am not sure what to make of that.**

 **He says, "I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when you're in danger, it becomes your first instinct. I could belong in Abnegation just as easily."**

 **Suddenly I feel heavy. A lifetime of training wasn't enough for me. My first instinct is still self-preservation.**

" **Yeah, well," I say, "I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be."**

" **That's not entirely true." He smiles at me. "That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend, who hit my dad with a belt to protect me—that selfless girl, that's not you?"**

"I never realised until now why two Abnegation transfers could do so well in Dauntless," Max says. "And so much easier to train than those ridiculous Candor smart mouths."

Is that a dig at Christina? Or he really doesn't like the Candor initiates in general.

 **He's figured out more about me than I have. And even though it seems impossible that he could feel something for me, given all that I'm not...maybe it isn't. I frown at him. "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?"**

" **I like to observe people."**

" **Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar."**

 **He puts his hand on the rock next to him, his fingers lining up with mine. I look down at our hands. He has long, narrow fingers. Hands made for fine, deft movements. Not Dauntless hands, which should be thick and tough and ready to break things.**

" **Fine." He leans his face closer to mine, his eyes focusing on my chin, and my lips, and my nose. "I watched you because I like you." He says it plainly, boldly, and his eyes flick up to mine. "And don't call me 'Four,' okay? It's nice to hear my name again."**

 **Just like that, he has finally declared himself, and I don't know how to respond. My cheeks warm, and all I can think to say is, "But you're older than I am...** _ **Tobias**_ **."**

 **He smiles at me. "Yes, that whopping two-year gap really is** _ **insurmountable**_ **, isn't it?"**

" **I'm not trying to be self-deprecating," I say,**

" **I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty. I—"**

 **He laughs, a deep laugh that sounds like it came from deep inside him, and touches his lips to my temple.**

" **Don't pretend," I say breathily. "You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty."**

"Tris you really need to stop thinking this way," Shauna says with a small smile.

" **Fine. You're not pretty. So?" He kisses my cheek. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus..." His voice softens. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."**

" **Well," I say. "You're not."**

 **For a second his dark eyes are on mine, and he's quiet. Then he touches my face and leans in close, brushing my lips with his. The river roars and I feel its spray on my ankles. He grins and presses his mouth to mine.**

"Finally," Zeke sighs.

This makes everyone laugh a little. Except Tris and I, we are sitting here both blushing like crazy. I would never have thought in a million years that my first kiss would be written in a book for all to see.

 **I tense up at first, unsure of myself, so when he pulls away, I'm sure I did something wrong, or badly. But he takes my face in his hands, his fingers strong against my skin, and kisses me again, firmer this time, more certain. I wrap an arm around him, sliding my hand up his neck and into his short hair.**

 **For a few minutes we kiss, deep in the chasm, with the roar of water all around us. And when we rise, hand in hand, I realize that if we had both chosen differently, we might have ended up doing the same thing, in a safer place, in gray clothes instead of black ones.**

"Do you really think that would have happened?" Lynn asks. "If you both had stayed in Abnegation."

"I think it could have been possible," I say.

"No it wouldn't," Zeke says. "There is no way either of you should be in Abnegation, or even think it. You are both Dauntless!"

"That was the end of the chapter," Shauna says.

"So, now we all know Four," Max states. "You can take the leadership position. You don't need to worry about Marcus, we will make sure he isn't a problem."

"You still want me to be a leader?" I ask.

"Yes I do. None of that changes my opinion. Because of your Abnegation background you are always going to put others first. That means that you will look after whoever you are in charge off. It is a great trait that you have."

"I'll think about it Max." I say after glancing at Eric. Something tells me he wants me to take the position. But how can that be possible? I think Max is crazy. He wants me there to bring down Marcus and Abnegation. Marcus is only one person, I can't do what Max wants to a whole faction.

"It was straight after that," I say. "That Tris and I were knocked out with the sleeping serum."

"How did someone even get that close to the two of you," Eric asks.

"I was walking Tris back to the dorms. After that we woke up here," I say. I look at Tori, I can see how tense she is. I'm not going to let Max or Eric know that she knows more than she is letting on. It's not up to me to tell.

"That's why they injected the two of you, because you weren't in bed. While we were all gassed," Max says.

"So everything we read from now on," Eric says. "Is things we haven't done yet."

"This should get interesting," Lynn states.

"Let's leave it here tonight. Get some sleep and then we can start fresh in the morning," Max tells us.

"Wait," Zeke calls out. "Does this mean we are supposed to call you Tobias from now on."

I frown. I hadn't thought of that. "No," I say.

"Thank the Lord," Zeke drops to his knees with his hands clapped together like he is praying. "It just wouldn't feel right to call you anything but Four."

"I don't know," Eric says with a sneer. "I could get used to calling him _Tobias_."

"Never and I mean never say his name again," Zeke says. "Dude the way you say it, you seem like one of those freaks who wants to mess with little kids."

I grab Tris by her hand and start walking up the stairs. There is no way I want to hear the rest of _that_ conversation.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Tris asks me as we are getting ready for bed.

"Yeah. I think so," I say. "It wasn't easy having everyone know the details of us."

"I thought I was going to die of embarrassment," Tris confesses.

"You're embarrassed to be with me?" I ask.

"No. Of course not. I just find it so hard," she says.

"I'm teasing Tris. I know. Abnegation droned it into us about affection," I say.

"Do you think it's easier because we understand that about each other?" Tris asks.

"I think it helps. But it's not the reason I want to be with you," I say. I can see Tris visibly relax. She is always doubting herself, doubting that I would want her. "The moment you fell through the sky and landed on the net, you changed my whole world. It wasn't because of the clothes you were wearing. It was here," I point to Tris' eyes. "You have a fire burning so bright in you and it shows through your eyes. That's what got my attention. And your smart mouth."

We both laugh, remembering her comments that first day. "Tobias have you noticed anything strange about Eric?"

"I thought it was just me that was picking up on it," I say.

"No, he is even pleasant to fix meals with. Almost friendly," Tris says.

"Do you think he is up to something?"

"I'm not sure. He just doesn't seem to be hating on either of us. Not the way he did before."

"Let me know if he does anything you're not comfortable with."

"It's not like that. It's more like he is trying to reach out. I don't know it's more a feeling I am getting."

"Let's not worry about it right now," I say. "Tomorrow is going to be bringing us a whole new world of the unknown. I think we are going to be finding out a lot of new things."

"Let's hope it isn't all bad."

"It can't be if I have you by my side."


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Christina says all chirpy.

"What has you in such a good mood?" Eric asks.

"I don't know," Christina shrugs. "New day."

"I think she got a little something," Uriah teases.

"What?" Christina shrieks and then blushes.

Zeke laughs and then says, "yeah I think you are right little bro."

"Just start reading Christina," Eric tells her.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

 **The next morning I am silly and light. Every time I push the smile from my face, it fights its way back. Eventually I stop suppressing it. I let my hair hang loose and abandon my uniform of loose shirts in favor of one that cuts across my shoulders, revealing my tattoos.**

"This can't be good," Zeke says shaking his head.

"What?" I ask.

"Tris being silly and light, it's not in her nature," he replies.

" **What is it with you today?" says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are still swollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face.**

"How the tables have turned," Shauna laughs.

"What are you talking about Shauna?" Lynn asks.

"Well look at Christina and Tris. Tris finally gets her man and starts dressing nicely. Christina is pretty close to get hers as well and she has already started to let herself go. Which relationship do you think is going to last the longest?" Shauna replies.

"Definitely Tris and Four's," Zeke says.

"Exactly," Shauna agrees.

"I don't get any of this," I say.

"It's simple Four. Christina is letting herself go because she _thinks_ she has her claws in Will but Tris is making an effort to look nice for you. Will isn't going to like that for very long and as Tris keeps becoming more confident you are going to love what she is starting to wear."

"I don't care what Tris wears," I say.

"You don't have to care," Shauna says. "You just have to like it."

"Okay," I squeak out. Not really understanding what any of this means. I like Tris, what difference will what she wears make.

"Maybe if it was a different male than it would work," Marlene adds. "Four is just clueless."

"Good luck Will," Zeke laughs.

"She just woke up," Will defends. "She can't look perfect all the time."

"You say that now," Zeke says.

" **Oh, you know," I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping."**

 **She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an underground tunnel.**

" **Let the girl be in a good mood," Will says. "You may never see it again."**

"Does this seem weird to anyone else?" Lynn asks.

"What? Tris happy?" Zeke asks.

"No, well yeah kinda. But what I mean is that we are witnessing stuff that we haven't done yet," Lynn says.

"Does that mean we don't have to finish initiation?" Uriah asks. "Because I'm sure our results will come up soon."

"You still need to complete initiation Uriah," Max tells him.

 **I smack his arm and hurry toward the dining hall. My heart pounds because I know that at some point in the next half hour, I will see Tobias. I sit down in my usual place, next to Uriah, with Will and Christina across from us. The seat on my left stays empty. I wonder if Tobias will sit in it; if he'll grin at me over breakfast; if he'll look at me in that secret, stolen way that I imagine myself looking at him.**

"Oh my God you have turned into a sappy love sick puppy," Lynn groans.

"Don't worry Lynn," Zeke says with a smile. "Four is sure to stuff it up in the next few minutes."

"Hey," I call out.

"Come on man, you know you will," Zeke grins madly.

I'd really like to punch him right now. Half because of the grin on his face and half because I know he is probably right. God I hope I don't do anything stupid.

 **I grab a piece of toast from the plate in the middle of the table and start to butter it with a little too much enthusiasm. I feel myself acting like a lunatic, but I can't stop. It would be like refusing to breathe.**

"That's the best feeling, isn't it?" Shauna looks all dreamy as she says it.

"Yeah," Christina says in a far away voice.

"Just read," Eric snaps.

"Well we know who isn't getting any," Zeke laughs. He quickly stops when he sees the look Eric is giving him.

 **Then he walks in. His hair is shorter, and it looks darker this way, almost black. It's Abnegation short, I realize. I smile at him and lift my hand to wave him over, but he sits down next to Zeke without even glancing in my direction, so I let my hand drop.**

"Oh no," Uriah says.

"What?" I ask.

"Didn't even take you sixty seconds of walking in the dining hall to stuff it up," Zeke says.

"How did I stuff it up?" I ask.

"You don't ignore the girl you were kissing the night before," Uriah says. "Big mistake."

"Okay, this is weird because I haven't actually done this and you are all judging me," I can hear the frustration in my own voice.

"Yes, well, knowing you the way I do," Zeke says. "It is exactly what you would do."

"Well, Zeke," I say. "Knowing _me_ the way I know _me_ , I am sure I had a good reason for doing it."

"Then let's just read and find out," Max says. "Christina keep reading."

 **I stare at my toast. It is easy not to smile now.**

" **Something wrong?" asks Uriah through a mouthful of toast.**

 **I shake my head and take a bite. What did I expect? Just because we kissed doesn't mean anything changes. Maybe he changed his mind about liking me. Maybe he thinks kissing me was a mistake.**

"Here comes miserable Tris," Lynn laughs.

" **Today's fear landscape day," says Will. "You think we'll get to see our own fear landscapes?"**

" **No." Uriah shakes his head. "You go through one of the instructors' landscapes. My brother told me."**

" **Ooh, which instructor?" says Christina, suddenly perking up.**

" **You know, it really isn't fair that you all get insider information and we don't," Will says, glaring at Uriah.**

" **Like you wouldn't use an advantage if you had one," retorts Uriah.**

 **Christina ignores them. "I hope it's Four's landscape."**

"Yeah we are still wishing for that one," Zeke says.

"It was an accident," Uriah defends.

"So? We still missed out," Zeke counters.

"Get over it the two of you," Eric huffs.

"I bet you're only saying that because you know what his fears are?" Zeke says.

"What difference does it make?" Eric asks.

" **Why?" I ask. The question comes out too incredulous. I bite my lip and wish I could take it back.**

" **Looks like someone had a mood swing." She rolls her eyes. "Like you don't want to know what his fears are. He acts so tough that he's probably afraid of marshmallows and really bright sunrises or something. Overcompensating."**

"You wish he was overcompensating," Lynn mumbles.

 **I shake my head. "It won't be him."**

" **How would you know?"**

" **It's just a prediction."**

 **I remember Tobias's father in his fear landscape. He wouldn't let everyone see that. I glance at him. For a second, his eyes shift to mine. His stare is unfeeling. Then he looks away.**

"You are an idiot," Zeke points to me.

I'm not going to respond. I don't have any idea why I acted the way I did. I hope I have a good explanation for it.

"There's a page break thing," Christina says.

 **Lauren, the instructor of the Dauntless-born initiates, stands with her hands on her hips outside the fear landscape room.**

" **Two years ago," she says, "I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, getting thrown out of Dauntless, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces."**

 **Everyone stares blankly at her.**

" **Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number," she says.**

" **What's the lowest number someone has gotten?" asks Lynn.**

" **In recent years," says Lauren, "four."**

 **I have not looked at Tobias since we were in the cafeteria, but I can't help but look at him now. He keeps his eyes trained on the floor. I knew that four was a low number, low enough to merit a nickname, but I didn't know it was less than half the average.**

 **I glare at my feet. He's exceptional. And now he won't even look at me.**

"Oh Tris," I say. I hate that I have hurt her. I'm sure I didn't mean too.

" **You will not find out your number today," says Lauren. "The simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will experience my fears instead of your own."**

 **I give Christina a pointed look. I was right; we won't go through Four's landscape.**

"Told you so, told you so, told you so," Uriah starts chanting.

"No you didn't," Christina almost sneers.

"No but Tris did and well, she is too nice to say it. So, I thought I would instead," Uriah shrugs.

"Thanks Uriah," Tris says with a smile.

"You're welcome Tris," Uriah smiles back.

"You guys are ridiculous," Eric groans.

" **For the purposes of this exercise, though, each of you will only face one of my fears, to get a sense for how the simulation works."**

 **Lauren points to us at random and assigns us each a fear. I was standing in the back, so I will go close to last. The fear that she assigned to me was kidnapping.**

"Kidnapping?" Marlene screams. "Of all the fears you had to get the one that actually happened to you."

I feel Tris tense beside me. "Hey, are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

 **Because I'm not hooked up to the computer as I wait, I can't watch the simulation, only the person's reaction to it. It is the perfect way to distract myself from my preoccupation with Tobias—clenching my hands into fists as Will brushes off spiders I can't see and Uriah presses his hands against walls that are invisible to me, and smirking as Peter turns bright red during whatever he experiences in "public humiliation." Then it's my turn.**

"Don't you wish you could have seen Peter have to deal with public humiliation?" Will says.

There are a lot of people nodding right now.

 **The obstacle won't be comfortable for me, but because I have been able to manipulate every simulation, not just this one, and because I have already gone through Tobias's landscape, I am not apprehensive as Lauren inserts the needle into my neck.**

 **Then the scenery changes and the kidnapping begins. The ground turns into grass beneath my feet, and hands clamp around my arms, over my mouth. It is too dark to see.**

 **I stand next to the chasm. I hear the roar of the water. I scream into the hand that covers my mouth and thrash to free myself, but the arms are too strong; my kidnappers are too strong. The image of myself falling into darkness flashes into my mind, the same image that I now carry with me in my nightmares. I scream again; I scream until my throat hurts and I squeeze hot tears from my eyes.**

"You manipulated the sim into your own kidnapping," Eric says. "You actually made it worse for yourself."

 **I knew they would come back for me; I knew they would try again. The first time was not enough. I scream again—not for help, because no one will help me, but because that's what you do when you're about to die and you can't stop it.**

" **Stop," a stern voice says.**

"Four to the rescue," Zeke cheers.

 **The hands disappear, and the lights come on. I stand on cement in the fear landscape room. My body shakes, and I drop to my knees, pressing my hands to my face. I just failed. I lost all logic, I lost all sense. Lauren's fear transformed into one of my own.**

 **And everyone saw me. Tobias saw me.**

 **I hear footsteps. Tobias marches toward me and wrenches me to my feet. "What the hell was that, Stiff?"**

" **I..." My breath comes in a hiccup. "I didn't—"**

" **Get yourself together! This is pathetic."**

"Are you completely insane?" Zeke yells. "You ignore her all morning and now you yell at her like that. Man, if that was me I would want to hit you about now."

"Lucky I'm not with you than," I sarcastically say.

 **Something within me snaps. My tears stop. Heat races through my body, driving the weakness out of me, and I smack him so hard my knuckles burn with the impact. He stares at me, one side of his face bright with blush-blood, and I stare back.**

I hear Tris gasp.

" **Shut up," I say. I yank my arm from his grasp and walk out of the room.**

"You go girl," Lynn calls out.

"Not so lucky after all were you Four?" Zeke teases.

"I just need a minute," Tris says as she gets up and walks into the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I didn't think that reading about our actions would be this hard," Tris says with tears in her eyes. "I can't believe I hit you."

"I think I kind of deserved it," I say.

"No. You never deserve to be hit Tobias," she says.

"Look," I say reaching my hand up to her chin so that she will look me in the eyes. "We've already talked about this. We can't start to feel guilty for things we haven't done yet. We still have another two books to get through. I'm sure between the both of us we are going to do things that pisses the other one off. Let's just try and learn from whatever happens. I don't want you to push me away because of things we haven't done yet."

Tris wraps her arms around my waist. "Thank you," she whispers.

"Come on, let's go see what other stupid things I can do," I say jokingly to try and lighten the mood.

We get back into the lounge room and see that Will is now holding the book.

"That was the end of the chapter," he says.

"Why is it, that the most talkative person here gets the shortest chapter to read?" I ask.

"I thought you'd be glad to not have to hear her voice for any longer than possible," Eric says. "I know I am."

I just shrug. There is no need to be cruel about it.


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

FOUR'S POV

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

 **I pull my jacket tight around my shoulders. I haven't been outside in a long time. The sun shines pale against my face, and I watch my breaths form in the air.**

 **At least I accomplished one thing: I convinced Peter and his friends that I'm no longer a threat. I just have to make sure that tomorrow, when I go through my own fear landscape, I prove them wrong. Yesterday failure seemed impossible. Today I'm not sure.**

 **I slide my hands through my hair. The impulse to cry is gone. I braid my hair and tie it with the rubber band around my wrist. I feel more like myself. That is all I need: to remember who I am. And I am someone who does not let inconsequential things like boys and near-death experiences stop her.**

"How can you think boys are inconsequential?" Christina asks.

"Comparing boys to near death experiences and you only think to comment on boys?" Tori asks.

"Just read Will," Max demands.

 **I laugh, shaking my head. Am I?**

 **I hear the train horn. The train tracks loop around the Dauntless compound and then continue farther than I can see. Where do they begin? Where do they end? What is the world like beyond them? I walk toward them.**

 **I want to go home, but I can't. Eric warned us not to appear too attached to our parents on Visiting Day, so visiting home would be betraying the Dauntless, and I can't afford to do that. Eric did not tell us we couldn't visit people in factions other than the ones we came from, though, and my mother did tell me to visit Caleb.**

"You remember what I told you about Faction before blood but you can't remember that you aren't supposed to leave the compound without a member,"

"I'm sorry Eric, next time I'll just stop by your office and drag you along with me," Tris snaps at him.

"Sarcasm Beatrice," Eric snaps back.

Zeke is rolling around on the floor laughing. "I can't," he can't talk properly he is so breathless. "I can't believe," he gasps out. "I can't believe you just said that to Eric," he finally gets out.

 **I know I'm not allowed to leave without supervision, but I can't stop myself. I walk faster and faster, until I'm sprinting. Pumping my arms, I run alongside the last car until I can grab the handle and swing myself in, wincing as pain darts through my sore body.**

"Looks like I did remember," Tris says with a smile, I can tell she is trying not to laugh.

But that doesn't last long when everyone else, even Eric start to laugh too.

 **Once in the car, I lie on my back next to the door and watch the Dauntless compound disappear behind me. I don't want to go back, but choosing to quit, to be factionless, would be the bravest thing I have ever done, and today I feel like a coward.**

"I can't believe I made you feel like that," I say.

"Oh Tobias," Tris sighs. "We promised."

"I know, I just think this is going to be really hard," I say.

Tris doesn't respond with words but she does kiss my cheek.

 **The air rushes over my body and twists around my fingers. I let my hand trail over the edge of the car so it presses against the wind. I can't go home, but I can find part of it. Caleb has a place in every memory of my childhood; he is part of my foundation.**

"Even if he was always scolding you," Lynn says sarcastically.

"Hey," Tris says. "He's still my brother."

 **The train slows as it reaches the heart of the city, and I sit up to watch the smaller buildings grow into larger buildings. The Erudite live in large stone buildings that overlook the marsh. I hold the handle and lean out just enough to see where the tracks go. They dip down to street level just before they bend to travel east. I breathe in the smell of wet pavement and marsh air.**

 **The train dips and slows, and I jump. My legs shudder with the force of my landing, and I run a few steps to regain my balance. I walk down the middle of the street, heading south, toward the marsh. The empty land stretches as far as I can see, a brown plane colliding with the horizon.**

"Always so descriptive," Tori comments.

 **I turn left. The Erudite buildings loom above me, dark and unfamiliar. How will I find Caleb here?**

"Didn't really think this one through did you?" Eric smirks.

"It seems not," Tris replies.

She is getting bolder with her answers to Eric. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. While we are in here I suppose it doesn't matter but when we leave here. I have to worry if he will not try to punish her in some way.

 **The Erudite keep records; it's in their nature. They must keep records of their initiates. Someone has access to those records; I just have to find them. I scan the buildings. Logically speaking, the central building should be the most important one. I may as well start there.**

 **The faction members are milling around everywhere. Erudite faction norms dictate that a faction member must wear at least one blue article of clothing at a time, because blue causes the body to release calming chemicals, and "a calm mind is a clear mind." The color has also come to signify their faction. It seems impossibly bright to me now. I have grown used to dim lighting and dark clothing.**

 **I expect to weave through the crowd, dodging elbows and muttering "excuse me" the way I always do, but there is no need. Becoming Dauntless has made me noticeable. The crowd parts for me, and their eyes cling to me as I pass. I pull the rubber band from my hair and shake it from its knot before I walk through the front doors.**

 **I stand just inside the entrance and tilt my head back. The room is huge, silent, and smells like dust-covered pages. The wood-paneled floor creaks beneath my feet. Bookcases line the walls on either side of me, but they seem to be decorative more than anything, because computers occupy the tables in the center of the room, and no one is reading. They stare at screens with tense eyes, focused.**

"Where's all the books?" Marlene asks.

"They put most of them on computer," Eric answers.

 **I should have known that the main Erudite building would be a library. A portrait on the opposite wall catches my attention. It is twice my height and four times my width and depicts an attractive woman with watery gray eyes and spectacles—Jeanine. Heat licks my throat at the sight of her. Because she is Erudite's representative, she is the one who released that report about my father. I have disliked her since my father's dinner-table rants began, but now I hate her.**

"Why don't we have a picture of Max hanging in the Pit?" Uriah asks. I can't tell if he is joking or not. I hope he's joking.

"Do you really think Dauntless would want my face hanging on the wall in the Pit?" Max asks.

"Probably not," Uriah chuckles. "So why do Erudite have a picture of Jeanine?"

"Arrogance," I answer.

 **Beneath her is a large plaque that reads KNOWLEDGE LEADS TO PROSPERITY.**

 **Prosperity. To me the word has a negative connotation. Abnegation uses it to describe self-indulgence.**

 **How could Caleb have chosen to be one of these people? The things they do, the things they want, it's all wrong. But he probably thinks the same of the Dauntless.**

"Dauntless is a lot like Abnegation when you think of it like that," Tori says. "If you believe in the manifesto that is."

"How do you mean?" Eric asks.

"Well, I think you there are two lines that sum it up," Tori says. "The first, ' _We believe in facing that fear no matter what the cost to our comfort, happiness, or even our sanity'_. Secondly, ' _We do not believe in living comfortable lives_."

"It is strange that we align ourselves so much with Erudite, especially when we have so little in common with them," Will says.

 **I walk up to the desk just beneath Jeanine's portrait. The young man sitting behind it doesn't look up as he says, "How can I help you?"**

"And we're the ones that aren't supposed to have good manners," Lynn grumbles.

" **I am looking for someone," I say. "His name is Caleb. Do you know where I can find him?"**

" **I am not permitted to give out personal information," he replies blandly, as he jabs at the screen in front of him.**

" **He's my brother."**

" **I am not permi—"**

 **I slam my palm on the desk in front of him, and he jerks out of his daze, staring at me over his spectacles. Heads turn in my direction.**

" **I said." My voice is terse. "I am looking for someone. He's an initiate. Can you at least tell me where I can find them?"**

"That's the way Tris," Zeke says. "Scare the shit out of the snotty _nose_."

" **Beatrice?" a voice behind me says.**

 **I turn, and Caleb stands behind me, a book in hand. His hair has grown out so it flips at his ears, and he wears a blue T-shirt and a pair of rectangular glasses. Even though he looks different and I'm not allowed to love him anymore, I run at him as fast as I can and throw my arms around his shoulders.**

"How did he get there so quickly?" Eric asks.

I wouldn't have thought anything of it but the fact that Eric is suspicious makes me suspicious.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"I'm not sure. It's just, Tris didn't make that much of a fuss and he was there so quickly. It just seems strange to me," Eric says.

" **You have a tattoo," he says, his voice muffled.**

" **You have glasses," I say. I pull back and narrow my eyes. "Your vision is perfect, Caleb, what are you doing?"**

" **Um..." He glances at the tables around us. "Come on. Let's get out of here."**

"He's hiding something," Christina comments.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Yes. He is looking to see who is taking notice of him. He also wants to leave the building. Unless he is just ashamed that his sister is now Dauntless."

"That's probably it," Tris says. I can hear the sadness in her voice.

 **We exit the building and cross the street. I have to jog to keep up with him. Across from Erudite headquarters is what used to be a park. Now we just call it "Millenium," and it is a stretch of bare land and several rusted metal sculptures—one an abstract, plated mammoth, another shaped like a lima bean that dwarfs me in size.**

 **We stop on the concrete around the metal bean, where the Erudite sit in small groups with newspapers or books. He takes off his glasses and shoves them in his pocket, then runs a hand through his hair, his eyes skipping over mine nervously. Like he's ashamed. Maybe I should be too. I'm tattooed, loose-haired, and wearing tight clothes. But I'm just not.**

"Told you," Christina says.

"You did give us options," Eric says. "So you were sure to get one of them correct."

" **What are you doing here?" he says.**

" **I wanted to go home," I say, "and you were the closest thing I could think of."**

 **He presses his lips together.**

" **Don't look so pleased to see me," I add.**

" **Hey," he says, setting his hands on my shoulders. "I'm thrilled to see you, okay? It's just that this isn't allowed. There are rules."**

" **I don't care," I say. "I don't care, okay?"**

" **Maybe you should." His voice is gentle; he wears his look of disapproval. "If it were me, I wouldn't want to get in trouble with your faction."**

"He is such a goody goody," Lynn says.

" **What's that supposed to mean?"**

 **I know exactly what it means. He sees my faction as the cruelest of the five, and nothing more.**

" **I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't have to be so angry with me," he says, tilting his head. "What** _ **happened**_ **to you in there?"**

" **Nothing. Nothing happened to me." I close my eyes and rub the back of my neck with one hand. Even if I could explain everything to him, I wouldn't want to. I can't even summon the will to think about it.**

"He would probably have a heart attack if you knew half the stuff we get up to," Zeke laughs.

" **You think..." He looks at his shoes. "You think you made the right choice?"**

" **I don't think there was one," I say. "How about you?"**

 **He looks around. People stare at us as they walk past. His eyes skip over their faces. He's still nervous, but maybe it's not because of how he looks, or because of me. Maybe it's them. I grab his arm and pull him under the arch of the metal bean. We walk beneath its hollow underbelly. I see my reflection everywhere, warped by the curve of the walls, broken by patches of rust and grime.**

" **What's going on?" I say, folding my arms. I didn't notice the dark circles under his eyes before. "What's wrong?"**

 **Caleb presses a palm to the metal wall. In his reflection, his head is small and pressed in on one side, and his arm looks like it is bending backward. My reflection, however, looks small and squat.**

" **Something big is happening, Beatrice. Something is wrong." His eyes are wide and glassy. "I don't know what it is, but people keep rushing around, talking quietly, and Jeanine gives speeches about how corrupt Abnegation is all the time, almost every day."**

" **Do you believe her?"**

" **No. Maybe. I don't..." He shakes his head. "I don't know what to believe."**

"He is so easily manipulated," Eric says.

" **Yes, you do," I say sternly. "You know who our parents are. You know who our friends are. Susan's dad, you think he's corrupt?"**

" **How much do I know? How much did they allow me to know? We weren't allowed to ask questions, Beatrice; we weren't allowed to know things! And here..." He looks up, and in the flat circle of mirror right above us, I see our tiny figures, the size of fingernails. That, I think, is our true reflection; it is as small as we actually are. He continues, "Here, information is free, it's always available."**

"And gullible," Eric says.

" **This isn't Candor. There are liars here, Caleb. There are people who are so smart they know how to manipulate you."**

" **Don't you think I would know if I was being manipulated?"**

" **If they're as smart as you think, then no. I don't think you would know."**

" **You have no idea what you're talking about," he says, shaking his head.**

"And arrogant," Eric comments.

" **Yeah. How could I possibly know what a corrupt faction looks like? I'm just training to be** _ **Dauntless**_ **, for God's sake," I say. "At least I know what I'm a part of, Caleb. You are choosing to ignore what we've known all our lives—these people are arrogant and greedy and they will lead you nowhere."**

 **His voice hardens. "I think you should go, Beatrice."**

"He doesn't like you telling him how it is, does he?" Eric says.

"Doesn't look like it," Tris mumbles. I can see the frown forming on her face.

" **With pleasure," I say. "Oh, and not that it will matter to you, but Mom told me to tell you to research the simulation serum."**

" **You saw her?" He looks hurt. "Why didn't she—"**

" **Because," I say. "The Erudite don't let the Abnegation into their compound anymore. Wasn't that information available to you?"**

"Go Tris," Lynn shouts.

 **I push past him, walking away from the mirror cave and the sculpture, and start down the sidewalk. I should never have left. The Dauntless compound sounds like home now —at least there, I know exactly where I stand, which is on unstable ground.**

 **The crowd on the sidewalk thins, and I look up to see why. Standing a few yards in front of me are two Erudite men with their arms folded.**

" **Excuse me," one of them says. "You'll have to come with us."**

"Oh shit!" Zeke exclaims. "You are in so much trouble now."

"There's a page break," Will says.

"Is this normal Eric?" Shauna asks.

"Why are you asking me?" Eric asks.

"You were from Erudite. You have more to do with them than us," Shauna tells him.

"It hasn't happened before but saying that, we haven't had an initiate take off to Erudite before either," Eric looks disapprovingly at Tris.

 **One man walks so close behind me that I feel his breath against the back of my head. The other man leads me into the library and down three hallways to an elevator. Beyond the library the floors change from wood to white tile, and the walls glow like the ceiling of the aptitude test room. The glow bounces off the silver elevator doors, and I squint so I can see.**

"That's enough to give you a headache," Marlene says.

 **I try to stay calm. I ask myself questions from Dauntless training.** _ **What do you do if someone attacks you from behind?**_ **I envision thrusting my elbow back into a stomach**

 **or a groin. I imagine running. I wish I had a gun. These are Dauntless thoughts, and they have become mine.**

"Tris with a gun in Erudite. I would pay to see that," Uriah laughs.

 _ **What do you do if you're attacked by two people at once?**_ **I follow the man down an empty, glowing corridor and into an office. The walls are made of glass—I guess I know which faction designed my school.**

 **A woman sits behind a metal desk. I stare at her face. The same face dominates the Erudite library; it is plastered across every article Erudite releases. How long have I hated that face? I don't remember.**

"They have brought you to Jeanine," I say shocked. "This can't be good."

" **Sit," Jeanine says. Her voice sounds familiar, especially when she is irritated. Her liquid gray eyes focus on mine.**

" **I'd rather not."**

" **Sit," she says again. I have definitely heard her voice before.**

 **I heard it in the hallway, talking to Eric, before I got attacked. I heard her mention Divergents. And once before—I heard it...**

" **It was your voice in the simulation," I say. "The aptitude test, I mean."**

 **She is the danger Tori and my mother warned me about, the danger of being Divergent. Sitting right in front of me.**

"How do you get yourself in so much trouble?" Max asks. "You're supposed to be the quiet girl from Abnegation."

" **Correct. The aptitude test is by far my greatest achievement as a scientist," she replies. "I looked up your test results, Beatrice. Apparently there was a problem with your test. It was never recorded, and your results had to be reported manually. Did you know that?"**

" **No."**

" **Did you know that you're one of two people ever to get an Abnegation result and switch to Dauntless?"**

" **No," I say, biting back my shock. Tobias and I are the only ones? But his result was genuine and mine was a lie. So it is really just him.**

"You are really good at lying," Christina comments.

 **My stomach twinges at the thought of him. Right now I don't care how unique he is. He called me pathetic.**

"Man, I would not want to be in your shoes right now Four," Zeke chuckles.

"Thanks Zeke," I say. I don't think I want to be in my shoes right now either.

" **What made you choose Dauntless?" she asks.**

" **What does this have to do with anything?" I try to soften my voice, but it doesn't work. "Aren't you going to reprimand me for abandoning my faction and seeking out my brother? 'Faction before blood,' right?" I pause. "Come to think of it, why am I in your office in the first place? Aren't you supposed to be important or something?"**

 **Maybe that will take her down a few pegs.**

"You really do have a death wish," Christina says.

 **Her mouth pinches for a second. "I will leave the reprimands to the Dauntless," she says, leaning back in her chair.**

 **I set my hands on the back of the chair I refused to sit in and clench my fingers. Behind her is a window that overlooks the city. The train takes a lazy turn in the distance.**

" **As to the reason for your presence here...a quality of my faction is curiosity," she says, "and while perusing your records, I saw that there was another error with another one of your simulations. Again, it failed to be recorded. Did you know that?"**

" **How did you access my records? Only the Dauntless have access to those."**

"You have a temper Miss Prior," Zeke chuckles again.

" **Because Erudite developed the simulations, we have an...** _ **understanding**_ **with the Dauntless, Beatrice." She tilts her head and smiles at me. "I am merely concerned for the competence of our technology. If it fails while you are around, I have to ensure that it does not continue to do so, you understand?"**

"Yeah right," Uriah scoffs.

 **I understand only one thing: She is lying to me. She doesn't care about the technology—she suspects that something is awry with my test results. Just like the Dauntless leaders, she is sniffing around for the Divergent. And if my mother wants Caleb to research the simulation serum, it is probably because Jeanine developed it.**

 **But what is so threatening about my ability to manipulate the simulations? Why would it matter to the representative of the Erudite, of all people?**

"Care to enlighten us Eric?" I ask.

"Keep reading Will," Eric looks directly at me as he says this. Arrogant bastard.

 **I can't answer either question. But the look she gives me reminds me of the look in the attack dog's eyes in the aptitude test—a vicious, predatory stare. She wants to rip me to pieces. I can't lie down in submission now. I have become an attack dog too.**

 **I feel my pulse in my throat.**

" **I don't know how they work," I say, "but the liquid I was injected with made me sick to my stomach. Maybe my simulation administrator was distracted because he was worried I would throw up, and he forgot to record it. I got sick after the aptitude test too."**

" **Do you habitually have a sensitive stomach, Beatrice?" Her voice is like a razor's edge. She taps her trimmed fingernails against the glass desk.**

"She doesn't believe you," Christina tells us.

" **Ever since I was young," I reply as smoothly as I can. I release the chair back and sidestep it to sit down. I can't seem tense, even though I feel like my insides are writhing within me.**

" **You have been extremely successful with the simulations," she says. "To what do you attribute the ease with which you complete them?"**

" **I'm brave," I say, staring into her eyes. The other factions see the Dauntless a certain way. Brash, aggressive, impulsive. Cocky. I should be what she expects. I smirk at her. "I'm the best initiate they've got."**

 **I lean forward, balancing my elbows on my knees. I will have to go further with this to make it convincing.**

" **You want to know why I chose Dauntless?" I ask. "It's because I was bored." Further, further. Lies require commitment. "I was tired of being a wussy little do-gooder and I wanted out."**

"Wussy little do-gooder," Zeke laughs. "Really?"

" **So you don't miss your parents?" she asks delicately.**

" **Do I miss getting scolded for looking in the mirror? Do I miss being told to shut up at the dinner table?" I shake my head. "No. I don't miss them. They're not my family anymore."**

 **The lie burns my throat on the way out, or maybe that's the tears I'm fighting. I picture my mother standing behind me with a comb and a pair of scissors, faintly smiling as she trims my hair, and I want to scream rather than insult her like this.**

" **Can I take that to mean..." Jeanine purses her lips and pauses for a few seconds before finishing. "...that you agree with the reports that have been released about the political leaders of this city?"**

 **The reports that label my family as corrupt, power-hungry, moralizing dictators? The reports that carry subtle threats and hint at revolution? They make me sick to my stomach. Knowing that she is the one who released them makes me want to strangle her.**

 **I smile.**

" **Wholeheartedly," I say.**

"That's a page break," Will says.

"Damn," Zeke says. "I was waiting for you to jump the table and strangle her."

 **One of Jeanine's lackeys, a man in a blue collared shirt and sunglasses, drives me back to the Dauntless compound in a sleek silver car, the likes of which I have never seen before. The engine is almost silent. When I ask the man about it, he tells me it's solar-powered and launches into a lengthy explanation of how the panels on the roof convert sunlight into energy. I stop listening after sixty seconds and stare out the window.**

 **I don't know what they'll do to me when I get back. I suspect it will be bad. I imagine my feet dangling over the chasm and bite my lip.**

 **When the driver pulls up to the glass building above the Dauntless compound, Eric is waiting for me by the door. He takes my arm and leads me into the building without thanking the driver. Eric's fingers squeeze so hard I know I'll have bruises.**

"Now you are in real trouble," Zeke says while nodding his head up and down.

"What do you think he will do to her?" Lynn asks.

"I don't know," Zeke says. "But I wouldn't be surprised if she was factionless by the time he's finished."

"Would you really make someone factionless for leaving the compound?" Lynn appears shocked.

"I'd be considering it," Eric says.

 **He stands between me and the door that leads inside. He starts to crack his knuckles. Other than that, he is completely still.**

 **I shudder involuntarily.**

 **The faint pop of his knuckle-cracking is all I hear apart from my own breaths, which grow faster by the second. When he is finished, Eric laces his fingers together in front of him.**

" **Welcome back, Tris."**

" **Eric."**

 **He walks toward me, carefully placing one foot in front of the other.**

" **What..." His first word is quiet. "** _ **Exactly**_ **," he adds, louder this time, "were you thinking?"**

" **I..." He is so close I can see the holes his metal piercings fit into. "I don't know."**

" **I am tempted to call you a traitor, Tris," he says. "Have you never heard the phrase 'faction before blood'?"**

 **I have seen Eric do terrible things. I have heard him say terrible things. But I have never seen him like this. He is not a maniac anymore; he is perfectly controlled, perfectly poised. Careful and quiet.**

"This is when Eric is at his most dangerous," Zeke says.

 **For the first time, I recognize Eric for what he is: an Erudite disguised as a Dauntless, a genius as well as a sadist, a hunter of the Divergent.**

 **I want to run.**

" **Were you unsatisfied with the life you have found here? Do you perhaps regret your choice?" Both of Eric's metal-ridden eyebrows lift, forcing creases into his forehead. "I would like to hear an explanation for why you betrayed Dauntless, yourself, and** _ **me**_ **..." He taps his chest. "...by venturing into another faction's headquarters."**

"How did she betray you?" Lynn asks.

"Because I was the one who told her the rules," Eric says.

"I think you are being a little over dramatic," Lynn huffs.

"Really?" Eric asks with a smirk on his face.

"Yes," Lynn says standing her ground. This is the only thing that will have Eric let this go. He will respect her for standing up to him and not backing down.

" **I..." I take a deep breath. He would kill me if he knew what I was, I can feel it. His hands curl into fists. I am alone here; if something happens to me, no one will know and no one will see it.**

" **If you cannot explain," he says softly, "I may be forced to reconsider your rank. Or, because you seem to be so attached to your previous faction...perhaps I will be forced to reconsider your friends' ranks. Perhaps the little Abnegation girl inside of you would take that more seriously."**

 **My first thought is that he couldn't do that, it wouldn't be fair. My second thought is that of course he would, he would not hesitate to do it for a second. And he is right —the thought that my reckless behavior could force someone else out of a faction makes my chest ache from fear.**

"It's his quiet voice," Shauna says. "Four does it too. Do they train you guys in how best to intimidate people?"

 **I try again. "I..."**

 **But it is hard to breathe.**

 **And then the door opens. Tobias walks in.**

"Thank God," Zeke lets out a breath.

" **What are you doing?" he asks Eric.**

" **Leave the room," Eric says, his voice louder and not as monotone. He sounds more like the Eric I am familiar with. His expression, too, changes, becomes more mobile and animated. I stare, amazed that he can turn it on and off so easily, and wonder what the strategy behind it is.**

" **No," Tobias says. "She's just a foolish girl. There's no need to drag her here and interrogate her."**

" **Just a foolish girl." Eric snorts. "If she were just a foolish girl, she wouldn't be ranked first, now would she?"**

"Don't like Abnegation transfers being in the top spot, do you Eric," Tori smiles.

 **Tobias pinches the bridge of his nose and looks at me through the spaces between his fingers. He is trying to tell me something. I think quickly. What advice has Four given me recently?**

 **The only thing I can think of is:** _ **pretend some vulnerability**_ **.**

 **It's worked for me before.**

" **I...I was just embarrassed and didn't know what to do." I put my hands in my pockets and look at the ground. Then I pinch my leg so hard that tears well up in my eyes, and I look up at Eric, sniffing. "I tried to...and..." I shake my head.**

" **I can't believe you made yourself pretend to cry," Marlene squeals.**

" **You tried to what?" asks Eric.**

" **Kiss me," says Tobias. "And I rejected her, and she went running off like a five- year-old. There's really nothing to blame her for but stupidity."**

 **We both wait.**

 **Eric looks from me to Tobias and laughs, too loudly and for too long—the sound is menacing and grates against me like sandpaper. "Isn't he a little too old for you, Tris?" he says, smiling again.**

 **I wipe my cheek like I'm wiping a tear. "Can I go now?"**

" **Fine," Eric says, "but you are not allowed to leave the compound without supervision again, you hear me?" He turns toward Tobias. "And** _ **you**_ **... had better make sure none of the transfers leave this compound again. And that none of the others try to kiss you."**

"Yeah right, that might be harder than you think," Zeke laughs.

"Why do you say that?" I ask.

"Please," Zeke scoffs. "Marlene was all flirty at Capture the Flag. Christina keeps checking you out and Tris can't keep her hands off you."

I just roll my eyes.

 **Tobias rolls his eyes. "Fine."**

"Did you see that?" Zeke asks.

"He just rolled his eyes at me and then he did the same thing in the book," Zeke chuckles.

 **I leave the room and walk outside again, shaking my hands to get rid of the jitters. I sit down on the pavement and wrap my arms around my knees.**

 **I don't know how long I sit there, my head down and my eyes closed, before the door opens again. It might have been twenty minutes and it might have been an hour. Tobias walks toward me.**

 **I stand and cross my arms, waiting for the scolding to start. I slapped him and then got myself into trouble with the Dauntless—there has to be scolding.**

" **What?" I say.**

" **Are you all right?" A crease appears between his eyebrows, and he touches my cheek gently. I bat his hand away.**

"That doesn't seem like a scolding to me," Shauna giggles.

" **Well," I say, "first I got reamed out in front of everyone, and then I had to chat with the woman who's trying to destroy my old faction, and then Eric almost tossed my friends out of Dauntless, so yeah, it's shaping up to be a pretty great day,** _ **Four**_ **."**

" **Ouch, she used his nickname," Tori says shaking her head.**

 **He shakes his head and looks at the dilapidated building to his right, which is made of brick and barely resembles the sleek glass spire behind me. It must be ancient. No one builds with brick anymore.**

" **Why do you care, anyway?" I say. "You can be either cruel instructor or concerned boyfriend." I tense up at the word "boyfriend." I didn't mean to use it so flippantly, but it's too late now. "You can't play both parts at the same time."**

" **I am not cruel." He scowls at me. "I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would have reacted if they discovered that you and I were..." He sighs. "You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill."**

 **I open my mouth to object, but I can't. A few smart remarks come to mind, but I dismiss them. He's right. My cheeks warm, and I cool them with my hands.**

"At least now we know why Four acted the way he did," Uriah says.

" **You didn't have to insult me to prove something to them," I say finally.**

" **And you didn't have to run off to your brother just because I hurt you," he says. He rubs at the back of his neck. "Besides—it worked, didn't it?"**

" **At my expense."**

" **I didn't think it would affect you this way." Then he looks down and shrugs. "Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you. That you are capable of being hurt."**

"You have so much to learn about women," Lynn says.

"Apparently," my voice dripping with sarcasm.

 **I slide my hands into my pockets and rock back on my heels. A strange feeling goes through me—a sweet, aching weakness. He did what he did because he believed in my strength.**

 **At home it was Caleb who was strong, because he could forget himself, because all the characteristics my parents valued came naturally to him. No one has ever been so convinced of my strength.**

 **I stand on my tiptoes, lift my head, and kiss him. Only our lips touch.**

" **You're brilliant, you know that?" I shake my head. "You always know exactly what to do."**

"You two function very differently to the rest of us," Shauna says shaking her head.

"What do you mean?" Tris asks.

"I would have screamed and yelled at Zeke for a week if he had acted that way," she says.

"And I would have gone to mums for the week so I wouldn't have to listen to her," Zeke chuckles.

"Which then would have caused more screaming from me," Shauna says.

"Maybe we can all learn something from these two," Marlene says as she points between Tris and me.

"No Marlene," Zeke says. "Don't even think those words. Oh God I this is all just giving me a headache."

"Are you sure you have a penis?" Lynn asks Zeke.

"Yes," he says.

"Because it doesn't sound like it right now," Lynn tells him.

" **Only because I've been thinking about this for a long time," he says, kissing me briefly. "How I would handle it, if you and I..." He pulls back and smiles. "Did I hear you call me your boyfriend, Tris?"**

" **Not exactly." I shrug. "Why? Do you want me to?"**

 **He slips his hands over my neck and presses his thumbs under my chin, tilting my head back so his forehead meets mine. For a moment he stands there, his eyes closed, breathing my air. I feel the pulse in his fingertips. I feel the quickness of his breath. He seems nervous.**

" **Yes," he finally says. Then his smile fades. "You think we convinced him you're just a silly girl?"**

" **I hope so," I say. "Sometimes it helps to be small. I'm not sure I convinced the Erudite, though."**

"I can't believe you two fooled me," Eric shakes his head.

 **The corners of his mouth tug down, and he gives me a grave look. "There's something I need to tell you."**

" **What is it?"**

" **Not now." He glances around. "Meet me back here at eleven thirty. Don't tell anyone where you're going."**

 **I nod, and he turns away, leaving just as quickly as he came.**

"Another page break," Will tells us.

" **Where have you been all day?" Christina asks when I walk back into the dormitory. The room is empty; everyone else must be at dinner. "I looked for you outside, but I couldn't find you. Is everything okay? Did you get in trouble for hitting Four?"**

 **I shake my head. The thought of telling her the truth about where I was makes me feel exhausted. How can I explain the impulse to hop on a train and visit my brother? Or the eerie calm in Eric's voice as he questioned me? Or the reason that I exploded and hit Tobias to begin with?**

" **I just had to get away. I walked around for a long time," I say. "And no, I'm not in trouble. He yelled at me, I apologized...that's it."**

 **As I speak, I'm careful to keep my eyes steady on hers and my hands still at my sides.**

" **Good," she says. "Because I have something to tell you."**

 **She looks over my head at the door and then stands on her tiptoes to see all the bunks—checking if they're empty, probably. Then she sets her hands on my shoulders.**

" **Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"**

" **I'm always a girl." I frown.**

" **You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl."**

 **I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay."**

 **She grins so wide I can see her back row of teeth. "Will kissed me."**

" **What?" I demand. "When? How? What happened?"**

" **You** _ **can**_ **be a girl!" She straightens, taking her hands from my shoulders. "Well, right after your little episode, we ate lunch and then we walked around near the train tracks. We were just talking about...I don't even remember what we were talking about. And then he just stopped, and leaned in, and...kissed me."**

"So you missed her lies because you were more interested in telling her about kissing Will," Lynn says.

"Looks like it," Christina says.

" **Did you know that he liked you?" I say. "I mean, you know. Like that."**

" **No!" She laughs. "The best part was, that was it. We just kept walking and talking**

 **like nothing happened. Well, until I kissed him."**

" **How long have you known you liked him?"**

" **I don't know. I guess I didn't. But then little things...how he put his arm around me at the funeral, how he opens doors for me like I'm a girl instead of someone who could beat the crap out of him."**

"But you can't beat the crap out of him Christina," Lynn states. "He beat you in your fight."

 **I laugh. Suddenly I want to tell her about Tobias and everything that has happened between us. But the same reasons Tobias gave for pretending we aren't together hold me back. I don't want her to think that my rank has anything to do with my relationship with him.**

"You should have told me Tris," Christina snaps.

"Why should she?" Lynn asks. "It's her business not yours. She can tell you when she is ready."

 **So I just say, "I'm happy for you."**

" **Thanks," she says. "I'm happy too. And I thought it would be a while before I could feel that way...you know."**

 **She sits down on the edge of my bed and looks around the dormitory. Some of the initiates have already packed their things. Soon we'll move into apartments on the other side of the compound. Those with government jobs will move to the glass building above the Pit. I won't have to worry about Peter attacking me in my sleep. I won't have to look at Al's empty bed.**

" **I can't believe it's almost over," she says. "It's like we just got here. But it's also like ...like I haven't seen home in forever."**

"Dauntless is your home now," Eric almost shouts.

" **You miss it?" I lean into the bed frame.**

" **Yeah." She shrugs. "Some things are the same, though. I mean, everyone at home is just as loud as everyone here, so that's good. But it's easier there. You always know where you stand with everyone, because they tell you. There's no...manipulation."**

 **I nod. Abnegation prepared me for that aspect of Dauntless life. The Abnegation aren't manipulative, but they aren't forthright, either.**

" **I don't think I could have made it through Candor initiation, though." She shakes her head. "There, instead of simulations, you get lie detector tests. All day, every day. And the final test..." She wrinkles her nose. "They give you this stuff they call truth serum and sit you in front of everyone and ask you a load of really personal questions. The theory is that if you spill all your secrets, you'll have no desire to lie about anything, ever again. Like the worst about you is already in the open, so why not just be honest?"**

"That is the most horrible thing in the world," Shauna says. "What sort of question do they ask? Are your parents there? Why would they do that?"

"Shauna calm down," Max says. "This is why she didn't pick Candor."

 **I don't know when I accumulated so many secrets. Being Divergent. Fears. How I really feel about my friends, my family, Al, Tobias. Candor initiation would reach things that even the simulations can't touch; it would wreck me.**

" **Sounds awful," I say.**

" **I always knew I couldn't be Candor. I mean, I try to be honest, but some things you just don't want people to know. Plus, I like to be in control of my own mind."**

 **Don't we all.**

" **Anyway," she says. She opens the cabinet to the left of our bunk beds. When she pulls the door open, a moth flutters out, its white wings carrying it toward her face. Christina shrieks so loud I almost jump out of my skin and slaps at her cheeks.**

" **Get it off! Get it off get it off get it off!" she screams.**

 **The moth flutters away.**

" **It's gone!" I say. Then I laugh. "You're afraid of...moths?"**

" **They're disgusting. Those papery wings and their stupid bug bodies..." She shudders.**

 **I keep laughing. I laugh so hard I have to sit down and hold my stomach.**

" **It's not funny!" she snaps. "Well...okay, maybe it is. A little."**

"Moths?" Will asks. I can't help but laugh, I've seen how she reacts to them and it is amusing.

"It's not funny Four," Christina yells at me.

I put my hands up in a defensive position.

"There is another page break. Does this chapter ever end?" Will asks with a roll of his eyes.

 **When I find Tobias late that night, he doesn't say anything; he just grabs my hand and pulls me toward the train tracks.**

"A man of few words," Tori comments.

"If only woman could be more like that," Eric says. "And Zeke."

"Did you just make a joke Eric?" Zeke laughs.

 **He draws himself into a train car as it passes with bewildering ease and pulls me in after him. I fall against him, my cheek against his chest. His fingers slide down my arms, and he holds me by the elbows as the car bumps along the steel rails. I watch the glass building above the Dauntless compound shrink behind us.**

" **What is it you need to tell me?" I shout over the cry of the wind.**

" **Not yet," he says.**

 **He sinks to the floor and pulls me down with him, so he's sitting with his back against the wall and I'm facing him, my legs trailing to the side on the dusty floor. The wind pushes strands of my hair loose and tosses them over my face. He presses his palms to my face, his index fingers sliding behind my ears, and pulls my mouth to his.**

 **I hear the screech of the rails as the train slows, which means we must be nearing the middle of the city. The air is cold, but his lips are warm and so are his hands. He tilts his head and kisses the skin just beneath my jaw. I'm glad the air is so loud he can't hear me sigh.**

"Where's his hands Tris?" Zeke asks. He starts to chuckle when Tris blushes.

 **The train car wobbles, throwing off my balance, and I put my hand down to steady myself. A split second later I realize that my hand is on his hip. The bone presses into my palm. I should move it, but I don't want to. He told me once to be brave, and though I have stood still while knives spun toward my face and jumped off a roof, I never thought I would need bravery in the small moments of my life. I do.**

"Be brave, Tris," Zeke teases.

"It just doesn't sound right when you say it," Tris teases back.

 **I shift, swinging a leg over him so I sit on top of him, and with my heartbeat in my throat, I kiss him. He sits up straighter and I feel his hands on my shoulders. His fingers slip down my spine and a shiver follows them down to the small of my back. He unzips my jacket a few inches, and I press my hands to my legs to stop them from shaking. I should not be nervous. This is Tobias.**

"Don't tell me you had your first time in a train car?" Christina sounds bitter.

"What? Why would you think that?" Tris asks.

"I don't know. It's getting pretty heated, pretty quickly with you two," she says.

"Jealous?" Zeke asks.

"As if," Christina scoffs.

 **Cold air slips across my bare skin. He pulls away and looks carefully at the tattoos just above my collarbone. His fingers brush over them, and he smiles.**

" **Birds," he says. "Are they crows? I keep forgetting to ask."**

"Yeah, you can't think straight when you are around her now," Zeke teases me.

 **I try to return his smile. "Ravens. One for each member of my family," I say. "You like them?"**

 **He doesn't answer. He tugs me closer, pressing his lips to each bird in turn. I close my eyes. His touch is light, sensitive. A heavy, warm feeling, like spilling honey, fills my body, slowing my thoughts. He touches my cheek.**

It's strange hearing this from Tris' view point. Especially when we haven't done any of this yet. It makes me wonder if any of what we are reading will ever come true now.

" **I hate to say this," he says, "but we have to get up now."**

 **I nod and open my eyes. We both stand, and he tugs me with him to the open door of the train car. The wind is not as strong now that the train has slowed. It's past midnight, so all the street lights are dark, and the buildings look like mammoths as they rise from the darkness and then sink into it again. Tobias lifts a hand and points at a cluster of buildings, so far away they are the size of a fingernail. They are the only bright spot in the dark sea around us. Erudite headquarters again.**

" **Apparently the city ordinances don't mean anything to them," he says, "because their lights will be on all night."**

" **No one else has noticed?" I say, frowning.**

" **I'm sure they have, but they haven't done anything to stop it. It may be because they don't want to cause a problem over something so small." Tobias shrugs, but the tension in his features worries me. "But it made me wonder what the Erudite are doing that requires night light."**

"Do you know Max?" Will asks.

"They have permission to do so. Jeanine put a proposal to the Council and they approved it," Max says. He didn't really answer the question though.

 **He turns toward me, leaning against the wall.**

" **Two things you should know about me. The first is that I am deeply suspicious of people in general," he says. "It is my nature to expect the worst of them. And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers."**

 **I nod. He said his other job was working with computers, but I still have trouble picturing him sitting in front of a screen all day.**

"You are welcome to come up to the control room and see Tris," Zeke says.

"Thanks Zeke," Tris says.

" **A few weeks ago, before training started, I was at work and I found a way into the Dauntless secure files. Apparently we are not as skilled as the Erudite are at security," he says, "and what I discovered was what looked like war plans. Thinly veiled commands, supply lists, maps. Things like that. And those files were sent by Erudite."**

"How the hell did you find those Four?" Max demands.

"Do you really think I am going to tell you?" I ask him.

"Those files were on my computer," Max states. "Only on my computer."

"What war plans Max?" Tori asks.

"I think Four's mistaken," Max tells Tori.

"I doubt that," Tori mumbles to herself.

" **War?" I brush my hair away from my face. Listening to my father insult Erudite all my life has made me wary of them, and my experiences in the Dauntless compound make me wary of authority and human beings in general, so I'm not shocked to hear that a faction could be planning a war.**

 **And what Caleb said earlier. Something big is happening, Beatrice. I look up at Tobias.**

" **War on Abnegation?"**

 **He takes my hands, lacing his fingers with mine, and says, "The faction that controls the government. Yes."**

 **My stomach sinks.**

" **All those reports are supposed to stir up dissension against Abnegation," he says, his eyes focused on the city beyond the train car. "Evidently the Erudite now want to speed up the process. I have no idea what to do about it...or what could even be done."**

" **But," I say, "why would Erudite team up with Dauntless?"**

 **And then something occurs to me, something that hits me in the gut and gnaws at my insides. Erudite doesn't have weapons, and they don't know how to fight—but the Dauntless do.**

 **I stare wide-eyed at Tobias.**

" **They're going to use us," I say.**

" **I wonder," he says, "how they plan to get us to fight."**

 **I told Caleb that the Erudite know how to manipulate people. They could coerce some of us into fighting with misinformation, or by appealing to greed—any number of ways. But the Erudite are as meticulous as they are manipulative, so they wouldn't leave it up to chance. They would need to make sure that all their weaknesses are shored up. But how?**

 **The wind blows my hair across my face, cutting my vision into strips, and I leave it there.**

" **I don't know," I say.**

"Does this mean that you two," Tori points between Eric and Max. "Are going to have us fight against Abnegation for Erudite?"

"It's more complicated than that," Max says.

"So, what? Are we just supposed to blindly follow you?" Tori asks.

"Look Tori," Max says. You can see that he doesn't want to answer any question about this. "I don't want to explain this to you right now. Let's just keep reading. If you still have questions then I will think about answering them for you later. 

"You'll think about it?" Tori questions. "Do you really think the ten of us are going to let you leave here without giving us some God damn information? Because I know I won't be. You better have a bloody good explanation Max."

"Finally that is the end of the chapter," Will sighs.

"That took forever," Uriah whines. "Can we have a break?"

"Yeah let's have some lunch and then get back into it," Eric says. "Tris, let's go fix some lunch."

"Are you okay, spending this time with him?" I ask Tris.

"It's fine Tobias. He is almost nice when he is cooking."


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Marlene picks up the book and sits back down next to Uriah.

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

 **I have attended Abnegation's initiation ceremony every year except this one. It is a quiet affair. The initiates, who spend thirty days performing community service before they can become full members, sit side by side on a bench. One of the older members reads the Abnegation manifesto, which is a short paragraph about forgetting the self and the dangers of self-involvement. Then all the older members wash the initiates' feet. Then they all share a meal, each person serving food to the person on his left.**

"That is disgusting," Christina wails.

"What are you complaining about?" Lynn asks with a roll of her eyes.

"They wash the initiates feet. That is disgusting," Christina replies.

"Probably still better than being injected with truth serum," I say.

 **The Dauntless don't do that.**

 **Initiation day plunges the Dauntless compound into insanity and chaos. There are people everywhere, and most of them are inebriated by noon. I fight my way through them to get a plate of food at lunch and carry it back to the dormitory with me. On the way I see someone fall off the path on the Pit wall and, judging by his screams and the way he grabs at his leg, he broke something.**

Zeke starts laughing. "I bet that was Benny," he says. "He is always tripping over his shoelaces, bouncing off walls and falling off the paths."

"How do you find that funny?" Will asks.

"because he does it at least three times a year. If you had seen it happen you would be laughing too," Zeke says. "It's not that uncommon, people are falling off the paths all the time."

"Why don't you put railings up?" Will asks.

"WE'RE DAUNTLESS!" Zeke, Uriah and Lynn shout.

 **The dormitory, at least, is quiet. I stare at my plate of food. I just grabbed what looked good to me at the time, and now that I take a closer look, I realize that I chose a plain chicken breast, a scoop of peas, and a piece of brown bread. Abnegation food.**

 **I sigh. Abnegation is what I am. It is what I am when I'm not thinking about what I'm doing. It is what I am when I am put to the test. It is what I am even when I appear to be brave. Am I in the wrong faction?**

"Sounds like it," Eric comments.

"No," Uriah says.

 **The thought of my former faction sends a tremor through my hands. I have to warn my family about the war the Erudite are planning, but I don't know how. I will find a way, but not today. Today I have to focus on what awaits me. One thing at a time.**

A look passes from Eric to Max but I can't read what that is. Of course they would know when this was is supposed to start. Or has it started? Did Erudite start the war while we are all in here? The only good that can come of that is that all my friends and Tris are here and safe.

 **I eat like a robot, rotating from chicken to peas to bread and back again. It doesn't matter what faction I really belong in. In two hours I will walk to the fear landscape room with the other initiates, go through my fear landscape, and become Dauntless. It's too late to turn back.**

"I know it hasn't happened yet but do you ever want to go back?" Tori asks Tris.

"No. I couldn't imagine having to spend a day in Abnegation let alone the rest of my life.

 **When I finish, I bury my face in my pillow. I don't mean to fall asleep, but after a while, I do, and I wake up to Christina shaking my shoulder.**

" **Time to go," she says. She looks ashen.**

 **I rub my eyes to press the sleep from them. I have my shoes on already. The other initiates are in the dormitory, tying shoelaces and buttoning jackets and throwing smiles around like they don't mean it. I pull my hair into a bun and put on my black jacket, zipping it up to my throat. The torture will be over soon, but can we forget the simulations? Will we ever sleep soundly again, with the memories of our fears in our heads? Or will we finally forget our fears today, like we're supposed to?**

"It gets better once it's all over," Shauna says. "Except if you are Four and keep going in there."

 **We walk to the Pit and up the path that leads to the glass building. I look up at the glass ceiling. I can't see daylight because the soles of shoes cover every inch of glass above us. For a second I think I hear the glass creak, but it is my imagination. I walk up the stairs with Christina, and the crowd chokes me.**

"Does anyone ever check to make sure that it is safe?" Will asks.

"You're joking, right?" Zeke asks.

"No," Will replies. You can see the seriousness written all over his face.

"We're Dauntless. Nothing is ever safe," Zeke replies.

 **I am too short to see above anyone's head, so I stare at Will's back and walk in his wake. The heat of so many bodies around me makes it difficult to breathe. Beads of sweat gather on my forehead. A break in the crowd reveals what they are all clustered around: a series of screens on the wall to my left.**

 **I hear a cheer and stop to look at the screens. The screen on the left shows a black- clothed girl in the fear landscape room—Marlene. I watch her move, her eyes wide, but I can't tell what obstacle she's facing. Thank God no one out here will see my fears either—just my reactions to them.**

"That would make it too like Candor if we did that," Max comments.

 **The middle screen shows her heart rate. It picks up for a second and then decreases. When it reaches a normal rate, the screen flashes green and the Dauntless cheer. The screen on the right shows her time.**

 **I tear my eyes from the screen and jog to catch up to Christina and Will. Tobias stands just inside a door on the left side of the room that I barely noticed the last time I was here. It is next to the fear landscape room. I walk past him without looking at him.**

"Is that where you took Peter?" Will asks. Shauna, Zeke and I all nod.

 **The room is large and contains another screen, similar to the one outside. A line of people sit in chairs in front of it. Eric is one of them, and so is Max. The others are also older. Judging by the wires connected to their heads, and their blank eyes, they are observing the simulation.**

"I hate having to watch them," Max says.

"Then why do you do it?" Tris asks.

"It's always been that way," Max says.

 **Behind them is another line of chairs, all occupied now. I am the last to enter, so I don't get one.**

" **Hey, Tris!" Uriah calls out from across the room. He sits with the other Dauntless- born initiates. Only four of them are left; the rest have gone through their fear landscapes already. He pats his leg. "You can sit on my lap, if you want."**

" **Tempting," I call back, grinning. "It's fine. I like to stand."**

 **I also don't want Tobias to see me sitting on someone else's lap.**

"Could you imagine what Four would do if Tris had sat on Uriah's lap?" Shauna says.

"Uriah would have a new fear to deal with," Zeke laughs.

 **The lights lift in the fear landscape room, revealing Marlene in a crouch, her face streaked with tears. Max, Eric, and a few others shake off the simulation daze and walk out. A few seconds later I see them on the screen, congratulating her for finishing.**

" **Transfers, the order in which you go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand," Tobias says. "So Drew will go first, and Tris will go last."**

 **That means five people will go before I do.**

"Thanks for clarifying that Tris," Zeke teases.

"You're welcome Zeke," Tris smiles.

 **I stand in the back of the room, a few feet away from Tobias. He and I exchange glances when Eric sticks Drew with the needle and sends him into the fear landscape room. By the time it's my turn, I will know how well the others did, and how well I will have to do to beat them.**

 **The fear landscapes are not interesting to watch from the outside. I can see that Drew is moving, but I don't know what he is reacting to. After a few minutes, I close my eyes instead of watching and try to think of nothing. Speculating about which fears I will have to face, and how many there will be, is useless at this point. I just have to remember that I have the power to manipulate the simulations, and that I have practiced it before.**

"Unless you get a new one," Shauna says.

"What?" Christina calls out.

"You don't see all your fears when you are doing stage two. Some people have twenty fears or more," Eric says.

"What's the highest amount of fears anyone has ever had?" Will asks.

"Thirty six," Max tells us. "They didn't become a member."

 **Molly goes next. It takes her half as long as it takes Drew, but even Molly has trouble. She spends too much time breathing heavily, trying to control her panic. At one point she even screams at the top of her lungs.**

 **It amazes me how easy it is to tune out everything else—thoughts of war on Abnegation, Tobias, Caleb, my parents, my friends, my new faction fade away. All I can do now is get past this obstacle.**

"You think like an Erudite," Eric says.

"You'd know," Zeke snaps.

 **Christina is next. Then Will. Then Peter. I don't watch them. I know only how much time it takes them: twelve minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. And then my name.**

" **Tris."**

 **I open my eyes and walk to the front of the observation room, where Eric stands with a syringe full of orange liquid. I barely feel the needle as it plunges into my neck, barely see Eric's pierced face as he presses the plunger down. I imagine that the serum is liquid adrenaline rushing through my veins, making me strong.**

" **Ready?" he asks.**

"No wonder you do so well Tris. You visualise everything," Will says.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Christina asks, jealousy lacing her tongue.

"She doesn't just look at how she can beat her fear, she is also visualising herself as strong. She is telling herself that she will beat this and that she will beat everyone who has gone before her today."


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

FOUR'S POV

"Give me the book," Lynn says. "Let's see how many fears Tris really has."

 **CHAPTER THIRTY**

 **I am ready. I step into the room, armed not with a gun or a knife, but with the plan I made the night before. Tobias said that stage three is about mental preparation—coming up with strategies to overcome my fears.**

"Do you listen to everything he says?" Christina asks.

"Don't you?" Tris asks Christina.

"Why would I do that?"

"Would you have listened if it was Eric?" Zeke asks Tris.

"I wouldn't care who was giving me the information. If it helps me to pass initiation, then yeah, I would," Tris says.

 **I wish I knew what order the fears will come in. I bounce on the balls of my feet as I wait for the first fear to appear. I am already short of breath.**

The room has gone completely still. No movement, no noise. Just Lynn reading the book.

 **The ground beneath me changes. Grass rises from the concrete and sways in a wind I cannot feel. A green sky replaces the exposed pipes above me. I listen for the birds and feel my fear as a distant thing, a hammering heart and a squeezed chest, but not something that exists in my mind. Tobias told me to figure out what this simulation means. He was right; it isn't about the birds. It's about control.**

 **Wings flap next to my ear, and the crow's talons dig into my shoulder.**

 **This time, I do not hit the bird as hard as I can. I crouch, listening to the thunder of wings behind me, and run my hand through the grass, just above the ground. What combats powerlessness? Power. And the first time I felt powerful in the Dauntless compound was when I was holding a gun.**

 **A lump forms in my throat and I want the talons** _ **off**_ **. The bird squawks and my stomach clenches, but then I feel something hard and metal in the grass. My gun.**

 **I point the gun at the bird on my shoulder, and it detaches from my shirt in an explosion of blood and feathers. I spin on my heel, aiming the gun at the sky, and see the cloud of dark feathers descending. I squeeze the trigger, firing again and again into the sea of birds above me, watching their dark bodies drop to the grass.**

 **As I aim and shoot, I feel the same rush of power I felt the first time I held a gun. My heart stops racing and the field, gun, and birds fade away. I stand in the dark again.**

"One down," Uriah says.

 **I shift my weight, and something squeaks beneath my foot. I crouch down and slide my hand along a cold, smooth panel—glass. I press my hands to glass on either side of my body. The tank again. I am not afraid of drowning. This is not about the water; it is about my inability to escape the tank. It is about weakness. I just have to convince myself that I am strong enough to break the glass.**

 **The blue lights come on, and water slips over the floor, but I don't let the simulation get that far. I slam my palm against the wall in front of me, expecting the pane to break.**

 **My hand bounces off, causing no damage.**

 **My heartbeat speeds up. What if what worked in the first simulation doesn't work here? What if I can't break the glass unless I'm under duress? The water laps over my ankles, flowing faster by the second. I have to calm down. Calm down and focus. I lean against the wall behind me and kick as hard as I can. And again. My toes throb, but nothing happens.**

 **I have another option. I can wait for water to fill the tank—and it's already at my knees—and try to calm down as I drown. I brace myself against the wall, shaking my head. No. I can't let myself drown. I can't.**

 **I ball my hands up into fists and pound on the wall. I am stronger than the glass. The glass is as thin as newly frozen ice. My mind will make it so. I close my eyes. The glass is ice. The glass is ice. The glass is—**

 **The glass shatters under my hand, and water spills onto the floor. And then the dark returns.**

"Two down," Zeke says.

 **I shake out my hands. That should have been an easy obstacle to overcome. I've faced it before in simulations. I can't afford to lose time like that again.**

 **What feels like a solid wall hits me from the side, forcing the air from my lungs, and I fall hard, gasping. I can't swim; I've only seen bodies of water this large, this powerful, in pictures. Beneath me is a rock with a jagged edge, slick with water. The water pulls at my legs, and I cling to the rock, tasting salt on my lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a dark sky and a blood-red moon.**

 **Another wave hits, slamming against my back. I hit my chin against the stone and wince. The sea is cold, but my blood is hot, running down my neck. I stretch my arm and find the edge of the rock. The water pulls at my legs with irresistible force. I cling as hard as I can, but I am not strong enough—the water pulls me and the wave throws my body back. It flings my legs over my head and my arms to each side, and I collide with the stone, my back pressed against it, water gushing over my face. My lungs scream for air. I twist and grab the edge of the rock, pulling myself above the water. I gasp, and another wave hits me, this one harder than the first, but I have a better hold.**

 **I must not really be afraid of the water. I must be afraid of being out of control. To face it, I have to regain control.**

 **With a scream of frustration, I throw my hand forward and find a hole in the rock. My arms shake violently as I drag myself forward, and I pull my feet up under me before the wave can take me with it. Once my feet are free, I get up and throw my body into a run, into a sprint, my feet quick on the stone, the red moon in front of me, the ocean gone.**

 **Then everything is gone, and my body is still. Too still.**

"Three down," Uriah says.

"We can count Uriah," Lynn snaps.

"I know that Lynn," Uriah says. "Geez don't get so cranky."

 **I try to move my arms, but they are bound tightly to my sides. I look down and see rope wrapped around my chest, my arms, my legs. A stack of logs rises around my feet, and I see a pole behind me. I am high above the ground.**

 **People creep out of the shadows, and their faces are familiar. They are the initiates, carrying torches, and Peter is at the front of the pack. His eyes look like black pits, and he wears a smirk that spreads too wide across his face, forcing wrinkles into his cheeks. A laugh starts somewhere in the center of the crowd and rises as voice after voice joins it. Cackling is all I hear.**

 **As the cackling grows louder, Peter lowers his torch to the wood, and flames leap up near the ground. They flicker at the edges of each log and then creep over the bark. I don't struggle against the ropes, as I did the first time I faced this fear. Instead I close my eyes and gulp as much air as I can. This is a simulation. It can't hurt me. The heat from the flames rises around me. I shake my head.**

" **Smell that, Stiff?" Peter says, his voice louder than even the cackling.**

" **No," I say. The flames are getting higher.**

 **He sniffs. "That's the smell of your burning flesh."**

 **When I open my eyes, my vision is blurry with tears.**

" **Know what I smell?" My voice strains to be louder than the laughter all around me, the laughter that oppresses me as much as the heat. My arms twitch, and I want to fight against the ropes, but I won't, I won't struggle pointlessly, I won't panic.**

 **I stare through the flames at Peter, the heat bringing blood to the surface of my skin, flowing through me, melting the toes of my shoes.**

" **I smell rain," I say.**

 **Thunder roars above my head, and I scream as a flame touches my fingertips and pain shrieks over my skin. I tilt my head back and focus on the clouds gathering above my head, heavy with rain, dark with rain. A line of lightning sprawls over the sky and I feel the first drop on my forehead.** _ **Faster, faster!**_ **The drop rolls down the side of my nose, and the second drop hits my shoulder, so big it feels like it's made of ice or rock instead of water.**

 **Sheets of rain fall around me, and I hear sizzling over the laughter. I smile, relieved, as the rain puts out the fire and soothes the burns on my hands. The ropes fall away, and I push my hands through my hair.**

"What is it with you and water?" Shauna asks.

Tris just shrugs.

 **I wish I was like Tobias and had only four fears to face, but I am not that fearless.**

 **I smooth my shirt down, and when I look up, I stand in my bedroom in the Abnegation sector of the city. I have never faced this fear before. The lights are off, but the room is lit by the moonlight coming through the windows. One of my walls is covered with mirrors. I turn toward it, confused. That isn't right. I am not allowed to have mirrors.**

 **I look at the reflection in the mirror: my wide eyes, the bed with the gray sheets pulled taut, the dresser that holds my clothes, the bookcase, the bare walls. My eyes skip to the window behind me.**

 **And to the man standing just outside.**

 **Cold drops down my spine like a bead of sweat, and my body goes rigid. I recognize him. He is the man with the scarred face from the aptitude test. He wears black and he stands still as a statue. I blink, and two men appear at his left and right, just as still as he is, but their faces are featureless—skin-covered skulls.**

 **I whip my body around, and they stand in my room. I press my shoulders to the mirror.**

 **For a moment, the room is silent, and then fists pound against my window, not just two or four or six, but dozens of fists with dozens of fingers, slamming into the glass. The noise vibrates in my rib cage, it is so loud, and then the scarred man and his two companions begin to walk with slow, careful movements toward me.**

 **They are here to take me, like Peter and Drew and Al; to kill me. I know it.**

 **Simulation. This is a simulation. My heart hammering in my chest, I press my palm to the glass behind me and slide it to the left. It is not a mirror but a closet door. I tell myself where the weapon will be. It will be hanging against the right wall, just inches away from my hand. I don't shift my eyes from the scarred man, but I find the gun with my fingertips and wrap my hand around the handle.**

 **I bite my lip and fire at the scarred man. I don't wait to see if the bullet hits him—I aim at each featureless man in turn, as fast as I can. My lip aches from biting it so hard. The pounding on the window stops, but a screeching sound replaces it, and the fists turn into hands with bent fingers, scratching at the glass, fighting to get in. The glass creaks under the pressure of their hands, and then cracks, and then shatters.**

 **I scream.**

 **I don't have enough bullets in my gun.**

 **Pale bodies—human bodies, but mangled, arms bent at odd angles, too-wide mouths with needle teeth, empty eye sockets—topple into my bedroom, one after the other, and scramble to their feet, scramble toward me. I pull back into the closet and shut the door in front of me. A solution. I need a solution. I sink into a crouch and press the side of the gun to my head. I can't fight them off. I can't fight them off, so I have to calm down. The fear landscape will register my slowing heartbeat and my even breath and it will move on to the next obstacle.**

 **I sit down on the floor of the closet. The wall behind me creaks. I hear pounding—the fists are at it again, hitting the closet door—but I turn and peer through the dark at the panel behind me. It is not a wall but another door. I fumble to push it aside and reveal the upstairs hallway. Smiling, I crawl through the hole and stand. I smell something baking. I am at home.**

 **Taking a deep breath, I watch my house fade. I forgot, for a second, that I was in Dauntless headquarters.**

"How quick do you think she is getting through each fear?" Zeke asks.

"It could only be a minute, maybe even thirty seconds," Eric answers.

"That's insane," Shauna says.

"It's the way she deals with them," Eric says. "She isn't letting them overtake her like most people do."

 **And then Tobias is standing in front of me.**

I feel myself start to tense. What the hell is going on? Does she only have five fears or am I one of her fears? Please let her have woken up and I be the first person she has seen. But she hasn't had the fear of killing her family. This cannot be happening. I'm in my girlfriends fear landscape.

 **But I'm not afraid of Tobias. I look over my shoulder. Maybe there's something behind me that I'm supposed to focus on. But no—behind me is just a four-poster bed.**

 **A bed?**

 **Tobias walks toward me, slowly.**

 _ **What's going on?**_

 **I stare up at him, paralyzed. He smiles down at me. That smile looks kind. Familiar.**

"Have you had this fear before?" Marlene asks.

Tris shakes her head. She is holding so tightly to my hand I can't feel my fingers anymore.

 **He presses his mouth to mine, and my lips part. I thought it would be impossible to forget I was in a simulation. I was wrong; he makes everything else disintegrate.**

 **His fingers find my jacket zipper and pull it down in one slow swipe until the zipper detaches. He tugs the jacket from my shoulders.**

 _ **Oh**_ **, is all I can think, as he kisses me again.** _ **Oh**_ **.**

 **My fear is being with him. I have been wary of affection all my life, but I didn't know**

 **how deep that wariness went.**

 **But this obstacle doesn't feel the same as the others. It is a different kind of fear —nervous panic rather than blind terror.**

 **He slides his hands down my arms and then squeezes my hips, his fingers sliding over the skin just above my belt, and I shiver.**

"This is just too weird," Uriah says.

 **I gently push him back and press my hands to my forehead. I have been attacked by crows and men with grotesque faces; I have been set on fire by the boy who almost threw me off a ledge; I have almost drowned—twice—and this is what I can't cope with?** This **is the fear I have no solutions for—a boy I like, who wants to...have sex with me?**

Zeke starts to laugh. Not just a chuckle but a full belly laugh.

Tris hasn't moved a muscle, I look down at her and she is blushing a strong crimson colour.

 **Simulation Tobias kisses my neck.**

 **I try to think. I have to face the fear. I have to take control of the situation and find a way to make it less frightening.**

 **I look Simulation Tobias in the eye and say sternly, "I am** _ **not**_ **going to sleep with you in a hallucination. Okay?"**

 **Then I grab him by his shoulders and turn us around, pushing him against the bedpost. I feel something other than fear—a prickle in my stomach, a bubble of laughter. I press against him and kiss him, my hands wrapping around his arms. He feels strong. He feels...good.**

 **And he's gone.**

"Did you know you felt that way?" Tori asks.

"No. I, um, this is so embarrassing," Tris says as she releases my hand and puts her face in her palms.

I don't even know what to say to her right now. I understand why, sort of. But I just don't know how to react. But I know I need to react. I look at Zeke and he is trying to tell me something, I have no idea what. Then he puts his arm around Shauna's shoulder and pats her arm. He is trying to tell me to comfort her.

I rub her back and ask her, "are you okay?"

Tris raises her head and I can see the tears in her eyes. This must be beyond mortifying for her. She gives a small shake of her head and I pull her as close to me as I possibly can.

"It's okay Tris," I whisper in her ear as I continue to rub her back. "Keep reading Lynn."

 **I laugh into my hand until my face gets hot. I must be the only initiate with this fear. A trigger clicks in my ear.**

 **I almost forgot about this one. I feel the heft of a gun in my hand and curl my fingers around it, slipping my index finger over the trigger. A spotlight shines from the ceiling, its source unknown, and standing in the center of its circle of light are my mother, my father, and my brother.**

" **Do it," hisses a voice next to me. It is female, but harsh, like it's cluttered with rocks and broken glass. It sounds like Jeanine.**

 **The barrel of a gun presses to my temple, a cold circle against my skin. The cold travels across my body, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I wipe my sweaty palm on my pants and look at the woman through the corner of my eye. It is Jeanine. Her glasses are askew, and her eyes are empty of feeling.**

 **My worst fear: that my family will die, and that I will be responsible.**

" **Do it," she says again, more insistent this time. "Do it or I'll kill you."**

 **I stare at Caleb. He nods, his eyebrows tugged in, sympathetic. "Go ahead, Tris," he says softly. "I understand. It's okay."**

 **My eyes burn. "No," I say, my throat so tight it aches. I shake my head.**

" **I'll give you ten seconds!" the woman shouts. "Ten! Nine!"**

"Ten!" shouts Zeke.

"Nine!" shouts Uriah.

 **My eyes skip from my brother to my father. The last time I saw him, he gave me a look of contempt, but now his eyes are wide and soft. I have never seen him wear that expression in real life.**

" **Tris," he says. "You have no other option."**

" **Eight!"**

"Eight!" shouts Zeke.

" **Tris," my mother says. She smiles. She has a sweet smile. "We love you."**

" **Seven!"**

"Seven!" shouts Uriah.

" **Shut up!" I shout, holding up the gun. I can do it. I can shoot them. They understand. They're asking me to. They wouldn't want me to sacrifice myself for them. They aren't even real. This is all a simulation.**

" **Six!"**

"Don't you dare say it," Lynn calls out giving Zeke and Uriah death glares.

 **It isn't real. It doesn't mean anything. My brother's kind eyes feel like two drills boring a hole in my head. My sweat makes the gun slippery.**

" **Five!"**

 **I have no other option. I close my eyes. Think. I have to think. The urgency making my heart race depends on one thing, and one thing only: the threat to my life.**

" **Four! Three!"**

 **What did Tobias tell me?** _ **Selflessness and bravery aren't that different**_ **.**

" **Two!"**

 **I release the trigger of my gun and drop it. Before I can lose my nerve, I turn and press my forehead to the barrel of the gun behind me.**

 _ **Shoot me instead.**_

" **One!"**

 **I hear a click, and a bang.**

"Is that it?" Eric asks.

"It's the end of the chapter," Lynn says.

"You only have seven fears," Will sounds shocked.

"I don't think it's the amount that are important," Christina say. "You're scared of sex," Christina laughs.

The room has gone completely quiet, except for Christina's ear piercing cackle. Tris doesn't say anything she just gets up and runs from the room. My blood is boiling.

"Happy now?" I ask Christina.

"What? It's funny," she defends.

"Would you like me to start telling people some of your fears Christina?"

I see her face pale. "You wouldn't. You said that it wouldn't be professional."

"Do you think I care about being professional right now?"

I see Christina gulp.

"Come on Four," Zeke says. "Just let it be. Go and make sure Tris is going to be okay."

"If I were you Christina," I say. "I would stay as far from me as you can right now."

With that I get up and go in search of Tris.

* * *

I reach the top of the stairs and I can already hear her crying. I feel heartbroken just having to hear her sobs.

I walk into the room and lock the door. I don't need anyone bursting in right now. I walk over to the bed and sit down next to her.

I don't really know what to do. I've never had to deal with an emotional girl before and Tris isn't one for getting upset easily.

"Hey," I whisper as I start to rub her back. She is lying face down with her head buried in a pillow. This seems to just make her sob harder. Oh, God am I doing this all wrong?

"Tris," I quietly say. "It's okay."

We stay here for quite a bit of time before her sobs start to lessen. "You must hate me," she whispers.

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"You were in my fear landscape."

"Technically you haven't done your fear landscape yet."

"But."

"Stop. Are you certain that I would still be there? I know we haven't gone that far but, well, we are closer here than we were back in Dauntless. We are sharing the same bed, we didn't do that in Dauntless. We have been spending all day everyday together. Not just in the same room but together."

"I just, I just feel so embarrassed and Christina laughing at me like that. What if I do have that fear? And it's just that because we haven't tried that I don't know. I feel so stupid."

"Tris if you have that fear then you have that fear. I don't want you to stress over it."

"But that's not fair to you Tobias."

"Is that what you're worried about? Whether it is fair to me? Tris do you think that this is all easy for me? I came from the same faction you did. I know what you've been taught because I was taught _exactly_ the same thing. Before you came into my life, I couldn't remember the last time that I had someone touch me without making me want to cringe or scream out in pain."

"Oh Tobias. I'm sorry, I didn't look at it like that."

"I wouldn't expect you to Tris. I didn't think I would ever find someone that I would want to be with. That I would be willing to share any part of me with. Finding you scares the shit out of me. You probably don't remember what you said about the fear. You said it was a different kind of fear. It was a nervous panic not blind terror."

"I think most people feel nervous about it. I know I am. Probably not the way you are but still I think that the way we were brought up just makes it that much more."

"I thought you would be angry with me," she sniffs.

"I could never be angry with you. Well, not about that anyway."

"How do I face them? I just ran off."

"I wouldn't worry about it. Zeke or Uriah might try and make a joke about it. But they would only be doing it to try and make you feel better. Do you feel any better?"

"Yeah. I just, I don't know how to explain it. I almost feel like we should try and see if I am really afraid or not."

I can't help but chuckle a little. "Tris I really don't want our first time to be because you want to get over your fear. I want it to happen because it just does. If that makes sense. I don't want you to sit here and over analyse this. Let's just go back to being Tobias and Tris. What happens, happens. I'm not going anywhere and if you ever feel uncomfortable with what we are doing, tell me and we will stop. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Feel like taking a nap?" I ask.

"Yes. I feel exhausted."

"Going through your fear landscape will do that to you," I joke.

"Well I'm not looking forward to it, that is for sure."


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

FOUR'S POV

We walk downstairs after having our nap, hands entwined.

"Been working through those fears, have we?" Zeke jokes.

I look at Tris and we both start laughing.

"What's so funny?" Uriah asks.

"I predicted that either Zeke or Uriah would try to make a joke when we came back downstairs," I say.

"Are we that predictable?" Zeke asks.

"Just a bit," I say with a smile.

"Are you sure you didn't? I mean you're smiling Four," Zeke raises his eyebrow.

"Too soon Zeke," I say.

"We already ate. Your dinners are in the oven," Eric says. "Just bring them into the lounge room so we can get some more of this crap read."

* * *

I can feel the tension when we walk into the lounge room. I will have to ask Zeke what happened while we were upstairs.

"I'll read," Tori says and she starts to read.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

 **The lights come on. I stand alone in the empty room with the concrete walls, shaking. I sink to my knees, wrapping my arms around my chest. It wasn't cold when I walked in, but it feels cold now. I rub my arms to get rid of the goose bumps.**

 **I have never felt relief like this before. Every muscle in my body relaxes at once and I breathe freely again. I can't imagine going through my fear landscape in my spare time, like Tobias does. It seemed like bravery to me before, but now it seems more like masochism.**

 **The door opens, and I stand. Max, Eric, Tobias, and a few people I don't know walk into the room in a line, standing in a small crowd in front of me. Tobias smiles at me.**

" **Congratulations, Tris," says Eric. "You have successfully completed your final evaluation."**

"How did you keep a straight face?" Uriah asks Eric.

"I don't know Uriah because it hasn't really happened yet."

 **I try to smile. It doesn't work. I can't shake the memory of the gun against my head. I can still feel the barrel between my eyebrows.**

" **Thanks," I say.**

" **There is one more thing before you can go and get ready for the welcoming banquet," he says. He beckons to one of the unfamiliar people behind him. A woman with blue hair hands him a small black case. He opens it and takes out a syringe and a long needle.**

 **I tense up at the sight of it. The orange-brown liquid in the syringe reminds me of what they inject us with before simulations. And I am supposed to be finished with those.**

" **At least you aren't afraid of needles," he says. "This will inject you with a tracking device that will be activated only if you are reported missing. Just a precaution."**

"Since when have Dauntless cared about missing members?" Shauna asks.

"Since now," Max replies.

Something feels off about this. I can't put my finger on it but it doesn't feel right.

" **How often do people go missing?" I ask, frowning.**

" **Not often." Eric smirks. "This is a new development, courtesy of the Erudite. We have been injecting every Dauntless throughout the day, and I assume all other factions will comply as soon as possible."**

 **My stomach twists. I can't let him inject me with anything, especially not anything developed by Erudite—maybe even by Jeanine. But I also can't refuse. I can't refuse or he will doubt my loyalty again.**

" **All right," I say, my throat tight.**

 **Eric approaches me with the needle and syringe in hand. I pull my hair away from my neck and tilt my head to the side. I look away as Eric wipes my neck with an antiseptic wipe and eases the needle into my skin. The deep ache spreads through my neck, painful but brief. He puts the needle back in its case and sticks an adhesive bandage on the injection site.**

" **The banquet is in two hours," he says. "Your ranking among the other initiates, Dauntless-born included, will be announced then. Good luck."**

"That was all very professional Eric," Tori says. "I'm surprised you would wish Tris good luck."

 **The small crowd files out of the room, but Tobias lingers. He pauses by the door and beckons for me to follow him, so I do. The glass room above the Pit is full of Dauntless, some of them walking the ropes above our heads, some talking and laughing in groups. He smiles at me. He must not have been watching.**

" **I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face," he says. "Practically unheard of."**

" **You...you weren't watching the simulation?"**

" **Only on the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing," he says. "They seemed impressed."**

" **Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four," I reply, "but it will suffice."**

"Does that mean that they have the lowest amount of fears in the faction?" Zeke asks.

"Together they have the average of one person," Will says.

"How is that possible?" Christina asks.

"I think Tris explained it best a while ago. Both coming from Abnegation they didn't know what fear was. So there isn't much that scares them because they haven't had to worry about it before," Max says.

"Glad we don't get many Abnegation transfers then," Zeke mumbles.

" **I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first," he says.**

 **We walk into the glass room. The crowd is still there, but it is thinner now that the last person—me—has gone.**

 **People notice me after a few seconds. I stay close to Tobias's side as they point, but I can't walk fast enough to avoid some cheers, some claps on the shoulder, some congratulations. As I look at the people around me, I realize how strange they would look to my father and brother, and how normal they seem to me, despite all the metal rings in their faces and the tattoos on their arms and throats and chests. I smile back at them.**

 **We descend the steps into the Pit and I say, "I have a question." I bite my lip. "How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"**

" **Nothing, really. Why?" he says.**

" **No reason." I kick a pebble to the side of the path.**

"Can't wait to see you explain that one," Lynn laughs.

"Oh God this is just going to get more embarrassing isn't it?" Tris groans.

"I reckon it is," Uriah chuckles.

" **Do you have to go back to the dormitory?" he asks. "Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet."**

"Let me take you to my room of fear," Zeke says in a crazy weird dark voice.

 **My stomach twists.**

" **What is it?" he asks.**

 **I don't want to go back to the dormitory, and I don't want to be afraid of him. "Let's go," I say.**

"At least she is trying to face her fears," Tori says with a laugh. "That's a page break."

 **He closes the door behind us and slips off his shoes.**

" **Want some water?" he says.**

" **No thanks." I hold my hands in front of me.**

" **You okay?" he says, touching my cheek. His hand cradles the side of my head, his long fingers slipping through my hair. He smiles and holds my head in place as he kisses me. Heat spreads through me slowly. And fear, buzzing like an alarm in my chest.**

"Do you think the fear landscape has made you all of a sudden have this fear? Because you were fine with it before," Shauna asks.

"Looks like it," Tris answers.

"What about now?" Will asks. "You were gone for hours."

"We fell asleep," Tris says.

"Sure, you did," Christina tries to tease.

"I think I've heard enough from you today Christina," Tris snaps.

"Oh, come on Tris. I am just joking," Christina whines.

"Well I don't find you funny," Tris says.

"Neither do I," I say.

"I don't either," Shauna and Lynn say at the same time and laugh at each other.

Uriah opens his mouth but Eric puts his hand up. "Yeah, yeah we get it. Don't keep saying it. I don't want any more interruptions and if you do then I'm sure the Candor will start crying," Eric says.

I think Christina is too scared to cry now. I wonder what Eric would do if she did? It's not like he can hang her over the chasm here.

 **His lips still on mine, he pushes the jacket from my shoulders. I flinch when I hear it drop, and push him back, my eyes burning. I don't know why I feel this way. I didn't feel like this when he kissed me on the train. I press my palms to my face, covering my eyes.**

" **What? What's wrong?"**

 **I shake my head.**

" **Don't tell me it's nothing." His voice is cold. He grabs my arm. "Hey. Look at me."**

 **I take my hands from my face and lift my eyes to his. The hurt in his eyes and the anger in his clenched jaw surprise me.**

" **Sometimes I wonder," I say, as calmly as I can, "what's in it for you. This...whatever it is."**

" **What's in it for me," he repeats. He steps back, shaking his head. "You're an idiot, Tris."**

" **I am not an idiot," I say. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for...um, you know ...that..."**

" **What? Sex?" He scowls at me. "You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to."**

"Four!" Shauna shouts.

 **I feel like he just punched me in the stomach. Of course I'm not the first person he would go to—not the first, not the prettiest, not desirable. I press my hands to my abdomen and look away, fighting off tears. I am not the crying type. Nor am I the yelling type. I blink a few times, lower my hands, and stare up at him.**

" **I'm going to leave now," I say quietly. And I turn toward the door.**

" **No, Tris." He grabs my wrist and wrenches me back. I push him away, hard, but he grabs my other wrist, holding our crossed arms between us.**

" **I'm sorry I said that," he says. "What I** _ **meant**_ **was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you."**

"That's a little better," Shauna says. "You really are hopeless Four."

"Thanks Shauna," I say.

" **You were an obstacle in my fear landscape." My lower lip wobbles. "Did you know that?"**

" **What?" He releases my wrists, and the hurt look is back. "You're** _ **afraid**_ **of me?"**

" **Not you," I say. I bite my lip to keep it still. "Being with you...with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and...you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and..."**

" **Tris," he says sternly, "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too."**

"You have to be joking right now!" Christina squeals.

"What part of him being useless at dating did you not understand?" Zeke asks Christina.

"You don't have to be dating to have sex," Christina says.

"I really want to ask how many people have you had casual sex with Christina," Eric says. "But I also really don't want to know the answer either."

"I didn't mean I had," Christina wails. "Just look at him. He could get anyone he wants and I can't believe he hasn't."

"Can we please just get back to reading the book," Max says looking extremely uncomfortable.

" **Delusion?" I repeat. "You mean you haven't..." I raise my eyebrows. "Oh.** _ **Oh**_ **. I just assumed..." That because I am so absorbed by him, everyone else must be too. "Um. You know."**

" **Well, you assumed wrong." He looks away. His cheeks are bright, like he's embarrassed. "You can tell me anything, you know," he says. He takes my face in his hands, his fingertips cold and his palms warm. "I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise."**

 **I believe him. But this has nothing to do with his kindness.**

 **He kisses me between the eyebrows, and on the tip of my nose, and then carefully fits his mouth to mine. I am on edge. I have electricity coursing through my veins instead of blood. I want him to kiss me, I want him to; I am afraid of where it might go.**

"Tris have you ever thought that maybe that is what every teenager is thinking?" Tori asks.

Tris just shakes her head.

"Okay then. Let's do a little survey here. Put your hand up if you have had sex," Tori says.

Max, Tori, Zeke, Shauna and Christina all put their hands up.

"There you go," Tori says. "Over half the room hasn't had sex."

"Eric?" Christina looks at him in shock.

"What?" Eric snaps.

"Christina, I don't know what Candor promotes over in their neck of the woods," Max says. "But not every faction is as liberal as Amity and not everyone is wanting to run around having meaningless sex."

"I, um. Well. Doesn't matter," Christina mutters and then stops altogether. Thank goodness for that.

 **His hands shift to my shoulders, and his fingers brush over the edge of my bandage. He pulls back with a puckered brow.**

" **Are you hurt?" he asks.**

" **No. It's another tattoo. It's healed, I just...wanted to keep it covered up."**

" **Can I see?"**

 **I nod, my throat tight. I pull my sleeve down and slip my shoulder out of it. He stares down at my shoulder for a second, and then runs his fingers over it. They rise and fall with my bones, which stick out farther than I'd like. When he touches me, I feel like everywhere his skin meets mine is changed by the connection. It sends a thrill through my stomach. Not just fear. Something else, too. A wanting.**

"Me too," I whisper to Tris and she blushes.

 **He peels the corner of the bandage away. His eyes roam over the symbol of Abnegation, and he smiles.**

" **I have the same one," he says, laughing. "On my back."**

" **Really? Can I see it?"**

 **He presses the bandage over the tattoo and pulls my shirt back over my shoulder. "Are you asking me to undress, Tris?"**

 **A nervous laugh gurgles from my throat. "Only...partially."**

Tris look at me. It feels a bit like déjà vu right about now.

 **He nods, his smile suddenly fading. He lifts his eyes to mine and unzips his sweatshirt. It slides from his shoulders, and he tosses it onto the desk chair. I don't feel like laughing now. All I can do is stare at him.**

 **His eyebrows pull to the center of his forehead, and he grabs the hem of his T-shirt. In one swift motion, he pulls it over his head.**

 **A patch of Dauntless flames covers his right side, but other than that, his chest is unmarked. He averts his eyes.**

" **What is it?" I ask, frowning. He looks...uncomfortable.**

" **I don't invite many people to look at me," he says. "Any people, actually."**

" **I can't imagine why," I say softly. "I mean, look at you."**

 **I walk slowly around him. On his back is more ink than skin. The symbols of each faction are drawn there—Dauntless at the top of his spine, Abnegation just below it, and the other three, smaller, beneath them. For a few seconds I look at the scales that represent Candor, the eye that stands for Erudite, and the tree that symbolizes Amity. It makes sense that he would tattoo himself with the symbol of Dauntless, his refuge, and even the symbol of Abnegation, his place of origin, like I did. But the other three?**

" **I think we've made a mistake," he says softly. "We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." He clears his throat. "I continually struggle with kindness."**

Tris and I burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Zeke asks.

"We had almost an identical conversation when she saw my tattoo the other day," I say.

"Was that when I walked in with you with your shirt off?" Zeke asks.

I nod.

" **No one's perfect," I whisper. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away, and another bad thing replaces it."**

 **I traded cowardice for cruelty; I traded weakness for ferocity.**

 **I brush over Abnegation's symbol with my fingertips. "We have to warn them, you know. Soon."**

" **I know," he says. "We will."**

 **He turns toward me. I want to touch him, but I'm afraid of his bareness; afraid that he will make me bare too.**

" **Is this scaring you, Tris?"**

" **No," I croak. I clear my throat. "Not really. I'm only...afraid of what I want."**

" **What do you want?" Then his face tightens. "Me?"**

"You don't understand just how attractive you are, do you Four?" Tori says.

What? I think to myself.

"Neither of them do," Shauna says. "I think Abnegation are cruel for the way they make their members so insecure."

"How does anyone ever get together?" Lynn asks.

"A lot of the marriages are arranged," I say. "Or you have to go through a whole courting process. It can take years."

"That sometimes happens in Erudite as well," Eric says. This bit of information shocks me. "Not the courting part. Sometimes the smarter you are will lead to your family trying to have you mate with someone as smart or smarter than you."

"So, Tris and Four if you had both stayed in Abnegation then you may have ended up together," Will says.

"I think that would be a really strong possibility," Eric says.

"Why would you think that?" I ask.

"Both your fathers are on the council. Not just that but are probably the two most powerful men in Abnegation. It would have looked like the perfect union."

"Wow," Zeke gasps. "Imagine that. Both your dads must be pretty pissed that you both defected. I wonder what they would say if they knew you were together."

"My dad would probably have a heart attack," Tris says.

"They wouldn't like it being Four?" Shauna asks.

"No, that would probably be the only thing he would approve. He would be disgusted that I am dating. We aren't even allowed to hold hands until we are married in Abnegation and even then they would rather you only did it in your own home."

"Next time we play dare," Zeke says. "I am going to dare one of you to have a make out sessions in the middle of Abnegation. Maybe even have Four take his shirt off."

"Remind me not to play dare with you anytime soon," I say with a chuckle. As much as I don't want to see my father. I think the dare could be funny. And I'm sure I'd enjoy it, at least until Mr Prior caught us.

 **Slowly I nod.**

 **He nods too, and takes my hands in his gently. He guides my palms to his stomach. His eyes lowered, he pushes my hands up, over his abdomen and over his chest, and holds them against his neck. My palms tingle with the feel of his skin, smooth, warm. My face is hot, but I shiver anyway. He looks at me.**

" **Someday," he says, "if you still want me, we can..." He pauses, clears his throat. "We can..."**

 **I smile a little and wrap my arms around him before he finishes, pressing the side of my face to his chest. I feel his heartbeat against my cheek, as fast as my own.**

" **Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?"**

" **Terrified," he replies with a smile.**

 **I turn my head and kiss the hollow beneath his throat.**

"That was so cute," Marlene gushes.

" **Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore," I murmur.**

 **He bends his head and kisses me slowly. "Then everyone can call you Six."**

" **Four and Six," I say.**

 **We kiss again, and this time, it feels familiar. I know exactly how we fit together, his arm around my waist, my hands on his chest, the pressure of his lips on mine. We have each other memorized.**

"Four and Six, really? That is just way to cheesy," Zeke says.

"I think it suits them," Shauna says.

"Of course you do," Zeke says with an eye roll.


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

FOUR'S POV

"Who wants to read?" Tori says.

"I will," Uriah says, getting up and getting the book from Tori.

"Nobody is to have food or drink anywhere near him as he reads," Eric demands.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

 **I watch Tobias's face carefully as we walk to the dining hall, searching for any sign of disappointment. We spent the two hours lying on his bed, talking and kissing and eventually dozing until we heard shouts in the hallway—people on their way to the banquet.**

 **If anything, he seems lighter now than he was before. He smiles more, anyway.**

"That's true here as well," Shauna says.

"Great, Tris taught Four how to smile," Eric sneers. "Keep reading.

"Cheer up man," Zeke says. "I'm sure we can find someone to help you learn how to smile too."

Most of us find this funny. Not Eric though. Uriah quickly puts his head down and starts reading again.

 **When we reach the entrance, we separate. I go in first, and run to the table I share with Will and Christina. He enters second, a minute later, and sits down next to Zeke, who hands him a dark bottle. He waves it away.**

" **Where did you go?" asks Christina. "Everyone else went back to the dormitory."**

" **I just wandered around," I say. "I was too nervous to talk to everyone else about it."**

" **You have no reason to be nervous," Christina says, shaking her head. "I turned around to talk to Will for one second, and you were already done."**

"It's amazing how the _Candor_ only sees lies when she wants too," Lynn snaps.

 **I detect a note of jealousy in her voice, and again, I wish I could explain that I was well prepared for the simulation, because of what I am. Instead I just shrug.**

"Tris let her be jealous. It wasn't because you were Divergent," Eric says.

"Bullshit," coughs Christina.

"Do you listen to how she prepared herself before she went in there?" Eric asks Christina.

"Yes."

"Now how did you think you would have prepared yourself going in there?" He asks her.

"I would have been thinking about the banquet," Christina answers.

"And that is why Tris did so well," Eric sneers.

"But we haven't even done this stuff yet," Christina whines.

"Maybe not. But everything we read before hand was true. So if we hadn't been kidnapped then this would probably be true too," Eric says.

I need to remember that he said that. I am sure that it will come back to bite him later.

" **What job are you going to pick?" I ask her.**

" **I'm thinking I might want a job like Four's. Training initiates," she says. "Scaring the living daylights out of them. You know, fun stuff. What about you?"**

"Oh, hell no!" Eric shouts. "There is no way I am letting you anywhere near an initiate."

 **I was so focused on getting through initiation that I barely thought about it. I could work for the Dauntless leaders—but they would kill me if they discover what I am. What else is there?**

" **I guess...I could be an ambassador to the other factions," I say. "I think being a transfer would help me."**

" **I was so hoping you would say Dauntless-leader-in-training," sighs Christina. "Because that's what Peter wants. He couldn't shut up about it in the dorm earlier."**

" **And it's what I want," adds Will. "Hopefully I ranked higher than him...oh, and all the Dauntless-born initiates. Forgot about them." He groans. "Oh God. This is going to be impossible."**

" **No, it isn't," she says. Christina reaches for his hand and laces her fingers with his, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Will squeezes her hand.**

"Do any of you understand just how important a leader's job is?" Max asks. "Because unless you are ranked in the top two you would not even be considered for such a position. Just because you came from Erudite means nothing to us."

"Unless you are Jeanine's lackey," I say.

"Four you had the opportunity to become leader. You still do. If you had stayed in the training program the position would have gone to you. So stop with the comments. Eric has proved that he is an excellent Leader. I know you don't think so but he is."

" **Question," says Christina, leaning forward. "The leaders who were watching your fear landscape...they were laughing about something."**

" **Oh?" I bite my lip hard. "I'm glad my terror amuses them."**

" **Any idea which obstacle it was?" she asks.**

" **No."**

" **You're** _ **lying**_ **," she says. "You always bite the inside of your cheek when you lie. It's your tell."**

 **I stop biting the inside of my cheek.**

" **Will's is pinching his lips together, if it makes you feel better," she adds. Will covers his mouth immediately.**

" **Okay, fine. I was afraid of...intimacy," I say.**

" **Intimacy," repeats Christina. "Like...sex?"**

"Wow Christina, even in the future you are a bitch," Lynn says with a smile.

 **I tense up. And force myself to nod. Even if it was just Christina, and no one else was around, I would still want to strangle her right now. I go over a few ways to inflict maximum injury with minimum force in my head. I try to throw flames from my eyes.**

 **Will laughs.**

" **What was that like?" she says. "I mean, did someone just...try to do it with you? Who was it?"**

" **Oh, you know. Faceless...unidentifiable male," I say. "How were your moths?"**

" **You promised you would never tell!" cries Christina, smacking my arm.**

"Moths are a way more stupid fear than sex," Marlene says.

" **Moths," repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?"**

" **Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head.**

" **Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls."**

" **Oh, shut up."**

 **A microphone squeals somewhere, so loud I clap my hands over my ears. I look across the room at Eric, who stands on one of the tables with the microphone in hand, tapping it with his fingertips. After the tapping is done and the crowd of Dauntless is quiet, Eric clears his throat and begins.**

"Are we about to see the rankings?" Lynn asks.

"I think so," Tris says.

"This is exciting," Marlene gushes. "It's like being given the answers to a test."

"I think we should just skip the fear landscapes now," Uriah says. "What's the use of us going through them when we already know what our rank is going to be."

"Reading the books could change that," Max says. "We don't know what your fears may be after being here for a few weeks. I'm sure by the time we leave here Tris is likely to be down to six fears."

"Max," Tris sounds shocked.

Max starts laughing. "Come on Tris, you can't tell me spending this much time with Four doesn't make it tempting."

Tris blushes.

" **We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for Erudite," he says. The crowd laughs. I wonder if they know that he was an Erudite once; that under all the pretense of Dauntless recklessness and even brutality, he is more like an Erudite than anything else. If they did, I doubt they would laugh at him. "So I'm going to keep this short. It's a new year, and we have a new pack of initiates. And a slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them our congratulations."**

 **At the word "congratulations" the room erupts, not into applause, but into the pounding of fists on tabletops. The noise vibrates in my chest, and I grin.**

" **We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you."**

 **Even though I know Eric probably doesn't believe in any of those things, I find myself smiling, because I believe in them. No matter how badly the leaders have warped the Dauntless ideals, those ideals can still belong to me.**

 **More pounding fists, this time accompanied by whoops.**

" **Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked," Eric says. "The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for. They are determined by a combination of three scores—the first, from the combat stage of training; the second, from the simulation stage; and the third, from the final examination, the fear landscape. The rankings will appear on the screen behind me."**

"Why do you explain how they were ranked? We all know how they were ranked because we have all been through initiation," Zeke says.

"Usually if we do that speech it means there is a glitch in the computer software and we are trying to give the tech guy time to fix it," Eric says.

"Remember the year that they couldn't get it to work?" Tori asks Max.

"Don't remind me Tori," Max says shaking his head.

"If I remember correctly there were a pair of brothers who hijacked the equipment," Tori says laughing.

"That's right," Zeke says. "I had forgotten about that."

"What did you do?" I ask.

"We changed all the initiates pictures in the computer system. So they couldn't add their photos," Zeke says.

"What did you change their photos to?" I ask.

"Body parts," Max says shaking his head.

"It wasn't just any old body part," Tori explains. "They had put penises and breasts in as the photos."

"How have we never heard about this?" Lynn asks.

"They were nine and seven when they did it," Max says. "We have been dealing with their pranks since they could walk. It is just another in a long list."

"What did your mum say," I ask.

"She couldn't stop laughing. Everyone in the faction thought it was great. Except for Tony," Zeke shudders as he says Tony's name.

"Do you mean 'Timid Tony'?" Marlene asks.

"Who would be called 'Timid Tony' in Dauntless?" Tris asks.

"He isn't really timid. He is probably the scariest member we have. Have you seen that guy who is like seven-foot tall and weighs about 300 pounds? Lots of tattoos, like even on his face?" Zeke says.

Tris and Will both nod.

"Well that's 'Timid Tony'," Zeke says. "Don't ask, that is just what everyone calls him."

"Start reading again Uriah," Lynn demands. "I want to see the rankings."

 **As soon as the word "me" leaves his mouth, the names appear on the screen, which is almost as large as the wall itself. Next to the number one is my picture, and the name "Tris."**

I give Tris a big hug. "Congratulations," I say.

"Way to go Tris," Uriah cheers.

"What are you all cheering for? It hasn't even really happened," Christina says.

"Doesn't mean it won't," I say.

 **A weight in my chest lifts. I didn't realize it was there until it was gone, and I didn't have to feel it anymore. I smile, and a tingling spreads through me. First. Divergent or not, this faction is where I belong.**

 **I forget about war; I forget about death. Will's arms wrap around me and he gives me a bear hug. I hear cheering and laughing and shouting. Christina points at the screen, her eyes wide and filled with tears.**

 **1\. Tris**

 **2\. Uriah**

 **3\. Lynn**

 **4\. Marlene**

 **5\. Peter**

 **Peter stays. I suppress a sigh. But then I read the rest of the names.**

 **6\. Will**

 **7\. Christina**

 **I smile, and Christina reaches across the table to hug me. I am too distracted to protest against the affection. She laughs in my ear.**

"We all passed," Marlene smiles.

 **Someone grabs me from behind and shouts in my ear. It's Uriah. I can't turn around, so I reach back and squeeze his shoulder.**

" **Congratulations!" I shout.**

" **You beat them!" he shouts back. He releases me, laughing, and runs into a crowd of Dauntless-born initiates.**

 **I crane my neck to look at the screen again. I follow the list down.**

 **Eight, nine, and ten are Dauntless-borns whose names I barely recognize.**

 **Eleven and twelve are Molly and Drew.**

 **Molly and Drew are cut. Drew, who tried to run away while Peter held me by the throat over the chasm, and Molly, who fed the Erudite lies about my father, are factionless.**

 **It isn't quite the victory I wanted, but it's a victory nonetheless.**

"How good is it that they are going to be factionless?" Lynn says.

"And there isn't any chance of Peter being given a job in leadership," Marlene adds.

"Hey Uriah," Zeke shouts. "Wanna become a leader?"

"Oh god, could you imagine if Uriah became a leader," Lynn starts to laugh.

"Hey I could be a good leader," Uriah puffs out his chest.

Max and Eric just sit there shaking their heads.

"Keep reading Uriah," Max tells him.

 **Will and Christina kiss, a little too sloppily for my taste. All around me is the pounding of Dauntless fists. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see Tobias standing behind me. I get up, beaming.**

" **You think giving you a hug would give away too much?" he says.**

" **You know," I say, "I really don't care."**

 **I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.**

 **It is the best moment of my life.**

"That would have been awesome if it had happened," Shauna gushes.

"Could you imagine how many girls in Dauntless will be upset?" Tori says.

"No they won't," I say, feeling really uncomfortable.

"You should hear them Four," Tori says. "They come into the tattoo parlour and you hear all the latest gossip."

"What do they say?" Shauna asks.

"I get at least one a week that is trying to find a way to get his attention. If their not trying to get Four's attention then they are trying to find ways to have Eric notice them. It's really funny to hear them. Should have heard them when you and Zeke got together Shauna."

"What did they say?" Zeke asks.

"Well it depended on the girl. Some were betting it wouldn't last because you were such a player. Others were plotting Shauna's death. But the funniest was when Ashley came in and asked me to put Zeke's name on her butt. She said that if he could just see her naked that he would want to be with her forever and ever."

"Are you talking about crazy Ashley from the bowling alley?" Uriah asks.

"That's the one," Tori says.

"Did you put it there?" Tris asks.

"No," Tori says.

"Dauntless has a bowling alley?" Will asks.

"Yeah. It's next door to the skate park," Uriah says.

"Why don't we know about these places?" Christina asks.

"Probably because you only ever want to shop for clothes and make up," Lynn says. "It's right at the end of the Pit."

"Read on, Uriah," Zeke says.

 **ZEKE'S POV**

I am so thankful that Tori didn't tattoo my name on Ashley's butt. That chick is all sorts of crazy. I went on one date with her and she was trying to plan our wedding. I ran out of there quicker than one of Four's dates.

 **A moment later, Tobias's thumb brushes over the injection site in my neck, and a few things come together at once. I don't know how I didn't figure this out before.**

 **One: Colored serum contains transmitters.**

 **Two: Transmitters connect the mind to a simulation program.**

 **Three: Erudite developed the serum.**

 **Four: Eric and Max are working with the Erudite.**

 **I break away from the kiss and stare wide-eyed at Tobias.**

" **Tris?" he says, confused.**

 **I shake my head. "Not now." I meant to say not here. Not with Will and Christina standing a foot away from me—staring with open mouths, probably because I just kissed Tobias—and the clamor of the Dauntless surrounding us. But he has to know how important it is.**

" **Later," I say. "Okay?"**

 **He nods. I don't even know how I'll explain it later. I don't even know how to think straight.**

 **But I do know how Erudite will get us to fight.**

"You son of a bitch!" Four shouts as he dives at Eric, knocking them both onto the floor.

What the hell?

They both stand up and it is on. Four starts to throw punches at Eric. Eric can only try and block the shots at this point.

We have all jumped from our seated position. The room has erupted. The girls are screaming. Max is yelling at both Four and Eric but they aren't listening. They look like they are too busy trying to kill each other.

What has made Four react this way. What did Uriah just read that has sent him into such a rage.

"Zeke," yells Max. "We have to try and stop them. They will kill each other."

I move in to try and pull Four away from Eric but instead I get an elbow to my ear. Shit that hurt. Max is trying to do the same with Eric but he isn't having much luck either.

"Can't we just let them fight it out?" I yell at Max.

"Uriah, Will," Max screams. "You need to try and help us."

Uriah comes to my side and we both grab one of Four's arms while Max and Will do the same to Eric. We drag them apart but keep hold of them.

"What the hell was that for?" Eric yells at Four through heavy breaths.

"You know damn well what it's for," Four spits at Eric. "You plan on using Dauntless to kill the Abnegation under simulation."

Holy hell, please someone tell me he isn't serious, I think to myself.

"What do you care what we do to Abnegation? I thought you would have loved to see a bullet in your father's brain," Eric says as he shakes off Will and Max.

"He is one person Eric," Four says. "How could you even consider doing that to your own faction members."

Uriah and I both have released Four. More through shock than trusting that he won't attack Eric again. I feel like attacking him myself. Four stands tall, although I can see that Eric has been able to hurt him while they were fighting. He then takes two quick steps and punches Max in the temple. Max falls to the floor unconscious.

"What the hell is going on Four?" Tori asks.

This is going to be bad. I can feel it. I don't think the people in this room are going to like to hear what Four is about to tell them. Max and Eric will be lucky to get out of here alive.

"Four," I say trying to get his attention. "Four," I say a little louder but he isn't listening.

"FOUR!" I shout.

"What Zeke?" He snaps at me.

"I think we need to just read the book. See how it all plays out," I tell him.

"Yeah, you're probably right," he says. "I'm going to take a shower." He then turns to Eric, "I swear to God if what I think is about to happen actually happens, I am going to put a bullet in your brain Eric."

"Not if I put one in yours first Four," Eric bites back at Four.

"Let's all just take a break," I say. "Uriah, Will, help me get Max on the couch. Eric go and wash up, you have blood everywhere."

"Let's all just call it a night," Tori says. "It's been a long day. We can start fresh when everyone has calmed down."

"Tris take the book so Four can lock it up. You might want to get him an ice pack or two. He is probably going to need them."

"Thanks Zeke," Tris says.

"If you need anything," I say to Tris. "Just come get me. Hopefully he won't go after Eric again tonight but if he does, just start screaming."

Tris laughs a little and says, "Thank you. I think this has been brewing for a while now."

"Yeah," I say with a laugh. It is always brewing with those two.


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

FOUR'S POV

I walk out of the bathroom as Tris is walking into our room.

"How are you feeling?" she asks me.

"Sore."

"I'm sure you are. Here." Tris presses an ice pack to my cheek.

"Owww, that's cold," I hiss.

"Lie down," she says.

"You are very demanding tonight," I tease.

"Yes I am. Now lay down so I can put this other ice pack on your ribs."

"Fine," I huff.

I lay on the bed and Tris comes over and places the ice pack on my ribs. Damn that is cold.

"Lay with me," I say.

"Let me have a shower first."

I stay on the bed, alternating the ice packs to different parts of my body that are aching. Eric did a good job on me. I should have been smarter but I just ran with my emotions. I can't believe that leadership is going to try and use mind control on Dauntless.

"Feeling any better?" Tris asks as she walks out of the bathroom.

"No," I say.

Tris comes and lays on the bed next to me. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"You could kiss me," I say.

"That is something I can do."

Tris sits up and leans over and we start to kiss. The pain is still there but it is definitely lessened with Tris distracting me.

"Ah," I groan.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just my ribs are sore. Keep going you are making me feel a lot better."

We start to kiss again and I move my hand up under her shirt. I love the feeling of her soft skin on my fingertips. The tingling feelings I get with every touch on her body. I wince as Tris runs her hand over chest.

"Tobias we need to stop," Tris says breathless from all our kissing.

"You're feeling uncomfortable?" I ask.

"No. I'm enjoying it. But you are in pain. You don't think I'm noticing but you keep wincing."

"I'm fine. I want to keep going."

"You need to rest. I can't do this while you are hurting. It makes me hurt knowing that my touches make you feel worse."

"Tris, it's okay,"

"Tobias, please just rest. There will be plenty of time for everything when you are feeling better."

"You were really enjoying it?"

Tris just laughs. "Yes I was."

"What about your fear?"

"I've been thinking a lot about it and I wasn't fearful of your touch before we read about my fear landscape. I know I even wanted more. It is a bit like your fear landscape, which I think it was grasping for whatever fear it could find. I think once you feel better that we should explore the topic some more."

"I like that idea. I wonder if there is any healing serum in this place."

"Just rest now Tobias. I'm tired and I'm sure you are too.

Tris turns the light out and then snuggles in next to me. It doesn't take me long and I fall asleep quickly.

* * *

I wake to Tris running her fingers through my hair. God I love that feeling. If I can just stay here and pretend I'm asleep.

"I know you're awake," Tris whispers in my ear as she starts to kiss me her way from my ear to my jaw then my mouth.

"I could get used to waking up like this every morning," I whisper back.

"I think that can be arranged," Tris says with a smile.

"We should get up," Tris says.

"Can we stay here just a little longer?" I whine.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Fine," I say but when I go to sit up on the bed I feel the pain ripping through me. I spent years coping with Marcus and his beatings. I think I'm becoming soft.

"I don't think fine is the right word," Tris says with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, I feel like shit. Every muscle is screaming at me. I think I need to spend more time working out. I haven't been doing as much since we got here. Next time I want to be able to beat the absolute crap out of him."

"Tobias I think you need to back off Eric."

"I am not backing down from him." If I was standing, I would want to stomp my foot like a small child.

"I'm not asking you to back down. I just think we need to see how things play out. Eric has been saying some weird things while we are preparing lunch. I don't think he is happy with what is happening with Erudite and Dauntless."

"What has he been saying to you?"

"Just small things. It is always just as we are leaving the kitchen. Like, the other day as we walked out he told me he isn't happy with being a leader. I couldn't ask him about it because he walked over and started talking to Max."

"I've noticed that he is acting different. I just don't know though Tris. I don't think we can trust him."

"I know. But I would like to see what happens. I think we need to give him a chance. He would know a lot about what is happening with Erudite, it could be to our advantage to try and at least be civil with him."

"I will try my best Tris. But I can't guarantee that I won't do it again."

"Please try really hard," Tris says with a smile on her face. "Now let's go and have some breakfast. I feel like the next chapter is going to be a good one."

"You didn't read ahead, did you?"

"No, it's just we are getting really close to the end. I'm interested to see what happens and how we react to it."

* * *

"We have cake," Uriah says with a big grin on his face.

"Where did that come from?" I ask.

Uriah shrugs. "It was here when we woke up, along with this note and some healing serum."

Uriah passes me a note. It isn't addressed to anyone and it says:

IT ISN'T TIME FOR FIGHTING.

I'M SURE THAT WILL COME LATER.

TRY TO BEHAVE AS YOU READ THE REST OF THE BOOKS.

"I wonder who is doing this?" Zeke asks.

I see Tori looking uncomfortable in her seat. I don't want to have to pressure her to tell us. I don't want to tell the group either, I don't think it would serve any purpose to tell them that Tori knows who put us here.

"It doesn't matter," I say. "It's not going to help us while we are here."

"Do you think you can get through the day without beating Eric up?" Zeke jokes.

"I'll try," I say.

"That was intense last night. Max thought that if we didn't stop you, that you would kill each other," Uriah says.

"I suppose that could be a possibility," I say.

Once we have finished with breakfast, we all make our way to the lounge room. Ready to start another day reading.

"I'll read," Shauna says and I pass her the book.

"I think we need some ground rules before we keep reading," Max demands. Nobody says anything so he continues. "There is to be _no_ more punch ups in this room. If you _want_ to fight then take it to the training room."

"Agreed?" Max asks. We all nod our heads.

"Get it started Shauna," Max tells her.

I throw a vial of healing serum at Eric. "What's this?" He asks.

"Healing serum, it came with the cake."

"Thanks."

Shauna begins to read.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE**

 **I try to get Tobias alone after the rankings are announced, but the crowd of initiates and members is too thick, and the force of their congratulations pulls him away from me. I decide to sneak out of the dormitory after everyone is asleep and find him, but the fear landscape exhausted me more than I realized, so soon enough, I drift off too.**

"Didn't you have a nap after the fear landscape?" Lynn says.

"Yeah," Tris says.

"You are going to have to toughen up a bit Tris. You're Dauntless now," Lynn says but she is at least smiling.

"I'll try and remember that Lynn," Tris tells her.

 **I wake to squeaking mattresses and shuffling feet. It's too dark for me to see clearly, but as my eyes adjust, I see that Christina is tying her shoelaces. I open my mouth to ask her what she's doing, but then I notice that across from me, Will is putting on a shirt. Everyone is awake, but everyone is silent.**

" **Christina," I hiss. She doesn't look at me, so I grab her shoulder and shake it. "Christina!"**

 **She just keeps tying her shoelaces.**

 **My stomach squeezes when I see her face. Her eyes are open, but blank, and her facial muscles are slack. She moves without looking at what she's doing, her mouth half-open, not awake but seeming awake. And everyone else looks just like her.**

"Isn't the how Christina looks every morning?" Lynn jokes.

I can see by the glare that Christina is sending Lynn's way, that she is not happy about the comment.

" **Will?" I ask, crossing the room. All the initiates fall into a line when they finish dressing. They start to file silently out of the dormitory. I grab Will's arm to keep him from leaving, but he moves forward with irrepressible force. I grit my teeth and hold on as hard as I can, digging my heels into the ground. He just drags me along with him.**

 **They are sleepwalkers.**

"I can't believe they have done this to us," Marlene softly speaks.

"Is Tris awake because she is Divergent?" Shauna asks.

"I would think so," I say.

 **I fumble for my shoes. I can't stay here alone. I tie my shoes in a hurry, pull on a jacket, and sprint out of the room, catching up to the line of initiates quickly, conforming my pace to theirs. It takes me a few seconds to realize that they move in unison, the same foot forward as the same arm swings back. I mimic them as best I can, but the rhythm feels strange to me.**

 **We march toward the Pit, but when we reach the entrance, the front of the line turns left. Max stands in the hallway, watching us. My heart hammers in my chest and I stare as vacantly as possible ahead of me, focusing on the rhythm of my feet. I tense as I pass him. He'll notice. He'll notice I'm not brain-dead like the rest of them and something bad will happen to me, I just know it.**

 **Max's dark eyes pass right over me.**

"Oh that was intense," Zeke let's out a big breath.

 **We climb a flight of stairs and travel at the same rhythm down four corridors. Then the hallway opens up to a huge cavern. Inside it is a crowd of Dauntless.**

 **There are rows of tables with mounds of black on them. I can't see what the piles are until I am a foot away from them. Guns.**

 **Of course. Eric said every Dauntless was injected yesterday. So now the entire faction is brain-dead, obedient, and trained to kill. Perfect soldiers.**

"Why would you do this to us?" Marlene whines.

Neither Max nor Eric answer her question.

"You are happy to make us into mindless soldiers but you can't even answer Marlene's question?" I say.

"What would you like us to say Four? Whatever we say isn't going to appease you anyway," Eric barks at me.

 **I pick up a gun and a holster and a belt, copying Will, who is directly in front of me. I try to match his movements, but I can't predict what he's going to do, so I end up fumbling more than I'd like to. I grit my teeth. I just have to trust that no one is watching me.**

 **Once I'm armed, I follow Will and the other initiates toward the exit.**

 **I can't wage war against Abnegation, against my family. I would rather die. My fear landscape proved that. My list of options narrows, and I see the path I must take. I will pretend long enough to get to the Abnegation sector of the city. I will save my family. And whatever happens after that doesn't matter. A blanket of calm settles over me.**

"You are really cool under pressure Tris," Tori states.

 **The line of initiates passes into a dark hallway. I can't see Will ahead of me, or anything ahead of him. My foot hits something hard, and I stumble, my hands outstretched. My knee hits something else—a step. I straighten, so tense my teeth are almost chattering. They didn't see that. It's too dark. Please let it be too dark.**

"I don't know how you are going to get out of Dauntless undetected Tris. You are like a bumbling drunk," Zeke comments.

 **As the staircase turns, light flows into the cavern, until I can finally see Will's shoulders in front of me again. I focus on matching my rhythm to his as I reach the top of the stairs, passing another Dauntless leader. Now I know who the Dauntless leaders are, because they are the only people who are awake.**

 **Well, not the only people. I must be awake because I am Divergent. And if I am awake, that means Tobias is too, unless I am wrong about him.**

Tris looks at me and I give her a slight nod.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispers.

"I don't know. I guess I had told you so much and just wasn't ready," I say.

I can see the hurt in her eyes. I hope that she will eventually understand why.

 **I have to find him.**

 **I stand next to the train tracks in a group that stretches as far as I can see with my peripheral vision. The train is stopped in front of us, every car open. One by one, my fellow initiates climb into the train car in front of us.**

 **I can't turn my head to scan the crowd for Tobias, but I let my eyes skirt to the side. The faces on my left are unfamiliar, but I see a tall boy with short hair a few yards to my right. It might not be him, and I can't make sure, but it's the best chance I have. I don't know how to get to him without attracting attention. I have to get to him.**

"Determined little bitch, aren't you Tris?" Eric sneers.

 **The car in front of me fills up, and Will turns toward the next one. I take my cues from him, but instead of stopping where he stops, I slip a few feet to the right. The people around me are all taller than I am; they will shield me. I step to the right again, clenching my teeth. Too much movement. They will catch me.** _ **Please don't catch me.**_

 **A blank-faced Dauntless in the next car offers a hand to the boy in front of me, and he takes it, his movements robotic. I take the next hand without looking at it, and climb as gracefully as I can into the car.**

"That can't be good," Uriah says. "I can't believe you have made it this far."

 **I stand facing the person who helped me. My eyes twitch up, just for a second, to see his face. Tobias, as blank-faced as the rest of them. Was I wrong? Is he not Divergent? Tears spark behind my eyes, and I blink them back as I turn away from him.**

 **People crowd into the car around me, so we stand in four rows, shoulder-to- shoulder. And then something peculiar happens: fingers lace with mine, and a palm presses to my palm. Tobias, holding my hand.**

"You're Divergent too?" Shrieks Shauna. "How many others in this room are Divergent?"

Uriah and Marlene look away from Shauna.

"What good would it be to tell you Shauna?" I say. "If they go undetected throughout this story, then there would be no benefit to telling the enemy that sit in the room."

"So, that means you know of at least one person in this room that is Divergent," Eric says.

"Yeah I do. But I won't be sharing that information any time soon," I state.

 **My entire body is alive with energy. I squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back. He is awake. I was right.**

 **I want to look at him, but I force myself to stand still and keep my eyes forward as the train starts to move. He moves his thumb in a slow circle over the back of my hand. It is meant to comfort me, but it frustrates me instead. I need to talk to him. I need to look at him.**

 **I can't see where the train is going because the girl in front of me is so tall, so I stare at the back of her head and focus on Tobias's hand in mine until the rails squeal. I don't know how long I've been standing there, but my back aches, so it must have been a long time. The train screeches to a stop, and my heart pounds so hard it's difficult to breathe.**

"I don't think I want to know what is going to happen next," Marlene says as she hides her face in Uriah's chest.

"It's okay babe," Uriah tells her. "Remember this hasn't happened yet. It might never happen."

I hear Max scoff at Uriah's remark. I should have kicked him after I knocked him unconscious.

 **Right before we jump down from the car, I see Tobias turn his head in my periphery, and I glance back at him. His dark eyes are insistent as he says, "Run."**

" **My family," I say.**

 **I look straight ahead again, and jump down from the train car when it's my turn. Tobias walks in front of me. I should focus on the back of his head, but the streets I walk now are familiar, and the line of Dauntless I follow fades from my attention. I pass the place I went every six months with my mother to pick up new clothes for our family; the bus stop where I once waited in the morning to get to school; the strip of sidewalk so cracked Caleb and I played a hopping, jumping game to get across it.**

"This would be so painful for you to witness Tris," Tori says.

"What about us?" Christina screeches.

"I don't think we are seeing this the same way that Tris is," Tori tells Christina. "How do you think you would react if you were awake and it was Candor?"

"I s'pose," Christina weakly says.

 **They are all different now. The buildings are dark and empty. The roads are packed with Dauntless soldiers, all marching at the same rhythm except the officers, who stand every few hundred yards, watching us walk by, or gathering in clusters to discuss something. No one seems to be doing anything. Are we really here for war?**

 **I walk a half mile before I get an answer to that question.**

 **I start to hear popping sounds. I can't look around to see where they're coming from, but the farther I walk, the louder and sharper they get, until I recognize them as gunshots. I clench my jaw. I must keep walking; I have to stare straight ahead.**

 **Far ahead of us, I see a Dauntless soldier push a gray-clothed man to his knees. I recognize the man—he is a council member. The soldier takes her gun out of her holster and, with sightless eyes, fires a bullet into the back of the council member's skull.**

 **The soldier has a gray streak in her hair. It's Tori. My steps almost falter.**

"You made me kill an unarmed man?" Tori shouts. "What is wrong with you?"

"Aren't you going to answer Tori?" I ask, frustrated at the way they are ignoring these questions.

"What do you want to hear Four?" Max asks.

"Do you not feel that what you have done is wrong?"

"No I don't. but I am not going to get into that with you right now," Max says. I can hear the finality in his voice.

"Will you ever?"

 _ **Keep walking**_ **. My eyes burn.** _ **Keep walking.**_

 **We march past Tori and the fallen council member. When I step over his hand, I almost burst into tears.**

 **Then the soldiers in front of me stop walking, and so do I. I stand as still as I can, but all I want to do is find Jeanine and Eric and Max and shoot them all. My hands are shaking and I can't do anything to stop it. I breathe quickly through my nose.**

"I think we all want to do that about now Tris," Lynn says, anger evident in her voice.

 **Another gunshot. From the corner of my left eye, I see a gray blur collapse to the pavement. All the Abnegation will die if this continues.**

 **The Dauntless soldiers carry out unspoken orders without hesitation and without question. Some adult members of Abnegation are herded toward one of the nearby buildings, along with the Abnegation children. A sea of black-clothed soldiers guard the doors. The only people I do not see are the Abnegation leaders. Maybe they are already dead.**

"Hoping that your parents are safe?" Uriah asks.

Tris can only nod.

 **One by one, the Dauntless soldiers in front of me step away to perform one task or another. Soon the leaders will notice that whatever signals everyone else is getting, I'm not getting them. What will I do when that happens?**

" **This is insane," coos a male voice on my right. I see a lock of long, greasy hair, and a silver earring. Eric. He pokes my cheek with his index finger, and I struggle against the impulse to slap his hand away.**

" **They really can't see us? Or hear us?" a female voice asks.**

" **Oh, they can see and hear. They just aren't processing what they see and hear the same way," says Eric. "They receive commands from our computers in the transmitters we injected them with..." At this, he presses his fingers to the injection site to show the woman where it is.** _ **Stay still**_ **, I tell myself.** _ **Still, still, still**_ **. "...and carry them out seamlessly."**

"You are the insane one Eric," Zeke says.

 **Eric shifts a step to the side and leans close to Tobias's face, grinning.**

" **Now, this is a happy sight," he says. "The legendary Four. No one's going to remember that I came in second now, are they? No one's going to ask me, 'What was it like to train with the guy who has only four fears ?'" He draws his gun and points it at Tobias's right temple. My heart pounds so hard I feel it in my skull. He can't shoot; he wouldn't. Eric tilts his head. "Think anyone would notice if he accidentally got shot?"**

"I didn't realise just how pathetic you are Eric," I say. "You just can't seem to get past the fact that I am better than you."

"You aren't any better than me," Eric sneers.

"I don't think you would have been saying what you did if it wasn't the truth and you thought I couldn't do anything about it," I challenge.

"Just read," Eric tells Shauna.

" **Go ahead," the woman says, sounding bored. She must be a Dauntless leader if she can give Eric permission. "He's nothing now."**

" **Too bad you didn't just take Max up on his offer, Four. Well, too bad for** _ **you**_ **, anyway," says Eric quietly, as he clicks the bullet into its chamber.**

"No!" Shouts Marlene. "Four can't go down that easily."

This does at least get a few laughs from us. I don't think there will be to many laughs while we read this chapter.

 **My lungs burn; I haven't breathed in almost a minute. I see Tobias's hand twitch in the corner of my eye, but my hand is already on my gun. I press the barrel to Eric's forehead. His eyes widen, and his face goes slack, and for a second he looks like another sleeping Dauntless soldier.**

"TRIS!" Marlene and Lynn both yell at the same time.

"Don't worry ladies," Eric says confidently. "She won't shoot me."

"How embarrassing if you're the first to die Eric," Zeke laughs.

 **My index finger hovers over the trigger.**

" **Get your gun away from his head," I say.**

" **You won't shoot me," Eric replies.**

"I can't believe you said exactly what you said to her to us," Lynn sounds shocked.

"This is just too strange," Uriah says.

" **Interesting theory," I say. But I can't murder him; I can't. I grit my teeth and shift my arm down, firing at Eric's foot. He screams and grabs his foot with both hands.**

"You shot me!" Eric squeals at Tris like a girl. "I can't believe you fucking shot me."

"You're lucky she didn't put a bullet in your brain," I say. "Asshole," I say under my breath.

"Quick Shauna, keep reading," Zeke is bouncing in his seat now.

 **The moment his gun is no longer pointed at Tobias's head, Tobias draws his gun and fires at Eric's friend's leg. I don't wait to see if the bullet hits her. I grab Tobias's arm and sprint.**

 **If we can make it to the alley, we can disappear into the buildings and they won't find us. There are two hundred yards to go. I hear footsteps behind us, but I don't look back. Tobias grabs my hand and squeezes, pulling me forward, faster than I have ever run, faster than I can run. I stumble behind him. I hear a gunshot.**

 **The pain is sharp and sudden, beginning in my shoulder and spreading outward with electric fingers. A scream stops in my throat, and I fall, my cheek scraping the pavement. I lift my head to see Tobias's knees by my face, and yell, "Run!"**

 **His voice is calm and quiet as he replies, "No."**

"I bet it was Eric who shot you," Marlene says.

"Doubt it," Zeke says. "If his reaction was anything like it was here then he is probably still jumping up and down crying like a little girl."

"I'd like to see how you would react if you were shot Zeke," Eric jeers.

"Four you should have kept running," Christina says.

"Have you learnt nothing being in Dauntless?" Eric asks her. "You do not leave a man down."

"Maybe if you would teach team work Eric," I state. "Then the initiates would understand what team work is."

"They are taught that when they start guarding the fence _Four_ ," Eric sneers.

"Half the initiates won't be working on the fence _Eric_ ," I snap back. "You have divided our faction and what you are doing with this mind control is going to split us even further."

"Read Shauna," Max says.

Max is keeping very quiet about what is happening. I don't know why he is doing this but it is worrysome.

 **In seconds we are surrounded. Tobias helps me up, supporting my weight. I have trouble focusing through the pain. Dauntless soldiers surround us and point their guns.**

" **Divergent rebels," Eric says, standing on one foot. His face is a sickly white. "Surrender your weapons."**

"I bet you are looking just as sickly white as I am, Beatrice," Eric snaps.

"Probably. But it feels good to know that I shot you," Tris says.

Eric starts to laugh. "I might not like you very much right now but I respect your answer."

"That was the end of the chapter," Shauna says.


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: I can't sleep so you get the next chapter a few hours earlier. Before anyone asks, this is the only update you will be getting today because I think we all know what is going to happen in the next chapter.

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," Zeke says. "I am dying to see what happens."

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR**

 **I lean heavily on Tobias. A gun barrel pressed to my spine urges me forward, through the front doors of Abnegation headquarters, a plain gray building, two stories high. Blood trickles down my side. I'm not afraid of what's coming; I'm in too much pain to think about it.**

"Tris and Four look like they are going to be the first to die," Will says.

"Nah," Uriah scoffs. "There is no way they are going out so quickly. They're both to Dauntless."

"We are all Dauntless," Will says.

 **The gun barrel pushes me toward a door guarded by two Dauntless soldiers. Tobias and I walk through it and enter a plain office that contains just a desk, a computer, and two empty chairs. Jeanine sits behind the desk, a phone against her ear.**

"Of course Jeanine would be in the middle of this," I say.

" **Well, send some of them back on the train, then," she says. "It needs to be well guarded, it's the most important part—I'm not talk—I have to go." She snaps the phone shut and focuses her gray eyes on me. They remind me of melted steel.**

" **Divergent rebels," one of the Dauntless says. He must be a Dauntless leader—or maybe a recruit who was removed from the simulation.**

"How did you decide who you removed from the simulation?" I ask.

"Do you really think I am going to answer that?" Max asks.

"Probably not," I mutter.

" **Yes, I can see that." She takes her glasses off, folds them, and sets them on the desk. She probably wears the glasses out of vanity rather than necessity, because she thinks they make her look smarter—my father said so.**

"You just got shot and you are still thinking the weirdest things," Lynn says.

"It must be the blood loss," Tris says.

" _ **You**_ **," she says, pointing at me, "I expected. All the trouble with your aptitude test results made me suspicious from the beginning. But** _ **you**_ **..."**

 **She shakes her head as she shifts her eyes to Tobias.**

" **You, Tobias—or should I call you Four?—managed to elude me," she says quietly. "Everything about you checked out: test results, initiation simulations, everything. But here you are nonetheless." She folds her hands and sets her chin on top of them. "Perhaps you could explain to me how that is?"**

" **You're the genius," he says coolly. "Why don't you tell me?"**

"Yeah, you tell her Four," Zeke calls out.

 **Her mouth curls into a smile. "My theory is that you really do belong in Abnegation. That your Divergence is weaker."**

 **She smiles wider. Like she's amused. I grit my teeth and consider lunging across the table and strangling her. If I didn't have a bullet in my shoulder, I might.**

" **Your powers of deductive reasoning are stunning," spits Tobias. "Consider me awed."**

"You're not going to go down without a fight are you?" Zeke chuckles.

 **I look sideways at him. I had almost forgotten about this side of him—the part that is more likely to explode than to lie down and die.**

"That's the side you want right now," Shauna says.

" **Now that your intelligence has been verified, you might want to get on with killing us." Tobias closes his eyes. "You have a lot of Abnegation leaders to murder, after all."**

 **If Tobias's comments bother Jeanine, she doesn't let on. She keeps smiling and stands smoothly. She wears a blue dress that hugs her body from shoulder to knee, revealing a layer of pudge around her middle. The room spins as I try to focus on her face, and I slump against Tobias for support. He slides his arm around me, supporting me from the waist.**

" **Don't be silly. There is no rush," she says lightly. "You are both here for an extremely important purpose. You see, it perplexed me that the Divergent were immune to the serum that I developed, so I have been working to remedy that. I thought I might have, with the last batch, but as you know, I was wrong. Luckily I have another batch to test."**

"Why would she start this without having a serum that works?" Will asks. "It seems extremely illogical for the head of Erudite."

" **Why bother?" She and the Dauntless leaders had no problem killing the Divergent in the past. Why would it be any different now?**

 **She smirks at me.**

"That just made me shudder," Lynn says. "She really is evil."

" **I have had a question since I began the Dauntless project, and it is this." She sidesteps her desk, skimming the surface with her finger. "Why are most of the Divergent weak-willed, God-fearing nobodies from** _ **Abnegation**_ **, of all factions?"**

"Are they?" Shauna asks me.

"I don't know," I answer.

 **I didn't know that most of the Divergent came from Abnegation, and I don't know why that would be. And I probably won't live long enough to figure it out.**

" **Weak-willed," Tobias scoffs. "It requires a strong will to manipulate a simulation, last time I checked. Weak-willed is mind-controlling an army because it's too hard for you to train one yourself."**

"You tell her Four," Uriah calls out.

" **I am not a fool," says Jeanine. "A faction of intellectuals is no army. We are tired of being dominated by a bunch of self-righteous idiots who reject wealth and advancement, but we couldn't do this on our own. And your Dauntless leaders were all too happy to oblige me if I guaranteed them a place in our new, improved government."**

"You did this for a place in the government?" I am almost yelling. "What is wrong with you two?" I point between Eric and Max.

"She must have offered you more than that?" Will says.

"You want your members to wipe out a faction so you can have a place in the government?" Tris asks.

"Yes," Max finally replies. "You have no idea what it is like having to be dictated to by Abnegation. Do you understand what sacrifices we have to make every year because Abnegation are putting all the resources towards feeding the factionless? No! You don't. We are trying to make our lives better."

"Have you read our manifesto lately?" Tori asks. "We all know our lives won't be comfortable if we choose Dauntless."

"But why shouldn't it be?" Eric replies.

"Look, we aren't getting anywhere here," Uriah says. "Let's just keep reading."

Who knew Uriah would be the diplomat I think.

"Maybe you should be an ambassador Uriah?" Zeke teases him.

"Just read Zeke," Uriah says.

" **Improved," Tobias says, snorting.**

" **Yes, improved," Jeanine says. "Improved, and working toward a world in which people will live in wealth, comfort, and prosperity."**

" **At whose expense?" I ask, my voice thick and sluggish. "All that wealth...doesn't come from nowhere."**

" **Currently, the factionless are a drain on our resources," Jeanine replies. "As is Abnegation. I am sure that once the remains of your old faction are absorbed into the Dauntless army, Candor will cooperate and we will finally be able to get on with things."**

"Jeanine just wants to rule over the whole city. How is she going to keep everyone under control? Is she going to inject the whole city?" Tris says. "What is going to happen when she doesn't give you what you want Max? Will she inject you too?"

 **Absorbed into the Dauntless army. I know what that means—she wants to control them, too. She wants everyone to be pliable and easy to control.**

" **Get on with things," Tobias repeats bitterly. He raises his voice. "Make no mistake. You will be dead before the day is out, you—"**

" **Perhaps if you could control your temper," Jeanine says, her words cutting cleanly across Tobias's, "you would not be in this situation to begin with, Tobias."**

" **I'm in this situation because you put me here," he snaps. "The second you orchestrated an attack against innocent people."**

"Not going down without a fight, are you Four?" Tori gives a small smile.

"Never," I state strongly.

" **Innocent people." Jeanine laughs. "I find that a little funny, coming from you. I would expect Marcus's son to understand that not all those people are innocent." She perches on the edge of the desk, her skirt pulling away from her knees, which are crossed with stretch marks. "Can you tell me honestly that you wouldn't be happy to discover that your father was killed in the attack?"**

" **No," says Tobias through gritted teeth. "But at least his evil didn't involve the widespread manipulation of an entire faction and the systematic murder of every political leader we have."**

 **They stare at each other for a few seconds, long enough to make me feel tense to my core, and then Jeanine clears her throat.**

" **What I was going to say," she says, "is that soon, dozens of the Abnegation and their young children will be my responsibility to keep in order, and it does not bode well for me that a large number of them may be Divergent like yourselves, incapable of being controlled by the simulations."**

"How does she think she is going to control them?" Tori asks. "You can't keep people under simulation indefinitely,"

"Did you plan to keep us under simulation indefinitely Max?" I ask.

"No. This isn't what we were told," Max says.

 **She stands and walks a few steps to the left, her hands clasped in front of her. Her nail beds, like mine, are bitten raw.**

"That's an interesting observation," Will says.

"Why do you think that?" Marlene asks.

"None of us started to bite our nails until after we started the fear simulations. I have to wonder what she is so nervous about," Will says.

"I wonder if she went through her own fear landscape," Marlene ponders.

"That's one landscape I would pay money to see," Zeke says.

"What do you think would be in it?" Lynn asks.

"Lots of grey," Tris says. "She obviously has a fear of the Abnegation or she wouldn't be doing what she is."

"Cats," Uriah says.

"Cats?" Zeke questions.

"I have no friggin idea," Uriah says. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

"I think it's time for me to start reading again," Zeke says.

" **Therefore, it was necessary that I develop a new form of simulation to which they are not immune. I have been forced to reassess my own assumptions. That is where you come in." She paces a few steps to the right. "You are correct to say that you are strong-willed. I cannot control your will. But there are a few things I can control."**

"What is she going to do?" Marlene asks.

"Stop interrupting so we can find out," Zeke says.

 **She stops and turns to face us. I lean my temple into Tobias's shoulder. Blood trails down my back. The pain has been so constant for the past few minutes that I have gotten used to it, like a person gets used to a siren's wail if it remains consistent.**

"I forgot that you'd been shot Tris," Marlene says.

"Thanks Marlene," Tris jokes.

 **She presses her palms together. I see no vicious glee in her eyes, and not a hint of the sadism I expect. She is more machine than maniac. She sees problems and forms solutions based on the data she collects. Abnegation stood in the way of her desire for power, so she found a way to eliminate it. She didn't have an army, so she found one in Dauntless. She knew that she would need to control large groups of people in order to stay secure, so she developed a way to do it with serums and transmitters. Divergence is just another problem for her to solve, and that is what makes her so terrifying—because she is smart enough to solve anything, even the problem of our existence.**

" **I can control what you see and hear," she says. "So I created a new serum that will adjust your surroundings to manipulate your will. Those who refuse to accept our leadership must be closely monitored."**

"She isn't giving us a chance to accept," Lynn says.

 **Monitored—or robbed of free will. She has a gift with words.**

" **You will be the first test subject, Tobias. Beatrice, however..." She smiles. "You are too injured to be of much use to me, so your execution will occur at the conclusion of this meeting."**

"Oh, my God, No!" Tori cries out.

 **I try to hide the shudder that goes through me at the word "execution," my shoulder screaming with pain, and look up at Tobias. It's hard to blink the tears back when I see the terror in Tobias's wide, dark eyes.**

" **No," says Tobias. His voice trembles, but his look is stern as he shakes his head. "I would rather die."**

" **I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice in the matter," replies Jeanine lightly.**

"Does she have a soul?" Tori asks.

 **Tobias takes my face in his hands roughly and kisses me, the pressure of his lips pushing mine apart. I forget my pain and the terror of approaching death and for a moment, I am grateful that the memory of that kiss will be fresh in my mind as I meet my end.**

"This is getting so sad," Shauna says. "And real."

 **Then he releases me and I have to lean against the wall for support. With no more warning than the tightening of his muscles, Tobias lunges across the desk and wraps his hands around Jeanine's throat. Dauntless guards by the door leap at him, their guns held ready, and I scream.**

"Is Jeanine going to be the first to die?" Zeke asks. "That would be the best outcome."

"I think we need to go around the room and guess who will be the first person in this room to die," Uriah says.

"That's sick little bro," Zeke says. "But saying that. I think it will be Tris."

"Thanks Zeke," Tris mumbles.

"Shauna?"

"Max."

"Tris?"

"Eric"

"You are going to have to do better than shooting me in the foot if you want that to come true," Eric says.

"Four?"

"Eric."

"Marlene?"

"Max."

"I agree with Marlene," Uriah says. Then keeps asking everyone who they think will die first.

"Christina?"

"Tris."

"Will?"

"Four."

"Tori?"

"Max."

"Lynn?"

"Eric."

"Max?"

"Tris."

"Eric?"

"Tris."

"That's interesting," Zeke says. "Tris and Max are the hot favourites. Let us read on to see."

 **It takes two Dauntless soldiers to pull Tobias away from Jeanine and shove him to the ground. One of the soldiers pins him, his knees on Tobias's shoulders and his hands on Tobias's head, pressing his face to the carpet. I lunge toward them, but another guard slams his hands against my shoulders, forcing me against the wall. I am weak from blood loss and too small.**

"I can't see Tris being the first to die," Shauna says. "She is going to fight to the bitter end."

 **Jeanine braces herself against the desk, spluttering and gasping. She rubs her throat, which is bright red with Tobias's fingerprints. No matter how mechanical she seems, she's still human; there are tears in her eyes as she takes a box from her desk drawer and opens it, revealing a needle and syringe.**

"Should have stolen one of her guards guns and shot her dead," Lynn says.

"I'm sure I would have if I could," I snap.

 **Still breathing heavily, she carries it toward Tobias. Tobias grits his teeth and elbows one of the guards in the face. The guard slams the heel of his gun into the side of Tobias's head, and Jeanine sticks the needle into Tobias's neck. He goes limp.**

I look over to Tris and she has tears in her eyes.

"It's going to be okay," I whisper to her.

"You don't know that Tobias," Tris whispers back.

"Yes I do. We are going to get through this. We are fighters," I try and reassure her. I don't even know if I believe my own words.

 **A sound escapes my mouth, not a sob or a scream, but a croaking, scraping moan that sounds detached, like it is coming from someone else.**

" **Let him up," says Jeanine, her voice scratchy.**

 **The guard gets up, and so does Tobias. He does not look like the sleepwalking Dauntless soldiers; his eyes are alert. He looks around for a few seconds as if confused by what he sees.**

" **Tobias," I say. "Tobias!"**

" **He doesn't know you," says Jeanine.**

"This woman is completely evil," Tori says. "How can she screw with us like this?"

 **Tobias looks over his shoulder. His eyes narrow and he starts toward me, fast. Before the guards can stop him, he closes a hand around my throat, squeezing my trachea with his fingertips. I choke, my face hot with blood.**

I hear both Marlene and Shauna gasp. I am cringing at the thought that I would hurt Tris like this. What has this woman done to me?

" **The simulation manipulates him," says Jeanine. I can barely hear her over the pounding in my ears. "By altering what he sees—making him confuse enemy with friend."**

 **One of the guards pulls Tobias off me. I gasp, drawing a rattling breath into my lungs.**

 **He is gone. Controlled by the simulation, he will now murder the people he called innocent not three minutes ago. Jeanine killing him would have hurt less than this.**

"How the hell do you justify working with this woman?" Marlene screams at Max and Eric. Uriah is doing everything he can to calm her down. But none of us have ever seen Marlene like this before. Not only has Jeanine taken away our free will but she is tearing us apart from the inside out.

" **The advantage to this version of the simulation," she says, her eyes alight, "is that he can act independently, and is therefore far more effective than a mindless soldier." She looks at the guards who hold Tobias back. He struggles against them, his muscles taut, his eyes focused on me, but not seeing me, not seeing me the way they used to. "Send him to the control room. We'll want a sentient being there to monitor things and, as I understand it, he used to work there."**

 **Jeanine presses her palms together in front of her. "And take her to room B13," she says. She flaps her hand to dismiss me. That flapping hand commands my execution, but to her it is just crossing off an item from a list of tasks, the only logical progression of the particular path that she is on. She surveys me without feeling as two Dauntless soldiers pull me out of the room.**

 **They drag me down the hallway. I feel numb inside, but outside I am a screaming, thrashing force of will. I bite a hand that belongs to the Dauntless man on my right and smile as I taste blood. Then he hits me, and there is nothing.**

"That's the end of the chapter," Zeke says. "I think we need to take a break."

As Zeke says this Marlene rushes from the room in tears, the once happy and vibrant girl has vanished. Shauna and Lynn rush after her. I don't know what is going to happen in the next few chapters and we still have two more books to go, but it seems it is going to be a long and stressful journey.

I grab Tris' hand and pull her up with me. I can't be in the room with Max and Eric right now. I just want to hit them. I need to have some space from them. I guide Tris to the stairs and onto our room.

When we go inside I turn to see Zeke and Uriah are both with us.

"I have never seen Marlene like that before," Uriah sighs as he plops onto our bed.

"This is only the first chapter of war Four," Zeke says. "What the hell have we got ourselves into?"

I shake my head. I don't have answers. "I don't know Zeke," I say.

"How can Max and Eric justify teaming with her? All for a position in her new government. This doesn't make sense. There has to be more to all of this," Zeke says.

"I think we just need to keep reading," Tris says. "Hopefully by the end we will understand what is really happening. Whoever put us here wants us to stop this."

"When we first got that letter telling us that most of us would die," Zeke says. "I thought it was a joke. I didn't think anything like this would happen. I thought it was a bit of fun to hear about Tris going through initiation. But this is so fucked up. Our lives are about to be turned upside down. What if we leave here and this war thing has already started?"

"I wondered that too," I say. "I don't know. I just feel sick."

"That wasn't you Tobias," Tris says. "Do not think that it was. I know you would never hurt me like that."

"Tris I could so easily kill you with one hand. I know that. The thought that I would lay a hand on you like that. To be like him."

Tris walks over to where I am sitting on the floor. She straddles my lap and hugs me close. She can sense the pain this is causing me.

"Tobias," she whispers. "Tobias look at me."

I slowly move my head so I am looking her in the eyes. I can see the tears ready to burst from her eyes and I feel I could crack at any moment.

"Tobias we made a promise, remember?" I just nod. "No matter what happens we don't shut each other out. If this is how we react so early on in this war then it is going to be a long few weeks here. You are allowed to be upset, you don't have to be strong all the time. And don't you ever bloody think you are anything like him. You would never act like that."

I don't have words I just hold her really close to me.

"Thank you," I whisper.

Shauna and Lynn walk into our room. "How's Marlene?" Zeke asks.

"She's okay," Shauna says. "She is just freshening up."

Marlene walks back in and comes straight over to Tris and I and hugs us both.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

"I think so. I just wasn't expecting. I don't even know what I was expecting," she answers.

"We should get back downstairs," Lynn says. "I don't think we are going to be enjoying this story any time soon."

"I don't know," Uriah says. "Tris did shoot Eric. There are a lot of people who would love to do that."

This would probably have us laughing if this was a normal day but it's not and it doesn't. A small chuckle goes through the group but nothing more.


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

FOUR'S POV

"I'm reading," Eric says. He tenses as Tris walks past him.

"Scared Eric?" Tris teases.

"I still can't believe you shot me," Eric says shaking his head.

"You deserved it," Tris murmurs.

"Probably. Doesn't mean I like it though," he says. Before Tris or any of us can respond, Eric starts to read.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE**

 **I wake in the dark, wedged in a hard corner. The floor beneath me is smooth and cold. I touch my throbbing head and liquid slips across my fingertips. Red—blood. When I bring my hand back down, my elbow hits a wall. Where am I?**

"Shot and knocked out," Zeke says. "Not really having a good day now."

"That's an understatement," Tris says with a small smile.

 **A light flickers above me. The bulb is blue and dim when it's lit. I see the walls of a tank around me, and my shadowed reflection across from me. The room is small, with concrete walls and no windows, and I am alone in it. Well, almost—a small video camera is attached to one of the concrete walls.**

"And it just gets worse," Zeke chuckles.

 **I see a small opening near my feet. Connected to it is a tube, and connected to the tube, in the corner of the room, is a huge tank.**

 **The trembling starts in my fingertips and spreads up my arms, and soon my body is shuddering.**

 **I'm not in a simulation this time.**

"Who the hell thought to make your simulation come to life?" Tori gasps.

I see a smirk on Eric's face. I just want to punch him right now. Tris feels me tense and rubs my forearm.

 **My right arm is numb. When I push myself out of the corner, I see a pool of blood where I was sitting. I can't panic now. I stand, leaning against a wall, and breathe. The worst thing that can happen to me now is that I drown in this tank. I press my forehead to the glass and laugh. That is the worst thing I can imagine. My laugh turns into a sob.**

 **If I refuse to give up now, it will look brave to whoever watches me with that camera, but sometimes it isn't fighting that's brave, it's facing the death you know is coming. I sob into the glass. I'm not afraid of dying, but I want to die a different way, any other way.**

"I can't believe they are watching this?" Marlene says.

"It is Erudite remember," I say. Of course, they would want to study her reactions. See if they are different to how she reacted in the simulation.

 **It is better to scream than cry, so I scream and slam my heel into the wall behind me. My foot bounces off, and I kick again, so hard my heel throbs. I kick again and again and again, then pull back and throw my left shoulder into the wall. The impact makes the wound in my right shoulder burn like it got stuck with a hot poker.**

"Stubborn," I whisper.

 **Water trickles into the bottom of the tank.**

 **The video camera means they're watching me—no, studying me, as only the Erudite would. To see if my reaction in reality matches my reaction in the simulation. To prove that I'm a coward.**

"You're not a coward Tris," Lynn says.

 **I uncurl my fists and drop my hands. I am not a coward. I lift my head and stare at the camera across from me. If I focus on breathing, I can forget that I'm about to die. I stare at the camera until my vision narrows and it is all I see. Water tickles my ankles, then my calves, then my thighs. It rises over my fingertips. I breathe in; I breathe out. The water is soft and feels like silk.**

"You are going to have soggy socks for real this time," Uriah groans.

"That's the first thought you have? I'm about to die and your worried about my soggy socks."

"I don't think you are going to die Tris," Uriah says with a big warm smile.

 **I breathe in. The water will wash my wounds clean. I breathe out. My mother submerged me in water when I was a baby, to give me to God. It has been a long time since I thought about God, but I think about him now. It is only natural. I am glad, suddenly, that I shot Eric in the foot instead of the head.**

"Nobody else does," Tori comments.

 **My body rises with the water. Instead of kicking my feet to stay abreast of it, I push all the air from my lungs and sink to the bottom. The water muffles my ears. I feel its movement over my face. I think about snorting the water into my lungs so it kills me faster, but I can't bring myself to do it. I blow bubbles from my mouth.**

 _ **Relax**_ **. I close my eyes. My lungs burn.**

 **I let my hands float up to the top of the tank. I let the water fold me in its silken arms.**

I can't help but hold Tris closer to me. The thought of her dying like this, dying at all is starting to freak me out. How the hell is she going to get out of this?

 **When I was young, my father used to hold me over his head and run with me so I felt like I was flying. I remember how the air felt, gliding over my body, and I am not afraid. I open my eyes.**

 **A dark figure stands in front of me. I must be close to death if I'm seeing things. Pain stabs my lungs. Suffocating is painful. A palm presses to the glass in front of my face, and for a moment as I stare through the water, I think I see my mother's blurry face.**

"Wow you are becoming delusional as your brain is starved for oxygen," Will says.

 **I hear a bang, and the glass cracks. Water sprays out a hole near the top of the tank, and the pane cracks in half. I turn away as the glass shatters, and the force of the water throws my body at the ground. I gasp, swallowing water as well as air, and cough, and gasp again, and hands close around my arms, and I hear her voice.**

" **Beatrice," she says. "Beatrice, we have to run."**

"Doesn't look like I was delusional after all Will," Tris says.

"Oh thank God," Marlene gasps out.

 **She pulls my arm across her shoulders and hauls me to my feet. She is dressed like my mother and she looks like my mother, but she is holding a gun, and the determined look in her eyes is unfamiliar to me. I stumble beside her over broken glass and through water and out an open doorway. Dauntless guards lie dead next to the door.**

"Lucky your mum used to be Dauntless," Zeke says.

 **My feet slip and slide on the tile as we walk down the hallway, as fast as my weak legs can muster. When we turn the corner, she fires at the two guards standing by the door at the end. The bullets hit them both in the head, and they slump to the floor. She pushes me against the wall and takes off her gray jacket.**

"She has an awesome shot for someone who has spent so much time in Abnegation," Shauna says.

"Do you think she may have got some practise in?" Zeke asks.

"I don't know," Tris shrugs.

 **She wears a sleeveless shirt. When she lifts her arm, I see the corner of a tattoo under her armpit. No wonder she never changed clothes in front of me.**

" **Mom," I say, my voice strained. "You were Dauntless."**

" **Yes," she says, smiling. She makes her jacket into a sling for my arm, tying the sleeves around my neck. "And it has served me well today. Your father and Caleb and some others are hiding in a basement at the intersection of North and Fairfield. We have to go get them."**

 **I stare at her. I sat next to her at the kitchen table, twice a day, for sixteen years, and never once did I consider the possibility that she could have been anything but Abnegation-born. How well did I actually know my mother?''**

"It's not like she let you know her," Tori says.

"I know," Tris says. "It's just frustrating."

" **There will be time for questions," she says. She lifts her shirt and slips a gun from under the waistband of her pants, offering it to me. Then she touches my cheek. "Now we must go."**

 **She runs to the end of the hallway, and I run after her.**

 **We are in the basement of Abnegation headquarters. My mother has worked there for as long as I can remember, so I'm not surprised when she leads me down a few dark hallways, up a dank staircase, and into daylight again without interference. How many Dauntless guards did she shoot before she found me?**

" **How did you know to find me?" I say.**

" **I've been watching the trains since the attacks started," she replies, glancing over her shoulder at me. "I didn't know what I would do when I found you. But it was always my intention to save you."**

 **My throat feels tight. "But I betrayed you. I left you."**

"Tris!" Marlene all but screams. "You didn't betray anyone."

" **You're my daughter. I don't care about the factions." She shakes her head. "Look where they got us. Human beings as a whole cannot be good for long before the bad creeps back in and poisons us again."**

 **She stops where the alley intersects with the road.**

 **I know now isn't the time for conversation. But there is something I need to know.**

" **Mom, how do you know about Divergence?" I ask. "What is it? Why..."**

 **She pushes the bullet chamber open and peers inside. Seeing how many bullets she has left. Then takes a few out of her pocket and reloads. I recognize her expression as the one she wears when she threads a needle.**

" **I know about them because I am one," she says as she shoves a bullet in place. "I was only safe because my mother was a Dauntless leader. On Choosing Day, she told me to leave my faction and find a safer one. I chose Abnegation." She puts an extra bullet in her pocket and stands up straighter. "But I wanted you to make the choice on your own."**

"That seems strange," Tori says. "You would think she would want to keep you safe. But instead she let you choose without giving you any knowledge that could have helped you."

"I think she always knew I didn't fit in Abnegation," Tris says. "If she told me how dangerous it was then I probably would have stayed. I don't think she could have watched me live the rest of my life being so miserable."

"But you could have been killed," Christina says.

"I survived initiation," Tris says with a shrug.

" **I don't understand why we're such a threat to the leaders."**

" **Every faction conditions its members to think and act a certain way. And most people do it. For most people, it's not hard to learn, to find a pattern of thought that works and stay that way." She touches my uninjured shoulder and smiles. "But our minds move in a dozen different directions. We can't be confined to one way of thinking, and that terrifies our leaders. It means we can't be controlled. And it means that no matter what they do, we will always cause trouble for them."**

"How do Divergents cause trouble?" Zeke asks. "I would think that because they had more than one choice that they would be more devoted to the faction that they pick."

"Or they rebel against their leaders," Tori says. "Like Tris and Four are doing now."

"They don't really have a choice though," Uriah says. "If they don't then they will end up dead."

 **I feel like someone breathed new air into my lungs. I am not Abnegation. I am not Dauntless.**

 **I am Divergent.**

 **And I can't be controlled.**

" **Here they come," she says, looking around the corner. I peek over her shoulder and see a few Dauntless with guns, moving to the same beat, heading toward us. My mother looks back. Far behind us, another group of Dauntless run down the alley, toward us, moving in time with one another.**

"Is trouble just following you Tris?" Zeke jokes.

"Looks like it," Tris smiles at Zeke.

 **She grabs my hands and looks me in the eyes. I watch her long eyelashes move as she blinks. I wish I had something of hers in my small, plain face. But at least I have something of hers in my brain.**

" **Go to your father and brother. The alley on the right, down to the basement. Knock twice, then three times, then six times." She cups my cheeks. Her hands are cold; her palms are rough. "I'm going to distract them. You have to run as fast as you can."**

" **No." I shake my head. "I'm not going anywhere without you."**

 **She smiles. "Be brave, Beatrice. I love you."**

I feel Tris' fingers tighten in mine. I look down to see the tears starting to form. I think we both have an idea of what is about to happen.

I can't speak, I know my voice will be laced with emotion and I need to stay strong for Tris.

 **I feel her lips on my forehead and then she runs into the middle of the street. She holds her gun above her head and fires three times into the air. The Dauntless start running.**

 **I sprint across the street and into the alley. As I run, I look over my shoulder to see if any Dauntless follow me. But my mother fires into the crowd of guards, and they are too focused on her to notice me.**

 **I whip my head over my shoulder when I hear them fire back. My feet falter and stop.**

I keep watching Tris and the tears have just started to fall silently down her cheeks. I can't imagine what she is feeling listening to this.

 **My mother stiffens, her back arching. Blood surges from a wound in her abdomen, dyeing her shirt crimson. A patch of blood spreads over her shoulder. I blink, and the violent red stains the inside of my eyelids. I blink again, and I see her smile as she sweeps my hair trimmings into a pile.**

 **She falls, first to her knees, her hands limp at her sides, and then to the pavement, slumped to the side like a rag doll. She is motionless and without breath.**

"Oh no," gasps Shauna. Tears starting to fall down her face. Shauna is really close to her mum and I'm sure she couldn't imagine losing her the way Tris is having to witness this.

Zeke pulls Shauna closer to him. I take a look around the room and there are looks of horror and sadness around. I am wondering who will shed a tear first, Uriah or Marlene. It is too close to call. Lynn and Tori are actually holding hands, both have tears welling in their eyes.

Christina has a look of shock on her face. Maybe this will bring Tris and Christina's friendship back to where it once was. Will looks uncomfortable. Max and Eric are both sitting here stone faced, just like I imagined that they would be through all of this. Ultimately they have put us in this position. No chance that they will show that they know what they did was wrong.

 **I clamp my hand over my mouth and scream into my palm. My cheeks are hot and wet with tears I didn't feel beginning. My blood cries out that it belongs to her, and struggles to return to her, and I hear her words in my mind as I run, telling me to be brave.**

"Breath Tris," I whisper. I know better than to ask her how she feels. Telling her everything will be alright is useless and untrue. Nothing will be right.

 **Pain stabs through me as everything I am made of collapses, my entire world dismantled in a moment. The pavement scrapes my knees. If I lie down now, this can all be done. Maybe Eric was right, and choosing death is like exploring an unknown, uncertain place.**

 **I feel Tobias brushing my hair back before the first simulation. I hear him telling me to be brave. I hear my mother telling me to be brave.**

 **The Dauntless soldiers turn as if moved by the same mind. Somehow I get up and start running.**

 **I am brave.**

"Chapter over," Eric says.

Tris moves in her seat and straddles me, wrapping her arms around me she sobs loudly into my chest. I hold her as tight as I can without squashing her. I see Shauna move to come over but I shake my head. Tris needs to get this out. In a few minutes I know she will calm down a bit and then the others can have their moment with her.

Although I don't know how she will cope with that. She doesn't like the attention to be centred around her and this is such a personal grief that she is going through.

"I can't tell you that everything will be okay. But I will hold you and take care of you for as long as you need me to Tris," I whisper to her.

I can feel her smile even between her sobs. "Thank you," she whispers into my shirt, but it was just loud enough that I could hear her.

"Can we stop reading for a little bit?" she asks me. She hasn't taken her face out from my chest yet. I know she isn't going to want everyone to see her this way.

"Yeah, we can," I say to her. I pick her up and start walking towards the stairs.

"We are gonna take a break," I say to the rest of the room.

* * *

I lock our door and walk over and sit on our bed. Tris has hardly moved even with me walking us up the stairs.

"I never thought anything could hurt this much," Tris says pulling slightly away from me. "Was it like that when you thought your mother had died."

"Yeah, it was," I say.

"Did it get better?"

"No. But I think Marcus beating me from the moment that she was gone didn't help. I couldn't talk about her or ask questions or he would beat me within an inch of my life. I think that was one of the last days I ever cried."

This makes Tris start to cry again. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you cry more."

"It just breaks my heart that he would do that to you. Especially when you were missing your mum so much. I can't imagine what that must have been like. You were so little."

"Do you want to lie down?" I am sure all this crying and the emotion behind it has exhausted her.

"Yeah. I think I want a shower first."

"I will go and get us something to eat while you are in the shower. I'll tell the others that we will go back down there only when you are ready."

"Tobias do you think I'm being stupid? I mean this hasn't happened yet."

"No. I think that if we weren't stuck in this place then it probably would have already happened. And it still may happen. I think your reaction is normal under the circumstances."

Tris gets up and walks into the bathroom.

* * *

Before I have reached the bottom step I am inundated with questions. I put my hands up to try and stop the barrage.

"She's okay, sort of. She is having a shower and then is going to have a nap," I say.

"She shouldn't be alone," Christina scolds me.

"I know that," I snap. "I came to get us something to eat. I'm sure she doesn't want me in the shower with her."

"Let us know if she needs anything," Shauna says.

"I will. Are they okay?" I nod my head towards Uriah and Marlene.

"Marlene lost it after you took Tris upstairs. Which then Uriah started to cry with her. I don't know how Marlene is going to cope reading these books. She has always been such a happy soul but is this fierce fighter underneath it all. But this, the whole war and people dying, she isn't coping very well with it," Shauna says.

"I'm just going to get us something to eat. I don't want to leave Tris alone for too long," I say. I don't even know how what to say about Marlene and Uriah. I'm glad I wasn't here to see Uriah start crying, that would just be uncomfortable.

* * *

I get back to our room and I can hear the shower still running. I look down and realise I need to change my shirt. It is soaking wet from Tris. I decide I may as well put some sweats on as well, if we are going to lie down I may as well be comfortable. I have just stripped down to my underwear when I hear it. Gut wrenching sobs coming from the bathroom.

I don't even think I just run straight in to the bathroom and see Tris is curled up in a ball on the floor crying her eyes out. I open the door and rush in, sitting on the floor and pulling Tris into my lap. I don't know how long we stay like this. But we need to get out of here.

"Tris," I nudge her shoulder. She has fallen asleep on me and we are still in the shower. I don't want to wake her but she is sitting on me naked and the water is starting to get cooler. "Tris, we need to get out of here," I say a little louder.

Tris opens her eyes and looks at me then at her surroundings. "Did I fall asleep?"

I nod. "We really need to get up before the water turns cold."

Tris looks down at herself and at me. I see the shock as her eyes widen. "I'm naked," she says.

"Yeah, I know," I say with a bit of a chuckle.

Tris puts her hand over my eyes. "Just keep them closed until I get out and find some towels," she says.

I do as she asks. I don't dare open them. "You can open them now," she says as she leans back into the shower stall and turns the water off and passes me a towel.

"Thanks," I say as I take the towel. I can see the blush rising on her cheeks, it really is adorable to see.

"I can't believe you saw me naked like that," Tris mumbles.

"Tris," I say but she walks, almost runs, out of the bathroom with a towel around her.

I walk into the bedroom and Tris is just standing in the middle of the room, red from embarrassment.

"Tris, I really couldn't see much," I say.

"That's because there isn't anything to see," she whispers. Going even redder.

"I didn't mean it like that. You were hugging my body. I didn't even think as I went in there. I heard your sobs and it broke my heart. I just knew I had to get to you."

Tris searches my face, like she is looking to see if I'm lying to her. But I'm not. Then she does something I wasn't expecting. She drops her towel.

My breath hitches. I try to just stare into her eyes but I can't. I've never seen anything as beautiful as she is.

I look back into her eyes and I can see the doubt in her eyes. She tries to cover herself with her hands.

"Don't," I whisper. She locks eyes with me and I can tell she is feeling so vulnerable. I take the two steps between us and hold onto her hands. I hold her hands out to her sides. I bend down and whisper in her ear, "You are absolutely beautiful to me."

Tris starts to shake her head. I let go of her hands and place my hands on either side of her face and kiss her and she starts to melt into me. I feel her arms wrap around my waist as we continue to kiss.

I pull away breathless, hugging her closely to me. Not wanting to ever let her go.

I finally pull away from her. "Turn around Tris," I say.

She looks at me questioningly as I bend down and grab her towel.

"I just want to dry your hair."

"I can do that."

"I know but I want to."

I stand there drying her hair. No words are spoken, no words are needed. Once I have her hair relatively dry I guide Tris over to our bed. I pull the sheet back, drop my towel and pull us both onto the bed.

I lie on my side and pull Tris towards me so that her back is to my chest. "Sleep Tris," I murmur. I feel so exhausted from all that has happened. I don't know how she is still awake.

* * *

A/N: A big thank you to Paula08 and Lunaschild2016. The support and encouragement you both gave me as I wrote this chapter means the world to me.


	37. Chapter 37

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

FOUR'S POV

I wake to loud banging on our door. "Four!" Zeke shouts.

More banging. I groan and just want to fall back to sleep. "Open the door," Zeke shouts as he keeps banging the door.

"Shut up," I mutter to myself. I hear a giggle come from next to me.

"Come on Four. Open the bloody door," Zeke shouts again.

"He isn't going away, is he?" I ask Tris.

"I don't think so," she says.

I get out of bed and look for some clothes.

"What?" I shout as I open the door.

"There's no hot water," he tells me.

"And?"

"I see you've put your cranky pants on," Zeke laughs at his own comment.

"You woke us up," I say.

Zeke peers over me and says, "Sorry Tris."

"What about me?" I ask.

"Toughen up Four," Zeke says seriously. "So, there isn't any hot water. Do you know how we can contact the people who have us here?"

"I don't think we need to contact anyone," I say.

"You might like a cold shower, but I sure as hell don't want one," Zeke sounds frustrated.

"No," I chuckle. "I mean, I think Tris and I may have used all the hot water. You just need to give it a couple of hours to heat back up."

"Oh," Zeke says. "Ohhhh!"

"It's not like that," I say.

"Well you've been up here for hours. Are we going to get to read any more chapters today?"

"We will be down soon," Tris calls out.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" I ask Tris.

"Yeah, I will be fine," Tris says.

"I'll let everyone know," Zeke says and then disappears down the hall.

"We don't have to do this," I say.

"I know but I feel better and I have to remember my mum isn't dead yet. We still have a chance to change things."

* * *

After dinner we make our way back into the lounge room and get ready to start reading the story again.

"I'm reading," Lynn tells us.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX**

 **Three dauntless soldiers pursue me. They run in unison, their footsteps echoing in the alley. One of them fires, and I dive, scraping my palms on the ground. The bullet hits the brick wall to my right, and pieces of brick spray everywhere. I throw myself around the corner and click a bullet into the chamber of my gun.**

"Tris, I'm sorry but I really think you are about to bite the bullet," Zeke says.

"I agree," says Eric."

"You are only hoping for that to win the bet," Tris says.

"Yeah," Zeke says. "It's not like I really want you dead. I couldn't stand it if I had to see Four cry."

"Nobody wants to have to see Four cry," Lynn says.

"Speak for yourselves," Eric chuckles.

 **They killed my mother. I point the gun into the alley and fire blindly. It wasn't really them, but it doesn't matter—can't matter, and just like death itself, can't be real right now.**

 **Just one set of footsteps now. I hold the gun out with both hands and stand at the end of the alley, pointing at the Dauntless soldier. My finger squeezes the trigger, but not hard enough to fire. The man running toward me is not a man, he is a boy. A shaggy-haired boy with a crease between his eyebrows.**

"Oh no," Christina gasps.

 **Will. Dull-eyed and mindless, but still Will. He stops running and mirrors me, his feet planted and his gun up. In an instant, I see his finger poised over the trigger and hear the bullet slide into the chamber, and I fire. My eyes squeezed shut. Can't breathe.**

 **The bullet hit him in the head. I know because that's where I aimed it.**

"How could you?" Christina screams.

Gasps are heard around the room and everyone is staring at Tris.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Tris says as she gets up and runs to the downstairs bathroom.

I go to get up and follow her but Will stops me. "Can I talk to her?" he asks. I just nod.

"Will!" Christina yells at him.

"Will," she yells again as she grabs his shoulder. "Don't you dare run after her."

Will ignores her and walks towards the bathroom.

Christina falls to the floor and has tears streaming down her face. Marlene runs over and tries to comfort her.

"How could she?" Christina wails. "She is supposed to be his friend."

"That wasn't her friend out there," I say.

"Of course you would take her side," Christina snaps.

"There's no sides Christina. It is war. It is kill or be killed. Do you really think Will would have stopped," I say.

"How could he, he doesn't know what he is doing."

"So, does that mean Tris should just let him kill her?"

Christina doesn't say anything she just sits there and continues to sob.

"Look this is a really shitty situation that we have been put into. We aren't going to like what we hear reading these books. But we can learn from it," I say.

I walk off. I go upstairs and get Tris her toothbrush. If she has thrown up she is going to want to brush her teeth.

I walk into the bathroom and Tris and Will are hugging. They break apart and Will goes to leave.

"Sorry man," I say as I clasp a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah," he chuckles. "I suppose someone had to be first."

I just nod as he passes me by.

I look at Tris and see that she has been crying. I walk over and give her a hug.

"I brought you your toothbrush."

"Thanks. I definitely need it."

"You're not having a great day." I chuckle.

"I'm really not," Tris scoffs. "Why do I get the feeling my day isn't going to improve any time soon?"

"Probably because it's not. How was Will?"

"Surprisingly good. He told me that it wasn't my fault, that I shouldn't blame myself. I don't know Tobias he was to calm. It was like it had no effect on him. I'm worried about his reaction."

"Maybe it's the Erudite in him. I don't know. Are you ready to face some more?"

"Yeah let me just brush my teeth."

Once Tris has brushed her teeth we make our way back into the lounge room. Everyone is talking quietly amongst themselves. Marlene has red rimmed eyes, she has not been coping with what has been read at all. Uriah is holding her close.

Christina is in tears and Will is trying to calm her down. Will has changed his shirt and is now wearing a shirt with a giant X on it.

"What's with the shirt?" I ask him.

"Uriah and Zeke gave it to me," Will says.

"For what exactly?"

"Do you like it?" Uriah asks.

"What?"

"We made these shirts so that when someone gets killed off they get to wear one," Zeke says.

"When did you think this up?" I ask.

"The first day," Zeke says. "We thought it was a bit of a laugh."

"Dying isn't really funny," I say.

"We know," Uriah says. "But we needed something to lighten the mood. Plus, then we will remember who is gone and that we need to try and find a way to save them."

I just shake my head, I cannot for the life of me understand the way those two think.

"Now that everyone is here," Eric states. "Lynn can start to read again."

 **I turn around without opening my eyes and stumble away from the alley. North and Fairfield. I have to look at the street sign to see where I am, but I can't read it; my vision is blurred. I blink a few times. I stand just yards away from the building that contains what's left of my family.**

 **I kneel next to the door. Tobias would call me unwise to make any noise. Noise might attract Dauntless soldiers.**

"You are always thinking of Four Tris," Shauna giggles. "It's really cute.

 **I press my forehead to the wall and scream. After a few seconds I clamp my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound and scream again, a scream that turns into a sob. The gun clatters to the ground. I still see Will.**

 **He smiles in my memory. A curled lip. Straight teeth. Light in his eyes. Laughing, teasing, more alive in memory than I am in reality. It was him or me. I chose me. But I feel dead too.**

"You did what you had to do," I say.

"You should feel dead," Christina snaps. Tears still falling from her eyes.

I feel Tris tense but then she takes a deep breath, shakes her head a little and relaxes a bit. I can see that she is trying to ignore Christina and her comments.

 **I pound on the door—twice, then three times, then six times, as my mother told me to.**

"How did you remember that?" Uriah asks.

"I haven't yet. So I don't know," Tris replies.

 **I wipe the tears from my face. This is the first time I will see my father since I left him, and I don't want him to see me half-collapsed and sobbing.**

"It's not like it's all sunshine and rainbows Tris, you've been shot," Marlene says. "I wish it was though."

 **The door opens, and Caleb stands in the doorway. The sight of him stuns me. He stares at me for a few seconds and then throws his arms around me, his hand pressing to the wound in my shoulder. I bite my lip to keep from crying out, but a groan escapes me anyway, and Caleb yanks back.**

" **Beatrice. Oh God, are you shot?"**

" **Let's go inside," I say weakly.**

 **He drags his thumb under his eyes, catching the moisture. The door falls shut behind us.**

"What has he got to be sad about?" Lynn asks.

"His mum just died," Uriah says.

"Yeah but he doesn't know that yet," Lynn says.

 **The room is dimly lit, but I see familiar faces, former neighbors and classmates and my father's coworkers. My father, who stares at me like I've grown a second head. Marcus. The sight of him makes me ache—Tobias...**

 **No. I will not do that; I will not think of him.**

" **How did you know about this place?" Caleb says. "Did Mom find you?" I nod. I don't want to think about Mom, either.**

"I wonder how you will tell them?" Shauna ponders.

" **My shoulder," I say.**

 **Now that I am safe, the adrenaline that propelled me here is fading, and the pain is getting worse. I sink to my knees. Water drips from my clothes onto the cement floor. A sob rises within me, desperate for release, and I choke it back.**

"Soggy socks," Uriah and Lynn both say at the same time and then laugh at each other.

 **A woman named Tessa who lived down the street from us rolls out a pallet. She was married to a council member, but I don't see him here. He is probably dead.**

 **Someone else carries a lamp from one corner to the other so we have light. Caleb produces a first-aid kit, and Susan brings me a bottle of water. There is no better place to need help than a room full of members of Abnegation. I glance at Caleb. He's wearing gray again. Seeing him in the Erudite compound feels like a dream now.**

Zeke starts to laugh. "You definitely found the right place to get help."

Laughter doesn't feel right as we have been reading the last few chapters but at the same time we need it. We might not want it but we do need it.

 **My father comes to me, lifts my arm across his shoulders, and helps me across the room.**

" **Why are you wet?" Caleb says.**

" **They tried to drown me," I say. "Why are you here?"**

" **I did what you said—what Mom said. I researched the simulation serum and found out that Jeanine was working to develop long-range transmitters for the serum so its signal could stretch farther, which led me to information about Erudite and Dauntless ...anyway, I dropped out of initiation when I figured out what was happening. I would have warned you, but it was too late," he says. "I'm factionless now."**

"It's ironic that I was the first of us to be killed," Will says.

"Why would you think that? Christina barks.

"It's my sister who helped Jeanine to develop that simulation serum," he says.

"I should have broken her nose," Tris grumbles next to me.

"This is crazy," Zeke says. "Why would your sister do that?"

"I doubt she would have wanted to see this happen," Will defends.

"Are you sure?" Shauna asks.

"No, but I know my sister. She wouldn't want to see lives lost."

"Or is it that she wouldn't have wanted to lose you? She hates Abnegation," I say.

"I don't know," Will sounds defeated. "I hope not."

" **No, you aren't," my father says sternly. "You're with us."**

"So, does that mean we can all just change faction?" Christina asks. "Or does that only apply if you have family that are members of the council?"

"Wanting to change faction are we?" Eric asks.

"I'm thinking about it," Christina says.

"You're welcome to join Abnegation any time you like," Eric says.

"That's not funny Eric," Tris shouts.

"I wasn't trying to be funny, Tris."

"Asshole," Tris mumbles under her breath.

 **I kneel on the pallet and Caleb cuts a piece of my shirt away from my shoulder with a pair of medical scissors. Caleb peels the square of fabric away, revealing first the Abnegation tattoo on my right shoulder and second, the three birds on my collarbone. Caleb and my father stare at both tattoos with the same look of fascination and shock but say nothing about them.**

"I don't know why your father is so shocked. Your mum had a tattoo," Lynn says.

"I don't think he is ready to accept that I'm Dauntless just yet," Tris says.

 **I lie on my stomach. Caleb squeezes my palm as my father gets the antiseptic from the first aid kit.**

" **Have you ever taken a bullet out of someone before?" I ask, a shaky laugh in my voice.**

" **The things I know how to do might surprise you," he replies.**

 **A lot of things about my parents might surprise me. I think of Mom's tattoo and bite my lip.**

" **This will hurt," he says.**

 **I don't see the knife go in, but I feel it. Pain spreads through my body and I scream through gritted teeth, crushing Caleb's hand. Over the screaming, I hear my father ask me to relax my back. Tears run from the corners of my eyes and I do as he tells me. The pain starts again, and I feel the knife moving under my skin, and I am still screaming.**

" **Got it," he says. He drops something on the floor with a** _ **ding.**_

"I hate when they take it out like that," Zeke says with a shudder and Uriah starts laughing.

"How do you know this?" I ask.

"Uriah shot me with mum's gun," Zeke says rolling up his pant leg to show us the scar.

"It was an accident," Uriah defends.

"That's one ugly scar Zeke. What did you do? Let Uriah take it out?" Eric asks.

Zeke starts to laugh. "Yeah he did. We didn't want mum to know that we had been playing with her gun."

"She found out anyway," Uriah laughs.

"How?" I ask.

"It got infected. So I had to go to the infirmary. They called mum and we had to explain what happened," Zeke chuckles.

"Didn't you clean the wound?" Eric asks.

"I was eleven and Uriah was nine. We weren't thinking of wound care," Zeke says.

"What did Hana do?" Tris asks.

"After she laughed at us for being idiots," Zeke says. "She grounded us for a month and then taught us how to shoot and take care of guns."

"Part of your punishment was learning how to shoot?" Christina asks shocked.

"Well we are Dauntless," Uriah says.

 **Caleb looks at my father and then at me, and then he laughs. I haven't heard him**

 **laugh in so long that the sound makes me cry.**

" **What's so funny?" I say, sniffling.**

" **I never thought I would see us together again," he says.**

"Your brother is truly strange Tris," Lynn says.

 **My father cleans the skin around my wound with something cold. "Stitching time," he says.**

 **I nod. He threads the needle like he's done it a thousand times.**

" **One," he says, "two...** _ **three**_ **."**

 **I clench my jaw and stay quiet this time. Of all the pain I have suffered today—the pain of getting shot and almost drowning and taking the bullet out again, the pain of finding and losing my mother and Tobias, this is the easiest to bear.**

 **My father finishes stitching my wound, ties off the thread, and covers the stitches with a bandage. Caleb helps me sit up and separates the hems of his two shirts, pulling the long-sleeved one over his head and offering it to me.**

 **My father helps me guide my right arm through the shirt sleeve, and I pull the rest over my head. It is baggy and smells fresh, smells like Caleb.**

" **So," my father says quietly. "Where is your mother?"**

 **I look down. I don't want to deliver this news. I don't want to have this news to begin with.**

" **She's gone," I say. "She saved me."**

 **Caleb closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.**

 **My father looks momentarily stricken and then recovers himself, averting his glistening eyes and nodding.**

" **That is good," he says, sounding strained. "A good death."**

"Bloody Abnegation," Marlene shouts. "How can he think that?"

"I don't know if it is what he is thinking but it is what he has been conditioned to say," I tell them.

 **If I speak right now, I will break down, and I can't afford to do that. So I just nod.**

 **Eric called Al's suicide brave, and he was wrong. My mother's death was brave. I remember how calm she was, how determined. It isn't just brave that she died for me; it is brave that she did it without announcing it, without hesitation, and without appearing to consider another option.**

 **He helps me to my feet. Time to face the rest of the room. My mother told me to save them. Because of that, and because I am Dauntless, it's my duty to lead now. I have no idea how to bear that burden.**

 **Marcus gets up. A vision of him whipping my arm with a belt rushes into my mind when I see him, and my chest squeezes.**

I tighten my grip on Tris. The thought that she would be in the same room as Marcus makes me sick.

" **We are only safe here for so long," Marcus says eventually. "We need to get out of the city. Our best option is to go to the Amity compound in the hope that they'll take us in. Do you know anything about the Dauntless strategy, Beatrice? Will they stop fighting at night?"**

" **It's not Dauntless strategy," I say. "This whole thing is masterminded by the Erudite. And it's not like they're giving orders."**

" **Not giving orders," my father says. "What do you mean?"**

" **I mean," I say, "ninety percent of the Dauntless are sleepwalking right now. They're in a simulation and they don't know what they're doing. The only reason I'm not just like them is that I'm..." I hesitate on the word. "The mind control doesn't affect me."**

" **Mind control? So they don't know that they're killing people right now?" my father asks me, his eyes wide.**

" **No."**

" **That's...awful." Marcus shakes his head. His sympathetic tone sounds manufactured to me. "Waking up and realizing what you've done..."**

"At least they had an excuse Marcus," Zeke calls out. "What's yours, you bastard."

"I don't think he can hear you Zeke," I chuckle.

"Well I wish he could," Zeke grins.

 **The room goes quiet, probably as all the Abnegation imagine themselves in the place of the Dauntless soldiers, and that's when it occurs to me.**

" **We have to wake them up," I say.**

" **What?" Marcus says.**

" **If we wake the Dauntless up, they will probably revolt when they realize what's going on," I explain. "The Erudite won't have an army. The Abnegation will stop dying. This will be over."**

" **It won't be that simple," my father says. "Even without the Dauntless helping them, the Erudite will find another way to—"**

" **And how are we supposed to wake them up?" Marcus says.**

" **We find the computers that control the simulation and destroy the data," I say. "The program. Everything."**

" **Easier said than done," Caleb says. "It could be anywhere. We can't just appear at the Erudite compound and start poking around."**

" **It's..." I frown. Jeanine. Jeanine was talking about something important when Tobias and I came into her office, important enough to hang up on someone. You can't just leave it undefended. And then, when she was sending Tobias away:** _ **Send him to the control room.**_ **The control room where Tobias used to work. With the Dauntless security monitors. And the Dauntless computers.**

" **It's at Dauntless headquarters," I say. "It makes sense. That's where all the data about the Dauntless is stored, so why not control them from there?"**

"Thinking like an Erudite again Tris," Marlene comments. "I hope it works out as well as it did for capture the flag."

 **I faintly register that I said** _ **them**_ **. As of yesterday, I technically became Dauntless, but I don't feel like one. And I am not Abnegation, either.**

 **I guess I am what I've always been. Not Dauntless, not Abnegation, not factionless. Divergent.**

" **Are you sure?" my father asks.**

" **It's an informed guess," I say, "and it's the best theory I have."**

" **Then we'll have to decide who goes and who continues on to Amity," he says. "What kind of help do you need, Beatrice?"**

 **The question stuns me, as does the expression he wears. He looks at me like I'm a peer. He speaks to me like I'm a peer. Either he has accepted that I am an adult now, or he has accepted that I am no longer his daughter. The latter is more likely, and more painful.**

" **Anyone who can and will fire a gun," I say, "and isn't afraid of heights."**

"I bet you would have still gone if you had been there Four," Zeke teases. "You wouldn't have let your fear overtake you. Plus, I think you would follow Tris anywhere."

"Probably," I can't disagree.


	38. Chapter 38

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read," I say as I grab the book.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN**

 **Erudite and Dauntless forces are concentrated in the Abnegation sector of the city, so as long as we run away from the Abnegation sector, we are less likely to encounter difficulty.**

 **I didn't get to decide who is coming with me. Caleb was the obvious choice, since he knows the most about the Erudite plan. Marcus insisted that he go, despite my protests, because he is good with computers. And my father acted like his place was assumed from the beginning.**

 **I watch the others run in the opposite direction—toward safety, toward Amity—for a few seconds, and then I turn away, toward the city, toward the war. We stand next to the railroad tracks, which will carry us into danger.**

"Abnegation don't know how to jump on trains," Marlene says.

"And?" Lynn asks.

"That's a long walk to Amity," Marlene explains.

" **What time is it?" I ask Caleb.**

 **He checks his watch. "Three twelve."**

" **Should be here any second," I say.**

" **Will it stop?" he asks.**

 **I shake my head. "It goes slowly through the city. We'll run next to the car for a few feet and then climb inside."**

"This should be funny," Uriah says.

"Why?" Tris asks.

"Two stiffs and a former stiff/Erudite trying to catch a train."

"Maybe Four will get lucky and Marcus will fall under the train," Zeke says.

I couldn't be that lucky, I think to myself.

 **Jumping on trains seems easy to me now, natural. It won't be as easy for the rest of them, but we can't stop now. I look over my left shoulder and see the headlights burning gold against the gray buildings and roads. I bounce on the balls of my feet as the lights grow larger and larger, and then the front of the train glides past me, and I start jogging. When I see an open car, I pick up my pace to keep stride with it and grab the handle on the left, swinging myself inside.**

 **Caleb jumps, landing hard and rolling on his side to get in, and he helps Marcus. My father lands on his stomach, pulling his legs in behind him. They move away from the doorway, but I stand on the edge with one hand on a handle, watching the city pass.**

"It wasn't as funny as I had hoped," Uriah sounds disappointed.

 **If I were Jeanine, I would send the majority of Dauntless soldiers to the Dauntless entrance above the Pit, outside the glass building. It would be smarter to go in the back entrance, the one that requires jumping off a building.**

"You can't take them that way!" Max exclaims.

"Why not?" I ask.

"We don't want the other factions knowing about it," Max explains.

"Well you've wiped out most of Abnegation so there's a quarter of your problem solved," I say dryly.

" **I assume you now regret choosing Dauntless," Marcus says.**

"He would love to hear you admit you had," I say.

 **I am surprised my father didn't ask that question, but he, like me, is watching the city. The train passes the Erudite compound, which is dark now. It looks peaceful from a distance, and inside those walls, it probably is peaceful. Far removed from the conflict and the reality of what they have done.**

 **I shake my head.**

" **Not even after your faction's leaders decided to join in a plot to overthrow the government?" Marcus spits.**

"He is a bitter bastard," Eric comments.

" **There were some things I needed to learn."**

" **How to be brave?" my father says quietly.**

" **How to be selfless," I say. "Often they're the same thing."**

" **Is that why you got Abnegation's symbol tattooed on your shoulder?" Caleb asks. I am almost sure that I see a smile in my father's eyes.**

 **I smile faintly back and nod. "And Dauntless on the other."**

"We have a page break," I say.

 **The glass building above the Pit reflects sunlight into my eyes. I stand, holding the handle next to the door for balance. Almost there.**

" **When I tell you to jump," I say, "you jump, as far as you can."**

" **Jump?" Caleb asks. "We're seven stories up, Tris."**

"I think she might know that Caleb," Zeke is talking like he is there with them.

"Why do you keep talking to the book people?" Marlene asks.

"I don't know. I can't stop myself," Zeke answers.

" **Onto a roof," I add. Seeing the stunned look on his face, I say, "That's why they call it a test of bravery."**

 **Half of bravery is perspective. The first time I did this, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Now, preparing to jump off a moving train is nothing, because I have done more difficult things in the past few weeks than most people will in a lifetime. And yet none of it compares to what I am about to do in the Dauntless compound. If I survive, I will undoubtedly go on to do far more difficult things than even that, like live without a faction, something I never imagined possible.**

"You don't know if you're factionless yet," Uriah smiles.

"Do you want to be part of Dauntless after what they have done?" Tris asks with a raised eyebrow.

"We could kick them out of Dauntless," Uriah says.

"If we can stop everyone from being under simulation," Tori says.

"Good luck Tris," Zeke says. "We are all counting on you."

" **Dad, you go," I say, stepping back so he can stand by the edge. If he and Marcus go first, I can time it so they have to jump the shortest distance. Hopefully Caleb and I can jump far enough to make it, because we're younger. It's a chance I have to take.**

"You could just trip Marcus on his way out," Zeke chuckles.

 **The train tracks curve, and when they line up with the edge of the roof, I shout, "Jump!"**

 **My father bends his knees and launches himself forward. I don't wait to see if he makes it. I shove Marcus forward and shout, "Jump!"**

"Tris I told you to trip him not encourage him to jump," Zeke says.

"Sorry Zeke must not have been able to hear you over the wind in the train," Tris smirks.

Uriah and Lynn crack up laughing.

 **My father lands on the roof, so close to the edge that I gasp. He sits down on the gravel, and I push Caleb in front of me. He stands at the edge of the train car and jumps without me having to tell him to. I take a few steps back to give myself a running start and leap out of the car just as the train reaches the end of the roof.**

 **For an instant I am suspended in nothingness, and then my feet slam into cement and I stumble to the side, away from the roof's edge. My knees ache, and the impact shudders through my body, making my shoulder throb. I sit down, breathing hard, and look across the rooftop. Caleb and my father stand at the edge of the roof, their hands around Marcus's arms. He didn't make it, but he hasn't fallen yet.**

 **Somewhere inside me, a vicious voice chants:** _ **fall, fall, fall.**_

"FALL, FALL, FALL!" Uriah, Zeke and Lynn start chanting. I can't help but smile.

 **But he doesn't.**

"Ohhh," the three that were chanting all groan, disappointment evident in their voices.

 **My father and Caleb haul him onto the roof. I stand up, brushing gravel off my pants. The thought of what comes next has me preoccupied. It is one thing to ask people to jump off a train, but a roof?**

" **This next part is why I asked about fear of heights," I say, walking to the edge of the roof. I hear their shuffling footsteps behind me and step onto the ledge. Wind rushes up the side of the building and lifts my shirt from my skin. I stare down at the hole in the ground, seven stories below me, and then close my eyes as the air blows over my face.**

"When we get back we should go and jump off the roof again," Lynn says.

"Are you crazy?" Uriah asks.

"No!" Lynn states. "It was fun, I'd love to do it again."

"Me too," Zeke says. "You not Dauntless enough Uriah?"

"I'm plenty Dauntless Zeke. I just don't know if I want to do that again."

"What about zip lining?" Lynn asks.

"I definitely want to zip line again. We still need to take Mar."

" **There's a net at the bottom," I say, looking over my shoulder. They look confused. They haven't figured out what I am asking them to do yet.**

" **Don't think," I say. "Just jump."**

 **I turn, and as I turn, I lean back, compromising my balance. I drop like a stone, my eyes closed, one arm outstretched to feel the wind. I relax my muscles as much as I can before I hit the net, which feels like a slab of cement hitting my shoulder. I grit my teeth and roll to the edge, grabbing the pole that supports the net, and swing my leg over the side. I land on my knees on the platform, my eyes blurry with tears.**

"First Jumper Tris!" Zeke yells out with a laugh. "That never gets old."

"For you maybe," Lynn says. "For the rest of us it is beyond old now."

 **Caleb yelps as the net curls around his body and then straightens. I stand with some difficulty.**

" **Caleb!" I hiss. "Over here!"**

 **Breathing heavily, Caleb crawls to the side of the net and drops over the edge, hitting the platform hard. Wincing, he pushes himself to his feet and stares at me, his mouth open.**

" **How many times...have you...done that?" he asks between breaths.**

" **Twice now," I say.**

 **He shakes his head.**

 **When my father hits the net, Caleb helps him across. When he stands on the platform, he leans and vomits over the side. I descend the stairs, and when I get to the bottom, I hear Marcus hit the net with a groan.**

"I can see why your mum had to transfer out of Dauntless. Your dad wouldn't have survived," Lynn says.

 **The cavern is empty and the hallways stretch into darkness.**

 **Jeanine made it sound like there was no one left in the Dauntless compound except the soldiers she sent back to guard the computers. If we can find Dauntless soldiers, we can find the computers. I look over my shoulder. Marcus stands on the platform, white as a sheet but unharmed.**

" **So this is the Dauntless compound," says Marcus.**

" **Yes," I say. "And?"**

" **And I never thought I would get to see it," he replies, his hand skimming a wall. "No need to be so defensive, Beatrice."**

"If you weren't such a prick," Zeke calls out. "You could have come on Visiting Day."

"Zeke. Stop shouting at the book people," Shauna tells him.

"I can't help it," Zeke whines.

 **I never noticed how cold his eyes were before.**

" **Do you have a plan, Beatrice?" my father says.**

" **Yes." And it's true. I do, though I'm not sure when I developed it.**

 **I'm also not sure it will work. I can count on a few things: There aren't many Dauntless in the compound, the Dauntless aren't known for their subtlety, and I'll do anything to stop them.**

 **We walk down the hallway that leads to the Pit, which is striped with light every ten feet. When we walk into the first patch of light, I hear a gunshot and drop to the ground. Someone must have seen us. I crawl into the next dark patch. The spark from the gun flashed across the room by the door that leads to the Pit.**

" **Everyone okay?" I ask.**

" **Yes," my father says.**

" **Stay here, then."**

 **I run to the side of the room. The lights protrude from the wall, so directly beneath each one is a slit of shadow. I am small enough to hide in it, if I turn to the side. I can creep along the edge of the room and surprise whatever guard is shooting at us before he gets the chance to fire a bullet into my brain. Maybe.**

 **One of the things I thank Dauntless for is the preparedness that eliminates my fear.**

" **Whoever's there," a voice shouts, "surrender your weapons and put your hands up!"**

 **I turn to the side and press my back to the stone wall. I shuffle quickly sideways, one foot crossing over the other, squinting to see through the semidarkness. Another gunshot fires into silence. I reach the last light and stand for a moment in shadow, letting my eyes adjust.**

"Who the hell would just fire into darkness like that?" Eric asks confused.

"Obviously it's one of your lackeys," I say.

"I doubt it," Eric remarks.

 **I can't win a fight, but if I can move fast enough, I won't have to fight. My footsteps light, I walk toward the guard who stands by the door. A few yards away, I realize that I know that dark hair that always gleams, even in relative darkness, and that long nose with a narrow bridge.**

 **It's Peter.**

"What were you saying Eric?" I ask him.

"You chose Peter, how does that not surprise anyone?" Tris says.

 **Cold slips over my skin and around my heart and into the pit of my stomach.**

 **His face is tense—he isn't a sleepwalker. He looks around, but his eyes search the air above me and beyond me. Judging by his silence, he does not intend to negotiate with us; he will kill us without question.**

 **I lick my lips, sprint the last few steps, and thrust the heel of my hand up. The blow connects with his nose, and he shouts, bringing both hands up to cover his face. My body jolts with nervous energy and as his eyes squint, I kick him in the groin. He drops to his knees, his gun clattering to the ground. I grab it and press the barrel to the top of his head.**

"Go Tris. Go Tris. Go Tris," Uriah and Zeke keep chanting.

"Can you two calm down?" Max asks. "You are giving me a bloody headache."

"We have pills for that in the kitchen," Zeke says. "Do you want me to go and get them for you?"

"Just keep the chanting down and I should be fine," Max says shaking his head. "Just stay out of the kitchen Zeke."

" **How are you awake?" I demand.**

 **He lifts his head, and I click the bullet into its chamber, raising an eyebrow at him.**

" **The Dauntless leaders...they evaluated my records and removed me from the simulation," he says.**

" **Because they figured out that you already have murderous tendencies and wouldn't mind killing a few hundred people while conscious," I say. "Makes sense."**

" **I'm not...murderous!"**

"Is he joking?" Tori says. "He is such a little shit. I hope you shoot him Tris."

" **I never knew a Candor who was such a liar." I tap the gun against his skull. "Where are the computers that control the simulation, Peter?"**

" **You won't shoot me."**

" **People tend to overestimate my character," I say quietly. "They think that because I'm small, or a girl, or a Stiff, I can't possibly be cruel. But they're wrong."**

 **I shift the gun three inches to the left and fire at his arm.**

"Oh Yeah!" Lynn calls out.

"That was awesome Tris," Christina smiles.

"I bet that felt good. Well it would if you had done it. It makes me feel good just thinking that it might happen," Uriah says.

"Yeah it does feel good," Tris says. "I hope he starts crying."

Everyone is having a laugh and joking about Peter.

"Okay calm down," Max tells us. "Let's just keep reading."

 **His screams fill the hallway. Blood spurts from the wound, and he screams again, pressing his forehead to the ground. I shift the gun back to his head, ignoring the pang of guilt in my chest.**

" **Now that you realize your mistake," I say, "I will give you another chance to tell me what I need to know before I shoot you somewhere worse."**

"Tris is turning badass," Marlene comments.

"I think Peter brings it out in her," Will says.

 **Another thing I can count on: Peter is not selfless.**

 **He turns his head and focuses a bright eye on me. His teeth close over his lower lip, and his breaths shake on the way out. And on the way in. And on the way out again.**

" **They're listening," he spits. "If you don't kill me, they will. The only way I'll tell you is if you get me out of here."**

" **What?"**

" **Take me...ahh...with you," he says, wincing.**

" **You want me to take you," I say, "the person who tried to kill me...with me?"**

" **I do," he groans. "If you expect to find out what you need to know."**

"He has to be kidding," Eric sounds frustrated. "I don't understand why we consider him for this. He is such a two-faced coward."

"Probably most of the members you got to help are like that," I say.

 **It feels like a choice, but it isn't. Every minute that I waste staring at Peter, thinking about how he haunts my nightmares and the damage he did to me, another dozen Abnegation members die at the hands of the brain-dead Dauntless army.**

" **Fine," I say, almost choking on the word. "Fine."**

 **I hear footsteps behind me. Holding the gun steady, I look over my shoulder. My father and the others walk toward us.**

 **My father takes off his long-sleeved shirt. He wears a gray T-shirt beneath it. He crouches next to Peter and loops the fabric around his arm, tying it tightly. As he presses the fabric to the blood running down Peter's arm, he looks up at me and says, "Was it really necessary to shoot him?"**

"Did he not hear your conversation with Peter? Honestly your dad frustrates me," Lynn says.

 **I don't answer.**

" **Sometimes pain is for the greater good," says Marcus calmly.**

"Shoot Marcus!" Zeke calls out. "He really is an animal."

 **In my head, I see him standing before Tobias with a belt in hand and hear his voice echo. This is for your own good. I look at him for a few seconds. Does he really believe that? It sounds like something the Dauntless would say.**

"Not when you inflict it on a child," Eric mumbles.

I can't think about what Eric is saying right now, but . . .. It makes me wonder about him, how he has ended up the way he has. I hope he didn't have a similar upbringing to me.

" **Let's go," I say. "Get up, Peter."**

" **You want him to** _ **walk**_ **?" Caleb demands. "Are you insane?"**

" **Did I shoot him in the leg?" I say. "No. He walks. Where do we go, Peter?"**

"Good one Tris," Uriah laughs.

 **Caleb helps Peter to his feet.**

" **The glass building," he says, wincing. "Eighth floor."**

 **He leads the way through the door.**

 **I walk into the roar of the river and the blue glow of the Pit, which is emptier now than I have ever seen it before. I scan the walls, searching for signs of life, but I see no movement and no figures standing in darkness. I keep my gun in hand and start toward the path that leads to the glass ceiling. The emptiness makes me shiver. It reminds me of the endless field in my crow nightmares.**

" **What makes you think you have the right to shoot someone?" my father says as he follows me up the path. We pass the tattoo place. Where is Tori now? And Christina?**

" **Now isn't the time for debates about ethics," I say.**

" **Now is the perfect time," he says, "because you will soon get the opportunity to shoot someone again, and if you don't realize—"**

" **Realize what?" I say without turning around. "That every second I waste means another Abnegation dead and another Dauntless made into a murderer? I've realized that. Now it's your turn."**

" **There is a right way to do things."**

" **What makes you so sure that you know what it is?" I say.**

"I bet that it would feel good to stand up to him," Tori says.

"I don't know if it's good," Tris says. "But, yeah, I like that I was able to say how I was feeling. I was never allowed to do that at home."

" **Please stop fighting," Caleb interrupts, his voice chiding. "We have more important things to do right now."**

 **I keep climbing, my cheeks hot. A few months ago I would not have dared to snap at my father. A few hours ago I might not have done it either. But something changed when they shot my mother. When they took Tobias.**

 **I hear my father huff and puff over the sound of rushing water. I forgot that he is older than I am, that his frame can no longer tolerate the weight of his body.**

 **Before I ascend the metal stairs that will carry me above the glass ceiling, I wait in darkness and watch the light cast on the Pit walls by the sun. I watch until a shadow shifts over the sunlit wall and count until the next shadow appears. The guards make their rounds every minute and a half, stand for twenty seconds, and then move on.**

" **There are men with guns up there. When they see me, they will kill me, if they can," I tell my father quietly. I search his eyes. "Should I let them?"**

"You are on a roll Tris," Zeke says. "He can't expect you to back down."

 **He stares at me for a few seconds.**

" **Go," he says, "and God help you."**

 **I climb the stairs carefully, stopping just before my head emerges. I wait, watching the shadows move, and when one of them stops, I step up, point my gun, and shoot.**

 **The bullet does not hit the guard. It shatters the window behind him. I fire again and duck as bullets hit the floor around me with a ding. Thank God the glass ceiling is bulletproof, or the glass would break and I would fall to my death.**

"Is that why it is bulletproof?" Uriah asks.

"It had to be strong enough for people to walk on it. That was the only type of glass that was able to withstand the amount of people that would be walking on there," Max says. "Or so I've been told. It was there way before my time.

 **One guard down. I breathe deeply and put just my hand over the ceiling, looking through the glass to see my target. I tilt the gun back and fire at the guard running toward me. The bullet hits him in the arm. Luckily it is his shooting arm, because he drops his gun and it skids across the floor.**

 **My body shaking, I launch myself through the hole in the ceiling and snatch the fallen gun before he can get to it. A bullet whizzes past my head, so close to hitting me that it moves my hair. Eyes wide, I fling my right arm over my shoulder, forcing a searing pain through my body, and fire three times behind me. By some miracle, one of the bullets hits a guard, and my eyes water uncontrollably from the pain in my shoulder. I just ripped my stitches. I'm sure of it.**

 **Another guard stands across from me. I lie flat on my stomach and point both guns at him, my arms resting on the floor. I stare into the black pinprick that is his gun barrel.**

 **Then something surprising happens. He jerks his chin to the side. Telling me to go. He must be Divergent.**

" **All clear!" I shout.**

 **The guard ducks into the fear landscape room, and he's gone.**

"That's two guards that have become traitor's to your cause Max," I say. "You know how to pick them."

"Not everyone is cut out for Dauntless," Max replies.

"You think if they don't want to be part of your team that they don't belong in Dauntless?" Tori scoffs. "You are the problem Max. Ever since you took over the position as head of Dauntless we have been heading down a dark path. Now the people that you hand-picked are revolting against you. I hope they all turn on you."

"You think you know me or what it is like to lead this faction," Max states. "You don't and you never will. Keep reading Four."

 **Slowly I get to my feet, holding my right arm against my chest. I have tunnel vision. I am running along this path and I will not be able to stop, will not be able to think of anything, until I reach the end.**

 **I hand one gun to Caleb and slide the other one under my belt.**

" **I think you and Marcus should stay here with** _ **him**_ **," I say, jerking my head toward Peter. "He'll just slow us down. Make sure no one comes after us."**

 **I hope he doesn't understand what I'm doing—keeping him here so he stays safe, even though he would gladly give his life for this. If I go up into the building, I probably won't come back down. The best I can hope for is to destroy the simulation before someone kills me. When did I decide on this suicide mission? Why wasn't it more difficult?**

"I think it's because of Four," Shauna says.

Tris just shrugs. I suppose we don't really know what we are really thinking because we have never been put in such a dire situation. I really hope she isn't the next to die, I don't know how I will handle having to deal with that.

" **I can't stay here while you go up there and risk your life," says Caleb.**

" **I need you to," I say.**

 **Peter sinks to his knees. His face glistens with sweat. For a second I almost feel bad for him, but then I remember Edward, and the itch of fabric over my eyes as my attackers blindfolded me, and my sympathy is lost to hatred. Caleb eventually nods.**

 **I approach one of the fallen guards and take his gun, keeping my eyes away from the injury that killed him. My head pounds. I haven't eaten; I haven't slept; I haven't sobbed or screamed or even paused for a moment. I bite my lip and push myself toward the elevators on the right side of the room. Level eight.**

"You would think they could have at least waited until we had breakfast before they sent us out to massacre Abnegation," Uriah sighs.

"I don't think Dauntless cake could make this situation seem any better," Zeke tells Uriah.

"No maybe not. But I would still rather have it than not."

"Why would you eat cake for breakfast?" Tris asks.

"How can you ask such a thing. It is the best first thing in the morning. If you get to the dining hall early enough the cooks will give you a piece while it's still warm," Uriah says.

"They only do that for you Uriah. Nobody else wants cake that early," Zeke laughs at his brother.

"Well if we get out of this, I am going to get the cooks to give all of you a piece and you can then tell me how great it is," Uriah vows.

"I really hope we get to do that," Will says.

"You can only hope Will," Zeke chuckles. "I mean you were the first of us to get gunned down."

"Thanks for reminding me Zeke," Will declares. "It's not like this shirt you gave me isn't a constant reminder or anything."

"Glad I could help."

 **Once the elevator doors close, I lean the side of my head against the glass and listen to the beeps.**

 **I glance at my father.**

" **Thank you. For protecting Caleb," my father says. "Beatrice, I—"**

"Why did he stop?" Lynn asks. "I was dying to know what he was going to say. I hope it was an apology."

 **The elevator reaches the eighth floor and the doors open. Two guards stand ready with guns in hand, their faces blank. My eyes widen, and I drop to my belly on the ground as the shots go off. I hear bullets strike glass. The guards slump to the ground, one alive and groaning, the other fading fast. My father stands above them, his gun still held out from his body.**

 **I stumble to my feet. Guards run down the hallway on the left. Judging by the synchronicity of their footsteps, they are controlled by the simulation. I could run down the right hallway, but if the guards came from the left hallway, that's where the computers are. I drop to the ground between the guards my father just shot and lie as still as I can.**

"Looks like he is starting to understand just how dire the situation is," Tori says.

 **My father jumps out of the elevator and sprints down the right hallway, drawing the Dauntless guards after him. I clap my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming at him. That hallway will end.**

"Oh no," Tris gasps. "Not both of them. Please not both of them"

I wrap an arm around her while I try to balance the book in my other hand. I can't believe this is what is going to happen to Tris.

 **I try to bury my head so I don't see it, but I can't. I peer over the fallen guard's back. My father fires over his shoulder at the guards pursuing him, but he is not fast enough. One of them fires at his stomach, and he groans so loud I can almost feel it in my chest.**

The tears start to fall down Tris' face. I hate that I am having to deliver this news to her.

Uriah stands up and walks over to where we are sitting. "Give me the book Four. I'll finish the chapter," he says.

"Thanks Uriah."

I hand Uriah the book and then pull Tris onto my lap so she is straddling me with her face buried in my chest. I can't hear any sobs but I feel my shirt start to feel wet from her tears.

 **He clutches his gut, his shoulders hitting the wall, and fires again. And again. The guards are under the simulation; they keep moving even when the bullets hit them, keep moving until their hearts stop, but they don't reach my father. Blood spills over his hand and the color drains from his face. Another shot and the last guard is down.**

"What have you done?" Christina asks Max. "They just keep going even when they have been shot. Did you know this is how they would be? That this is how _we_ will be?"

There is just silence from Max. I don't understand why he is acting this way. Is he just in shock at what decisions he has made? Why isn't he trying to justify what he is going to do?

" **Dad," I say. I mean for it to be a shout, but it is just a wheeze.**

 **He slumps to the ground. Our eyes meet like the yards between us are nothing.**

 **His mouth opens like he's about to say something, but then his chin drops to his chest and his body relaxes.**

Tris has started to sob. Marlene is clinging to Uriah, tears falling rapidly down her cheeks. The rest of the room is silent. I don't think we know what to say.

"Keep reading," I tell Uriah. The sooner this chapter is finished the better.

 **My eyes burn and I am too weak to rise; the scent of sweat and blood makes me feel sick. I want to rest my head on the ground and let that be the end of it. I want to sleep now and never wake.**

 **But what I said to my father before was right—for every second that I waste, another Abnegation member dies. There is only one thing left for me in the world now, and it is to destroy the simulation.**

"Tris, you are definitely stubborn," Zeke chuckles. "I wouldn't want to be on the opposing side."

"She was like that with capture the flag," Uriah says.

 **I push myself up and run down the hallway, turning right at the end. There is only one door ahead. I open it.**

 **The opposite wall is made up entirely of screens, each a foot tall and a foot wide. There are dozens of them, each one showing a different part of the city. The fence. The Hub. The streets in the Abnegation sector, now crawling with Dauntless soldiers. The ground level of the building below us, where Caleb, Marcus, and Peter wait for me to return. It is a wall of everything I have ever seen, everything I have ever known.**

 **One of the screens has a line of code on it instead of an image. It breezes past faster than I can read. It is the simulation, the code already compiled, a complicated list of commands that anticipate and address a thousand different outcomes.**

 **In front of the screen is a chair and a desk. Sitting in the chair is a Dauntless soldier.**

" **Tobias," I say.**

"This can't be good," Shauna says. "Looks like Four might be the next one with a new T-shirt."

"No way," Lynn tells her sister. "I bet you she gets them both out of there."

"What do you want to bet?" Shauna says confidently.

"If I win, you have to let me pick a new tattoo design for you and I also get to pick where it goes."

Okay. But if I win same rules apply."

"I agree," Lynn says as she shakes her sisters hand.

"That was the end of the chapter," Uriah says.

"Eric go and make up some dinner for all of us," Max demands. "Zeke show me where those headache pills are."

"Do you want to go upstairs? I ask Tris.

She just shakes her head. "I just want you to hold me," she whispers.

"That is something I can do."


	39. Chapter 39

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

 **MEANWHILE BACK IN THE FACTIONS**

Marcus Eaton had been practising his facial expressions all afternoon in the upstairs mirror of his house. If the other members of Abnegation had known he had been in front of the mirror for such a lengthy amount of time they would have been horrified.

For Marcus, it was all he could do to make sure that he got as much sympathy as possible from his fellow faction leaders. Unbeknownst to him was the fact that the only person in the upcoming meeting who would fall for his act was fellow Abnegation member Andrew Prior.

Standing at the door to greet the fellow leaders Marcus had to hide his shock that each faction had brought family members of the kidnapped Dauntless. All but Amity, no one surprised that there weren't any Dauntless members or initiates represented from the peaceful faction.

His face ached as he tried to draw sympathy from the people arriving for the meeting. It gave Jeanine great pleasure to see the Abnegation leader looking like a constipated pig as she took a seat next to Cara. Jeanine thought of Cara as one of her success stories, the young woman had helped create the serum that Erudite would unleash on the unsuspecting Dauntless. Although it is with regret that Cara is sitting here Jeanine thought with worry for her younger brother Will.

Jeanine hated when a dependant with as much potential as Will transferred to Dauntless. She wished she had been able to see it coming. He could have been a great asset to her and her Dauntless spies. Her greatest asset had been Eric. Manipulating the teen had been easy, insecurities always present in the young man while he was in Erudite. She could not be happier with how he had turned out.

Johanna walked into the meeting with her usual smile and relaxed manner. It was obvious to all who observed the representative from Amity that she had got stuck into the bread before having to attend this meeting. Not that anyone would blame her. Tensions were at an all-time high between the factions and this kidnapping had only put a band aid on what had the potential to be an oozing infectious wound.

Marcus was relieved to see Johanna, knowing that she would show him the support and respect he and only he thought he deserved. Jack walked with his usual confidence towards Marcus. The two had never been friends, would never be friends. Jack knew of Marcus and his reputation long before he had become the Abnegation leader. Both having come from Candor. The Candor faction was relieved when Marcus had decided to defect, although it was only ever rumours that surfaced about him as a teenager.

Most had thought he would have defected to Dauntless, the need to inflict pain on others could have gone unnoticed but Marcus was too much of a coward to give anyone an opportunity to give to him what he liked to give to others. Stephanie stood stock still next to Jack, not wanting Marcus to recognise her. It had been just over twenty years since Stephanie had been this close to Marcus. She can still remember the older man's stale cigarette stained breath trying to persuade her to do such unthinkable acts. The way his fist felt as she refused to give in to his demands.

Stephanie was only here to find out all she could about her daughter Christina. She tried to pass Marcus as quickly as possible but Marcus has other ideas. "How good to see you again," Marcus almost teased her. The disgust in Stephanie's eyes was not lost on the young leader of her faction who quickly ushered them into the room.

While the leaders of each faction scurried from Marcus as quickly as possible, it was a different story within the meeting room. All leaders where happy to stop and have a conversation with Andrew. Only Johanna could understand how Marcus and Andrew could be friends. She had always been blinded by Marcus and his charms.

While Jeanine looked at Andrew, it was with a longing of what could have been, remembering the potential he had as a teenager and the friendship that was slowly torn apart as she became more hungry for power and knowledge. Not that she would ever acknowledge the fact.

Jack always enjoyed his conversations with Andrew whenever the faction heads would come together. He knew that Andrew had come from Erudite and had an intellect far more superior than most that called Abnegation home. Andrew never tried to act more than he was and showed respect to whoever he came in contact with. He was fair but they also knew he would fight for what he believed in. They all respected that.

The Dauntless leaders, as usual, were the last to arrive. It was the largest party. Two of the five leaders were here for this meeting. Jez, a hard core Dauntless born. Ranked first the year after Max became a member. He had been the most feared leader, that was until Eric took over the mantle. He didn't mind that the spotlight was now on Eric within the faction. It gave him more time to sneak around, to do the unspeakable without anyone watching. He has always had a craving for young girls, he loved this time of year when so many would end up factionless. Although he liked them a bit younger usually, he loved the power he held over such naïve and desperate young woman.

Jez had been able to set himself up a bachelor pad of sorts within the factionless sector. At first it had amazed him what the young woman were willing to do for a hot shower, food or clean clothes. Now he just expected it. He was happy to use and abuse. Then he would throw them back into the black hole of the factionless. He had been doing this for a very long time and knew that when his day came to leave Dauntless, that he would be taking the jump over the chasm. He would never become factionless, there were to many people there who hated him and he would not give in to living like they do.

The other Dauntless leader to appear at this meeting was Danni. The only woman leader in Dauntless who transferred from Candor. She has been waiting an extremely long time to finally get the opportunity to put a bullet in Marcus Eaton's head. She hadn't been as lucky as Stephanie and wore the scars proudly from the pain he inflicted upon her when she had been a mere fourteen-year-old innocent.

Max had fallen for Danni the moment the young woman fell from the sky into Dauntless. He had been a leader in training when she had transferred and he had been overseeing training. No matter how hard he tried he could never break through the girls hard shell. It had taken him years to gain her trust and when he finally did he almost wished he hadn't. The story behind those dark eyes was one of torture and torment, too violent to ever speak the words out loud of what Marcus had done to her. He vowed that he would get vengeance on the man who had turned a once loving teenager into stone. Max had forever been thankful that Four has shown no signs of following in his father's footsteps.

Max was now at the mercy of Jeanine because all he wanted was to see Danni exact her revenge on the man that had taken so much from her and in turn him. He could never turn from Danni, no matter how hard she pushed him to leave her. He was totally under her spell and was willing to now do unspeakable damage on Abnegation because of it.

Harrison as the lead investigator of the kidnappings was also present for the meeting. Grateful that he would be able to sit in on this meeting. He also knew that he would likely be grilled about where the investigation was at and why they hadn't found the twelve after five days. He didn't care though, he was just happy to be the fly on the wall, gaining insight on what the other factions were thinking. Hoping that all plans of war were forgotten for the time being. Exactly what Bud and he had been hoping would happen.

Bud and Harrison had been friends since birth. Both sets of parents had gone through initiation together, worked together, played together and eventually decided to have families around the same time. It wasn't until Bud was twelve that he found out about his birth right and that he needed to be on the lookout for the characters from the stories his mum had been telling him since birth. The day after he was given the information he went straight to his best friend and told him the story and eventually snuck him the books to read.

The boys vowed that they would do whatever it took to save their faction and their loved ones from a war that would take so much from their city. So it was from that day forward that the boys started planning how they would do it. It took them years to find the right location, it took even longer to get the sleeping serum. The boys planned every detail but they had forgotten one thing. What will happen when they let the kidnap victims go? Just because they have hidden them and given them all the information doesn't mean that it will automatically stop the war from happening. It is something that Harrison knows that he will need to talk to Bud about and soon.

The final member of the Dauntless group is Hana. Zeke and Uriah's mother. The Dauntless leaders thought she was the best to bring to the meeting because she was the most normal looking of the Dauntless families that were involved. She was also less likely to attack a member from another faction. They knew Shauna and Lynn's mother was out of the question, she was as crazy as they come and would more than likely make the other parents wish their children were dead if they were stuck in a room with people even half as crazy as she was. Marlene's parents were brutal, how she had such a sunny disposition baffled most of Dauntless. Her parents stood tall and proud, they intimidate most of Dauntless with their full body tattoos and piercings.

The only person who never seemed intimidated was Uriah. Both parents were happy that Marlene had found Uriah, they had been completely worried out of their minds that she would leave Dauntless when it was her turn to choose. They didn't realise that behind her smile and loving nature she also held a strength that would not survive in another faction. She could be just as brutal as her parents but didn't need to show it. She liked that her smile disarmed people because she knew if she had to, she could unleash hell just like her best friend Lynn. It's just that no one expected it from her.

The eleven quickly took their seats. All knew they needed to get this meeting over with quickly. It never ends well when all factions are represented within a meeting, especially with each leader bringing members to the meeting.

"Let's get this meeting underway," Marcus encourages everyone to take a seat. "I know I would like to know how the investigation is going. I am sure we are all concerned for our children."

The whole room turns to look at Danni as she scoffs at what Marcus has just said. Jez gives Danni a look to say tone it down. Jez and Danni both know what an animal Marcus is.

"You have a child?" Stephanie asks with disgust in her voice.

"Yes, I do," Marcus sits tall as he says this. He would love to get his hands on his son. Traitor is all that is running through Marcus' head but he will not let these people know that.

"How can _you_ guarantee our children are safe if _his_ son is with them," Stephanie points at Marcus, distress evident in her voice.

Danni quickly understands what Stephanie is implying and answers, "Stephanie. I can promise you that Four is nothing like his father."

"His name is," Marcus starts but is quickly cut off by Danni.

"His name is Four, _Marcus_ ," Danni spits out.

"Look this isn't going to get us anywhere," Jez tells the group. "Let's just concentrate on what we know. Harrison, you have been leading the investigation. Why don't you explain to the group what you have learned."

"Thanks Jez," Harrison says. "Unfortunately we don't have much to tell you. Dauntless was put under a sleeping serum. The only area that seems to have not been affected was the Pit. I would assume that the large open space was not viable for the serum to work. Before you ask, yes we have looked into how such a large amount of serum could have been used."

"Whoever these people are, it seems that they have been planning this for a very long time. There has never been a large amount of serum stolen from our infirmary, until the night of the kidnapping. We went through the infirmary records and found that small amounts had gone missing over the years but never enough for infirmary staff to become concerned. Once we added up how much had been stolen, we found there was enough to knock the whole of Dauntless out three times over. On the night of the kidnapping they also stole all supplies of the serum that Dauntless had."

"That is enough serum to knock out the whole of Dauntless once again. We have also found that no member's apartments were broken into. Which means that whoever did this was able to get their hands on a set of master keys. This is not an easy thing to do. There are only seven sets of master keys within Dauntless. All five leaders have a set. Our housing and leasing department and janitorial department. All members of both departments have been thoroughly interviewed and have alibis for the night in question."

"The three faction leaders also have alibis and both Max and Eric's keys were found in their apartments. With no imminent threat I believe the best thing to do is to give the kidnappers the two months that they want. We have found no trace of who these people could be."

"How do you know they want two months? And why two months?" Jack asks.

"There was a brief note left. It stated that the twelve will be returned unharmed within the next two months. I know that Abnegation has been asked to hold off on releasing a video but I don't know what the link between the video and the hostages could be," Harrison replies. Hoping that Jack won't be able to see that he is lying.

"What's on this video?" Jack asks.

Marcus is about to speak when Andrew decides that it would be better for him to address the people in the room. He has observed that there is tension riding high between the members of Candor and Danni when it comes to Marcus.

"I believe it would be best not to disclose what is in the video at this time," Andrew calmly says. "If it is linked to the kidnappings then I think it would be safer for all involved not to show anyone else."

Harrison breathes a sigh of relief. If Candor find out what is on the video than they are going to want to broadcast it as soon as possible.

"I have to disagree," Jack states. "If this video is so important then I believe we have a right to know what is on it."

"Jack, I can understand your concerns," Andrew replies.

"I don't think you can Andrew. What is so important that twelve members of one faction have been taken?" Jack asks.

Andrew doesn't want to get angry here but he knows his daughter and the others lives are at risk if word gets out about the video. "Jack we were asked not to release the video or the lives of the kidnapped would be at risk. I don't believe showing the video to you or anyone else in this room is worth the risk to their safety."

"Fine. But as soon as they are released I want to see that video," Jack demands.

"What else is being done to try and find them?" Johanna asks.

"It is an ongoing investigation," Harrison replies. "We have very little do go on. Whoever did this has planned it extremely well."

"Do you think it is faction members or factionless?" Cara asks.

"I would think that it is someone who knows Dauntless very well. While it could be an ex-Dauntless member, I believe that it is more likely to be from within Dauntless. It was too well planned for factionless to have achieved. Look, we are continuing to search for them but we don't believe that they are in any danger," Harrison answers.

"I agree with what Harrison has said," Jez states. "We will continue to search for the missing but we still have a faction to run and we still need to protect the citizens of all the factions. So, we will be cutting back on search teams."

"You can't do that," Cara calls out.

"Yes we can," Jez replies with a finality in his voice. "If there are any further developments we will let each faction head know. Until then I think we need to stay calm and not panic."

"What if they aren't returned in the time frame?" Jack asks.

"Then we will have to re-evaluate the situation. Look for all we know this is a scenario that Max and Eric have cooked up and they are watching to see how we respond. While there is no indication that anyone is in danger we need to concentrate on our daily duties," Jez tells the group.

"Is it possible that Max has orchestrated this?" Jeanine asks. Not believing that he would do such a thing without telling her.

"Jeanine there are so many scenarios that we have looked at. It could be true. I don't know," Jez explains.

"Well this was a waste of time," Jeanine states rising from her seat to leave.

Jez can't be bothered responding to Jeanine. She will always find something to complain about when it comes to meetings within the other factions. Unless she has requested the meeting herself.

* * *

FOUR'S POV

"I'll read this one," Uriah tells the group.

"Take that cup back into the kitchen first," Eric points to the cup in Uriah's hand.

"It's empty," Uriah shows Eric the cup is empty.

"I don't care. You are not to have a cup anywhere near you while you read."

Uriah dashes into the kitchen and then comes back cup less.

"Ready?" Uriah says with a smile.

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT**

 **Tobias's head turns, and his dark eyes shift to me. His eyebrows draw in. He stands. He looks confused. He raises his gun.**

"Looks like Tris is next," Lynn states.

"Don't say that Lynn," Zeke whines.

"What difference does it make? It hasn't really happened yet," Lynn asks.

"Could you imagine what Four will be like if he kills his girl? Real or not, he is going to be a nightmare," Zeke smiles.

"Hey," I say.

"You know it's true Four," Shauna says nodding her head.

"It's more likely that Tris will kill him," Lynn says.

"Hey," Tris calls out.

"Let's be realistic Tris," Lynn says. "You're not exactly having your best day here in book land."

"That's an understatement," Will scoffs.

I look at Tris and I can see the pain from what we have read in her eyes. She didn't eat much dinner. Just pushed everything around her plate. I hope that we both survive the chapter, I don't know how much more Tris can deal with.

" **Drop your weapon," he says.**

" **Tobias," I say, "you're in a simulation."**

" **Drop your weapon," he repeats. "Or I'll fire."**

 **Jeanine said he didn't know me. Jeanine also said that the simulation made Tobias's friends into enemies. He will shoot me if he has to.**

 **I set my gun down at my feet.**

" **Drop your weapon!" shouts Tobias.**

"Jeanine really knows how to screw with us," Christina says.

" **I did," I say. A little voice in my head sings that he can't hear me, he can't see me, he doesn't know me. Tongues of flame press behind my eyes. I can't just stand here and let him shoot me.**

"What does your singing voice sound like Tris?" Zeke asks laughing.

"I don't think you want to know Zeke," Tris grumbles.

 **I run at him, grabbing his wrist. I feel his muscles shift as he pinches the trigger and duck my head just in time. The bullet hits the wall behind me. Gasping, I kick him in the ribs and twist his wrist to the side as hard as I can. He drops the gun.**

"I can't believe you just did that," Marlene cries out.

"Who are you talking to?" Zeke asks.

"Tris," Marlene says.

"Oh, I thought you might have meant Four shooting at her," Zeke replies.

"He's in a simulation. It's not like he realises who she is. But Tris has just attacked," Marlene explains.

"It was a smart move," Eric says. "Otherwise she would have been dead. What surprises me is that Four doesn't seem to have his usual coordination in the sim. There is no way Tris would have been able to do that to him normally."

"Found a glitch in Jeanine's sim have you Eric," I bitterly say. "You will have to tell her that her serum's aren't that great."

 **I can't beat Tobias in a fight. I know that already. But I have to destroy the computer. I dive for the gun, but before I can touch it, he grabs me and wrenches me to the side.**

 **I stare into his dark, conflicted eyes for an instant before he punches me in the jaw. My head jerks to the side and I cringe away from him, flinging my hands up to protect my face. I can't fall; I can't fall or he'll kick me, and that will be worse, that will be much worse. I kick the gun back with my heel so he can't grab it and, ignoring the throbbing in my jaw, kick him in the stomach.**

"You are a lot tougher than you look Tris," Shauna says. "Remind me not to piss you off."

 **He catches my foot and pulls me down so I fall on my shoulder. The pain makes my vision go black at the edges. I stare up at him. He pulls his foot back like he's about to kick me, and I roll onto my knees, stretching my arm out for the gun. I don't know what I'll do with it. I can't shoot him, I can't shoot him, I can't. He is in there somewhere.**

"You didn't have that thought when you killed Will," Christina shouts at Tris and starts to cry.

"Christina," Tris sounds like she is begging.

"I don't want to hear it Tris," Christina snaps.

"Just let her go Tris," I whisper. "She's hurting right now. She will come around."

 **He grabs me by my hair and yanks me to the side. I reach back and grab his wrist, but he's too strong and my forehead smacks into the wall.**

"Ouch," Uriah says.

 **He is in there somewhere.**

"Keep telling yourself that Tris," I can hear the sarcasm in Eric's voice. You can see that he is enjoying this part of the story.

" **Tobias," I say.**

 **Did his grip falter? I twist and kick back, my heel hitting him in the leg. When my hair slips through his fingers, I dive at the gun and my fingertips close around the cool metal. I flip over onto my back and point the gun at him.**

"Could his grip had faltered?" Marlene sounds hopeful.

"I doubt it," Eric replies. "I think it's just Tris hoping it will happen."

" **Tobias," I say. "I know you're in there somewhere."**

 **But if he was, he probably wouldn't start toward me like he's about to kill me for certain this time.**

 **My head throbs. I stand.**

" **Tobias, please." I am begging. I am pathetic. Tears make my face hot. "Please. See me." He walks toward me, his movements dangerous, fast, powerful. The gun shakes in my hands. "Please see me, Tobias, please!"**

"I don't like begging Tris," Zeke says.

 **Even when he scowls, his eyes look thoughtful, and I remember how his mouth curled when he smiled.**

 **I can't kill him. I am not sure if I love him; not sure if that's why. But I am sure of what he would do if our positions were reversed. I am sure that nothing is worth killing him for.**

"I hate you right now," Christina declares.

"Get over yourself _Candor_ ," Eric snaps at her. "You would have done the same thing if the situation had been reversed. We all would have."

Would we? I wonder. I would have, but what about the others. I can see that everyone is thinking about what Eric just said.

"Read Uriah," Eric tells him.

 **I have done this before—in my fear landscape, with the gun in my hand, a voice shouting at me to fire at the people I love. I volunteered to die instead, that time, but I can't imagine how that would help me now. But I just know, I know what the right thing to do is.**

 **My father says—used to say—that there is power in self-sacrifice.**

 **I turn the gun in my hands and press it into Tobias's palm.**

"No!" Shout Zeke.

We all look at him shocked.

"What?" he asks. "She is giving in. It's not like you won't shoot her Four, you're in a simulation. She has just signed her own death warrant."

 **He pushes the barrel into my forehead. My tears have stopped and the air feels cold as it touches my cheeks. I reach out and rest my hand on his chest so I can feel his heartbeat. At least his heartbeat is still him.**

"Oh," Shauna and Marlene gasp at the same time. Both have tears welling in their eyes. I look at Tris and her tears have already started to fall. I pull her onto my lap and hold her tight.

 **The bullet clicks into the chamber. Maybe it will be as easy to let him shoot me as it was in the fear landscape, as it is in my dreams. Maybe it will just be a bang, and the lights will lift, and I will find myself in another world. I stand still and wait.**

 **Can I be forgiven for all I've done to get here?**

 **I don't know. I don't know.**

 _ **Please.**_

"That's the end of the chapter," Uriah says.

"Don't stop," Shauna calls out. "Just keep reading Uriah. This is killing me."

* * *

A/N: A big thank you to Lunaschild2016. Our chats have been awesome. The backstory of the other faction characters were inspired from our chats. I don't think I would have put so much detail in if it wasn't for you.


	40. Chapter 40

CHAPTER FORTY

FOUR'S POV

 **CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE**

 **The shot doesn't come. He stares at me with the same ferocity but doesn't move. Why doesn't he shoot me? His heart pounds against my palm, and my own heart lifts. He is Divergent. He can fight this simulation. Any simulation.**

"Do you think that is what is happening? He is fighting it?" Shauna asks looking directly at Eric.

"I don't know. Maybe," Eric sounds uncertain. "Anything seems possible with those two." Eric points to Tris and I.

" **Tobias," I say. "It's me."**

"What was that Uriah?" Zeke asks.

"I was trying to sound like Tris," Uriah defends.

"I don't sound like that," Tris squeals.

"Just read with your normal voice Uriah," Max shakes his head.

 **I step forward and wrap my arms around him. His body is stiff. His heart beats faster. I can feel it against my cheek. A thud against my cheek. A thud as the gun hits the floor. He grabs my shoulders—too hard, his fingers digging into my skin where the bullet was. I cry out as he pulls me back. Maybe he means to kill me in some crueler way.**

" **Tris," he says, and it's him again. His mouth collides with mine.**

"You have to be kidding me," Eric groans. "How the hell did that happen?"

"You're just disappointed they didn't kill each other," Zeke chuckles.

"This is sooo romantic," Marlene coos.

 **His arm wraps around me and he lifts me up, holding me against him, his hands clutching at my back. His face and the back of his neck are slick with sweat, his body is shaking, and my shoulder blazes with pain, but I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.**

 **He sets me down and stares at me, his fingers brushing over my forehead, my eyebrows, my cheeks, my lips.**

 **Something like a sob and a sigh and a moan escapes him, and he kisses me again. His eyes are bright with tears. I never thought I would see Tobias cry. It makes me hurt.**

"How is this possible?" Eric still can't seem to get his head around what has happened.

 **I pull myself to his chest and cry into his shirt. All the throbbing in my head comes back, and the ache in my shoulder, and I feel like my body weight doubles. I lean against him, and he supports me.**

" **How did you do it?" I say.**

" **I don't know," he says. "I just heard your voice."**

"This must be a Divergent thing," Zeke says.

"I think it's more than that," Shauna says.

"Why do you think that?" Eric asks.

"I don't know. The way he said he heard her voice. There would have to be a pretty powerful connection with someone to be able to pull them out like that."

"But Tris thought he faltered earlier," Eric says.

"Yeah but she was talking to him then too," Shaun says.

"It has to be because they are Divergent," Eric states. "It has to be."

"Page break," Uriah says.

 **After a few seconds, I remember why I'm here. I pull back and wipe my cheeks with the heels of my hands and turn toward the screens again. I see one that overlooks the drinking fountain. Tobias was so paranoid when I was railing against Dauntless there. He kept looking at the wall above the fountain. Now I know why.**

"Took you long enough," Zeke says.

"Why are there so many cameras in Dauntless?" Will asks. "Is every faction like that?"

"There are cameras in all factions," Max says. "They have always been there. I don't remember it being any other way."

"It seems a bit over the top," Will says.

 **Tobias and I stand there for a while, and I think I know what he's thinking, because I'm thinking it too: How can something so small control so many people?**

" **Was** _ **I**_ **running the simulation?" he says.**

" **I don't know if you were running it so much as monitoring it," I say. "It's already**

 **complete. I have no idea how, but Jeanine made it so it could work on its own." He shakes his head. "It's...incredible. Terrible, evil...but incredible."**

"You would think Erudite would be trying to spend their time for the good of the factions. Not trying to develop programmes and serums to annihilate factions," Will says.

"But Jeanine thinks that getting rid of Abnegation will help the other factions to prosper," I say.

"I don't see how," Lynn says.

"What do you mean by that?" Eric asks Lynn.

"Well, if you get rid of Abnegation that throws the government out. It also stops people from helping the factionless," Lynn says.

"But that's exactly why Jeanine is doing this," Eric explains.

"What do you think the factionless are going to do now that their handouts are taken away?" Lynn asks.

Nobody answers. I know I have a thousand thoughts running through my brain and I am sure that my mother would be glad to see what is happening to the factions.

"Keep reading Uriah," Eric sounds distracted. Maybe Lynn's comments is making him think differently.

 **I see movement on one of the screens and see my brother, Marcus, and Peter standing on the first floor of the building. Surrounding them are Dauntless soldiers, all in black, all carrying weapons.**

" **Tobias," I say tersely. "Now!"**

 **He runs to the computer screen and taps it a few times with his finger. I can't look at what he's doing. All I can see is my brother. He holds the gun I gave him straight out from his body, like he's ready to use it. I bite my lip. Don't shoot. Tobias presses the screen a few more times, typing in letters that make no sense to me.** _ **Don't shoot**_ **.**

 **I see a flash of light—a spark, from one of the guns—and gasp. My brother and Marcus and Peter crouch on the ground with their arms over their heads. After a moment they all stir, so I know they're still alive, and the Dauntless soldiers advance. A cluster of black around my brother.**

" **Tobias," I say.**

 **He presses the screen again, and everyone on the first floor goes still.**

"You did it!" Shouts Zeke.

 **Their arms drop to their sides.**

 **And then the Dauntless move. Their heads turn from side to side, and they drop their guns, and their mouths move like they're shouting, and they shove each other, and some of them sink to their knees, holding their heads and rocking back and forth, back and forth.**

"Does that mean they remembered what they did in the simulation?" I ask.

"Yes," Max answers.

"So, you put us in a simulation, have us kill innocent people and then we just have to live with what we have done," Tori spits out.

"You weren't supposed to come out of the simulation," Max quietly answers.

"Do you understand how fucked up this is," Tori yells. "Why Max? Why would you let her do this to us?"

"Just read Uriah," Max says.

"I'm getting sick of you not answering our questions Max," Tori says. "You need to give us a reason why."

"I don't have to do anything," Max shouts. "Uriah keep reading."

The room goes quiet. Why won't he explain his reasons? I don't understand this at all.

 **All the tension in my chest unravels, and I sit down, heaving a sigh.**

 **Tobias crouches next to the computer and pulls the side of the case off.**

" **I have to get the data," he says, "or they'll just start the simulation again."**

"You would think Erudite would have a backup," Will says.

"Probably, but if enough time passes the serum would become ineffective," I say. "It doesn't stay in the system for long."

 **I watch the frenzy on the screen. It is the same frenzy that must be happening on the streets. I scan the screens, one by one, looking for one that shows the Abnegation sector of the city. There is only one—it's at the far end of the room, on the bottom. The Dauntless on that screen are firing at one another, shoving one another, screaming —chaos. Black-clothed men and women drop to the ground. People sprint in every direction.**

"This is chaos," Shauna says.

"I wonder where we are?" Lynn ponders.

"Could be anywhere. We could already be dead," Marlene says and then let's out a sob.

"Her Mar," Uriah tries to comfort Marlene. "I'm sure we aren't dead. Not yet anyway."

" **Got it," says Tobias, holding up the computer's hard drive. It is a piece of metal about the size of his palm. He offers it to me, and I shove it in my back pocket.**

" **We have to leave," I say, getting to my feet. I point at the screen on the right.**

" **Yes, we do." He wraps his arm across my shoulders. "Come on."**

 **We walk together down the hallway and around the corner. The elevator reminds me of my father. I can't stop myself from looking for his body.**

 **It is on the floor next to the elevator, surrounded by the bodies of several guards. A strangled scream escapes me. I turn away. Bile leaps into my throat and I throw up against the wall.**

I feel Tris tense in my arms. She hasn't moved much since we read about our fight. I just keep holding her and rubbing her back. I don't want to ask her how she is, not while we are with everyone. She won't want to discuss it here either.

 **For a second I feel like everything inside me is breaking, and I crouch by a body, breathing through my mouth so I don't smell the blood. I clamp my hand over my mouth to contain a sob. Five more seconds. Five seconds of weakness and then I get up. One, two. Three, four.**

 **Five.**

"Page break," Uriah says.

 **I am not really aware of my surroundings. There is an elevator and a glass room and a rush of cold air. There is a shouting crowd of Dauntless soldiers dressed in black. I search for Caleb's face, but it is nowhere, nowhere until we leave the glass building and step out into sunlight.**

 **Caleb runs to me when I walk through the doors, and I fall against him. He holds me tightly.**

" **Dad?" he says.**

 **I just shake my head.**

" **Well," he says, almost choking on the word, "he would have wanted it that way."**

"Why would he think that?" Marlene sobs.

"Because he saved his children and now he is with Natalie," I say. "It was the ultimate sacrifice for someone from Abnegation."

"Abnegation are just stupid," Marlene states.

Can't disagree with her on that one.

 **Over Caleb's shoulder, I see Tobias stop in the middle of a footstep. His entire body goes rigid as his eyes focus on Marcus. In the rush to destroy the simulation, I forgot to warn him.**

 **Marcus walks up to Tobias and wraps his arms around his son. Tobias stays frozen, his arms at his sides and his face blank. I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down and his eyes lift to the ceiling.**

"I can't believe he would hug you," Zeke says.

"Had he ever hugged you before?" Shauna asks.

"Not even when my mum was around," I say shaking my head.

" **Son," sighs Marcus.**

 **Tobias winces.**

" **Hey," I say, pulling away from Caleb. I remember the belt stinging on my wrist in Tobias's fear landscape and slip into the space between them, pushing Marcus back. "Hey. Get away from him."**

 **I feel Tobias's breaths against my neck; they come in sharp bursts.**

" **Stay away," I hiss.**

"Remind me to stay away from you," Zeke laughs. "You are seriously scary."

" **Beatrice, what are you doing?" asks Caleb.**

" **Tris," Tobias says.**

 **Marcus gives me a scandalized look that seems false to me—his eyes are too wide and his mouth is too open. If I could find a way to smack that look off his face, I would.**

"Just hit him Tris," Zeke calls out.

"Zeke," Shauna scolds. "What have we told you about yelling at the book people?"

"I'm not stopping," Zeke says. "They need to be told."

Shauna just shakes her head while the rest of us just laugh at Zeke.

" **Not all those Erudite articles were full of lies," I say, narrowing my eyes at Marcus.**

" **What are you talking about?" Marcus says quietly. "I don't know what you've been told, Beatrice, but—"**

" **The only reason I haven't shot you yet is because he's the one who should get to do it," I say. "Stay away from him or I'll decide I no longer care."**

"Oh Yeah!" Zeke shouts. "That was awesome."

 **Tobias's hands slip around my arms and squeeze. Marcus's eyes stay on mine for a few seconds, and I can't help but see them as black pits, like they were in Tobias's fear landscape. Then he looks away.**

"Even Marcus is scared off you now Tris," Lynn says.

"Maybe he heard about what happened to Eric," Zeke starts laughing his head off.

"You're so funny," Eric says sarcastically.

"I know," Zeke says while still laughing.

"Bro," Uriah says. "You really need to tone down the laughing at your own jokes."

"Never!"

" **We have to go," Tobias says unsteadily. "The train should be here any second."**

 **We walk over unyielding ground toward the train tracks. Tobias's jaw is clenched and he stares straight ahead. I feel a twinge of regret. Maybe I should have let him deal with his father on his own.**

" **Sorry," I mutter.**

" **You have nothing to be sorry for," he replies, taking my hand. His fingers are still shaking.**

"You need to shoot that bastard Four," Eric says. "Straight between the eyes."

Easier said than done I think to myself.

" **If we take the train in the opposite direction, out of the city instead of in, we can get to Amity headquarters," I say. "That's where the others went."**

" **What about Candor?" my brother asks. "What do you think they'll do?"**

 **I don't know how Candor will respond to the attack. They wouldn't side with the Erudite—they would never do something that underhanded. But they may not fight the Erudite either.**

 **We stand next to the tracks for a few minutes before the train comes. Eventually Tobias picks me up, because I am dead on my feet, and I lean my head into his shoulder, taking deep breaths of his skin. Since he saved me from the attack, I have associated his smell with safety, so as long as I focus on it, I feel safe now.**

"Even after he attacked you?" Christina asks.

"He was in a sim," Tris defends but then says, "I don't know, it's not like I have lived this yet."

 **The truth is, I will not feel safe as long as Peter and Marcus are with us. I try not to look at them, but I feel their presence like I would feel a blanket over my face. The cruelty of fate is that I must travel with the people I hate when the people I love are dead behind me.**

 **Dead, or waking as murderers. Where are Christina and Tori now? Wandering the streets, plagued with guilt for what they've done? Or turning guns on the people who forced them to do it? Or are they already dead too? I wish I knew.**

"So do we," Lynn says.

 **At the same time, I hope I never find out. If she is still alive, Christina will find Will's body. And if she sees me again, her Candor-trained eyes will see that I am the one who killed him, I know it. I know it and the guilt strangles me and crushes me, so I have to forget it. I make myself forget it.**

"It wasn't really your fault," Will murmurs.

"Yes it was," Christina smacks Will's arm.

 **The train comes, and Tobias sets me down so I can jump on. I jog a few steps next to the car and then throw my body to the side, landing on my left arm. I wiggle my body inside and sit against the wall. Caleb sits across from me, and Tobias sits next to me, forming a barrier between my body and Marcus and Peter. My enemies. His enemies.**

"I can't believe that weasel," Eric says. "You should have reported him when he attacked you Tris."

"That's bullshit," I yell at Eric. "I told you what happened and you didn't want to know about it."

I hear gasps around the room.

"Don't sit here and act like you care now. Tris has shown she's more Dauntless than Peter or you could ever be. You need to realise that your methods are the problem," I state.

"You think _you_ know best," Eric spits back at me. "You know nothing _Four_."

 **The train turns, and I see the city behind us. It will get smaller and smaller until we see where the tracks end, the forests and fields I last saw when I was too young to appreciate them. The kindness of Amity will comfort us for a while, though we can't stay there forever. Soon the Erudite and the corrupt Dauntless leaders will look for us, and we will have to move on.**

 **Tobias pulls me against him. We bend our knees and our heads so that we are enclosed together in a room of our own making, unable to see those who trouble us, our breath mixing on the way in and on the way out.**

" **My parents," I say. "They died today."**

 **Even though I said it, and even though I know it's true, it doesn't feel real.**

" **They died for** _ **me**_ **," I say. That feels important.**

" **They loved you," he replies. "To them there was no better way to show you."**

"I will never understand the Abnegation," Shauna shakes her head.

"I bet it would be seen the same way in Dauntless," I say. "If your parents died to save you, there would be a huge celebration."

"I guess," Shauna says. "It just all feels wrong though."

 **I nod, and my eyes follow the line of his jaw.**

" **You nearly died today," he says. "I almost shot you. Why didn't you shoot me, Tris?"**

" **I couldn't do that," I say. "It would have been like shooting myself."**

"Ohhhh," Marlene coos.

 **He looks pained and leans closer to me, so his lips brush mine when he speaks.**

" **I have something to tell you," he says.**

 **I run my fingers along the tendons in his hand and look back at him.**

" **I might be in love with you."**

"Seriously Four?" Zeke says. "I swear I am taking your man card from you."

"Why?" Shauna asks.

"Because he shouldn't be saying that yet," Zeke tells her.

"Just because you aren't man enough to admit it," Shauna challenges him. "You shouldn't make him feel bad for being honest."

"I don't need to say it," Zeke complains. "You know how I feel."

"Do I?" Shauna turns from Zeke.

"Come on baby, you know," Zeke whines.

"Whatever Zeke," Shauna goes and sits on one of the spare bean bags.

"Looks like your sleeping on the couch tonight," Uriah laughs.

"Just read," Zeke snaps.

 **He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."**

" **That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."**

 **I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing behind my ear.**

" **Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."**

 **I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."**

" **Fine," he says. "Then I love you."**

"You could learn so much from Four, Zeke," Lynn teases Zeke.

Zeke just crosses his arms over his chest and starts mumbling to himself.

 **I kiss him as the train slides into unlit, uncertain land. I kiss him for as long as I want, for longer than I should, given that my brother sits three feet away from me.**

 **I reach into my pocket and take out the hard drive that contains the simulation data. I turn it in my hands, letting it catch the fading light and reflect it. Marcus's eyes cling greedily to the movement.** _ **Not safe**_ **, I think.** _ **Not quite**_ **.**

"Page break," Uriah says. "Nearly finished."

"Then just read it," Zeke snaps.

 **I clutch the hard drive to my chest, lean my head on Tobias's shoulder, and try to sleep.**

 **Abnegation and Dauntless are both broken, their members scattered. We are like the factionless now. I do not know what life will be like, separated from a faction—it feels disengaged, like a leaf divided from the tree that gives it sustenance. We are creatures of loss; we have left everything behind. I have no home, no path, and no certainty. I am no longer Tris, the selfless, or Tris, the brave. I suppose that now, I must become more than either.**

"All done," Uriah shouts and throws his arms in the air.

"Well that didn't finish how I thought it would," Shauna says.

"What were you expecting?" I ask.

"I don't know. It's just we have no idea where the rest of us are. If we are even alive," Shauna says. "Our world looks like it is in a complete mess."

"I think we should take a day off from reading," Tori says.

"But don't you want to know what has happened?" Uriah asks.

"It will still be there when we start to read it again," Tori says. "I just feel like we need a break from it all."

"I agree," I say.

It has been a lot to take in. Tris could do with a break, I am sure of that. We all could.

"Only one of us is dead," Will says.

"So there is going to be a lot more to come," I say.

"Even more reason to take a break," Tori says.

"Okay," Max says. "No book reading tomorrow."

Looks like even Max must be rethinking his position.

"We can sleep in," Uriah says.

"Haven't you slept in while we have been here?" I ask.

"Are you joking? Zeke comes in every morning trying to jump on my head," Uriah says.

"Not every morning," Zeke states.

"That was only because you caught Marlene and I in the middle of something and you went screaming out of the room," Uriah laughs.

"Yeah, well I didn't need to see your naked ass all up in the air," Zeke counters.

"Is that what had him screaming?" Shauna laughs. "He wouldn't talk about it."

"Don't you have a lock on your door?" I ask.

"Do we?" Marlene sounds shocked.

"You should check that," I say.

"We do," Zeke says.

"Us too," Will says.

"We do too," Lynn says.

"Man, I am going to have to remember that," Uriah shakes his head.

"I'm going to bed," I say as I rise from the couch with Tris in my arms. She is already half asleep.

* * *

A/N

That's it. All done.

Thank you to everyone for your support, reviews, follows and faves. You know I appreciate all the time and effort you put in to supporting my stories.

To Paula08 thank you for helping me with typing Divergent out, for your support as I rambled on about my ideas, your friendship and for giving me your opinion about certain chapters before I released them out into the world of fanfiction.

To Lunaschild2016, you are awesome. I love our chats. Thank you for your inspiration, for your opinion when I had self-doubt and for the amazing stories you keep coming up with.

To the Guest who thought that Tobias should be worried that he could turn out like Marcus after the sim. I agree, under normal circumstances he probably would but being locked in the apartment his main concern is how Tris is coping with what has happened and trying to think of ways to stop the war. I think that it could be an issue for him at some stage (if they survive), but for now he has bigger problems to worry about.

Look out for 'Insurgent Uncovered'. It should be out in the next few weeks. Not sure when but it shouldn't be too far away.


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